Alpha Mama: "unleash the shackles of your mind"

This week we are contemplating Tony Hsieh’s formula for happiness: His formula for happiness has 4 elements:- perceived control; perceived progress; connectedness (ie. the number and depth of you rrelationships); vision/meaning (meaning being part of something that is bigger than yourself). In light of COVID it got me thinking…. we don’t really have a lot of ‘control’ over most things in life. Right? So… what does this mean in the context of happiness? Is there a ‘loop-hole’ in the system that we can all tap into to find happiness in our lives. One person I have taken inspiration from is Psychologist and researcher, Carol Dweck who has primarily focused her research on how children overcome adversity. She spends time discussing the difference between “growth mindset” and “fixed mindset” and how these are key to a child’s ability to progress and to excel. Check out her TED talk “The power of believing you can improve” HERE [https://www.ted.com/talks/carol_dweck_the_power_of_believing_that_you_can_improve?fbclid=IwAR2CnghtSy5biNY5ZTTpfGEwNBRRFKshciIDSPQv--_LbkVxCR9RTQrX3Aw#t-602459] . The key to her excellence it turns out is about focusing on “process” and “progress” rather than “outcome”. In the context of happiness it got me thinking that maybe the outcome isn’t actually that relevant to happiness after all. Maybe it is the process and the progress that you make in your processes that is really the key to success and happiness in life. Further to the above… I have been reading a book this week called “The Mastery of Self [https://www.amazon.com.au/Mastery-Self-Don-Miguel-Ruiz/dp/1938289536]” by Don Miguel Ruiz Jr. It’s a little out there…despite this one great takeaway for me was his suggestion of ‘re-framing’ your narrative. So going back over your life and re-telling your story again and again until it makes you feel good about who you are. Recognising that you can’t change the facts, however your perception is completely within your control. You can and are the hero or herione of your life so make sure you tell yourself a great story.

This week we are discussing contingency plans. What are they? Why do we need them? As the saying goes, “failing to plan is planning to fail”. Personally I have been experiencing a lot of upheaval in my life of late and if anything it is a reminder to me to ensure I take some time out in the next week to sit down and develop some water tight contingency plans that will hold me and my loved ones in good stead in the event of catastrophe. This episode has been bizarrely inspired by a recent YouTube vortex I spiralled down. It started with the Clinton’s and ended with interviews of the Manson Family killers, these young acid popping hippy chics who just wanted to be loved, accepted and to belong. Sounds innocent enough but … turns out our search for love can be a lot more dangerous than we ever anticipated. Check out the interview with Susan Atkins here [https://youtu.be/0q-LiARYmqc]and Patricia Krenwinkel here [https://youtu.be/U_hbIPJuiac]. Have you got a contingency plan for your life? If you haven’t, now is a good time to start thinking about one.

This episode is also available on YouTube HERE. [https://youtu.be/cvS1s9eGnsE] This week, in light of the US elections and Kamala Harris being the first female of Indian descent to be elected as Vice President of the USA we are staying on the theme of Barbara Stanny’s book ‘Secrets of six-figure women [https://www.audible.com.au/pd/Secrets-of-Six-Figure-Women-Audiobook/B071NVC2DP?source_code=M2MORSH051016002X&ipRedirectOverride=true&gclid=CjwKCAiAqJn9BRB0EiwAJ1SztdhGRHVw2Zb_h3n8ALjbap14Ukr-7UNAvLamvRN389jp47HZ_1MHVBoCfWQQAvD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds] ‘ and looking at secret 2 – letting go in order to step into what we are becoming. So why do we want to let go? and what are we letting go of? Stanny notes in her book: “I have never met an under-earner who isn’t blocking herself with misguided thinking or erroneous notions. Letting go of our mental molds is the crucial challenge for each of us on the path to higher earnings. Even if the ledge we cling to is an external situation, there is always an internal authority governing our decisions – a belief or attitude – that is putting us down. Holding us back or keeping us hanging.” Letting go often leaves us feeling volatile, vulnerable and fragile. Rather than embracing change, we find all sorts of excuses for why we should hang on to ledges as crutches. “Given the choice between changing and proving there is no need to do so, almost everybody will get busy on the proof. Perhaps that is why many of us need to have our fingers pried loose before we will let go” – John Galbraith Many of us will have to be pushed before we are ready to fly no matter how bad things get. How do we overcome our resistance to letting go? LISTEN to our INTUITIVE YEARNINGS, rather than our pre-conceived notions of what’s practical or reasonable. BEING overly realistic or inordinately logical can be as much of a liability as LOW SELF ESTEEM. NEXT ask yourself the question: If I wasn’t concerned with everyone else’s opinion, what would I want to do? Be really clear on your INTENTIONS, keep your intention at the forefront of your mind at all times and cultivate INTENSE DETERMINATION. Identify what you don’t need anymore. She suggests asking these questions : Be brutally honest and highly sensitive to your first intuitive response: * What do I need in my life for me to feel deeply satisfied? * What do i know in my heart is keeping me from feeling fully satisfied and successful? \ * What situations, relationships, beliefs, attitudes, thoughts, feelings and choices have i made that are no longer serving me? * If i had a year to live where would i be? Who would i be with? What would i be doing? Recognising that fear and anxiety have a purpose. They prepare our body for performance and stimulate us to find new ways of solving problems. and then finally: You have to believe you can do it, visualise it, affirm it, and then LET IT GO. You have to be unattached, release it to the universe, you have to believe in it and literally let it go.

