1 Year Ago, I gave Up Isolation For Lent and It Changed My Life

God vs. Not God

The Spiritual Difference Between Peace and Pettiness If you’ve been around here for awhile, you know that I see God in the IMPOSSIBLE. I’m a huge nerd and numbers guy so if I pick up on something that is a mathematically impossibly good thing, I try to give the credit STRAIGHT to God. But something happened yesterday that was interesting. I built up the courage and battled a bit of angst to text someone to have a conversation. One that might be awkward for us both. But I sent it, put my phone down and felt like I had done the right thing. Fast forward 5/6 hours and I’m scrolling IG. I see this sourdough recipe and I get excited and screenshot it. I go to crop the recipe and would you believe that the person I had texted hours ago had just liked the post ABOVE the one that I had screengrabbed. I wasn’t even THINKING about this text from earlier and now IMPOSSIBLY, I’m sitting there thinking “oh you can’t text me back but you can be likin all these posts on IG?!” I’ll be the first to admit that there’s a little petty b***h of a human that’s buried in my soul. lol. I don’t always have grace as my first reaction. That’s for sure. But it made me think … this was one of those numerical impossibilities that I might have given credit to God for if it was different. So then… supernaturally impossible events might not always be God. The Evil One has considerable power, too. That’s important to remember. So how do I tell the difference? Great question. First of all, even though both are capable of supernatural, God is all powerful. His supernatural looks like LOVE and Compassion and grace and NON judgement. You’ll factor in the full situation versus your narrow view of what you “think” should happen. The evil one will make you have the petty thoughts like I had at first. There will be no grace. No patience. No mercy or compassion. It will be entitled. It will be self centered and sometimes, when you reflect on the way you thought, even for that split second, it’ll feel bad. But you have a chance to capture those thoughts. Before they get too far down the road, you can recognize em and say… whoa whoa whoa. I don’t HAVE to think that way. It’s only been a few hours. It’s all complicated. People are busy. Chill. Take your thoughts and bring em to God and be like, “Yo, God. Help me to be more patient. Help me to take the pain and insecurity that I have rumbling below the surface and hand it over to You to work on. I don’t wanna be b****y, I don’t wanna be petty. I want to be loving and trust You with any and all outcomes. Thank You for reminding me of how quickly my human side can pop up and steal my joy and my peace. I’m sorry for being petty. Help me to be grace FULL first.” Amen Thank you for Liking, SHAREing and Supporting [http://buymeacoffee.com/joeldavidbarnes]! 🫶🏽 buymeacoffee.com/joeldavidbarnes [http://buymeacoffee.com/joeldavidbarnes] This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit wehavetoshare.substack.com/subscribe [https://wehavetoshare.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_2]

Convicted or Affirmed…

I just want to share something that I thought was the result of years now of contemplating and thinking through, and wondering, like, God, what do we do with this? And it has to do with the fact that we get so much information at such a rapid pace. There’s so much content. There’s a need for a creator, a content creator, to create content in order to capitalize on clicks and views and the whole nine. And there’s no ifs, ands, or buts about it...I don’t even know what the heck I’m trying to say...but there’s no way that our Christian culture hasn’t been permeated by this exact scenario. That our pastors don’t feel the pressure to produce more content. That our leaders, our community leaders, don’t feel it. There’s always this pressure to produce content. And so what I have just been praying through and asking God is, “Hey, look, how do You want us to handle all this? God, there’s so much that I don’t even know what’s what half the time.” Over the course of the last five or six years, I’ve watched a lot of pastors do it well...until the point that their humanity shows. Let’s just put it that way. And I’m not talking about scandal. I’m not talking about serious distractions. I’m talking about when the pastor says something that you don’t know to be true in your specific scenario. Maybe it’s in the flesh...you don’t understand that concept. Maybe it’s in your spirit...you don’t understand that concept. Maybe it’s both. Maybe you haven’t spent enough time in the Word to understand the thing the pastor is saying. And then, maybe the pastor hasn’t spent enough time in the Word to understand what they’re saying. Or maybe discernment just has not been at the forefront of either of those scenarios. But because of the pressure to produce content, because of the pressure to have viral clips and the whole nine, I’ve seen a lot of people...both pastors and self-anointed communicators in Christ, or whatever they want to call themselves...I’ve watched it where I can receive something they say and be like, “Yeah, not only do I agree with that, I feel like the Bible agrees with it.” Because personally, that’s my measure at this stage in my life, at this stage of my faith. I’m more interested in what the Bible says about it. Even if they say it and I don’t understand it right away, as long as it gives way to being biblically accurate or correct, I don’t have to understand it perfectly. I want to. I desire to. And that may lead me to study. But when someone teaches or preaches, and you know they’ve got a good body of work, there are two things that I feel should be happening for us when we are consuming content, or listening to a sermon, or anything in between. It should either be convicting, or it should be affirming. It should be something that challenges something inside of me to say, “There’s something else that needs to submit. There’s something else that needs to line up with what it is God is