NARCISSISTIC ABUSE RECOVERY | Narcissist, Co-Parenting, Grey Rock Method, Boundaries, Healing, Toxic Relationship

Still waiting for the narcissist to give you closure? In this episode, we break down why they can’t — and why you don’t need them to. Join me for 10 minutes of truth + empowerment as we walk through how to create your own closure and finally reclaim your peace. 💛👑 Join my free PRIVATE FACEBOOK page! https://www.facebook.com/groups/2420729361374989 [https://www.facebook.com/groups/2420729361374989]   Narcissistic Abuse 1:1 Coaching: https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/journey-to-peace-coaching-blueprint/ [https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/journey-to-peace-coaching-blueprint/] Somatic Sparkle 1:1 Sessions: https://christyjade.com/somatichealing [https://christyjade.com/somatichealing] ✨Wanna take your boundary game to the next level? Grab my Empowered Boundaries Course https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/empowered-boundaries/ [https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/empowered-boundaries/] 💌 Questions about my somatic healing, affirmations or anything else? Email me anytime — I got you: FierceMamaC@gmail.com Free 4 Minute Mood Boost Meditation https://christyjade.ck.page/insider [https://christyjade.ck.page/insider]   Grab your #notmyshit Journal on Amazon https://amzn.to/46dDSYk [https://amzn.to/46dDSYk]   Cord Cutting Episodes: Deep Cord Cutting: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/still-attached-to-the-narcissist-this-deep-cord/id1662241353?i=1000708306120 [https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/still-attached-to-the-narcissist-this-deep-cord/id1662241353?i=1000708306120] Quick Cord Cutting: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/still-energetically-tied-to-the-narcissist-cut-the/id1662241353?i=1000706789155 [https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/still-energetically-tied-to-the-narcissist-cut-the/id1662241353?i=1000706789155] TRANSCRIPT: Speaker 1 (00:00 [https://www.rev.com/app/transcript/NjgzZTY0MTcyYTk2OWNkOTlkNzI0OGU0VGk2X3ZyU09GT1M5/o/VEMwMTcyMzI3MzIw?ts=0.24]): Still waiting for that apology, that explanation, the moment when the narcissist finally admits they were wrong. Here is the hard truth queen. It's probably never coming. But the even better truth, we like this one. You don't need their closure because you can create your own. You may not feel like that right now, but I promise you can. So let's dive in and talk about how have you finally broken free from that narcissist creepy crawly web, but still feel stuck in fear. Wish you could trust yourself again and take your life back while you're in the right place. Queen. I'm Christie, wife, mom and narcissistic abuse recovery coach. I've walked the messy road, wasted money on the wrong therapist and drive ice and had a come to Jesus moment to get me here to feel free. I had to reconnect with me, set boundaries that stuck and find healing methods that actually lasted. (01:06 [https://www.rev.com/app/transcript/NjgzZTY0MTcyYTk2OWNkOTlkNzI0OGU0VGk2X3ZyU09GT1M5/o/VEMwMTcyMzI3MzIw?ts=66.66]) Now I've created a plan that's empowering, doable, and yes, even fun because I'm sparkly and fun. So of course it's going to be fun. So if you're ready to break cycles, reclaim your peace and trust yourself again, this podcast is for you. So steep, that chamomile tea, silence, all that crazy chaos out there. And let's cue your royal glow up. All right, welcome back. It's Christie. Today we are tackling one of the biggest pain points in narcissistic abuse, recovery closure. So many survivors feel stuck in this loop of waiting. Even if you are out of the relationship, waiting for the narciss to explain why they did what they did, waiting for an apology that actually feels like an apology or waiting for some acknowledgement that you mattered, that you were valuable to them. And I'm here to tell you closure for narcissist is a myth. Why? Well narcissists operate from this place of ego, not accountability. And this is very important. Pause this and write this down if you can. If you're driving, save this episode