Qualifying Events

Mommy, Listen with the Director and Cast of TEAM Theatre's Mean Girls

This week on Try-Hard Valley: * There’s something growing in Carrie’s uterus (NOT the Messiah) * Yael explains her two names situation (again… for your/Carrie’s edification) * Airplane turbulence coping mechanisms * Carrie invents a new “Melan-Choli-Day™” and realizes the podcast is an attempt to communicate with her dead mom * Audio that intermittently sounds like a hostage tape recorded inside an air fryer * The wildly talented cast and director of TEAM Theater’s production of Mean Girls Featuring:🎭 Amanda Boyan🎭 Abhishek Natraj🎭 Jake Perry🎭 Ollie Mironov🎭 Kaelyn Cruz If you’ve ever: * missed your mom * fought with a creative partner * overthought literally everything …welcome to the liminal space we call home. Also:Please support your local try-hard theater teens. They are out there memorizing lines, surviving algebra tests, AND learning tap dance choreo. Not too shabby! Get tickets to [https://tickets.sanramon.ca.gov/eventperformances.asp?evt=220]Mean Girls [https://tickets.sanramon.ca.gov/eventperformances.asp?evt=220] before they sell out! [https://tickets.sanramon.ca.gov/eventperformances.asp?evt=220] Starring Ollie Mironov as Damian and Kaelyn Cruz as Janice Director Extraordinaire Amanda Boyan Abhishek Natraj (Aaron) Jake Perry (also Damian, there are two casts) Producer/TEAM Theatre [https://www.teamtheatre.org/] Founder Salim Razawi TEAM Theatre Choreographer Vivaan Rairecently won a Sara Bareilles award. That’s a big deal! Learn more here [https://www.instagram.com/p/DX7kK2ZSy3Z/]! Mommy, look! And listen! [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5hrGqPp2-Qs] This song Intermittently [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x4S7kgB0VQk&list=RDx4S7kgB0VQk&start_radio=1] gets stuck in Carrie’s head. Get full access to Try-Hard Valley at carriegilbert3.substack.com/subscribe [https://carriegilbert3.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_4]