saying.” So I take those messages and I call them convicting messages. “Hey, I heard that message, and I realized that I wasn’t loving my neighbor the same way God has called me to love my neighbor. And I need to do a better job. I want to do a better job.” I love that at my church they give us homework...ways to practically walk out the things they’re teaching us. So it might be as simple as this: you feel convicted that your prayer life isn’t strong enough or deep enough, or you don’t feel like you hear from God as much as you’d like to. And the homework might be to set an alarm. Out of all the craziness going on in the world, set an alarm every day at nine o’clock...or whatever time fits...and spend five minutes. Then maybe spend ten minutes in a couple weeks. Then twenty. And maybe that’s the conviction I settle into for the weekend. Or the same message, across any platform...social media, church, or anything...could instead make me feel affirmed. You feel affirmation. You feel God say, “Look, you’re doing that. You’re doing that. Maybe that’s something you can teach someone else how to do, because you do that well.” I always think I can get better at anything that I’m being taught, and I want to always believe that. But I can hear that same talk at church, where he says, “Set an alarm. Set an alarm to pray for someone, or set an alarm to reach out to someone.” And I have ten alarms set on my phone of people I pray for every single day. And that list shifts. As the intensity changes, or as they’re going through it, I might set more time to pray for that person. Or that person may transition into a mountaintop season, and I might say, “Hey, look, I’m going to pass this on to you. I’ve been praying for you every single day for the last XYZ days. Now maybe set an alarm for somebody else.” So instead of feeling convicted that there was more for me to do, I can actually sit there and say, “I feel affirmed. Thank You, God, for seeing me.” Because the example that was expressed was something that I do currently, and I know that You’re happy with that. And now I want to see how You can grow that. How can I pass that on to someone else? So either convicted or affirmed...those are the two stages in which I hear any content, especially when it’s related to faith. But I think what happens...the conundrum...is when I can hear a message from someone and 80 or 90 percent of the time I agree with what they’re saying. But because we’re in such a clip-worthy, clip-driven world, what about the part they said that wasn’t either convicting or affirming? Matter of fact, it was downright damaging. Not because I didn’t want to hear it. That’s different. That probably falls under conviction. And what I do anytime I’m convicted is I go straight to the Bible. I say, “Hey, what does the Bible say about this thing?” But here’s the tension...and here’s what I’m not saying or recommending. We’ve got to stop throwing our pastors out with the bathwater. If you’ve ever heard that term...“throw the baby out with the bathwater”...the idea is this: the baby is dirty, the baby is in bathwater to get cleaned, and now the dirtiness is in the water. But how silly would it be if we threw the whole baby out with the bathwater just because there was uncleanliness? No...we throw away the bathwater. We throw away the part that was unclean. And in this specific example, I think we have to do a better job of having more grace for our leaders...for people who are called into ministry. And I think there is a certain level of maturity...spiritual, emotional, and mental...that has to happen when you can observe a situation and say: “You know what? There have been things that you’ve said that have convicted me or confirmed in me the Word of God. So I know there’s something here. I know that God has used you here.” But maybe that was for a season. Maybe that was for the season where I needed someone to teach me very basically how to walk with God. And now that season has changed, maybe I need more context. Maybe I need more depth. Or...maybe I can still receive from you, even though you’ve said things that I don’t agree with. Gasp. Is that even a possibility in our culture today? This really came to fruition today, because this has been something that I feel like God has been teaching me as I become a communicator. Matter of fact, if I’m being really honest...thank You, Lord...I think a lot of this comes from the weight and pressure of stepping into my own calling. That voice that says, “You’ve got to get it all right.” And if you intend to say one thing and it’s received another way, that’s going to be scary and painful. There’s something deep in me that says there’s nothing more detrimental than being misunderstood. Joel, son of Bill Barnes...who was a con man preacher...there is nothing more detrimental than being misconstrued, misunderstood, having your intentions misrepresented. And so there is this hypersensitivity inside of me that doesn’t want to get it wrong. But you know what else it’s doing? It’s growing my grace. Today, someone forwarded a message by a pastor that I have listened to. And I’ve heard this pastor say things that feel like dog-whistle politics...things that sound very Christian, but they are not. Things that sound like, “I believe this because of my Christianity,” but they don’t sound like love. And I’ve heard a couple of those takes. But that came after I had already heard 80–90% of what he said...and it was good. Solid teaching. Some of it felt anointed. Some of it felt like the Holy Spirit was in the room. I’ve seen him unpack Scripture in powerful ways...tie the big story of the Bible, the story of Jesus, prophecy, fulfillment...all of it. And I’ve vetted it. Some of it I’m like, “Wow, incredible.” Some of it I’m like, “I don’t know about that...but it’s interesting.” And then there’s that 10% where I’m like, “That’s dangerous to teach people.” So I found myself at a crossroads today when a video of his was shared in our group. And I thought, “God, I know You’ve used this man...but I don’t know if I should be