and come back to this and write it down because I really think this next statement is very important. (02:37 [https://www.rev.com/app/transcript/NjgzZTY0MTcyYTk2OWNkOTlkNzI0OGU0VGk2X3ZyU09GT1M5/o/VEMwMTcyMzI3MzIw?ts=157.05]) They rewrite history to protect their false self, not to give you peace. They rewrite history to protect who? Them and their false self. They're not caring about your peace. So closure, it's not about you. They don't care to that level to help you get closure. Why can't they give closure? Let's break it down to the nitty gritty. Narcissists don't take true responsibility. I think most of us know that, but that's just a fact, right? Admitting fault is like death to their ego and they thrive on their ego. Their ego is their identity. So they are not about to go be vulnerable in any way and shine any sort of light on them being responsible or at fault for anything. They often will blame shift gaslight or even flip the script. So you are the bad guy. I mean, how often We are very familiar with the bad guy, right? (03:55 [https://www.rev.com/app/transcript/NjgzZTY0MTcyYTk2OWNkOTlkNzI0OGU0VGk2X3ZyU09GT1M5/o/VEMwMTcyMzI3MzIw?ts=235.96]) The bad guy. Flip if you have been with a narcissist and whatever, if it's a sibling, if it's a parent, if it's a romantic partner, if it's a friend, you have been flipped to be the bad guy and they may give fake closure like an apology we talked about recently in the recent episodes on apology. Or they might give a fake explanation, but why do they do it? Usually just as bait to pull you back in. They know their lip service will get you back. So even when you think if I just explain one more time or if I just wait until they calm down, no, you're asking someone to give what they cannot or will not give. (04:56 [https://www.rev.com/app/transcript/NjgzZTY0MTcyYTk2OWNkOTlkNzI0OGU0VGk2X3ZyU09GT1M5/o/VEMwMTcyMzI3MzIw?ts=296.83]) So how do you create your own closure? This is the important part. I know the other part's kind of hard sometimes to digest and to really let that sink in and act accordingly. But this part is really important for your healing. The good news is you don't need them. You have the power to create your own closure without them starting today. Tao, what was that from? Do you remember that Tao? Oh no. Message me on Facebook or Instagram, if you remember what that's from. It's like one of those, do you have those little folders that pop open in your brain and you're like, I know that. I know that. Where did it come from? And you can't really put your finger on exactly what and then you just shove it back in and continue. Okay, that was my a DD squirrel brain. We're back though. (05:48 [https://www.rev.com/app/transcript/NjgzZTY0MTcyYTk2OWNkOTlkNzI0OGU0VGk2X3ZyU09GT1M5/o/VEMwMTcyMzI3MzIw?ts=348.22]) Alright, so here is how, and if you forgot, because I went off on that tangent. We're talking about how to create your own closure. First name, the truth, not their story. There is a huge difference between the truth and a narcissist truth. Write down what you know happened, not what they claim, not their excuses, not their blame. You want an example? Okay, they lied to me repeatedly. I felt discarded, devalued. You don't need them to agree with your reality, your truth. Your truth is valid. Okay? You know the truth. They lied. They gaslit you. They flipped every damn argument to make you look like the bad guy. Okay? So write it down. Name the truth, your truth, the real truth. Two, grieve what you wished for. This is helpful. So closure is not just about understanding what happened, it's also about letting go. This is huge. (07:03 [https://www.rev.com/app/transcript/NjgzZTY0MTcyYTk2OWNkOTlkNzI0OGU0VGk2X3ZyU09GT1M5/o/VEMwMTcyMzI3MzIw?ts=423.74]) Guys of the, and I'm bolding this in my brain right now. The fantasy of what you wanted, letting go of the fantasy of what you wanted or who you thought they could be or would become, or you could change them. It's a fantasy, right? Grieve the version of the relationship you hoped for, not the one you had. Not just the one you had, right? Okay. Number three, ritualize your closure. Do something symbolic. Make it fun to