The Mental Load Nobody Sees

Is The Village Gone Or Are We Afraid To Ask For Help?

In this episode of She's Not Done, Andrea and Kouelee tackle a topic that resonates with so many parents and women: the village. We often hear people say, "It takes a village," but what happens when asking for help feels impossible? Is the village really gone, or have life experiences, disappointment, trust issues, guilt, and the pressure to be strong made it difficult to lean on others? Andrea shares how divorce, single parenting, and years of being let down taught her to do everything herself—until life forced her to start asking for help. Through small moments of people showing up consistently, she learned that trust can be rebuilt and that accepting support doesn't make you weak. Kouelee opens up about her struggle with vulnerability, control, and the fear of being perceived as anything less than strong. As a working mom, she discusses the guilt that comes with asking for help, the challenge of trusting others, and why she feels she hasn't fully built her own village yet. Together, they explore the many forms a village can take—from family and friends to neighbors, fellow moms, schools, daycare providers, and community connections. They discuss how villages are often built intentionally over time and how support looks different for every family. This conversation is an honest look at motherhood, trust, independence, and the courage it takes to let people show up for you. Timestamps 00:00 – Welcome back to She's Not Done 01:15 – Is the village gone, or are we afraid to ask for help? 03:30 – Why asking for help can feel like weakness 06:00 – Being let down and learning not to rely on anyone 08:45 – Trust issues, control, and doing everything yourself 11:30 – The mental load of motherhood and partnership 14:00 – Why some women struggle to be seen as vulnerable 17:15 – Building a village versus expecting one to appear 20:00 – Community, friendship, and finding support outside family 23:00 – Divorce, trust, and relearning how to lean on people 26:00 – Mom guilt and the difficulty of accepting help 28:30 – Different parenting styles and different definitions of support 30:15 – How do you build a village when trusting people is hard? 31:30 – Final thoughts: You may not have a village, but you're not alone #TheVillage #MentalLoad #MomGuilt #MotherhoodUnfiltered #MomSupport #WorkingMomLife #SingleMomLife #WomenSupportingWomen #AskingForHelp #ParentingPodcast #ShesNotDonePodcast #CommunityMatters #VulnerabilityIsStrength #TrustIssues #YouAreNotAlone. Thank you for being here! And remember, you are NOT alone and you are Not done. xxx Andrea & Kouelee Here is where you can find us online: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/shesnotdonepod/ [https://www.instagram.com/shesnotdonepod/] Tiktok: https://www.tiktok.com/@shesnotdonepod [https://www.tiktok.com/@shesnotdonepod] Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@Shesnotdonepod [https://www.youtube.com/@Shesnotdonepod] Linktree: https://linktr.ee/Shesnotdonepod?utm_source=ig&utm_medium=social&utm_content=link_in_bio [https://linktr.ee/Shesnotdonepod?utm_source=ig&utm_medium=social&utm_content=link_in_bio]

