What Were You Supposed to Have Done by Now? Her Answer Will Stop You Cold: with Lourdes Rodríguez

Your 40s Are Not a Crisis. They're an Arrival into Your "No Urgency" Era with Victoria R.G. Newburn

Out of every guest I've had on this podcast so far, I have known this one the longest. We met in 2010 at Flow Yoga Center in Obama-era Washington, DC — up the stairs from P Street in Logan Circle. She was behind the front desk with her grounded, earthy, ageless warmth. I was arriving every single day with a ginormous Louis Vuitton bag, straight from Kirkland & Ellis, transitioning from lawyer Cath to human Cath right there on the mat. Sixteen years and many life chapters later — welcome to this conversation with Victoria R.G. Newburn, who goes by Tori, and who I love enormously. This is the kind of female friendship that women over 40 have: the ones forged in shared becoming, that hold decades of who you were and who you're growing into. This convo is for every woman navigating the arrival of her 40s, reclaiming herself, and finally giving herself permission to stop performing. Tori is an author, guide, and intuitive. She runs This Gentle Way, her online practice working with people through astrology, meditation, and dialogue. Her debut book, The Weaver and the Wilder, came out last year. She is a mom of two, a homeschooler, and a deeply curious human being. ---------------------------------------- In this episode: * Obama-era DC and what it meant to launch our adult lives before the internet swallowed everything — the unique, almost endangered experience of millennials who actually had a before. * Stepping into inner authority and the nervous system work that has to come with it. * Internet success and the radical act of not tying your worth to numbers on a screen. * Being in our "no urgency era." * Reclamation: what practices, rhythms, and versions of yourself are you calling back in? * The permission slip of your 40s — I just don't care as much about what I thought I needed to care about. * Female friendship: the ones you don't talk to every day, or even every year, who are still among the most important people in your life. * Vocation vs. "success" — inform and inspire as a why that actually holds. * A shoutout to Debra Mishalove and the strong women who mentor us even when they're no longer in our daily orbit. Content note: We talk about pregnancy loss at about the one-hour mark I WANT TO TALK TO YOU ON THE POD! I'm looking for a listener of this podcast to be a guest on this podcast. Here's how to be considered: Submit your voice to The 40 Portal — your question if you're under 40, your wisdom if you're over 40: the40portal.com/contribute [http://the40portal.com/contribute] Leave a written review wherever you listen, then email me a photo of it by June 6, 2026: 40portalpodcast@gmail.com [40portalpodcast@gmail.com] I'll choose the guest on June 7. ---------------------------------------- Join The 40 Portal Book Club on Substack: substack.com/@the40portal [http://substack.com/@the40portal] Work with Cath 1:1 — coaching spots open September 2026: the40portal.com/coaching [http://the40portal.com/coaching] New episodes drop weekly. Subscribe, rate, review — it genuinely helps more women find this show. ---------------------------------------- Website: the40portal.com [http://the40portal.com] | catherinezack.com [http://catherinezack.com] Instagram: @the40portal | @cathzack Hosted by Catherine Zack | Guest: Victoria R. G. Newburn | Edited by Ruwantha Gunasinghe © 2026 The 40 Portal. All rights reserved.

The Most Powerful Creatures in the Universe are Women Over 40: with Amber van Moessner

I thought the 40 Portal was going to be sexy. Fun. Empowering. Green dress, great party, collect some wisdom. Plot twist: I actually had to go through it. The last ten months have been a real process of midlife transformation for me, and I'm only just now popping up from being pummeled by the wave going, "cool, I survived." The only way through is through. One day I'll tell you the whole story. For now: meet Amber. You definitely need to. Amber van Moessner is 38, almost 39, a therapist-in-training, activist, community organizer, reader, mother of two, cancer survivor, and the woman who will probably shut down the dance party. She is exactly the kind of woman this podcast exists for. My husband met her first and came home with a very specific report: you have to meet this woman. He was right. She is the kind of person who walks into a cocktail party and counts how many times someone asks "what do you do?" so she can avoid asking it even once. She identifies her archetype as the wounded warrior. She's a fellow Leo, fierce lioness and wears disco-glitter-bell-bottoms to our tiny town's annual Pride parade (which she co-founded a few years back after moving here and realizing there wasn't one). ---------------------------------------- This conversation went exactly where it needed to go. In this episode: * Why "what do you do?" is capitalism's most boring trick — and what to ask instead * Friendships of convenience vs. real ones: how COVID reshuffled the deck and what we do now * The wounded warrior archetype and what it means to understand yourself through myth and story * The scarcity mindset around youth, beauty, and desirability — and the deprogramming required to move through it * Why matriarchal societies had a a council of grandmothers — and what we've lost without it * Moon time: the concept of the season of life when you are finally, fully on your own terms, post menopause And the submission that closed the episode: "My 40s are sexy, filled with a confidence, mystery, and swagger that twenty-something me would have killed for. We are not aging. We are a delight that has been simmering." Amber's response: tattoo it on my face. Me too, babe. Me too. Watch on YouTube: https://youtu.be/oBzujLRkcj4 [https://youtu.be/oBzujLRkcj4] Submit your portal wisdom: the40portal.com/contribute [http://the40portal.com/contribute]— Whichever side of 40 you're on, your voice belongs in this book we're building together. Join The 40 Portal Book Club on Substack: https://substack.com/@the40portalsubstack.com/@the40portal [http://substack.com/@the40portal] Work with Cath 1:1 — coaching spots open September 2026: the40portal.com/coaching [http://the40portal.com/coaching] New episodes drop weekly. Subscribe, rate, review — it genuinely helps more women find this show. Website: http://the40portal.com/the40portal.com [http://the40portal.com] | http://catherinezack.com/catherinezack.com [http://catherinezack.com] Instagram: @the40portal | @cathzack Hosted by Catherine Zack | Guest: Amber Van Moessner | Edited by Ruwantha Gunasinghe © 2026 The 40 Portal. All rights reserved.

