The First Time

Hymns, Hooks, and Head Games: The Psychology of Church Music

From saccharine choruses to mind-bending repetition, discover how church music worms its way into your brain… and keeps you coming back for more. 🎵 Opening music by The Demigs: ⁠Black Valley Fight⁠ (⁠   • Video  ⁠ [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_nk4MD0gSmE]) 🎵 Closing music by The Demigs: ⁠Monochrome Blues⁠ (⁠   • Video  ⁠ [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9W7XAkBZrdw]) 🌐 Resources:Adult Children of Alcoholics: ⁠⁠https://adultchildren.org⁠ [https://www.youtube.com/redirect?event=video_description&redir_token=QUFFLUhqa1BDUkxsNDltX2F6RGhiZXgwLWwyeDU5VmZYQXxBQ3Jtc0trLXFPY0VpUFNveUd1a3RtekpVRGJoS1Q0c3JSLUY0ODJUd0h4MUNfNHNhVW1paGNLSkxOZmlPZUlUMXdXZFdSczVIaXJuTzA0SDZlUUFLOVJ0ZG5tamJYSWsyNF9NRFBUaHJ0MTFNR2V0dGR1WlZkcw&q=https%3A%2F%2Fadultchildren.org%2F&v=ks0nxH2FOyI]⁠ – for support, healing, and recovery Freedom From Religion Foundation: ⁠⁠https://ffrf.org⁠ [https://www.youtube.com/redirect?event=video_description&redir_token=QUFFLUhqbm5LMDRGcjJPb1FGaDE2c1NCcFFFV0Yxc3BIUXxBQ3Jtc0ttelBpaDRxNXRKOEU1bWtpVWlFVmNmUl9RTEloTHoxbWt5eXlHWEVqOFdWUkFaajhPVE9FYnA3VUtYSE9Gc3VkdEs1MTNkOWNaRDItaDVNM25ZTVBWU3gwMDd3cUxoTW5zZ2RpOE9IZnB2OW1MazRsWQ&q=https%3A%2F%2Fffrf.org%2F&v=ks0nxH2FOyI]⁠ Paulogia Podcast: ⁠⁠   / paulogia⁠⁠ [https://www.youtube.com/paulogia%E2%81%A0Matt] Matt Dillahunty: ⁠⁠   / @sansdeity⁠  ⁠ [https://www.youtube.com/@SansDeity%E2%81%A0] #Exvangelical #ReligiousTrauma #Deconstruction #ToxicMasculinity #ChristianNationalism #churchhurt

Are You Man Enough For God

What does it mean to "be a man" in evangelical culture? In this episode, T and Lance unpack the suffocating gender expectations placed on boys and men in the church—where strength means silence, doubt is weakness, and spiritual leadership is always male. From purity culture to the "biblical manhood" narrative, we examine how these ideals distort identity, repress emotion, and alienate anyone who doesn’t fit the mold. It's time to ask: Who benefits from these rules—and who gets left behind? 🎵 Opening music by The Demigs: ⁠Black Valley Fight⁠ (   • Video   [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_nk4MD0gSmE]) 🎵 Closing music by The Demigs: ⁠Monochrome Blues⁠ (   • Video   [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9W7XAkBZrdw]) 🌐 Resources:Adult Children of Alcoholics: ⁠https://adultchildren.org [https://www.youtube.com/redirect?event=video_description&redir_token=QUFFLUhqa1BDUkxsNDltX2F6RGhiZXgwLWwyeDU5VmZYQXxBQ3Jtc0trLXFPY0VpUFNveUd1a3RtekpVRGJoS1Q0c3JSLUY0ODJUd0h4MUNfNHNhVW1paGNLSkxOZmlPZUlUMXdXZFdSczVIaXJuTzA0SDZlUUFLOVJ0ZG5tamJYSWsyNF9NRFBUaHJ0MTFNR2V0dGR1WlZkcw&q=https%3A%2F%2Fadultchildren.org%2F&v=ks0nxH2FOyI]⁠ – for support, healing, and recovery Freedom From Religion Foundation: ⁠https://ffrf.org [https://www.youtube.com/redirect?event=video_description&redir_token=QUFFLUhqbm5LMDRGcjJPb1FGaDE2c1NCcFFFV0Yxc3BIUXxBQ3Jtc0ttelBpaDRxNXRKOEU1bWtpVWlFVmNmUl9RTEloTHoxbWt5eXlHWEVqOFdWUkFaajhPVE9FYnA3VUtYSE9Gc3VkdEs1MTNkOWNaRDItaDVNM25ZTVBWU3gwMDd3cUxoTW5zZ2RpOE9IZnB2OW1MazRsWQ&q=https%3A%2F%2Fffrf.org%2F&v=ks0nxH2FOyI]⁠ Paulogia Podcast: ⁠   / paulogia⁠ [https://www.youtube.com/paulogia%E2%81%A0Matt] Matt Dillahunty: ⁠   / @sansdeity⁠   [https://www.youtube.com/@SansDeity%E2%81%A0] #Exvangelical #ReligiousTrauma #Deconstruction #ToxicMasculinity #ChristianNationalism #churchhurt