In this week’s episode I am reviewing Barbara Stanny’s book “Secrets of Six-Figure Women” where we are focusing on the tips and tricks that the most abundant and successful women implement in their lives to get to where they need to get. This is hands down one of my favourite reads for a number of reasons. Not only is it great to get inside the minds of women who are achieving success, wealth and abundance in their lives but on a deeper level this book is about self-love, value, self-worth, self-belief: things that we could all use a bit more of. Get your copy of Barbara Stanny’s book on AMAZON here [https://www.amazon.com.au/Secrets-Six-Figure-Women-Surprising-Strategies/dp/0060933461/ref=sr_1_1?crid=8PBLSRXKJUI7&dchild=1&keywords=barbara+stanny+secrets+of+six+figure+women&qid=1604421896&sprefix=Barbara+stanny+%2Caps%2C323&sr=8-1] . So below I have laid out the secrets, personality traits along with the contrasting qualities of under earners to help you along your journey to wealth and abundance in your life: SECRET 1 – Financial success is possible in almost any field and lack of education doesn’t have to hold you back. SECRET 2 – Working hard doesn’t mean working all the time. SECRET 3 – Focus on fulfilling your values rather than your financial gain. SECRET 4 – Loving what you do is much more important than what you do. SECRET 5 – Feel the fear, have the doubts, go for it anyway. SECRET 6 – Think of it in terms of ‘trade-offs’ not sacrifices to find a workable equilibrium SECRET 7 – Sometimes you just have to shrug it off and have a good laugh. SECRET 8 – Appreciate abundance. The common strand that ran between these successful high earners was a SECRET as follows: FOCUS ON FULFILLING YOUR VALUES RATHER THAN ECONOMIC/FINANCIAL GAIN Each one had a vision for her life based on cherished values like recognition, security, challenge or independence. These intangible goals more than the cash provided the fuel for their financial success. Money became the by-product of their value based ambition and simultaneously gave them more opportunities to live out their authentic values. – Money was not a goal. I was driven to be ‘self-sufficient’. I saw her dependency on the next relationship for her livelihood. I never wanted to do that. LOVE Rules. No one was chasing the dollars, but what was important was to make sure you are doing something you love. “Follow your heart”. Unanimous agreement that being passionate about your work played a much more significant role in a woman’s success than any other credential or high flying career. One of the most valuable secrets – loving what you do is much more important than what you do. If you are not passionate, you shouldn’t be doing it. Passion is more important than what field you are in. More important than hard work. “I love what I do. It doesn’t feel like work. It feels like fun. Play. Inspiration.” “When I work in the zone and it is flowing out of me I can hardly believe that people pay me to do this.“ 6 FIGURE TRAITS Every single woman in her study had 4 attributes that her lower paid peers visibly lacked. These 4 traits are essential if a woman is going to effectively and permanently change financial lanes: THE MUST HAVE’s A profit motive. Money per say may not be their driving force, but 6 figure women absolutely expect to be well compensated for their work. They want to make money. They feel good about making money. They enjoy what money gives them. Audacity. Every woman came to a point where she had to step outside her comfort zone and do something she wasn’t completely sure she could do. It was rarely an experience she relished, nor did she always succeed, but she worked up the to make the effort. Resilience. They all had the ability to get back up and keep going when they didn’t succeed or experienced set backs. Encouragement. 6 Figure women have tremendously encouraging and nurturing relationships with one or more people who believe in them, support them, continually root for them and sometimes prod them along. Some but not all had encouraging parents. Every one of them have remarkable friendships. And for those in a committed relationship a supportive husband or partner is invariably sited as an essential for their success. Additionally, 3 qualities for financial success: – THE BIG HELPERS Self-awareness. They strive to know who they are and what they want. Their goals, values, priorities, skills and talents. Non-attachment. They are willing to let go of what doesn’t work or holds them back. Financial know-how. The most successful women understand and follow the rules of money. You don’t need any special qualifications, all you need is a desire to change and the determination to do so. Establish a profit motive, gather encouragement, acquire self-awareness, learn about finances, and practice audacity, non-attachment and resilience. They will show you how to foster and fortify each trait by doing the inner work along with the outer work. In contrast the traits of success are the core traits of an underearner: 1. Under earners have a high tolerance for low pay. Under earners consistently accept low paying jobs or jobs that pay less than they need. Usually for the freedom it gives them. High earners make darn sure they are well compensated for their time and work. “It never occurred to me that I could earn more”. They fall victim to their own limited visions. There is a part of me that says “I can only be…”… “The EYE SEES ONLY WHAT THE MIND IS PREPARED TO COMPREHEND”. To the nail the whole world is a hammer. T an underearner, the whole world is a limitation. 