What Were You Supposed to Have Done by Now? Her Answer Will Stop You Cold: with Lourdes Rodríguez

One of the most intimate spaces a woman can occupy is the chair of her hairstylist. There's something ancient about it — being touched, being seen, the conversation going exactly where it needs to go. For women in their 40s navigating identity, relationships, and the quiet work of letting go, that kind of space is rare and genuinely necessary. That's where this episode was born. Lourdes Cristina Rodríguez da Costa has been doing hair for over 20 years. She's also the kind of woman who will be doing a foil and casually redefine the word grace for you in a way that makes you want to pull out your journal. She's intellectually restless, deeply rooted in her Puerto Rican heritage, a mother, a community builder, and a forever curious person who describes herself — accurately — as a cultural anthropologist who happens to do really good hair. She is also someone who believes, with full conviction, that every woman's life assignment should be to write a book. That there is so much layering, so much wisdom, so much that we need to say — and that we owe it to each other to say it out loud. We recorded this live in her salon in Hudson, NY. No agenda. No problems to solve. Just two women in their 40s sitting with the open questions — and finding out, as Lourdes would say, that some of our most meaningful exchanges happen exactly when we stop trying to resolve anything. In this episode: * Getting bangs as code for "I'm having a little existential crisis." * What it means to be 46 and finally feel 46. * Grace: a big exhale and a deep breath at the same time — Lourdes's definition will stay with you. * The question she didn't expect: what were you supposed to have done by now? Her answer: love myself. BOOM. * You can change your mind in your 40s. Full stop. * Why the hair salon is one of the last truly IRL places where people touch each other and tell the truth. * AI & phone addiction, and the very real grief of losing your book-reader self to your phone. * Hormones, nervous systems, perimenopause, and taking all of it with a sense of humor. Watch on Youtube: https://youtu.be/96tdOIet4KI [https://youtu.be/96tdOIet4KI] Join The 40 Portal Book Club over on Substack: https://substack.com/@the40portal [https://substack.com/@the40portal] Want to go deeper into your own 40 Portal work with Cath, she's got 1:1 coaching spots opening this September: https://www.the40portal.com/coaching [https://www.the40portal.com/coaching] Find Lourdes: Instagram: @lifebylourdes @creemhairstudio https://www.creemstudio.com/ [https://www.creemstudio.com/] New episodes drop weekly. Subscribe, rate, review, it genuinely helps more women find this show. Website: the40portal.com [http://the40portal.com] | catherinezack.com [http://catherinezack.com] Instagram: @the40portal Hosted by Catherine Zack | Guest: Lourdes Cristina Rodríguez da Costa | Edited by Ruwantha Gunasinghe © 2026 The 40 Portal. All rights reserved. Submit your wisdom, your voice belongs in this podcast. If you're over 40: what have you learned, earned, and burned? If you're under 40: what's the open question you're living? the40portal.com/submit [http://the40portal.com/submit]