mark your release. You can write them a letter you'll never send and then burn that baby up. Don't set anything on fire though. I mean, burn without fire. Can you do that? I don't want to be responsible for anyone's fire. Tear it up. Let's tear it up instead. Okay? Tear it up. If you're going to burn a fire anyway, throw it in there, tear it up, flush it in the toilet, or visualize cutting that energetic cord. (08:12 [https://www.rev.com/app/transcript/NjgzZTY0MTcyYTk2OWNkOTlkNzI0OGU0VGk2X3ZyU09GT1M5/o/VEMwMTcyMzI3MzIw?ts=492.89]) I will put my cord cutting episodes in the description box of the podcast. They are fabulous. I am biased as hell, but they are okay. It really works. Wonders and speak aloud. Do your affirmations, baby, I release you. I release this story. I reclaim my peace. These rituals, signal to your mind and body that you are done waiting. You're getting intentional here, right? Number four, focus on forward energy. So closure isn't just about ending, right? It is ending. And we want to end that chapter. Please pretty please the cherry on top. But it's about redirecting your energy. Ask what am I creating now? Is it self-love? Is it stronger boundaries? My favorite word, is it a new chapter just for you. You might not be able to even really picture that yet, depending where you are in your journey. But imagine that you could have a new chapter just for you, baby, all pink and glittery. (09:31 [https://www.rev.com/app/transcript/NjgzZTY0MTcyYTk2OWNkOTlkNzI0OGU0VGk2X3ZyU09GT1M5/o/VEMwMTcyMzI3MzIw?ts=571.53]) So don't let the narcissist be the author of your final chapter. They already had control of that freaking pen and that pisses me off. But it's got you to where you are. You're here. We're not going to live in the past. We're not going to boohoo the rest of our lives about the past. We're going to straighten our crown, shining up and continue writing. You grab the pen, you have the pen, and you are writing the next page, right? Sorry, I got a little passionate there. I get a little worked up. Alright, so I know how painful it is to sit in this psych aching of unfinished conversations, but their silence, their refusal, their avoidance, none of that should stop you from healing. So today I want you to decide or invite you to decide. Of course I want it, but you got to want it too. I invite you to decide to close the chapter yourself. Not because they gave you what you deserved not happening, but because you deserve to be free. Say it with me. I want you to repeat that. Repeat after me class. I deserve to be free. Yes, I love it. I am very proud of you for doing this brave work. I love you. I see you and you are not alone in this. Okay? If you love this episode, if it spoke to you, share it with another sister queen who needs to hear it. Alright? Until next time, keep shining clean.

Feeling shaken by the narcissist’s fake glow-up? In this 5-minute Thrive in Five, join me for a powerful mirror visualization to reconnect with your authentic radiance — the light no one can fake, steal, or dim. Breathe, reset, and remember who you truly are. 🌸   Join my free PRIVATE FACEBOOK page!!! https://www.facebook.com/groups/2420729361374989 [https://www.facebook.com/groups/2420729361374989]   WORK WITH ME 1:1 Somatic Sparkle Sessions: https://christyjade.com/somatichealing [https://christyjade.com/somatichealing] Narcissistic Abuse Coaching: https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/journey-to-peace-coaching-blueprint/ [https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/journey-to-peace-coaching-blueprint/] ✨Wanna take your boundary game to the next level? Grab my Empowered Boundaries Course https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/empowered-boundaries/ [https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/empowered-boundaries/] 💌 Questions about my somatic healing, affirmations or anything else? Email me anytime — I got you: FierceMamaC@gmail.com Free 4 Minute Mood Boost Meditation https://christyjade.ck.page/insider [https://christyjade.ck.page/insider]   Grab your #notmyshit Journal on Amazon https://amzn.to/46dDSYk [https://amzn.to/46dDSYk]   TRANSCRIPT Speaker 1 (00:03 [https://www.rev.com/app/transcript/NjgzN2MxOGM5M2QxN2M4NjljNmI5YWQ1UXI2bnpjY29ScGg4/o/VEMwOTY1OTQyMzY3?ts=3.09]): Welcome to your Thursday, thrive in five, your five minute pause. From the chaos, the gaslighting, and that text you knew better than to reply to take a Breath Queen. This one's for you. Hello. Welcome to today's Thrive in Five. We are doing a mirror visualization to reclaim your radiance. I am so excited for this one. I love mirror work. So if you are somewhere near a mirror, if you can actually either a hand mirror or go into the bathroom and look at the mirror to do this exercise. And if not, you can imagine a mirror in your mind. Yay. It's imagination time. But if you have a real mirror, that's always the best. But you can still do this exercise without one. So let's start by just taking halo breath in through the nose, out the mouth, nice and slow, just taking some nice inhales and exhales, releasing the stresses, the tension. (01:17 [https://www.rev.com/app/transcript/NjgzN2MxOGM5M2QxN2M4NjljNmI5YWQ1UXI2bnpjY29ScGg4/o/VEMwOTY1OTQyMzY3?ts=77.34]) Okay, let's drop into this moment here. You are safe, you are held, and you are powerful. So whether you're in front of a real mirror or you're imagining standing in front of one, imagine this mirror is magical. This mirror doesn't reflect your hair or your clothes or your makeup. It goes deeper reflecting your inner radiance. So I want you to envision yourself glowing, just a warm, glowing, golden energy, not because of external validation, not because of someone else's approval, but because of your truth, your strength, and your resilience. Notice how this glow moves through you. It's in your heart where you're learning to love yourself. Again, it's in your gut where you've rebuilt or maybe are still rebuilding your sense of safety on many levels. (02:50 [https://www.rev.com/app/transcript/NjgzN2MxOGM5M2QxN2M4NjljNmI5YWQ1UXI2bnpjY29ScGg4/o/VEMwOTY1OTQyMzY3?ts=170.79]) It's in your eyes where clarity is returning. Now, notice the difference between this light, your light and the narcissist. External performative glow. Theirs is a flickering neon sign, desperate, desperate, desperate for attention. Yours is just this steady candle, flame, peaceful, unwavering, real light. It's just truth. That's a big difference, right? So you can repeat softly in your mind or whisper aloud, repeat after me. I will make the statement and give you time to repeat after me. The first one is, my radiance comes from within me and my truth. Beautiful. The second, no one can dim this light. (04:24 [https://www.rev.com/app/transcript/NjgzN2MxOGM5M2QxN2M4NjljNmI5YWQ1UXI2bnpjY29ScGg4/o/VEMwOTY1OTQyMzY3?ts=264.13]) And finally, I am grounded in my authentic power, right? Authentic power your truth. I want you to really focus on that word truth. Breathe that in. Be with that word truth. This is your truth, your power. Now, let it settle into your body, into your chest, your belly, all the way to your fingertips, all the way through your hips, your legs, down to your toes, feeling that energy. Feel you up with strength, power, self-love, and be with that feeling. Let yourself enjoy it. This beautiful glow of strength, peace, authenticity. And when you're ready, gently open your eyes and carry this light with you today, knowing you are shining from the inside. And no narcissist, no performance, no social media, whatever can take that away. Do not let anyone take your power away. (06:17 [https://www.rev.com/app/transcript/NjgzN2MxOGM5M2QxN2M4NjljNmI5YWQ1UXI2bnpjY29ScGg4/o/VEMwOTY1OTQyMzY3?ts=377.59]) That's your thrive in Five Queen. Now go sip your tea, adjust your crown, and protect your piece like it's got a restraining order against toxic energy because it should. I will see you Tuesday for next week's full episode, AKA, your weekly deep dive into healing and handling the unhealed with grace and maybe a little side eye. So don't forget to follow the podcast so you don't miss a moment, and check the episode description for ways to work with me and grab your freebies because healing does not have to be lonely, and it definitely doesn't have to be boring. Until next time, sparkle up.