sharing this man.” And then I had to ask: Is that because of the 10% that I’m wary of? Or can he exist in grace as a human who doesn’t get it right all the time? And I landed on the latter. I still follow him. But I follow him differently. I feel like I’m armed at this point in my faith journey. I feel like I’ve been training to hear truth my whole life. And it started in my youth...under the tutelage of an evil man, a false prophet, a wolf in sheep’s clothing. That was the first way I ever heard the gospel. The first way I experienced Scripture was as a weapon against me. And somehow...even then...it didn’t feel like God. I didn’t even know who God was yet. I was a kid. But now I’ve got 47 years under my belt. I know who God is. I know His goodness. I know His grace. I know how often I fall short. And these pastors...these teachers...they’re human. They get pulled into politics. They say things they think represent God...but sometimes they don’t. And whether it’s intentional or not...that’s real. But here’s what I do know. The way I’ve gotten better at discerning...at hearing something and saying, “There’s a hidden agenda here,” or “God, thank You, I feel so affirmed right now,” or “I feel so convicted right now”... is by taking everything back to God. Because today...this was a convicting moment for me. The first thing I did when I saw his face… I didn’t even hear the message. I judged him. “Oh, that guy might be on some nonsense.” Click. And then I listened...and it was beautiful. It was aligned. It was something I would say. And I had to sit with that. So I reached out to the person who shared it, and we wrestled through it together. And we both kind of landed in that same place of, “Man… this is something.” Because what do you do when someone is 80–90% aligned...and 10% feels off? Do you throw them out? No. You bring it to God. You invite wise counsel. You stay in prayer. You stay in the Word. You keep your heart soft...but discerning. I pray for our leaders. I pray for our pastors. I pray for the President of the United States every single day. Even if I can’t stand 90% of what they say. Because I’m not receiving from them as a source of spiritual truth...but I still honor the position and pray for the person. And I think that’s a healthy way to manage it. Maybe I’m talking in percentages because I’m wired that way. But honestly...it’s not about the percentages. You’re safe as long as you’re asking God to be involved in the conversation. Period. If something feels off...ask God. Go to the Bible. Search it out. Read before the verse. Read after the verse. Look up commentary if you don’t understand. Ask questions. Because the only way we’re going to make it through this flood of information is by asking God what He says...more and more and more. And the more you study the Word, the more you’ll recognize His voice. You’ll hear something and go, “That doesn’t line up.” Or, “That’s exactly Him.” If you hear messages rooted in hate...ask God. You won’t find Scripture that justifies hate or murder. Yes, hard things happened in the Bible. Yes, war existed. But that is not the same as God endorsing sin. There are stories in Scripture that are descriptive...not prescriptive. And we have to understand that. So I won’t even go deep into that...but it matters. And so here I am...reflecting on this season. Pruning what I need to leave behind. And holding tightly to what God is building in me. Because what He’s teaching me...I know the world needs. We need to learn how to filter what we hear. We need a litmus test for what is from God...and what is not. We need to understand the difference between truth and manipulation. Because the enemy loves to divide. And one of the easiest ways he does that is by turning us against each other...even against the very people trying to share the Gospel. And I’m just so thankful. God...you are teaching me how to teach. You’re teaching me how to preach. You’re teaching me the weight of this responsibility. You’ve taken Your time with me in this season. And even now...I’m in pain...but I’m grateful. So grateful. Because even the other day, just talking to someone about what I’m building, they said, “Man, people are going to feel so seen. They’re going to know they’re not alone.” And that’s what this is all about. You showed me I wasn’t alone. You brought people into my life. You taught me how to filter this world through Your lens. You helped me bury truth in my heart...and reject what’s not from You. And I’m just thankful. And I pray that for anyone listening. That resources would show up. That community would show up. That hunger for Your Word would grow. That they would find people, small groups, churches...whatever it is...to get closer to You. So that when something is not from You...they know it. And when something is...they hold onto it. Because nothing from You will contradict Your Word. Ever. So we can ask: “What does the Bible say about this?” And if it’s from You...we’ll find it. And if it’s not...we let it fall away. God, thank You for this project. Thank You for this ministry in its early stages. I give it all to You. You know what I need. You know the timeline. You know that in 30 days, I’ll be having surgery. You know the bills between now and then. Cover them. I trust You. In Jesus’ name...amen. Yo...thank you so much for making it this far. I know we live in a world of short attention spans, and it’s not lost on me that you stayed with this. If something stirred in you...engage with it. Like it. Share it. Comment on it. And if you want to support me, there’s a link below...Buy Me a Coffee. You can give once, or monthly...whatever you feel led to do. I’m not shy about asking for support, because I’ve never been more sure that I’m doing exactly what God is calling me to do. And I know it’s going to change the world. The vision is big...ending isolation, eradicating loneliness. That sounds crazy. But together...we can. Together...we will. So thank you for being here. Like it. Share it. Support it. Alright...peace out. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit wehavetoshare.substack.com/subscribe [https://wehavetoshare.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_2]