The Mental Load Nobody Sees

In this deeply honest episode of She’s Not Done, Andrea and Kouelee unpack the invisible mental load women carry every single day — from motherhood and marriage to divorce, intrusive thoughts, burnout, resentment, and survival mode. The conversation explores how emotional overwhelm impacts both mental and physical health, why so many women feel like they have to “do it all,” and the moment many women describe as “the switch” — when they finally stop accepting less and choose peace instead. They also open up about intrusive thoughts in motherhood, feeling alone even while married, asking for help, the shame surrounding mental health struggles, and how resentment quietly builds in relationships when one partner carries the majority of the emotional labor. This episode is a reminder that mental health struggles don’t always look like a diagnosis. Sometimes it looks like exhaustion, survival mode, constant anxiety, or feeling mentally tapped out. Most importantly, it’s a reminder that you are not alone. 00:00 – Mental load, relationships, and how resentment builds 03:10 – Open tabs in motherhood and emotional overwhelm 06:25 – When stress starts affecting physical health 09:40 – “The switch” women talk about after burnout 13:20 – Mom guilt, work commitments, and balancing everything 17:15 – The school pickup story and worst-case-scenario thinking 21:40 – Intrusive thoughts in motherhood and why nobody talks about them 27:05 – Feeling alone while overwhelmed and needing help 32:15 – COVID burnout, breaking points, and survival mode 36:50 – How mental overwhelm can spiral into mental health struggles 41:10 – Scorekeeping, resentment, and carrying too much in relationships 44:20 – Supporting others through mental health struggles and reminding people they’re not alone #MentalLoad #MentalHealthAwareness #MotherhoodUnfiltered #MomLife #MentalHealthMatters #EmotionalBurnout #OverstimulatedMom #IntrusiveThoughts #MomMentalLoad #WomenSupportingWomen #MarriageTalk #DivorceHealing Thank you for being here! And remember, you are NOT alone and you are Not done. xxx Andrea & Kouelee Here is where you can find us online: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/shesnotdonepod/ [https://www.instagram.com/shesnotdonepod/] Tiktok: https://www.tiktok.com/@shesnotdonepod [https://www.tiktok.com/@shesnotdonepod] Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@Shesnotdonepod [https://www.youtube.com/@Shesnotdonepod] Linktree: https://linktr.ee/Shesnotdonepod?utm_source=ig&utm_medium=social&utm_content=link_in_bio [https://linktr.ee/Shesnotdonepod?utm_source=ig&utm_medium=social&utm_content=link_in_bio]

Should Married Women Maintain Financial Independence?

In this deeply honest conversation, we unpack one of the most important and often avoided topics in relationships: financial independence in marriage and motherhood. What does it really mean to be financially independent in a partnership? Should couples keep money separate, combine everything, or build a hybrid system based on income percentages? We explore real-life experiences of balancing careers, motherhood, and marriage—and what happens when financial structures aren’t clearly discussed. From stay-at-home motherhood and unpaid labor, to divorce, 401Ks, and financial insecurity, this episode opens up the conversations many couples never have until it’s too late. We also dive into: * The emotional impact of not earning an income while raising children * How financial control (or lack of transparency) affects relationships * Divorce realities and rebuilding financial independence * The importance of financial literacy for women * Why “hard conversations” about money should happen early in relationships This is not about right or wrong—it’s about awareness, preparation, and empowerment. Whether you're married, divorced, a parent, or building your financial future, this episode will make you rethink how money, value, and partnership truly connect. #momlife #momstruggles #workingmom #momtruth #financialindependence  00:00 – Feeling financially “less than” in a relationship Opening reflection on self-worth and not contributing financially. 04:00 – Should women be financially independent in marriage? Debate on separate accounts vs shared money systems. 08:00 – Percentage-based financial systems in relationships How couples split expenses based on income ratios. 12:00 – The reality of being a stay-at-home parent Sacrifice, home building, and invisible labor. 16:00 – Divorce and the financial shock afterward Loss of security, income reduction, and rebuilding life. 20:00 – Unpaid labor and feeling undervalued Emotional toll of raising children without financial recognition. 24:00 – Resentment, imbalance, and communication breakdown How emotional and financial imbalance affects marriages. 28:00 – Financial literacy gaps women face Credit cards, mortgages, and lack of financial education. 32:00 – Divorce, 401Ks, and legal financial complexity Negotiations, retirement accounts, and legal systems. 36:00 – Society’s pressure on working vs staying home Judgment, expectations, and conflicting standards for women. 40:00 – Value, control, and emotional labor in relationships Feeling unseen when contributions aren’t monetary. 44:00 – Advice: financial independence & hard conversations early Why couples should plan financially for “what if” scenarios. Thank you for being here! And remember, you are NOT alone and you are Not done. xxx Andrea & Kouelee Here is where you can find us online: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/shesnotdonepod/ [https://www.instagram.com/shesnotdonepod/] Tiktok: https://www.tiktok.com/@shesnotdonepod [https://www.tiktok.com/@shesnotdonepod] Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@Shesnotdonepod [https://www.youtube.com/@Shesnotdonepod] Linktree: https://linktr.ee/Shesnotdonepod?utm_source=ig&utm_medium=social&utm_content=link_in_bio [https://linktr.ee/Shesnotdonepod?utm_source=ig&utm_medium=social&utm_content=link_in_bio]

