The Art of Listening - Moving from "Fixer" to Supporter

The Art of Listening - Moving from "Fixer" to Supporter

The Art of Listening - Moving from "Fixer" to Supporter In a world that moves quickly toward solutions, simply sitting with someone in their discomfort can feel counterintuitive. Yet, as we explore in this episode, true support often comes from doing less, not more. We are joined by Angelique Tavernier, founder of Clarity Ahead, to discuss the transition from being a "rescuer" to becoming a genuine listener. We often jump into "fixer mode" because emotions make us uncomfortable, and providing a solution helps us feel more in control of the situation. However, rushing to "fix" can inadvertently invalidate the other person's experience and shut down their internal processing. In this episode, we explore: * The Psychology of the Fixer: How our desire to feel useful often leads us to bypass the emotional work necessary for healing. * The "At Least" Trap: Why well-meaning phrases like "at least..." or "everything happens for a reason" can make a listener feel judged or dismissed. * The Three Components of Active Listening: * Asking Open Questions: Using "what" and "how" to encourage reflection instead of defensiveness. * Summarising: Reflecting back what you’ve heard in the speaker's own words to check understanding. * Reflecting Emotions: Recognising the feelings behind the words to show the person they are truly seen. * Silence as a Tool: Understanding that silence equals "processing" and learning to resist the urge to fill the gap. * Setting the Stage: The power of asking a simple question before a conversation starts: "Do you want to vent, do you want advice, or do you need a distraction?". * Building Psychological Safety: How managers can use coaching skills to foster trust and confidence within their teams. Practical Takeaways: * Drop the "Why": Replacing "why" with "what" or "how" prevents people from feeling defensive and forced to justify their feelings.  * Practice in Low Stakes: Start honing your active listening skills during casual conversations about holidays or meetings before applying them to high-stress situations. By embracing the idea that "less is more," we allow others the space to find their own solutions while ensuring they don't feel alone in their struggle. About Our Guest: Angelique Tavernier [https://www.linkedin.com/in/atavern/] is the founder of Clarity Ahead [https://www.givemeclarity.com], a consultancy dedicated to helping individuals and organisations overcome barriers to professional progress through reflective, empowering coaching. With over 12 years of experience in higher education, learning design, and professional development, Angelique holds a Post-Graduate Diploma in Career Guidance and a Post-Graduate Certificate in Academic Practice. Her work is grounded in values of clarity, empowerment, and inclusivity, blending mindset coaching with strategic training to build human-centered learning cultures. Whether supporting a transition to hybrid learning or helping managers foster psychological safety, Angelique’s mission is to help people build the confidence and self-sufficiency needed to take ownership of their own growth. Learn More: To learn more about Angelique's work, visit Clarity Ahead [https://www.givemeclarity.com/]. For more resources on trauma-informed communication and to explore upcoming workshops, visit the Trauma-Informed Consultancy Services [https://www.ticservicesltd.com] website. Send us Fan Mail [https://www.buzzsprout.com/2546557/fan_mail/new] Subscribe to Trauma Informed Conversations for more honest discussions about trauma, recovery, and building systems rooted in care and humanity.

Care-Experienced People (Mini-Series) - Episode 7: Parenting Without a Blueprint: Care Experience, Trauma, and Building a Village

What happens when you have to parent without a map? In this deeply moving and relational conversation, we sit down with care-experienced mum, kinship carer, and Churchill Fellow Terri-Anne Harmer to explore the complexities of raising a family while carrying the lifelong impacts of trauma and the care system. For many care-experienced parents, the journey of raising children is often shadowed by a "blueprint of fear" - a fear of systems, surveillance, and the terrifying possibility of child removal. This episode breaks the silence on the "invisible" pressures these parents face, moving away from deficit-based narratives to focus on healing, accountability, and the power of community. Building the Village We Never Had Terri-Anne shares her personal and professional journey, offering a unique perspective on breaking intergenerational cycles and reclaiming the narrative of care-experienced parenting. We discuss: * Parenting Through Fear: How trauma responses are frequently misinterpreted as “risk” by professionals, and the need to look beneath behaviour to understand the survival and overwhelm sitting underneath. * The Power of Connection: The vital role of peer support and relational spaces in helping parents feel genuinely heard, understood, and empowered. * A New Blueprint: Insights from Terri-Anne’s Churchill Fellowship, exploring how village-based approaches and community advocacy can interrupt cycles of removal and support families of all ages. Breaking the Cycle of Trauma Within the conversation, we reflect on the emotional labour of parenting while healing. We consider how childhood histories shape adult relationships, including: * Neurodiversity and Masking: The intersection of trauma and late-recognition neurodiversity in adulthood. * Shame and Repair: Navigating vulnerability and accountability within family relationships to foster long-term healing. * Systemic Change: Why professionals must adopt a trauma-informed lens to support care-experienced families effectively and move toward trust-based practice. This episode offers a powerful invitation to consider what becomes possible when we move beyond survival and build something different—together. In This Episode, We Explore * Parenting while carrying long-term trauma impacts. * The fear of systems, surveillance, and child removal. * Healing while raising children and "building a village." * Neurodiversity, masking, and intergenerational cycles. * Why professionals need to look beneath behaviour. Guest: Terri-Anne Harmer Terri-Anne is a care-experienced mum, kinship carer, practitioner, and Churchill Fellow. Alongside her work with the Care Leavers Association, she supports care-experienced adults through community spaces that centre connection and empowerment. Key Quotes * “We’re building the village that we didn’t have when we were younger.” * “Behaviour is not always the thing. What’s underneath it is what’s important.” * “You can break the cycle.” Content Note This episode discusses childhood trauma, care experience, parenting, mental health, neurodiversity, child protection processes, family separation, and systemic responses to care-experienced families. Please listen in a way that feels safe for you. Send us Fan Mail [https://www.buzzsprout.com/2546557/fan_mail/new] Subscribe to Trauma Informed Conversations for more honest discussions about trauma, recovery, and building systems rooted in care and humanity.