That “I’m sorry” hit different—and now you’re spiraling in hope, guilt, or confusion? 😩 Been there. In this 5-minute Thrive in 5, I’ll walk you through a quick nervous system drop-in + truth check to get you back to clarity and power. ✨ Save this one for anytime you feel yourself getting reeled back in. You deserve peace, not performative apologies. 💥 Join my free PRIVATE FACEBOOK page!!! https://www.facebook.com/groups/2420729361374989 [https://www.facebook.com/groups/2420729361374989]   WORK WITH ME 1:1 Somatic Sparkle Sessions: https://christyjade.com/somatichealing [https://christyjade.com/somatichealing] Narcissistic Abuse Coaching: https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/journey-to-peace-coaching-blueprint/ [https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/journey-to-peace-coaching-blueprint/] ✨Wanna take your boundary game to the next level? Grab my Empowered Boundaries Course https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/empowered-boundaries/ [https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/empowered-boundaries/] 💌 Questions about my somatic healing, affirmations or anything else? Email me anytime — I got you: FierceMamaC@gmail.com Free 4 Minute Mood Boost Meditation https://christyjade.ck.page/insider [https://christyjade.ck.page/insider]   Grab your #notmyshit Journal on Amazon https://amzn.to/46dDSYk [https://amzn.to/46dDSYk]   TRANSCRIPTS Speaker 1 (00:00 [https://www.rev.com/app/transcript/NjgyZTg5OTFkZjJhY2E1MDE2YWE1MDU4R2djNllnSkFLWmRq/o/VEMwNTQyNjE0MTk1?ts=0.33]): Oh, Queens. Have you ever found yourself hoping that maybe this time they really mean that apology? You get it and suddenly you're questioning everything, your truth, your progress. You're like, wait, this feels authentic. Maybe this time it's real. If you've ever been pulled back in by a narcissist, apology, this one's for you. In just five minutes, we're going to ground that body and reset your clarity so you stop that spiral and stand firm in your truth. Let's go. Welcome to your Thursday. Thrive in five, your five minute pause from the chaos, the gaslighting, and that text you knew better than to reply to Take a breath Queen. This one's for you. (00:53 [https://www.rev.com/app/transcript/NjgyZTg5OTFkZjJhY2E1MDE2YWE1MDU4R2djNllnSkFLWmRq/o/VEMwNTQyNjE0MTk1?ts=53.37]) Hey, beautiful. Welcome to this Thrive in Five. If you're here, you've probably been hit with one of those apologies. The ones that sound sweet, maybe very convincing, but they still leave your stomach twisted and your head and heart maybe confused. So we're going to do a quick reality reset to bring you back to your truth, not their spin of all the truths. Right? Okay, so first, you know I love getting into my body and yours, but that sounds weird. So we're going to ground your body. You put one hand on your heart and the other on your belly, and take a nice breath through your nose, hold it and release through your mouth this nice halo. Breath in through the nose, out through the mouth. (01:54 [https://www.rev.com/app/transcript/NjgyZTg5OTFkZjJhY2E1MDE2YWE1MDU4R2djNllnSkFLWmRq/o/VEMwNTQyNjE0MTk1?ts=114.93]) Feel your feet on the ground or wherever they are grounded. You are safe right here. Now, ask yourself this one powerful question. What has actually changed in their behavior, not their words. What has changed in their behavior, not their words. Let the silence answer. We both know real change is proven in action, not in apologies. Okay, letting yourself receive the answer. What has changed besides their words? Now, say these three truths out loud and you can repeat