2. Underearners underestimate their worth. Women in particular tend to under-value themselves. “Depressed entitlement effect” – the effect is where minorities undervalue themselves… 3. Under-earners are willing to work for free. They will work at no charge without thinking twice. High earners are adamant about putting a price tag on their work. “I can’t do it for nothing” – if I give away my time and expertise that advertises that it’s not worth much. Women in general are notorious for volunteering their time and society readily, eagerly exploits those that are willing. It’s not good for your pocket book and even worse for your self-esteem. Continuing to give our time away for free creates a self-perpetuating downward spiral of diminishing self-worth. 4. Under earners are lousy negotiators. They are reluctant to ask for more. Whether it is to increase their fees, to request a raise. For some it never crosses their mind to ask. Some are just too scared. “What if I raise my prices and they laugh in my face”. 5. Under-earners practice reverse snobbery. They tend to have a particularly negative attitude towards the rich. 40% of the women saw that …. “People with money are…[blank]”… “Lucky, just people, free”. Changing their attitude regarding abundance. It requires changing their attitudes about abundance. Change the thought patterns… until women are able to acknowledge their prejudices, they can’t overcome them. Similarly – an entrenched underearner…. “Most of us just want enough to feel comfortable and secure” – many see money as inherently evil. 6. Under earners are quick to blame someone else. Victims. Under earners believe the world controls them. High earners they believe they control the world. “Everything that happens to me is a choice I made”. They will also search for a saviour 7. Under earners are unequivocally co-dependent. They will sacrifice and put other peoples needs and other peoples dreams before their own. Their kids, job, spouse, church and friends all take precedents over their own needs and priorities. There is a fine line between loyal employee and devoted wife and sacrificial lamb. Under earners haven’t a clue where that line lies… “Do I like my work?? I’m doing this to get my daughter through school and my husband off my back. Period”. All the people who I cared for were not going to give me what I needed. I had to learn to love myself and value myself first before i could give to others. When a woman puts her needs first before everyone else then everything starts to fall into place. Including the money 8. Underearners live in financial chaos. Stats show that ½ to ⅔ of women will be impoverished by their retirement. Frightening statistic. Poorly paid women have the most to lose. The average woman spends 17 years caring for children, 18 years caring for parents and safety nets are becoming an endangered species. Our ability to provide for ourselves. Under-earning grinds down our spirits and hopes. Ask yourself these questions:- “am i stressed about money? Or am I at peace with money?” An honest response could be your first clue as to whether under-earning could be an issue. Quiz: Am I an underearner? 1. I often give away my services, volunteering, working more hours than actually paid. 2. It’s so hard to ask for a raise or raise fees that I just don’t do it. 3. I have negative feelings about money and or wealthy people. 4. I am proud of my ability to make do with little. 5. Someone or something else is responsible for my financial situation. 6. I find ways to avoid dealing with money. 7. I tend to sabotage myself at work, applying for jobs not qualified for or that are low paying stop short of reaching goals, change jobs a lot. 8. I work very very hard, long hours, several jobs. Or. I go into excess and then collapse. 9. I fill my free time with endless chores and tasks 10. I am in debt with little savings and no idea where my money is ging. 11. I have a family history of debt and/or underearning 12. I am vague about my earnings. I over-estimate or under-estimate my income. I see gross, not net. 13. I continually put others needs before my own. 14. I am frequently in financial pain or stress. 15. Recognition and praise are more important to me than money. 16. I am confident in my ability to make money. 17. I always live below my means. 18. I love money and appreciate what it does for me. 19. I am very optimistic about my financial future. 20. I experience very little fear or insecurity around money. 21. I am determined to get paid what I am worth. 22. I am passionate abut my work. 23. I have very supportive, nurturing relationships including a spouse. 24. I admire wealthy people. 25. I have little or no credit card debt. 26. I get myself in situations beyond my ability and then rise to them. 27. I am resilient and able to bounce back when they fail. 28. I work very hard but I know I don’t have to do everything myself. I know how to delegate and set limits 29. I am tenacious in achieving my goals. If you agreed with more statements between 1-15 you are probably an under earner. If you agreed statements 16-29 apply to you, you’re likely in the upper income brackets of your profession or industry.

This week I am sharing a bit of a personal reflection regarding design and re-thinking the systems that we choose to operate within. This theme of systems and eco-systems that we live within has been cropping up in my life a lot in the last few weeks. It’s been really relevant to my life personally.… Continue reading Episode 11: “Re-imagining the system”