Blessed & Bruised: The Bridge Between Seasons

Substack—what’s up, guys? Seems like maybe a long time since I’ve done something specifically for Substack, but the reality is God has had me creating in so many ways lately. He’s had me contemplating, writing shorts, recording short videos, and telling a lot of the story of my past season—some of the stuff that you guys know already—and sort of recapping that, capturing some of that, capturing some of the day-to-day stuff that I have navigated in the last six years. As we are hopefully—and I’m not saying “hopefully” like doubtful, but hope fully, two words—walking out of the valley of the shadow of death. Now, obviously, the last big hurdle is full knee replacement. You know, it’s a very difficult procedure. It’s a very rough thing for me to endure physically, mentally, emotionally, and financially. But I feel like God is calling me out of this season and into the next. And this project has been very much so focused and pointed in the contemplation of the things that I’m going to take from this season into the next. A lot of that is on Instagram or YouTube—some of it even posted on TikTok. I’ll leave a link for at least the YouTube [https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLB65n4Dd6zELRW0qWitP-d5nec5ZSDto2], because on YouTube I’ve organized it in a way that you can just go to that playlist and kind of see all the episodes. It’ll be a minimum of 53 episodes, because God gave me this idea 53 days before my full knee replacement, and that’s where the content is going to live. But I really encourage you to go check out some of that stuff. It has been wonderful for me to kind of ask God daily, “Hey, you know, this has been the hardest six years of my life. I know that you’ve changed me and molded me into what you want me to be walking into my next season.” And I don’t think that He would give me this project if we weren’t walking into the next season. So some of the things that I know will be in the next season—I have dreams and visions and plans—and I’ve already begun to write for the Blessed and Bruised podcast. I know that this one has been called SHAREapy: The Podcast, and I think it is still going to be the intent to create a safe space for two people to meet and talk and share faith, food, fears. And so we’ll have some fun with that and invite some people into that conversation—some people that you may not exactly expect. I don’t feel super called to have a ton of pastors on—I mean, no offense at all—but I really feel like God’s called me into ministry in a bit of a wilderness. And I just want to talk to some people that have kind of gone through it too, you know? And so, you know, that’s the Blessed and Bruised podcast. There is still, very clearly, a plan to develop a course—SHAREapy 101, I’m calling it. So we will have coursework and curriculum on how to connect with love and empathy to others by SHAREing your blessings and bruises in a safe space. I also think that there’s still work to be done and the opportunity to develop the app for that faith-based connection that has a lot of this coursework and tools kind of built into it. So there’s a lot—there’s a lot coming. I physically have to get healthier for a lot of that stuff to kind of move into its next phase, but a lot of the work has started while we are walking out of this valley. So I just want to thank you, real quick, for supporting me on here. You know, it is going to be a journey. One month from today, actually—we are 30 days out from full knee replacement. I have gone to physical therapy twice in the last two days—two out of two days—started back into what is my prehab season, going back in an attempt to increase some of the extension, flexion, mobility, and strength so that I can be in the best possible situation for this upcoming surgery. That has not been easy, just in these last two days. It is very, very painful when I already deal with pain. This is like adding on to it. But when I tell you that my time—even though I’m not able to sit, even though I’m not able to stand as much, even though I’m not able to walk as much as I would want to—obviously, the time that I’m spending with God is just remarkable. And it’s never stopping. And this is clear—that this vision and this mission and this project in particular are all from Him—because it sustains itself. It’s not something that I have to come up with creativity to produce. It’s something that is very purpose-driven, and He’s only showing and revealing and solidifying and allowing me to wrestle with things that He’s compelling me to share. And that feels very sacred. That feels very special, even if it happens in bed, in pain. And so, I don’t know—I just wanted to kind of share something. I originally wanted to share a quick story with you guys about something that happened today, actually, kind of in this same space. I had a friend… One thing that God has been talking to me about a lot during this season—as I sit back, knowing that I am called to teach and share—but as I study communicators, as I study pastors, you know, everything from linguistics and cadence and delivery and all these things, right, that are like the technicalities of teaching and preaching, to the depth of knowledge, to the content, to the rich nature, to the moments when you can tell that someone is speaking in the flow of the Spirit—that it’s like, man, they are delivering exactly what God is putting on their heart in this moment. It’s palpable. You can see it. You can feel it. And obviously, I’m praying more for that than anything—because I’m not the most technically sound. I talk like I write. I write like I talk. There are so many things that I can get better at, and I am working at getting better at. But I don’t spend a ton of time beating myself up about all the ways that I’m not prepared anymore, because it has been so clear that all of this has been for a reason. And so, just one of the things