Introduction of Andrea & Kouelee

In this introductory episode of She’s Not Done, Andrea and Kouelee share who they are, where they come from, and why this podcast exists. From divorce and motherhood to marriage, identity, and the unspoken realities women carry, this conversation sets the tone for what’s to come: honest, unfiltered discussions about life, relationships, and everything in between. They open up about the shame and silence often surrounding divorce, marriage struggles, mom guilt, intimacy, and emotional honesty — and why they believe these topics need to be talked about more openly. The goal is simple: to create a space where women feel seen, understood, and less alone. This is not about having it all figured out — it’s about sharing life as it is. Because we’re not done. Thank you for being here! And remember, you are NOT alone and you are Not done. xxx Andrea & Kouelee Here is where you can find us online: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/shesnotdonepod/ [https://www.instagram.com/shesnotdonepod/] Tiktok: https://www.tiktok.com/@shesnotdonepod [https://www.tiktok.com/@shesnotdonepod] Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@Shesnotdonepod [https://www.youtube.com/@Shesnotdonepod] Linktree: https://linktr.ee/Shesnotdonepod?utm_source=ig&utm_medium=social&utm_content=link_in_bio [https://linktr.ee/Shesnotdonepod?utm_source=ig&utm_medium=social&utm_content=link_in_bio]

Why Modern Women are Mentally Exhausted From Doing It All

In this episode of She’s Not Done, Andrea and Kouelee get brutally honest about the kind of exhaustion no one really prepares women for — the mental load, emotional burnout, motherhood guilt, relationships, divorce, marriage, and the pressure to “do it all.” From being touched out by toddlers to carrying the invisible weight of everyone’s schedules, emotions, and needs, this conversation dives into what modern motherhood really feels like behind closed doors. They unpack the difference between traditional and modern women, why so many moms feel emotionally drained before physically tired, and how communication can either save a relationship or slowly destroy it. The episode also explores friendships in adulthood, learning to say no without guilt, why women struggle to relinquish control, and the emotional role moms play as the “safe place” for their children. This is the conversation every exhausted woman needs to hear — honest, validating, funny, emotional, and deeply relatable. Because being exhausted doesn’t mean you’re failing…  00:00 – Intro + “Women entered the workforce, but men didn’t fully enter the home” 01:15 – Feeling exhausted and finally taking time to rest 03:10 – The difference between modern women and traditional women 05:45 – The pressure of carrying financial, emotional, and household responsibilities 07:30 – Mom guilt, needing breaks, and learning to say no 10:15 – Feeling emotionally “on” 24/7 as a mother 13:00 – Doing everything yourself and the resentment that builds 16:20 – Trust issues in relationships when help never follows through 19:10 – Marriage, communication, and how honest conversations saved their relationship 22:00 – Emotional exhaustion vs. physical exhaustion 25:15 – Mental overload and constantly thinking about the next task 28:40 – Learning to walk away, regroup, and stop fixing everything 31:20 – Friendships as adults and how exhausting one-sided relationships can be 35:00 – Isolation, shutting down, and overstimulation as a mom 38:10 – Being “touched out” and struggling to stay present with kids 41:00 – The invisible mental load moms carry every day 44:15 – Raising daughters differently and breaking generational patterns 47:00 – Double standards for moms vs. dads in parenting 49:10 – The shift happening in younger generations and relationships 51:00 – Final thoughts: learning to say no and remembering you’re not alone Thank you for being here! And remember, you are NOT alone and you are Not done. xxx Andrea & Kouelee Here is where you can find us online: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/shesnotdonepod/ [https://www.instagram.com/shesnotdonepod/] Tiktok: https://www.tiktok.com/@shesnotdonepod [https://www.tiktok.com/@shesnotdonepod] Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@Shesnotdonepod [https://www.youtube.com/@Shesnotdonepod] Linktree: https://linktr.ee/Shesnotdonepod?utm_source=ig&utm_medium=social&utm_content=link_in_bio [https://linktr.ee/Shesnotdonepod?utm_source=ig&utm_medium=social&utm_content=link_in_bio]