85: The 5-Minute Tool That Rewires Burnout, Avoidance, and Overwhelm with Dr. Laurel Mellin

85: The 5-Minute Tool That Rewires Burnout, Avoidance, and Overwhelm with Dr. Laurel Mellin

If you've ever wondered why you can know exactly what you should do and still not do it, this episode is for you. Dr. Laurel Mellin is a health psychologist, New York Times bestselling author, and creator of Emotional Brain Training (EBT), an approach developed over 40 years at UC San Francisco. EBT helps people rewire stress patterns at the root, not just manage symptoms. Dr. Mellin has spent decades studying how stress impacts our brains, our behaviors, and our ability to follow through. And her conclusion? Willpower was never the problem. The circuits were. In this episode: * Why the thinking brain is not actually in charge * The difference between extinction and reconsolidation: why building good habits on top of bad circuits leaves you vulnerable * What a survival circuit actually is, and why you can't think your way out of one * The Cycle Tool: the 5-minute EBT process that unlocks and rewires stress circuits at the level of the amygdala * Why procrastination, avoidance, and emotional reactivity are the tail end of a fight-or-flight circuit and not a character flaw * Emotional set points: what it means to be wired for stress vs. wired for joy, and how to shift it * How EBT applies to relationship disconnection, parenting stress, addiction, and workplace reactivity * The research finding Dr. Mellin finds most compelling: changes that persist two to six years later Plus: the tax return example that perfectly explains why forcing behavior change almost never works, and what to do instead. Resources mentioned: * EBT community membership and app: ebt.org [http://ebt.org]  * The Stress Solution: A Revolutionary New Method for Emotional Resilience by Dr. Laurel Mellin, available on Amazon [https://amzn.to/42YdMZV] (commission link)  The examples and stories shared on this podcast are drawn from clinical and coaching experience. All identifying details have been changed or composited to protect client confidentiality. Any resemblance to a specific individual is coincidental. This podcast is for educational and informational purposes only and does not constitute psychological advice, therapy, or a therapeutic relationship. If you are experiencing mental health concerns, please consult a licensed mental health professional. Want to get a snapshot of your own life in just minutes? Take the free Prior 10 Life Assessment at www.prior10.com/assessment [https://www.prior10.com/assessment]. The information contained and documents referenced in the podcast “Your Priority Centered Life” are for entertainment, educational and informational purposes only, and are not intended as, and shall not be understood or construed as, professional medical or health treatment, diagnosis, or advice. We strongly encourage listeners to consult with medical providers or qualified mental health providers with issues and questions regarding any physical and/or mental health symptoms or concerns that they may have. Furthermore, the opinions and views expressed by podcast guests, partners and/or affiliates are not necessarily those of the podcast host. Dr. Alise Murray’s opinions and views are expressed in her individual capacity and are not to be construed as those of any of her podcast guests, partners and/or affiliates.

84: The Problem Was Never You

The Problem Was Never You Your Priority Centered Life | Busy On Purpose Series, Episode 5 There's a question a lot of self-aware, high-achieving people carry but don't say out loud. This final episode of the Busy On Purpose series answers it as directly as possible and leaves you with the one thing Dr. Alise most wants you to believe about yourself when you walk away. Because there's a good chance you've been carrying a story about yourself that isn't true. And it's time for a different one. In this episode: Why expecting everyone to thrive in a standard productivity system is like expecting everyone to wear size nine shoes. The two things that have to be in place underneath any system for it to actually hold: your physiology and your environment. Why your brain was not designed to be a storage system, and what happens when you ask it to be one. The simplest place to start, today, before anything else changes and before the timing is perfect. And the one belief that makes everything else in this series work. The one practical thing Dr. Alise leaves you with: Stop carrying everything in your head. Get it out of your mental space and onto something external. A notebook, a notes app, the back of an envelope. Then each morning identify your three most important tasks for the day. Not ten. Three. The things that, if you did nothing else, would mean the day counted for something. That's the foundation the rest gets built on. You'll want to listen if you: * Have spent years trying to make standard productivity systems work and wondered what was wrong with you * Are a non-linear thinker, someone with ADHD, or a high achiever whose brain just doesn't fit the cookie-cutter approach * Want one clear, practical place to start before you have everything figured out * Have followed this series and are ready to close the loop The Busy On Purpose series: * Episode 1: The 3-Part System for a Meaningful Summer  * Episode 2: Why Your Productivity System Keeps Failing (It's Not You) * Episode 3: Still Behind at 10pm? This Episode Is for You * Episode 4: The Decision You Keep Not Making (And What It's Costing You) * Episode 5: This episode Mentioned in this episode: * The Prior 10 Reset — returning in the fall; join the waitlist [https://dashboard.mailerlite.com/forms/965741/127505835273225503/share]  * The Prior 10 Life Management System The examples and stories shared on this podcast are drawn from clinical and coaching experience. All identifying details have been changed or composited to protect client confidentiality. Any resemblance to a specific individual is coincidental. This podcast is for educational and informational purposes only and does not constitute psychological advice, therapy, or a therapeutic relationship. If you are experiencing mental health concerns, please consult a licensed mental health professional. Want to get a snapshot of your own life in just minutes? Take the free Prior 10 Life Assessment at www.prior10.com/assessment [https://www.prior10.com/assessment]. The information contained and documents referenced in the podcast “Your Priority Centered Life” are for entertainment, educational and informational purposes only, and are not intended as, and shall not be understood or construed as, professional medical or health treatment, diagnosis, or advice. We strongly encourage listeners to consult with medical providers or qualified mental health providers with issues and questions regarding any physical and/or mental health symptoms or concerns that they may have. Furthermore, the opinions and views expressed by podcast guests, partners and/or affiliates are not necessarily those of the podcast host. Dr. Alise Murray’s opinions and views are expressed in her individual capacity and are not to be construed as those of any of her podcast guests, partners and/or affiliates.