that I have been able to take away from this season—about this flood of information that we get from the world all day, every day— Matter of fact, for the sake of maybe even splitting this recording into two separate recordings, I want to thank you for the way that you’ve supported me. And I promise so much more is coming. And I promise that I still need your support in everything that I do. I cannot do it without you. I have not done it without you—the people that have supported me and poured into me and my ministry and helped me keep the lights on in my house. It has been an only-God feat for the last six years—that I still have a home, that I am still able to put food on the table. And so I am just so thankful that people have allowed God to use them to bless me. If you want to do that, there’s a way to do it in here somewhere—I’ll put a link. But thank you so much for doing that. I’m going to start the next piece right now, and we’re going to go straight into one of the lessons that I have learned in this time. Hey thanks for making it this far!! Be sure to like share and support how you feel lead!! Love y’all!! Joel Buy Me a Coffee Support link [http://buymeacoffee.com/joeldavidbarnes] - HERE [http://buymeacoffee.com/joeldavidbarnes] This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit wehavetoshare.substack.com/subscribe [https://wehavetoshare.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_2]

Compassion over the Comment Section

I believe the evil one himself has draped a veil of confusion and deceit over the eyes of every American. Maybe you feel it too. Because somewhere along the way, we stopped assuming we were hearing the truth. From the press room to the pulpit.From headlines to hashtags.From platforms to podiums. We have learned to sift through noise instead of trust what we see and hear. And now we are left with a choice. Option one is simple. Tighten the veil. Pull it down a little further until it becomes a blindfold, a protection from pain, injustice, and responsibility. Convince ourselves that what we don’t see can’t cost us. That what we don’t acknowledge won’t demand anything from us. But that choice quietly abandons the very foundation we claim to stand on: Life.Liberty.And the pursuit of happiness. Option two is harder. It is to admit the veil exists in the first place. It is to wake up. To see past party lines. Past dog whistles. Past rage bait designed to turn us against one another instead of examining the powers shaping the policies. It is to find the tear in the veil… and pull. To choose higher truth over tribal loyalty.Humanity over hostility.Morality over manipulation. Pulling back the veil changes what we see. It allows us to see the world more accurately as God sees it, every man and woman who calls this nation home bearing His image. It removes the fear that someone else is getting something that belongs to me. It restores compassion.It rebuilds empathy.It reopens one of humanity’s oldest questions: “Am I my brother’s keeper?” ______ If you answered no in your mind… you may have tightened the veil a little more. And maybe that’s not cruelty. Maybe it’s overwhelm. Maybe your gut says one thing while your community says another.Maybe it’s terrifying to look back and wonder where the road bent.Maybe it’s exhausting to keep hearing why “they” can’t possibly be “us.” Because how could they be your brother if their sexuality unsettles you?If their femininity challenges you?If their skin color confronts you? Brotherhood and sisterhood cannot coexist with supremacy.Humanity cannot coexist with entitlement. And I say that clearly, to all of us. _____ Maybe you hesitated about the question. Thank you for being honest. Being each other’s keeper is not light work.It can feel confusing.It can feel overwhelming.It can feel costly. So let’s start lower. Compassion. I ask myself the question often: What would Jesus do? Remember the bracelets? What would Jesus do? I think He would start with compassion. Scripture says, “When he went ashore he saw a great crowd, and he had compassion on them and healed their sick.” — Matthew 14:14 He was tired.He was spent.He had every reason to withdraw. But He saw them first. Before you try to solve anything… just see. Recognize the need before you rush to debate it.Lower your walls a little more each day.Imagine what life would feel like if you had been born as “them.” Your brother.Your sister. As you do, you’ll feel the distance shrinking. And proximity changes things. Seen enough, you’ll find yourself close enough to offer a hug instead of a headline.Presence instead of posture.Compassion instead of commentary in the comment section. Be gentle with yourself. Unsubscribing from a channel you’ve been tuned into for years is not as easy as it sounds. But clarity rarely is. And neither is love. ----- If you answered yes in your mind… take a breath. Because saying yes means you just accepted responsibility. It means you’ve decided that the suffering of another human being is not separate from you. It means you’ve refused the lie that compassion is weakness. It means you understand that brotherhood and sisterhood are not determined by agreement, politics, race, gender, or comfort, but by shared humanity under God. If you answered yes, you’re choosing the harder road. You’re choosing to see the person in front of you before you see their label. You’re choosing to listen before you argue. You’re choosing curiosity over caricature. You’re choosing conviction without cruelty. And that doesn’t mean you abandon truth. It means you pursue it with love. Being your brother’s keeper doesn’t mean you co-sign everything he does. It means you refuse to dehumanize him. It means when the crowd picks up stones, you hesitate. It means when outrage is trending, you slow down. It means when fear says “protect what’s mine,” you remember that none of this was ever yours to begin with. If you answered yes, then compassion becomes your discipline. And compassion is not soft. Compassion requires courage. It requires you to step toward pain instead of scrolling past it. It requires you to check your own heart before checking someone else’s timeline. It requires humility. Because the moment you say yes… you also admit that someone, somewhere, is keeping you too. And maybe that’s where this all begins. With the quiet understanding that we belong to each other. Not because it’s easy.Not because we agree.But because God loves and advocates for us all… the same. Love y’all, Joel This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit wehavetoshare.substack.com/subscribe [https://wehavetoshare.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_2]