after me out loud. Or just let them kind of wash over you. I can miss someone and still protect myself. (03:16 [https://www.rev.com/app/transcript/NjgyZTg5OTFkZjJhY2E1MDE2YWE1MDU4R2djNllnSkFLWmRq/o/VEMwNTQyNjE0MTk1?ts=196.96]) Great, okay? I do not need an apology to move forward, alright? And this is my favorite. Their guilt is not my responsibility. Beautiful. Okay, so this is the reality anchor. Next, I invite you to close your eyes for a moment if you feel safe that way, or else you can leave them open and just set your gaze on one spot. Now, picture yourself outside their story. You're not in the chaos. You're standing firm in your power. See yourself turning toward peace, away from them and their chaos. Maybe you want to give it a dark energy color. I do a lot of energy work, and we often talk with colors about energies to identify different energies and how they feel. So maybe it's a black energy, a red energy. Imagine that, and you're walking the other way toward peace, forward toward peace, leaving behind that chaos, that false hope, that heavy energy that always makes you question yourself. Okay? Walk toward the light. (04:59 [https://www.rev.com/app/transcript/NjgyZTg5OTFkZjJhY2E1MDE2YWE1MDU4R2djNllnSkFLWmRq/o/VEMwNTQyNjE0MTk1?ts=299.83]) That's your truth. That's your direction, okay? So you are walking toward that piece into it, and that is where you are walking. Now, we have shifted, we've pivoted. That was your five minute reset. Might've been even quicker. So you don't owe anyone access to you just because they say, I'm sorry. So let's get that straight first. You don't owe anybody anything just because they said, I'm sorry. You owe yourself your peace. You owe your children if you have them, your peace and teaching them how to create their own peace. You owe yourself your freedom, your healing. That's why you're here deep down, you know you deserve better and you want to break the cycle also for your family members. Stay in that truth. I've got you. So carry this reset with you. Save this episode. These thrive in fives. There's going to be so many we've done, I don't even know how many, maybe we've done about five now every Thursday, save these episodes and return to them. (06:11 [https://www.rev.com/app/transcript/NjgyZTg5OTFkZjJhY2E1MDE2YWE1MDU4R2djNllnSkFLWmRq/o/VEMwNTQyNjE0MTk1?ts=371.84]) You can return any of them to just get a quick reset. If you haven't yet, go listen to the full episode from Tuesday called The Narcissist Apology, why it feels so good and Why You Still Can't trust it. Very good episode If I don't say so myself. I'm a little biased, but I love it. All right? It'll help you see the pattern though and break free, which is what we want. So I hope this little reset helped you, and I'll see you hopefully next Thursday too, on the Thrive in Five. But remember, every Tuesday is the regular length episodes, and these are our little quickies. So I am so excited to have you here. Please join my Facebook group and I will see you in the next episode. That's your Thrive in Five Queen. Now go sip your tea, adjust your crown, and protect your peace like it's got a restraining order against toxic energy because it should. I will see you Tuesday for next week's full episode, AKA, your weekly deep dive into healing and handling the unhealed with grace and maybe a little side eye. So don't forget to follow the podcast so you don't miss a moment, and check the episode description for ways to work with me and grab your freebies because healing does not have to be lonely, and it definitely doesn't have to be boring. Until next time, sparkle up.