Not Dying in Livermore with Sheri Ann Dante

Aloha from Maui! This week’s episode comes to you from Wailuku, Hawaii, specifically from the home of my delightful friend Sherri Ann Dante, and even more specifically from the sweet spot just after happy hour. We also debut brand-new theme intro and outro music by my friend Beanpole, whose album All My Kin deserves your ears immediately. Then things get complicated. Our first-ever remote interview with my beloved cohost Yael Stuart was technically successful but sonically catastrophic. Rather than cut her from the episode, I made a bold artistic decision: I re-voiced her as a brand-new character. Please welcome The Artful Yael — part Yael Stuart, part Artful Dodger. Also, part pickleball, park pickpocket. Also in this episode: * Why Sheri Ann left Livermore for Maui * Outrigger canoeing at dawn in choppy water * Hawaiian paddling commands Carrie did not understand * An escape room where we were gently guided through our “escape” * Volunteering with sea turtles and whales * The downsides of paradise (bulldozers) * The upside of paradise (everything else) * A brief mention of plutonium hand warmers * A stern warning from Charles Dickens regarding improv ticket sales Come for the travel tales. Stay for the tequila-fueled chaos. Also, check out these pics, notes, and Ram Dass quotes [https://carriegilbert3.substack.com/p/be-here-now-and-also-slightly-injured]! Sheri Ann finding a four-leaf clover at Maui’s lovely Ali’i Kula Lavender Farm [https://www.aliikulalavender.com].Go there! It’s beautiful. (And VERY clover-y!) We got lucky indeed. Beanpole recorded our catchy new intro and outro. Check out this Rolling Stone review [https://www.rollingstone.com/music/music-news/hear-unearthed-music-from-primus-adjacent-nineties-project-beanpole-630611/] of Beanpole’s fabulous All My Kin. Buy the digital album for ten measly dollars on Bandcamp [https://beanpole.bandcamp.com/album/all-my-kin].Also available on Amazon Music [https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07D9JLYF5/ref=sr_1_1?crid=19HHOR2TG7Y8E&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.JVug9GgtCOe1d5ta6E4loA.k-3xLrAnLsQVWmd_IRAkMOMqUSXkGhLc9G9Cb7WyovQ&dib_tag=se&keywords=beanpole+all+my+kin&qid=1777654603&sprefix=beanpole+all+my+kin%2Caps%2C243&sr=8-1] for $9.49.But if you’re a vinyl junkie who is made of money, you can buy it on eBay [https://www.ebay.com/itm/397893149135?_skw=beanpole+all+my+kin+vinyl&itmmeta=01KQH0VPBFK23H1S1GAFVBA5P8&hash=item5ca447a1cf:g:F4EAAeSw7T5p8lGb&itmprp=enc%3AAQALAAABAGfYFPkwiKCW4ZNSs2u11xD5Lesy%2BovwaPNh2Sy86W3DGPv1sriGr%2BF4Xh0nDzQ1%2FIgSQUcNt6Fy260Tt4NojE%2FBYJ7Sw6CCFgK6jIunaxHcXGhW5Ix%2FVR3hXk8X8oG81v4lz8eaM1XBL6dE3ocVYkoAlVFqgktemotwh%2FTqMar3ADM6%2BTT%2B3img%2FiQKFlHKRFJbIku3DQSmI6RvLgxyXRsjDd1hZZcjX7gj5bgHBuNG2TZUIyvzenHzHS36vW3hy8Jd2A6nes82nZZdwXkKCLJ8L0rQsO8MpL6%2BF1mvTbYbNyK2NKaZezCUArumDaVyh%2FzaHlEpa1LfSwAw1Hjd2gk%3D%7Ctkp%3ABk9SR_bl7qC8Zw] for $124.99. New mashup alert!That’s Yael Stuart, one half of The Artful Yael. That’s the other half of The Artful Yael.CONSIDER YOURSELF [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CsyiMn6OPQA] warned! Buy tix now [https://tickets.sanramon.ca.gov/default.asp?searchdate=5/1/2026], lest ye anger vengeful Dickensian ghosts! That’s my pal Sheri Ann standing next to Maui Mayor Richard T. Bissen, Junior [https://www.mauicounty.gov/65/Office-of-the-Mayor].A Volunteer of the Year, she is! Sheri’s house is decked out with many gorgeous pics by Livermore photographer extraordinaire Kim Grandfield [https://www.kimgrandfield.com/browse/]! Please be a guest on the podcast, Kim! Doing jazz hands of relief after we narrowly escaped Maui Mystery Escape Room [https://www.mysterymaui.com/]. Get full access to Try-Hard Valley at carriegilbert3.substack.com/subscribe [https://carriegilbert3.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_4]