1 Year Ago, I gave Up Isolation For Lent and It Changed My Life

One Year Ago I gave Up Isolation For Lent One year ago today, I gave up isolation for Lent. I’m going to tell you about how that changed my life. In order to make sense of the concept of “giving up isolation”, I need to give you a quick summary of my previous season and to understand my previous season, you have to understand a bit about me. For the majority of my life, I thought I was an extrovert. I’ve realized that I’m more of an Ambivert… a mixture of extroversion AND introversion. Matter of fact, most other people thought I would be considered an extrovert, too. I have always had a big personality and could “turn it on” when I needed to. This has served me well in life because it’s given me confidence, when the time came, to use that extroversion as an ice breaker or to get everyone to laugh, and become more comfortable. I’ve been able to use it to rally people and to encourage people. It took me a while to realize that for as much UP time as I spent, I needed at least THAT much quiet time to recharge. Normally, I operated at such a high social capacity without recharging, that I would crash. Hard. I’ve always kinda compared myself to a lion and before I understood what I was going through, I said that I needed to retreat to my Lion’s Den to lick my wounds. I came to Chicago in 2000 and began working in the service industry full time. This fed my extroversion but didn’t provide much care for the introverted part of me. I consistently ran the cycle of operating at a high capacity without proper rest and restoration, which lead to a lot of crashes. The ironic part, though, was how successful I was able to be with such an unhealthy lifestyle. I always rose to the top of the job market I was in. When I started as a server, I was the corporate trainer. Then I was the designated trainer bartender. From there, I was the rookie GM that saved the business. Then I became the one who could save the sinking ship. Leading people and serving people translated to very successful operations. Very happy investors. And a very exhausted Joel. I had always felt a pull towards serving people. If I’m really honest, I’ve always felt a pull towards ministry. I knew this is where I was going to end up but I did NOT know how I would get here. In 2018, I began to make the transition out of the nightlife industry and into ministry. There were a lot of Only God failures during that time. No, God does not fail… He allowed the things I was working on to fail in an Only God way. I felt compelled to leave my nightclub career in 2017 but I resisted because the money was flowing. By 2018, this little company called Google had purchased the building that my nightclub was in and God forced my exit. I finally complied to my calling and began to work part time at my local church. There’s not a lateral skillset that translated from being top of the food chain in nightclubs to working at a church. So I took the only job available, the night host, as I sorted out my calling. I went from leading multimillion dollar businesses and teams, to stacking chairs and setting up rooms for gatherings and meetings. I didn’t think I landed in my forever job, but I knew I was in the right place. In 2019, the physical nature of the job caught up to me and I got hurt. I suffered 3 bulging discs in my back and a torn meniscus. The plan was to have the simple knee surgery and then begin to address the back injuries. Then Covid hit. The world shut down and it wasn’t until November of 2020 that I was able to have my first knee surgery and start the healing process. Let me not get too far ahead of myself though, my isolation season started when yours did. March of 2020. When the world shut down, we were ALL plunged into isolation. It was a severely traumatic event for us all. But if we’re really being honest with ourselves, many of us were already feeling isolated and lonely. Social media had dominated our lives for the first time in the five years prior to the pandemic and there was already a disconnect growing between our reality and what we were seeing on social media. We were already developing FOMO and we didn’t even know why. Why WAS I judging my own life based on the glimpse I had gotten into someone else’s? The pandemic just made the isolation solidify. Probably more accurate, the pandemic accelerated our isolation and justified it. The pandemic taught us that we could work from home and that we didn’t even need to SEE people in a week and we could still exist or even “thrive” in isolation. Social anxiety became a thing when isolation became prescribed. The world began to turn back on by the end of 2021 but I was not ok. By the end of 2021, I had already had 3 surgeries, going on four, I had over a half dozen procedures and I had been diagnosed with a pain disorder called CRPS. I have experienced severe pain since November 3rd, 2020. As the world came out of its shell, I went deeper into mine. In year one, I was still affectionately referring to it as my lion’s den. I felt like I had been pulled away by God to lick my wounds and heal. But then I didn’t heal. Years 2, 3, and 4, I spent in deep isolation and depression. I could not be the person that lit up a room or that served people well in my extroversion, so I kept myself tucked away in the safety of my home. Did God meet me there and use me in this isolated place? Yeah. Of course He did. That’s how good He is. I didn’t realize