Wondering if the narcissist is really thriving without you? 👀 In this juicy episode, we expose the truth behind their fake “glow-up” — and remind you why your healing is the real win. 💥 Tune in for truth bombs, affirmations, and your comeback fuel. 🎧✨ Join my free PRIVATE FACEBOOK page!!! https://www.facebook.com/groups/2420729361374989 [https://www.facebook.com/groups/2420729361374989]   WORK WITH ME 1:1 Somatic Sparkle Sessions: https://christyjade.com/somatichealing [https://christyjade.com/somatichealing] Narcissistic Abuse Coaching: https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/journey-to-peace-coaching-blueprint/ [https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/journey-to-peace-coaching-blueprint/] ✨Wanna take your boundary game to the next level? Grab my Empowered Boundaries Course https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/empowered-boundaries/ [https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/empowered-boundaries/] 💌 Questions about my somatic healing, affirmations or anything else? Email me anytime — I got you: FierceMamaC@gmail.com Free 4 Minute Mood Boost Meditation https://christyjade.ck.page/insider [https://christyjade.ck.page/insider]   Grab your #notmyshit Journal on Amazon https://amzn.to/46dDSYk [https://amzn.to/46dDSYk]   TRANSCRIPT Speaker 1 (00:00 [https://www.rev.com/app/transcript/NjgzNTMyNWU0ODM1NzdjZWZlOTMwNTY5WDQySDhIUW9OR2Nh/o/VEMwNDQ1NzIzMzkx?ts=0.48]): Ever peaked at their social media and thought, dang, are they actually so much happier without me? Girl, do not be fooled. Today we are blowing up that myth of the narcissist, post breakup, glow up and shining a light on yours. Doesn't that feel better? Good. Stay with me. Be right back. Have you finally broken free from that narcissist creepy crawly web, but still feel stuck in fear? Wish you could trust yourself again and take your life back. Well, you're in the right place, queen. I'm Christie, wife, mom and narcissistic abuse recovery coach. I've walked the messy road, wasted money on the wrong therapist and dry advice, and had a come to Jesus moment to get me here to feel free. I had to reconnect with me, set boundaries that stuck and find healing methods that actually lasted. Now I've created a plan that's empowering, doable, and yes, even fun because I'm sparkly and fun. (01:04 [https://www.rev.com/app/transcript/NjgzNTMyNWU0ODM1NzdjZWZlOTMwNTY5WDQySDhIUW9OR2Nh/o/VEMwNDQ1NzIzMzkx?ts=64.32]) So of course it's going to be fun. So if you're ready to break cycles, reclaim your peace and trust yourself again, this podcast is for you. So steep, that chamomile tea, silence, all that crazy chaos out there, and let's cue your royal glow up. Alright, let's be real. We've all had that moment. Scrolling, stalking, wondering, did they just upgrade without me? Are they the ones thriving? Well, here is the truth. Queen narcissists need to look happy. I'm going to repeat it again. Narcissists need to look happy. We know they have big egos, right? And their ego thrives on performance validation and making you think you lost the best thing that ever happened. That's a real thing. So what you're seeing, it is a curated show. New partner, fancy vacation, all smiles. Yes, they are actually putting that energy designed in a way to trigger you, right? (02:19 [https://www.rev.com/app/transcript/NjgzNTMyNWU0ODM1NzdjZWZlOTMwNTY5WDQySDhIUW9OR2Nh/o/VEMwNDQ1NzIzMzkx?ts=139.44]) But don't get confused with, oh, they want to be with you. And I'm not trying to say this to be mean queen ladies, but this isn't like, oh, you're the only one and you're the one that got away. I love you. But we know what got away was them having control of you, right? We have to remember, all the narcs are really capable of is seeking control, taking control. They don't know how to value and love the way that we do. So we cannot compare them to us or other people we've had experiences and with. But remember this, happiness isn't loud. Healing isn't flashy. Well, I don't know. Some people say that, but I have had some queen moments where, I mean, I've been flashy. I am flashy, but I'm happy. Yes, but there's a different energy that comes off if it's overly in your face, look at me and I did this and I did that. (03:25 [https://www.rev.com/app/transcript/NjgzNTMyNWU0ODM1NzdjZWZlOTMwNTY5WDQySDhIUW9OR2Nh/o/VEMwNDQ1NzIzMzkx?ts=205.12]) That comes from insecurity. And if this is a narcissist you're talking about, this is that fake happiness. It is the flashy that we're talking about. Growth does not need an audience. So here's the thing behind the curtain, right? Because that's on the stage behind the curtain. While you're over here, you're doing your work, right? You are