How to stop comparing yourself to others, why we do it and the myth of meritocracy.

How to stop comparing yourself to others, why we do it and the myth of meritocracy.

I'm sure you've heard the old adage "Comparison is the thief of joy", but even if you know this on a rational level it still can't stop you from unconsciously comparing your own progress to the progress of others. Today I'm talking about why we compare ourselves to others on an evolutionary level, why comparison can actually be good and why social media has thrown off the balance and allowed comparison to get so out of hand. I talk about the philosophy of meritocracy and why believing that we can achieve the same as others based on our efforts is actually causing us to feel bad and unbelievably inadequate. I then share some tips on how to overcome upward social comparison bias & how we can learn to be kinder to ourselves by actively doing the work. This will be my last podcast episode for the year, thank you soooo much for listening. I'll be recording and researching over December and hoping to do some more interviews so if you would like to get involved or can recommend people please send me a message on Instagram [https://www.instagram.com/sabhalo_/]. For help getting started with mindfulness you can download my FREE guided relaxation audio [https://mailchi.mp/3d6f0b72e3c2/sabhalo-landing-page] by subscribing to my newsletter. Instagram [https://www.instagram.com/sabhalo_/] Free guided relaxation audio [https://mailchi.mp/3d6f0b72e3c2/sabhalo-landing-page]. [https://mailchi.mp/f256e26d6f15/sabhalo] Website [//www.sabhalo.com] Show notes [https://www.sabhalo.com/episodes/the-burnout-brigade-podcast/episode-11-how-to-stop-comparing-yourself-to-others-and-the-myth-of-meritocracy] Sources Study about facebook & self esteem [https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0191886919302557] The Rise of Meritocracy [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Rise_of_the_Meritocracy] Status Anxiety - The School of Life [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Iipn6yM43sM] “upward social comparison bias.” as referenced by neuroscientist arman sirmirlisoy [https://forge.medium.com/dont-compare-yourself-to-others-5d69171b181c] Nicole LePera "How to do the Work" [https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Do-Work-Recognise-Patterns/dp/1409197743/ref=asc_df_1409197743/?tag=googshopuk-21&linkCode=df0&hvadid=499352049769&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=13570865149237012608&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=c&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9044998&hvtargid=pla-938419976285&psc=1&th=1&psc=1]

A Guided meditation for stress & a harsh inner critic.

So for this week's episode I've https://www.instagram.com/sabhalo_/got something a little bit different. I'm going to be playing a short portion of my deep relaxation audio. So one of the main causes of burnout and working yourself into a really stressful place is having unreasonably high standards for yourself. If you're feeling like you're not doing enough, like you're comparing yourself to others, or like you have something to prove, this is a sign of a really critical inner dialogue that is essentially telling you that you're not good enough. So creating some mindfulness and distance with these thoughts are really the key to being able to catch them in the moment rather than accept them as our reality - this takes a lot of practice and a lot of 'doing the work.' You can question why you're having these thoughts, where they come from and most importantly of all, you can stand up for yourself and answer back to your negative inner critic. So I'm going to play the first half of the meditation - for the full audio, sign up to my newsletter [https://mailchi.mp/3d6f0b72e3c2/sabhalo-landing-page] to download the MP3. It's 15 minutes - I recommend giving it a listen just before bed to help you unwind and put a pause on any work related activity in your brain. Show notes [https://www.sabhalo.com/episodes/the-burnout-brigade/episode-10-guided-meditation-for-stress] Shop [https://www.sabhalo.com/store] Download the guided meditation [https://mailchi.mp/3d6f0b72e3c2/sabhalo-landing-page] Connect on Instagram [https://www.instagram.com/sabhalo_/]

Do you ever feel like people take advantage of you? Here's how to set some boundaries.