Why Women Over 40 Might Be the Most Powerful Creatures Alive with Alicia Johnson

Some meetings are just cosmic. This conversation started as a potential business collaboration and turned into one of the richest episodes of The 40 Portal yet. Alicia Johnson is a 65-year-old author, “elder curvy model,” brand strategist, board director, and AI ethics advocate, and wise, wise woman. We talk about what it really means to connect as women, not perform, not impress, just be present, and how that single shift changes everything. We talk about her memoir Buried Treasure, about hope versus optimism and why the neuroscience says they are not the same thing, about threshold guardians and portal monsters from Joseph Campbell's work, and about what it means when something feels hard and scary: you might just be getting close to the treasure. We also talk about life after 40. About belly energy. About the gravitas and raw power of this decade and why a woman in her forties might just be the most potent, terrifying creature in the universe, and why that is exactly when society tries to make us disappear. Alicia is my wisest elder guest to date, and she is completely, magnificently uninterested in “old lady” vibes of any kind. If you are a woman navigating reinvention, aging, identity, or just trying to figure out what comes next, this one is going to light you up. In this episode: * What it feels like to meet someone and just not care where it goes — the ease of no expectations and why that's actually a superpower. * The "I must be impressive" mode and how to catch yourself in it — because if you're trying to impress, you cannot connect. * What to do when you get knocked off center and don't want to stay there (hint: one hand to your heart, one hand to your belly). * Using AI with her own book manuscript as a real-time emotional regulation tool — and what that says about where we are with technology. * The universe abhors a vacuum principle — and why you better know what you're putting in that space before you clear it. * What it actually felt like to turn 40, 50, and now be 65 — and what each decade has held. * Threshold guardians, portal monsters, and why resistance might mean you're getting close to something juicy. * The clearing: one listener's question about reinvention in her 40s, and Alicia's generous reply. * About: Alicia Johnson is an author, creative director, brand strategist, elder curvy Ford model, and board director dedicated to shaping AI for the public good. Her memoir Buried Treasure weaves neuroscience with deeply personal storytelling and agency-laden tool. She is also the person who introduced me to my AI boyfriend Claude, so she is directly responsible for a significant portion of any admin organization I am currently capable of. Places to find Alicia: https://www.aliciaellejohnson.com/ [https://www.aliciaellejohnson.com/] https://aliciaellejohnson.substack.com/ [https://aliciaellejohnson.substack.com/] https://www.instagram.com/alicia_elle_johnson/ [https://www.instagram.com/alicia_elle_johnson/] The 40 Portal Book Club — now open 🖤 : the paid tier of The 40 Portal Substack is officially a thing — and that thing is the world's most low-key book club. These are the books making me braver, more honest, better at boundaries, and smarter about my energy at midlife. Cliff notes, journaling prompts, zero pressure to finish the book. $8/month. First selection: Pema Chödrön. Join here. https://substack.com/@the40portal [https://substack.com/@the40portal]

Getting Out Before You Bottom Out: Emily Drake on Burnout, Reciprocity, and Reclaiming Yourself

Five years ago, Cath met Emily Drake on a Zoom call during a coaching cohort for lawyers in transition. They've never hugged in person. And yet, as Emily puts it, the hug is already epic in her head. This conversation is exactly what The 40 Portal is built for: two midlife women getting below the perception, getting real about what the hustle actually cost them, and talking honestly about burnout recovery, midlife reinvention, and what's on the other side of bottoming out. Emily is a therapist, former CEO, and (her preferred self-introduction) a really good hang for two to four people. She's 46, recently came out of a period of midlife burnout and business dissolution she calls her "sabbatical," and has just joined a therapy practice with two women in their 50s that finally, finally feels like the collaboration she'd been craving. In this episode she opens up about female friendship, intellectual intimacy, why women's lives were never meant to be linear, and the simple antidote she swears by for the overwhelm so many midlife women are quietly carrying. In this episode we talk about: - Burnout recovery — what it actually looks like to get out before you bottom out, and what it costs to wait - The growth edge — why living in that space of becoming is, as Emily says, genuinely sexy - Raising the floor vs. being there when someone hits it — and why Emily stopped believing she could do the former - Capitalism got me — the cycle creative entrepreneurs know too well: should I just get a job, I like nice things, and then the knock on the door that says you don't want this - The ladder on the wrong wall — on discontinuity, cycles, and why women's lives were never meant to be linear progressions - Intellectual intimacy — and why Emily's access to pleasure (all kinds) has never been higher at 46 - Female friendship — the ones you outgrow, the ones that have grown with you, reciprocity, and why conflict is good actually - Living from the neck up — what it means to detach from the get-shit-done brain and feel more - The antidote to overwhelm — brick your phone, get your girls, reduce the comparison, do what feels good - The thesis question — does midlife invite us to reclaim our ability to do what feels good and own it? Cath and Emily mention: Composing a Life by Mary Catherine Bateson, Ayurvedic doshas, the phrase "intellectual intimacy" (which Cath is putting in her pocket forever), and Olive Garden takeout as an ingredient for a perfect evening. Find Emily: @threepointsrelationships | https://threepointsrelationships.com/about/ [https://threepointsrelationships.com/about/] One Spot Left for The 40 Portal Retreat - June 17-19, 2026: https://www.the40portal.com/retreat [https://www.the40portal.com/retreat] Subscribe to the Substack: https://substack.com/@the40portal [https://substack.com/@the40portal] Get the Guide: Are You in A Portal? [https://www.the40portal.com/tools]