Self-Efficacy, Systemic Shifts, and the Real Lives of Teachers

Episode Description In this episode of Trauma Informed Conversations, host Jessica Parker [https://www.linkedin.com/in/jessica-parker-917481b8/] welcomes teacher, coach, and author Emma Kell [https://www.linkedin.com/in/dr-emma-kell-296901153/]. Drawing on 27 years of classroom experience and her recent book, Real Lives of Teachers, Emma explores the psychological landscape of the teaching profession today. Moving beyond superficial wellbeing advice, Jess and Emma discuss the concept of moral injury and "compassion stress" - the emotional toll of working within a system that often feels like it is "never enough". They delve into the power of self-efficacy, the necessity of radical appreciation, and how school leaders can foster psychological safety through clear boundaries and transparent communication. This conversation is a vital check-in for any educator or leader navigating the "highs and lows" of the modern school environment. Key Takeaways * Wellbeing as Self-Efficacy: Real wellbeing in education isn't about "hot baths"; it is the feeling of making a tangible difference in a child’s life, often measured in smiles and small glimmers of progress. * The Weight of Moral Injury: Many teachers face a "compassion stress injury" when their values and hard work collide with a system lacking resources and funding. * Clarity as Psychological Safety: Emma highlights how "perfectionist" clarity in school policies and expectations creates a contained, safe environment for staff to thrive. * Modelling for Leaders: School leaders are among the most vulnerable to burnout; modelling healthy boundaries—such as respecting "out of office" emails - is essential for a sustainable school culture. * Stubborn Optimism: Despite systemic challenges, maintaining a sense of "relentless optimism" and celebrating "blossoms" (positive moments) helps educators remain resilient. Resources Mentioned * Real Lives of Teachers: Navigating the Highs and Lows of Schools Today by Emma Kell. Available on Amazon [https://amzn.to/48sN0Mz]. * Those That Can: Visit www.those-that-can.com [http://www.those-that-can.com/] for more information on Emma’s coaching and wellbeing facilitation. * Trauma Informed Consultancy Services (TICS): Visit www.ticservicesltd.com [https://www.ticservicesltd.com] to access live training events, further information on trauma-informed practice, and to contact the team for support.  Guest  Emma Kell [https://www.linkedin.com/in/dr-emma-kell-296901153/] is a teacher, coach, and speaker with over 27 years of experience in the classroom. She currently teaches in alternative provision and provides coaching and facilitation on teacher wellbeing, school culture, and communication. Emma is a passionate advocate for the profession, focusing on what helps teachers "survive and thrive" in the modern educational landscape.  Send us Fan Mail [https://www.buzzsprout.com/2546557/fan_mail/new] Subscribe to Trauma Informed Conversations for more honest discussions about trauma, recovery, and building systems rooted in care and humanity.