Deconstrucing And It Feels So Good

T, J, and Lance — three former Pentecostal preacher’s kids — unpack how religious upbringing still shapes their lives today. From trust issues and emotional avoidance to feeling like love was always conditional and relationships were transactional. 🎵 Opening music by The Demigs: ⁠Black Valley Fight⁠ [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_nk4MD0gSmE] 🎵 Closing music by The Demigs: ⁠Monochrome Blues⁠ [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9W7XAkBZrdw] 🌐 Resources:Adult Children of Alcoholics: ⁠https://adultchildren.org⁠ [https://adultchildren.org] – for support, healing, and recovery Freedom From Religion Foundation: ⁠https://ffrf.org⁠ [https://ffrf.org] Paulogia Podcast: ⁠https://www.youtube.com/paulogia⁠ [https://www.youtube.com/paulogia] Matt Dillahunty: ⁠https://www.youtube.com/@SansDeity⁠ [https://www.youtube.com/@SansDeity] #ReligiousTrauma #Exvangelical #Deconstruction #FaithHealing #RecoveringFromReligion #ChurchHurt

The First Time

The Backslider Diaries – The First Time In this episode, we dive headfirst into all our firsts — first concert, first kiss, first drug, first time getting in trouble, and more. These moments shaped who we were before the unraveling. It’s raw, real, and maybe a little reckless. From awkward teen memories to spiritual confusion, it’s all part of the journey of leaving behind the lies we were raised in. Featuring clips, vibes, and nods to: 🎸 Guns N' Roses – "Sweet Child O' Mine"😱 Darth Vader – “NOOOO!”🕊️ George Michael – "Freedom!"🙏 R.E.M. – "Losing My Religion"🗣️ Kendrick Lamar🎶 Too $hort – "Don't Fight the Feeling"🌊 Billy “Crash” Craddock – "Rub It In"✈️ The Move – "Do Ya"🐢 Sturgill Simpson – "Turtles All the Way Down"🔥 Nine Inch Nails – "The Only Time"🌾 Rev. Horton Heat – "Bales of Cocaine"💔 Bright Eyes – "First Day of My Life"🤘 Beastie Boys – "Fight For Your Right"💋 Salt-N-Pepa – "Push It"💃 George Michael – "Faith"👟 Kenny Loggins – "Footloose"😂 Eddie Murphy – Delirious💀 The Toadies – "Backslider"🍿 Friday (The Movie) - 🐢 Sturgill Simpson – Turtles All the Way Down 🌐 Resources: 🎵 Opening music by The Demigs: ⁠⁠Black Valley Fight⁠⁠ [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_nk4MD0gSmE] 🎵 Closing music by The Demigs: ⁠⁠Monochrome Blues⁠⁠ [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9W7XAkBZrdw] 🌐 Resources:Adult Children of Alcoholics: ⁠⁠https://adultchildren.org⁠⁠ [https://adultchildren.org] – for support, healing, and recovery Freedom From Religion Foundation: ⁠⁠https://ffrf.org⁠⁠ [https://ffrf.org] Paulogia Podcast: ⁠⁠https://www.youtube.com/paulogia⁠⁠ [https://www.youtube.com/paulogia] Matt Dillahunty: ⁠⁠https://www.youtube.com/@SansDeity⁠⁠ [https://www.youtube.com/@SansDeity] #ReligiousTrauma #Exvangelical #Deconstruction#RecoveringFromReligion #FaithShouldntHurt #ChurchHurt

Spare The Rod

In this raw and necessary episode of The Backslider Diaries, T , J, and Lance sit down to unpack the difficult reality of abuse within faith communities. From personal experience and broader patterns, we break down the many faces of religious harm—childhood abuse, sexual misconduct, grooming, physical and emotional control, financial exploitation, and cultural manipulation. No sugarcoating. No excuses. Just truth. If you've ever felt gaslit, silenced, or shamed in the name of God—this conversation is for you. Because faith should never be a weapon. ⚠️ Content warning: This episode discusses sensitive topics including various forms of abuse. Listener discretion is advised. 🌐 Resources: 🎵 Opening music by The Demigs: ⁠⁠⁠Black Valley Fight⁠⁠⁠ [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_nk4MD0gSmE] 🎵 Closing music by The Demigs: ⁠⁠⁠Monochrome Blues⁠⁠⁠ [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9W7XAkBZrdw] 🌐 Resources:Adult Children of Alcoholics: ⁠⁠⁠https://adultchildren.org⁠⁠⁠ [https://adultchildren.org] – for support, healing, and recovery Freedom From Religion Foundation: ⁠⁠⁠https://ffrf.org⁠⁠⁠ [https://ffrf.org] Paulogia Podcast: ⁠⁠⁠https://www.youtube.com/paulogia⁠⁠⁠ [https://www.youtube.com/paulogia] Matt Dillahunty: ⁠⁠⁠https://www.youtube.com/@SansDeity⁠⁠⁠ [https://www.youtube.com/@SansDeity] #Abuse #Deconstruction #exevangelical #RecoveringFromReligion #FaithShouldntHurt #ChurchHurt