83: The Decision You Keep Not Making (And What It's Costing You)

The Decision You Keep Not Making (And What It's Costing You) Your Priority Centered Life | Busy On Purpose Series If you've been listening to this series thinking "this makes so much sense, this is exactly what's been missing" and you're not sure you're going to do anything about it, this episode is for you. Because the thing that keeps capable, self-aware, high-achieving people stuck isn't a lack of information. It's the decision they keep not making. In the final episode of the Busy On Purpose series, Dr. Alise closes the loop on the cost of waiting, on what choosing on purpose actually looks like in practice, and on why taking care of yourself is not something you do instead of showing up for the people you love. It's part of how you show up for them. In this episode: Why not deciding is itself a decision, and why the gap between knowing something needs to change and actually changing it is where the real losses happen. What one small structural shift can do to the entire texture of your week. The difference between self-sacrifice that looks like devotion and self-sacrifice that functions like depletion. Why the people who love you are often the first ones to notice when you stop investing in yourself. And what choosing on purpose actually looks like, not as a major overhaul, but as a decision. You'll want to listen if you: * Have been circling the same problem for months or years without making a move * Tell yourself you'll make changes when things calm down * Feel guilty investing time, money, or attention in yourself * Sense that waiting is costing you something but haven't named what The Busy On Purpose series: This series so far: * Episode 80:The 3-Part System for a Meaningful Summer * Episode 81: Why Your Productivity System Keeps Failing (It's Not You) * Episode 82: Still Busy At 10 PM? This Episode Is For You * Episode 83: This episode Mentioned in this episode: * The Prior 10 Reset — Dr. Alise's small group coaching program, doors closing soon (link in show notes) * The Prior 10 Life Management System The examples and stories shared on this podcast are drawn from clinical and coaching experience. All identifying details have been changed or composited to protect client confidentiality. Any resemblance to a specific individual is coincidental. This podcast is for educational and informational purposes only and does not constitute psychological advice, therapy, or a therapeutic relationship. If you are experiencing mental health concerns, please consult a licensed mental health professional. Want to get a snapshot of your own life in just minutes? Take the free Prior 10 Life Assessment at www.prior10.com/assessment [https://www.prior10.com/assessment]. The information contained and documents referenced in the podcast “Your Priority Centered Life” are for entertainment, educational and informational purposes only, and are not intended as, and shall not be understood or construed as, professional medical or health treatment, diagnosis, or advice. We strongly encourage listeners to consult with medical providers or qualified mental health providers with issues and questions regarding any physical and/or mental health symptoms or concerns that they may have. Furthermore, the opinions and views expressed by podcast guests, partners and/or affiliates are not necessarily those of the podcast host. Dr. Alise Murray’s opinions and views are expressed in her individual capacity and are not to be construed as those of any of her podcast guests, partners and/or affiliates.