it but I looked back over the last 4 years and I had been a recipient of my own ministry. I had walked closely and personally with dozens of people behind the scenes. It went from teams of people at a time, to two people at a time. And I will always consider myself a recipient of my ministry because I have been sustained by what God’s done in this valley. September 8th, 2024, after years of watching my church gatherings online, I woke up and I heard God tell me to walk to church. That’s a one mile walk, in pain, on a cane. I didn’t realize it at the time, but this was God being gracious enough to show me why I needed to resist the jail of isolation that I had succumbed to. Ok fine God. I’ll start coming back to church. But I am NOT serving... two weeks later I was in training to be a host for an Alpha table. Ugh. God. Why are you doing this to me?! I was so beaten up and battered by my season, that I craved isolation. It meant safety to me. I didn’t have to limp around and let people see my pain when I was isolated. I didn’t have to ask for rides to church because I couldn’t afford to get there otherwise. My season didn’t come up in conversation. I didn’t have to be vulnerable when I was in isolation. No one SAW me in my pain. I could just survive. Just survive. That’s all I needed to do. After my 7th surgery on October 21st 2024, and after losing everything and gaining weight and just feeling awful in my body…. The last thing I wanted to do was talk about it. Imagine waking up everyday and there’s a fire alarm going off. The loud insistent fire alarm that’s so relentless that it makes your mind feel numb. That’s what I compare my pain to. Could you tune out that alarm and focus on connection and conversation if you had to? Might take some time… might take some new coping strategies… and that’s what I had begun to develop in the valley. I believe that the next major chain to break was my desire for isolation. Today, last year, 2025, I prayed and prayed and prayed and begged God for direction. I don’t think I had ever really even taken Lent super seriously. I’m not a big tradition guy when it comes to faith stuff. Meaning … I think I value connection and relationship more than agendas or traditional things. I’ve never really subscribed to the mentality that I have to DO xyz to receive xyz from God. But, as I have spent a healthy amount of time framing my isolation, I can see how God was bringing me to the point of decision that I would arrive at last Ash Wednesday. What Social Media had begun and the pandemic exacerbated and then my own personal trauma season had cultivated was disconnection. Disconnection became embraced and even reveled in and it grew into loneliness. Then I wore loneliness as a heavy garment that had buried me in isolation. Even though I was stronger in my faith, I was more susceptible to attack. Isolation makes us an easy target for the Evil one and no matter how strong you think you’ve become, God’s plan for you is NOT to do life alone. If you find yourself defending your isolation, use those exact talking points as indicating markers of where to ask God for healing. There is no arguement that you could conjure up that can justify isolation because God did not make you as the sole inhabitor of the world. That is a rough one for someone to hear out there... but I mean it in love. If you find your self in a season craving isolation because of past broken relationships, ask God to heal your pain around vulnerability or trust issues. Begin to shore up your trust in God and seek understanding about who to trust according to the Bible. The answers are in the text book and it’s an open book test. I want to stay on track for this piece, but if you are having a hard time figuring out what to pray for… tell God that. And if you want help here, I’d be more than willing to hold space and pray for whatever comes up. Just shoot me a message and we can setup a call. On Ash Wednesday 2025, I gave up isolation for Lent and this is how it went: After some prayer and seeking God around the subject, I realized that I had developed this skill of hiding in plain sight. In other words, I was able to throw people off the scent of my pain with smoke screens. I knew that if I posted JUST enough… people wouldn’t be any the wiser that I was struggling. My posts were all still genuine and authentic, I’d just make sure they went out with enough frequency that no one would say “hey. You’ve been quiet. You ok?” I also present really well… in other words, I’m a pretty happy guy, normally, so I don’t LOOK like I’m in pain or struggling or stressed about finances. As I identified these things, I knew that I had to do something different to allow change. I took the pressure to post off of my shoulders. My silence is holy. Even if it is my suffering. I have continued to write but I only publish when God is like… yes. Go. That. When I tried to adhere to a schedule, I forced myself to produce when I may not be ok enough to produce. Maybe I need to lay down and let the pain flare dissipate. You are physically disabled right now, Joel, it is not your fault and you are allowed to rest. God will provide. He knows what you need. I also committed to myself and to others to answer HONESTLY. If I dragged my ass to Alpha that day and I had been getting my butt kicked spiritually, I answered honestly when someone asks how I was. I never went full Eeyore on em “oh poor me… everything beat me today” lol. But I would say… “You know…I physically feel like s**t but my spirit is so happy to be here with you guys today. It gives me energy to keep goin.” You know what happens when you are honest? You cultivate honesty. You provide safe space for vulnerability. And you know what that does? It facilitates genuine connection. Oh and guess what… you wanna know what obliterates isolation? Connection. By definition you cannot be isolated if you are connected. You can’t be “by yourself” when you are WITH people. So this all led me to the third thing that I started doing in my “giving up” of isolation. I made a list of people that