I used to think that good customer service meant having no boundaries I used to think that being a good friend meant having no boundaries I used to think that being a hard worker meant having no boundaries I used to think that being a good partner meant having no boundaries What does this look like? If you like to be there for people and be a reliable pillar of support regardless of your own wants and needs, this applies to you. A few examples of this are: answering emails and messages as soon as you receive them - even when you're in bed, about to go to sleep or out with friends. Offering to hold space for a friend and being available to talk to them about their problems when you are not in a good head space yourself and need to be alone. In today's episode we talk about how to set boundaries when it feels like people are taking advantage of you & I share 4 tips on how to get started. Show notes [https://www.sabhalo.com/episodes/the-burnout-brigade-podcast/episode-9-feel-like-people-take-advantage-of-you-how-to-set-some-boundaries] Shop Burnout Boxes [https://www.sabhalo.com/store] Sign up for your free audio full body relaxation [https://mailchi.mp/3d6f0b72e3c2/sabhalo-landing-page]

How to deal with toxic positivity

Have you ever heard of toxic positivity? "Look on the bright side", "It could be worse," "positive vibes only" "No excuses", or my personal favourite "but have you tried going for a walk/meditation/a positive mindset?" While these things are all individually really good for your mental health - it can be incredibly invalidating when you're not feeling good and someone suggests that your problems could be easily solved by doing something simple like changing your mindset/behaviour. It implies that the fault is your own for not simply adjusting your mindset rather than just a normal and completely understandable response - it is in fact a personal flaw. If you've ever hidden away from the world when you've felt sad, felt shame or tried to sugar coat your uncomfortable feelings like sadness, anger, or jealousy to make other people feel comfortable then have a listen to this podcast episode where I talk about how toxic positivity effects us in our bodies and the long term effects of denying your right to feel sad. I also share some tips at the end and offer some words of validation. If you needed permission, here it is. Links: Instagram [https://www.instagram.com/sabhalo_/] - I've now moved Instagram accounts! You can find me at @Sabhalo_ [https://www.instagram.com/sabhalo_/] Link to my mailing list to download [https://mailchi.mp/3d6f0b72e3c2/sabhalo-landing-page] my FREE Progressive Muscle Relaxation audio for a deep hypnotic relaxation for stress & burnout.  Sabhalo Store [https://www.sabhalo.com/store] - for preventative self care items & my self care box for beating burnout. Show Notes [https://www.sabhalo.com/episodes/the-burnout-brigade-podcast/episode-8-how-to-deal-with-toxic-positivity] Source [https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/9103721/] to the medical journal I referenced about supressing your emotions Source [https://www.self.com/story/emotional-regulation-skills] for the quote I used by Caroline Fenkel

Is generational trauma causing your burnout? with Mindset Coach Lisa Hussain

Lisa Hussain is a mindset coach and growth mentor and her specific focus is helping women live with purpose and overcome generational trauma and shame. I met her at the live recording of Sangheeta Pillai’s Masala Podcast Panel and we instantly clicked. I really loved listening to her thoughts on how generational trauma can unknowingly affect the way we live our lives and was so excited to have her on the podcast to recreate the conversations we had that day. In this episode we talk about how we can become burnt out when carrying the expectations and emotional baggage of the previous generations, we question our own expectations of ourselves and where these standards came from and Lisa discusses the problems that mothers face when carrying trauma and how to release it to become your true self. In this interview we share our own experiences as south asian women and how generational trauma is so linked to the immigrant experience - however generational trauma affects all people from all walks of life so I really hope it will be a valuable listen and give you some food for thought on your own situation. She is incredibly eloquent and at times hilarious - I think you’re going to really love this inspiring interview with Lisa. You can connect with her here: Website [https://therootedobserver.com/] Instagram [https://www.instagram.com/therootedobserver/] To receive the FREE deep relaxation hypnotic induction audio that I mentioned in the podcast, don't forget to subscribe to my newsletter at the link below: Yes, I want to receive this! [https://mailchi.mp/3d6f0b72e3c2/sabhalo-landing-page] Show Notes [https://www.sabhalo.com/episodes/the-burnout-brigade-podcast/episode-7-is-intergenerational-trauma-causing-your-burnout] Connect with me on Instagram [https://www.instagram.com/sabhalo_/] (BTW I've moved instagram accounts! Click on the link to follow my new account.) Shop Burnout boxes [//www.sabhalo.com/store/] Until next time, Puvan x