82: Still Behind at 10pm? This Episode Is for You

Still Behind at 10pm? This Episode Is for You Your Priority Centered Life | Busy On Purpose Series It's 10pm. The kids are in bed. The house is quiet. And instead of winding down, you open your laptop. You tell yourself it'll just be an hour. If that's you, this episode is about what's actually going on beneath that pattern. And it's probably not what you think. In this episode of the Busy On Purpose series, Dr. Alise goes underneath the system conversation to address two things she sees derailing high achievers that almost never get named in the productivity world: not the wrong planner, not a lack of motivation, but the physiological and relational foundations that have to be in place before any system can work. In this episode: * The neuroscience of sleep deprivation and why your prefrontal cortex (the part of your brain responsible for planning, prioritizing, and focus) is the first thing to go when you're running on empty * Why working harder and staying later is often making the cognitive problem worse, not better * The environment problem: when the chaos isn't coming from your calendar, it's coming from the people around you, and what to do about it * Why so much of what's depleting high achievers is happening in silence, and how one conversation can change more than any system overhaul * What "busy on purpose" actually feels like versus the haywire batting cage most people are stuck in You'll want to listen if you: * Are a high-achieving professional who is exhausted, behind, and can't figure out why more effort isn't helping * Suspect your environment (e.g. a demanding boss, an invisible household load, no protected time) is part of the problem * Have been told to try harder or be more disciplined, and know in your gut that's not the answer * Are carrying a lot in silence and haven't yet asked for what you actually need This series so far: * Episode 80:The 3-Part System for a Meaningful Summer [https://www.dr-alise.com/blog/the-3-part-system-for-a-meaningful-summer] * Episode 81: Why Your Productivity System Keeps Failing (It's Not You) * Episode 82: This episode Next week: What it actually looks like to choose your busy on purpose. This is the episode that ties the whole series together. Mentioned in this episode: * The Prior 10 Reset, Dr. Alise's small group coaching program, now open for its founding cohort * The Prior 10 Life Management System [https://www.dr-alise.com/] The examples and stories shared on this podcast are drawn from clinical and coaching experience. All identifying details have been changed or composited to protect client confidentiality. Any resemblance to a specific individual is coincidental. This podcast is for educational and informational purposes only and does not constitute psychological advice, therapy, or a therapeutic relationship. If you are experiencing mental health concerns, please consult a licensed mental health professional. Want to get a snapshot of your own life in just minutes? Take the free Prior 10 Life Assessment at www.prior10.com/assessment [https://www.prior10.com/assessment]. The information contained and documents referenced in the podcast “Your Priority Centered Life” are for entertainment, educational and informational purposes only, and are not intended as, and shall not be understood or construed as, professional medical or health treatment, diagnosis, or advice. We strongly encourage listeners to consult with medical providers or qualified mental health providers with issues and questions regarding any physical and/or mental health symptoms or concerns that they may have. Furthermore, the opinions and views expressed by podcast guests, partners and/or affiliates are not necessarily those of the podcast host. Dr. Alise Murray’s opinions and views are expressed in her individual capacity and are not to be construed as those of any of her podcast guests, partners and/or affiliates.

81: Why Your Productivity System Keeps Failing (It's Not You)

Why Your Productivity System Keeps Failing (It's Not You) Your Priority Centered Life | Busy On Purpose Series You've tried the planners. The apps. The color-coded spreadsheet. The Notion setup you haven't opened since February. And at some point, you probably decided the problem was you and that you're just not disciplined enough to stick with anything. This episode makes the case that you've had it backwards. Dr. Alise digs into one of the most overlooked reasons productivity systems fail: they weren't designed for the way your brain actually works. Most popular systems were built for linear thinkers (people who naturally work in lists, categories, and clean digital interfaces). If you're a spatial thinker, a visual processor, or someone who does your best thinking with a pen in your hand, those systems will tend to fight you. She also introduces a second failure mode that's just as common: systems that can't survive real life. A system that only works when everything goes according to plan isn't really a system, it's a plan for your good days. In this episode: * Why the solution is often the problem (not you) * How to identify your actual thinking style before choosing any system * The "pocket full of Post-it notes" principle: what your workarounds are trying to tell you * Why rigidity, not laziness, kills even well-designed systems * What it looks like when a system genuinely fits, and how different that can look from person to person You'll want to listen if you: * Have abandoned more than one planner, app, or organization system * Have ADHD or consider yourself a non-linear thinker * Are a high-achieving professional who still struggles to feel organized * Keep falling off systems after a hard week and can't seem to get back on track Mentioned in this episode: * Last week's episode (Episode 80): The 3-Part System for a Meaningful Summer [https://podcasts.helloaudio.fm/player?episodeId=185994a2-ad6e-4718-b77c-f9c1a74a315e&code=oOpQ6u8qAb¢ered=true] * The Prior 10 Reset, Dr. Alise's small group coaching program built around personalized life management. If you're interested, email me at hello@dr-alise.com [hello@dr-alise.com] with the subject line "Tell me more" and I will send you more info! * Next week: The most overlooked reason even a well-designed system eventually falls apart, and why it has nothing to do with your calendar The examples and stories shared on this podcast are drawn from clinical and coaching experience. All identifying details have been changed or composited to protect client confidentiality. Any resemblance to a specific individual is coincidental. This podcast is for educational and informational purposes only and does not constitute psychological advice, therapy, or a therapeutic relationship. If you are experiencing mental health concerns, please consult a licensed mental health professional. Want to get a snapshot of your own life in just minutes? Take the free Prior 10 Life Assessment at www.prior10.com/assessment [https://www.prior10.com/assessment]. The information contained and documents referenced in the podcast “Your Priority Centered Life” are for entertainment, educational and informational purposes only, and are not intended as, and shall not be understood or construed as, professional medical or health treatment, diagnosis, or advice. We strongly encourage listeners to consult with medical providers or qualified mental health providers with issues and questions regarding any physical and/or mental health symptoms or concerns that they may have. Furthermore, the opinions and views expressed by podcast guests, partners and/or affiliates are not necessarily those of the podcast host. Dr. Alise Murray’s opinions and views are expressed in her individual capacity and are not to be construed as those of any of her podcast guests, partners and/or affiliates.