I missed or that I loved or that I wanted to reconnect with. On that list were dozens and dozens of people but I started with my family and close friends first. I made a decision to intentionally connect with at least ONE person every single day of Lent. It was a little more than 40 days and every single day, I reached out to someone. Some of them I confessed to… “hey, I realized that I was in a rough spot and I haven’t been in touch the way I’ve wanted to be. I just wanted to say hi. You got a few mins to talk?” Some people I just pinged to say hi. Some people were repeated over the 40 days. Some people I even went as far as to say, “hey, you got an hour for me this week? Just you and me, let’s get on a call and catch up.” With some people I explained what I was doing, some had no idea, but what mattered… was that I decided to fight isolation with the most powerful weapon that there is. Intentional connection. Yeah, I think connection is the structure of this weapon against isolation but the swing of the weapon is intentionality. The force behind connection is intention. No one is going to force you out of isolation. No one even cares, if I’m being honest. The world is going a hundred miles an hour in the wrong direction for us all. People are just trying to keep from losing their minds and it’s taking all the effort they got. YOU. You have to decide to swing the weapon of connection. You have to put in the work to allow it to set you free. Is there a risk? Yeah. Of course there’s a risk. Anything worth anything has a risk assigned to it. But when you show up, allow yourself to be seen, and intentionally connect, it’s not just a gift that you get to receive. It’s something that everyone around you gets to benefit from as well. You might be giving someone else the permission that they need to make it through another day. I don’t say this lightly either… this has been my testimony. Since I gave up isolation for lent, I’ve been able to actually hear people’s stories of how my vulnerability set the tone for their connection. I’ve seen friendships start in safe space. I’ve had more intentional conversations with people around suffering and struggling with faith than I ever could have imagined. I’ve been able to step into what I call SHAREapy with a dozen people in the past year. Intentional connection SHAREing blessings and bruises. It’s been such a blessing. Do I feel myself slipping back into isolation and depression? Yeah. Sometimes I do. I’m still in a really hard season and my struggle is still very real and very hard to share and very hard to navigate. And there is still the very very important duty of having intentional solitude with God on how I should share and/or what I should share, and when. But hear that word as the healthy side of being alone. Solitude. But not self solitude… that’s the slippery slope that leads back to isolation. Solitude with God is spending intentional time in prayer, fasting and my Bible and that gives me strength. It fortifies my spirit to be able to handle anything that is hurled at me. I say this all the time, but if my spirit is good, I’m good. It helps as I navigate the way I physically feel, the way I emotionally feel, the way I mentally feel, even the way I financially feel. I am the richest person you ever met without any money (yeah. I stopped talkin s**t about myself too. I’m not broke. I just don’t have money right now and more than I’ve ever felt it, I know that provision beyond any of my wildest dreams is on the way.) I know that I need to be better at summarizing my pieces so I’m going to bullet point some of these action items that I took as I gave up Isolation for Lent. As I review, there seem to be 4/5 key take aways. Also, I want to link my first piece HERE [https://open.substack.com/pub/wehavetoshare/p/i-gave-up-solitude-for-lent-week?r=7in17&utm_medium=ios] on what I gave up for Lent last year. I called it solitude, at the time, but I think God had more clearly definite solitude as potentially holy and isolation as almost always harmful. That has been a distinction that I’ve grown to understand well in the last year. 5 Ways to give up Isolation for Lent: * Choose connection on purpose. No one will force you out — you have to grab ahold of the lifeline that God is giving you. Accept the gift of connection that is yours to claim. * Answer honestly when people ask you how you are. Vulnerability creates safe space for others. Just don’t be an Eeyore. :) * Release the need to perform strength. Rest is allowed. Silence can be holy. You are not valuable to God because of what you DO. You are simply valuable to Him just by being YOU. * Make a reconnection list and act on it. One intentional touchpoint a day can change everything. Pray about this and you’ll be amazed at what this will do for you and others. * Stay rooted in solitude with God — not isolation from people. Spiritual strength fuels relational courage. What does the Bible say about ____? Look it up. It’s in there. Ask God what it all means. He will answer. If this resonated with you, I want to invite you into this with me. This isn’t content for content’s sake. This is me fighting isolation in real time. This is me practicing what I’m preaching. This is me choosing connection instead of hiding. And if it helped you feel a little less alone, then it’s already doing what it was meant to do. If you believe in this kind of work — intentional connection, SHAREing blessings and bruises, building safe spaces for honesty — would you help me widen the circle? Like it. Share it. Follow along. Send it to someone who might need it. Support. Not because I’m chasing numbers… but because connection grows when it moves. And if you’re in your own lion’s den right now, you don’t have to stay there. Reach out. I’m here. We can walk out together. Love, Joel buymeacoffee.com/joeldavidbarnes [http://buymeacoffee.com/joeldavidbarnes] This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit wehavetoshare.substack.com/subscribe [https://wehavetoshare.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_2]