This is Why I'm Not Invited to Things

He's killed people, mom

I took my kids to Disneyland expecting magic. Instead I got a full audit of fictional character credibility and a child actively avoiding a Sith Lord. No notes.

I Peaked at Kohl’s

Guys… I accidentally became locally famous at Kohl’s this week. It started with me trying to return a rug (which turned into an Olympic-level folding event), briefly made me a retail legend… but I got humbled real quick. If you’ve ever had a main character moment followed by instant humility… welcome. You’re in the right place.

Son of a Beatrice

My kids asked where cuss words come from… and somehow within minutes, we had blamed religion, history, and at least one completely innocent child. In this episode, I attempt to answer a simple question and instead spiral into one of the most chaotic (and hilarious) conversations we’ve had in the car. We’re talking about where “bad words” actually come from, how language got so dramatic, and why I should probably stop trying to explain things to my kids altogether. If you’ve ever tried to have a normal conversation with kids and ended up questioning everything… this one’s for you.

So... That happened

I had a plan. It was a good plan. A simple plan. That plan is no longer with us. Instead, I accidentally wrote a book, destroyed my floors with popcorn, and proved (once again) that I cannot keep things simple. Honestly… this feels on brand.

This is Why I'm Not Invited to Things

I really walked into a “favorite things” party thinking I nailed it. Like… confident. Excited. Proud of my choices. Everyone else brought cute, thoughtful, slightly boujee things. And I showed up with potatoes. But honestly? I stand by it. Potatoes are elite. Versatile. Reliable. Emotionally supportive. Anyway, I’ve now been labeled the “potato friend,” people randomly send me potato content, and I’m not entirely sure how I got here. So if you’ve ever confidently misunderstood something and committed WAY too hard… this one’s for you.