Validation, Accessibility, and Medical Trauma

Episode Overview  In this episode of Trauma Informed Conversations, host Jessica Parker [https://www.linkedin.com/in/jessica-parker-917481b8/] is joined by integrative therapist Louise Brooks [https://www.linkedin.com/in/louise-brookes-she-her-b19b944a/]. As a physically disabled therapist, Louise brings both professional expertise and lived experience to a vital but often overlooked topic: Medical Trauma. Moving beyond clinical definitions, Jess and Louise explore the cumulative impact of "medical gaslighting" - the exhausting experience of not being believed or having symptoms dismissed by professionals. They discuss how these interactions can create a cycle of shame and anxiety, transforming necessary healthcare into a source of psychological distress. The conversation shifts the focus toward disability-affirmative practice, emphasising how validation and small systemic shifts can restore a sense of safety for patients. Key Takeaways * The Weight of Medical Gaslighting: Medical trauma often stems from being told symptoms are "all in your head". This lack of belief can lead to physical trauma responses like nausea, breathlessness, and heart palpitations before future appointments. * The Burden of Explanation: Many disabled people spend entire therapy or medical sessions explaining their condition. Louise highlights the importance of professionals doing independent research to reduce this "retraumatising" labour for the client. * Practical Systemic Shifts: Small changes, such as offering double appointments as standard, can provide the extra time needed for cognitive processing or physical transfers, making care truly accessible. * Disability-Affirmative Therapy: Finding a therapist who is "disability affirmative" means working with someone who understands the social and systemic barriers disabled people face, rather than viewing the disability as something to be "fixed". * "Not Disabled Yet": A poignant reminder that accessibility is a community responsibility. Whether through physical access or inclusive language, creating safe environments benefits everyone - because many people are simply "not disabled yet". Resources Mentioned * Trauma Informed Consultancy Services (TICS): Visit www.ticservicesltd.com [https://www.ticservicesltd.com] to access live training events, further information on trauma-informed practice, and to contact the team for support. * Disability-Affirmative Resources:  * Louise's Challenging Ableism CPD Session (11th April 2026) [https://www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/challenging-ableism-in-therapeutic-spaces-tickets-1983725113214?aff=oddtdtcreator] * Emotional Respite (Charity) [https://www.emotionalrespite.co.uk/] * Spokz People [https://spokzpeople.org.uk/] - Modules to support people wanting to learn more and an online community for disabled people to join. Guest Louise Brooks [https://www.linkedin.com/in/louise-brookes-she-her-b19b944a/] is an integrative therapist in private practice, specialising in working with physically disabled and neurodivergent clients. Working exclusively online for inclusivity and access, Louise incorporates person-centered therapy, attachment theory, and compassion-focused approaches into her trauma-informed work. As a disabled practitioner, she is a passionate advocate for disability-affirmative care and challenging the ableist structures within the medical and therapeutic fields. Send us Fan Mail [https://www.buzzsprout.com/2546557/fan_mail/new] Subscribe to Trauma Informed Conversations for more honest discussions about trauma, recovery, and building systems rooted in care and humanity.

Care-Experienced People (Mini-Series) - Episode 6: Aging, Healing, and the Lifelong Impact of the Care System with Dr. Rosie Canning

What happens to care-experienced people as they grow older? In this deeply moving and trauma-informed conversation, we sit down with researcher and storyteller Dr. Rosie Canning to explore the long-term health and wellbeing outcomes for adults who grew up in the care system. For too long, the narrative around "care leavers" has focused almost exclusively on the transition to adulthood at 18 or 21. This episode breaks that silence, highlighting the continued exclusion of older care-experienced people from policy and research debates. We discuss why this lack of representation urgently needs to change and how Dr. Canning’s research is finally centering these overlooked voices. From Grassroots Activism to Oxford Research Rosie shares her incredible personal and creative journey, offering a unique perspective on resilience and reclamation. We discuss: * The Power of Community: Rosie’s involvement in Occupy London, where she supported the reclaiming of a closed library for community use. * Lifelong Education: Her experience returning to education later in life to complete her PhD, and how being a "mature student" informed her lens as a researcher and facilitator. * The Oxford Study: Insight into the significant research exploring health and wellbeing for care-experienced people aged 50+, co-led by Rosie alongside Dr. Jonathan “Jonno” Taylor, Dr. Michele Peters, and Dr. Anna Scott at the University of Oxford. Understanding the "Invisible Privilege" of Family Within the conversation, we reflect on the often-unseen privilege of family—of growing older alongside others, having shared histories, and knowing one’s own medical and health narratives. We consider how childhood trauma shapes adult experiences over decades, including: * The Risk of Retraumatisation: The specific fears and realities of re-entering formal care systems (such as elder care or nursing homes) in later life. * Belonging vs. Isolation: Moving away from "deficit-based" assumptions to create spaces of recognition, ownership, and belonging for the care-experienced community. * Policy Evolution: Why current social care policies affecting children in care must evolve to account for the entire "life course" rather than just the immediate aftermath of leaving care. This research offers a powerful roadmap for what needs to change now to ensure foster care alumni and care-experienced adults are supported at every stage of their lives. Explore the Research: Read the winter 2026 edition of Care Leavers Connected to dive deeper into the findings discussed in this episode: https://issuu.com/careleaversconnected/docs/care_leavers_connected_winter_edition_2026 [https://issuu.com/careleaversconnected/docs/care_leavers_connected_winter_edition_2026] Send us Fan Mail [https://www.buzzsprout.com/2546557/fan_mail/new] Subscribe to Trauma Informed Conversations for more honest discussions about trauma, recovery, and building systems rooted in care and humanity.