The Mary Poppins of Weirdos with Eric Heinitz

They say “try hard” like it’s an insult. Around here, it’s a lifestyle. Welcome to Try-Hard Valley. This week’s episode has it all: 🎭 A dramatic reading from The Music Man (you’re welcome) ⚕️ A candid convo about a prolapsed uterus 🧘‍♀️ Pelvic floor mantras you didn’t know you needed ✈️ European travel plans, e-bikes, and scary cycling stories 📚 A heartfelt reunion with a beloved high school teacher ⚠️ Content note: We talk openly about women’s reproductive organs. Consider yourself warned. 💜 This episode is dedicated to Diane Heinitz. Plus: an important correction, a passionate plug for local improv, and a questionable life choice involving skipping a major baseball event. It’s messy. It’s honest. It’s a lot. But hey, at least we tried. And honestly? That counts. Care Bear and Er BearFor the record, Carrie prefers to think of Eric as ”The Mary Poppins of Lovably Quirky Students”But if the weirdo shoe fits… This is Diane Heinitz. Here is her obituary. [https://www.independentnews.com/obituaries/diane-marie-heinitz/article_8148968f-a7a8-4349-af5a-d1c10f9ca2e0.html]She was funny, kind, and unforgettable. Carrie’s uterus is even more adorbz than this one [https://www.tinahealthcare.com/products/cuterus-heatable-plushie?variant=50145163018471]. Class Clown (Foothill High School, Class of 1992) Scary Eagle’s favorite yearbook inscription that Flight of the Conchords [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JZGc2sIajMM] scene [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JZGc2sIajMM] Carrie references Here’s Dan Savage elaborating on this. [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r1tCAXVsClw&t=1s] Support this improvised soap opera featuring try-hards of the Tri-Valley!Click here [https://tickets.sanramon.ca.gov/default.asp?searchdate=5/1/2026] to buy tickets. But if you’re in Seattle, go to this Number 51 Retirement Event [https://www.mlb.com/mariners/history/randy-johnson] on May 2nd. Then tell Carrie all about it so she can live vicariously through you.Go Mariners! We’ll get ‘em next year! Learn more about this term and its origin story here [https://www.slangsphere.com/exploring-santorum-the-urban-dictionary-phenomenon/]. Get full access to Try-Hard Valley at carriegilbert3.substack.com/subscribe [https://carriegilbert3.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_4]

Not a Paddle Guy with Kevin Kuhlow

In this episode of Try Hard Valley, we’re joined by Kevin Kuhlow [https://kevinkuhlowconsulting.com/], executive coach and licensed drug and alcohol counselor, who works with high-performing men navigating stress, identity, and major life transitions. We talk about: * Alcohol, stress, and coping mechanisms * Rebuilding your life from the inside out (brain, body, purpose) * Kevin and Yael’s second date, featuring light spanking * Why Kevin loves the Miami Dolphins and the New York Mets * Spherical mascots Plus: * The fine art of screlting (scream-belting) * Listener feedback (yes, Christina, we heard you) * A bold, music-free experiment for the “human voices only” fans * Graveyard walks * A reminder that this is still our podcast (plural, possessive) * Presidential and Prime Ministerial fitness tests They say “try hard” like it’s an insult. We say… good. lovebirds Yael and Kevin: people who do their best and will judge your pickleball and/or pitching form “lie hard” Elizabeth Holmes sitting under her favorite quote Buzz Lightyear Swalwell, Halloween, 2022should’ve given him a copy of Dan Savage’s Campsite Rule 🔥 🏕️in lieu of the four-leafer 🍀 Get full access to Try-Hard Valley at carriegilbert3.substack.com/subscribe [https://carriegilbert3.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_4]

Qualifying Events

There are two kinds of breaking news in this episode: * Michigan wins the national championship. * My husband gets laid off. So naturally, we process it the only way we know how:By singing a 19th-century fight song, letting the cat in, and unpacking a corporate layoff that affected roughly 30,000 people. Ya know… like… normal podcast stuff. This episode has everything: * A passionate defense of The Victors as the greatest fight song of all time * A surprisingly upbeat take on getting laid off (baby bird… pushed from nest… etc.) * A marriage recalibrating in real time as one deeply troubled spouse becomes the “primary breadwinner” (pray for us) * A deeply honest—and slightly concerning—amount of time spent with an AI named Claude Also, if you’ve ever: * Stayed too long at a job because it felt safe * Been really good at interviewing but suspiciously bad at getting hired * Or watched someone you love slowly become eight employees in one increasingly stressed-out body …this one might hit. It’s about burnout.It’s about identity.It’s about what happens when the thing you couldn’t leave… leaves you.🎧 Listen if you like:existential career pivots, long marriages with strong opinions, and light emotional chaos set to a college fight song Vanellope Von Schweetz, our emotional support catnow with laser eyes Get full access to Try-Hard Valley at carriegilbert3.substack.com/subscribe [https://carriegilbert3.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_4]