over here listening to the podcast, reading the books, doing therapy, whatever you got going on to try to better yourself, right? Building that the narcissist is running right? They are having a very hard time in a very different way, and they're running from their own emptiness so they can post the photos, they can charm the new supply. This does not mean, ooh, they found someone better than you or that's a better match. They found another victim to control. They found another victim to control. (04:36 [https://www.rev.com/app/transcript/NjgzNTMyNWU0ODM1NzdjZWZlOTMwNTY5WDQySDhIUW9OR2Nh/o/VEMwNDQ1NzIzMzkx?ts=276.97]) I feel bad for those people too. So they can't escape their own dysfunction. You've escaped it. Can you give yourself a little hug, a big fat hug? You have escaped. They're dysfunction that is so good. They cannot. They are stuck in their own damn web and the crash always comes. So this new supply is going to go down at some point as well. You know it if you really think about it. You know that's true. They don't have genuine connections. There's no true accountability and growing and doing better. Just rinse, repeat, destroy. So here's where I want you to flip the script. I know this can happen even if you've moved on, even if you're sometimes because the damage is so deep with these narcissists. You could be in a new relationship. You could be dating and having fun or trying to have fun or whatever, and you might still ask, are they happier without me? (05:46 [https://www.rev.com/app/transcript/NjgzNTMyNWU0ODM1NzdjZWZlOTMwNTY5WDQySDhIUW9OR2Nh/o/VEMwNDQ1NzIzMzkx?ts=346.57]) What you need to flip this script on is asking yourself, am I becoming the woman I was meant to be? But that I want to be right? You got out of this situation with hope for better, right? You could probably hit rock bottom or just had enough, or maybe they did leave you. And that's lucky because it's easier when they leave you than when you leave them. I will tell you that. But now you're at a point. You can say, am I becoming that woman that I was meant to be? Am I becoming a woman of fill in the blank for yourself. What do you want for yourself? Is it peace, happiness, joy, energy, not having to be in your mind, thinking and walking on eggshells? Are you becoming that woman? That is way more important than worrying about them and what they're doing. Your glow up is peace at night, real friendships, looking in the mirror and knowing I'm healing the narcissist. Glow up is a mask. It's always going to be a mask. Your glow up is a rebirth. It's a next chapter. It's you 2.0. We love your glow up. It's amazing. Their glow up is always going to be a mask, temporary mask. Okay, so let's do a 32nd reset. Close your eyes, take a deep breath. Don't close those eyes if you're driving baby. Okay? Deep breath in through the nose, out through the mouth, repeat after me. Their fake peace is not my truth. (07:53 [https://www.rev.com/app/transcript/NjgzNTMyNWU0ODM1NzdjZWZlOTMwNTY5WDQySDhIUW9OR2Nh/o/VEMwNDQ1NzIzMzkx?ts=473.54]) Alright, I am no longer available for illusions. Good. And finally, I'll break this into two parts. My joy, my healing, my freedom. That's my glow up. So feel that that's your comeback story. So here's your challenge today. You know I love me some soul work. Alright? Do one thing that proves you are your own comeback story. Go for a walk, play with your kid and truly be present and alive with them in the space journal. One of my personal honestly, to get into your body, get out of your mind, into your body and find joy and peace is dance. Dance in your kitchen. You can do that combined with your activity with your kid, right? You and your kids just blasting music, dancing in the kitchen. That's healing. That's what life's about. It's not about stewing over what your ex is doing or how they're doing better. (09:27 [https://www.rev.com/app/transcript/NjgzNTMyNWU0ODM1NzdjZWZlOTMwNTY5WDQySDhIUW9OR2Nh/o/VEMwNDQ1NzIzMzkx?ts=567.24]) Let them go fake their better. Okay? And if you're ready for a real full glow up plan, book a one-on-one session with me. We have the option of doing coaching, narcissistic abuse, specific coaching, and we have the option of doing somatic healing. I've been doing some amazing, amazing epic work sessions lately with people and they're mind blowing every single one I live for them. But either way, the coaching is more kind of talk therapy type thing. Coaching, talking through. And sometimes that's a great way to start to kind of get your story out, get that validation, get the empowerment, and then there's the somatic healing, which is really through the body, but there can be a little talk through that too. I just had a really beautiful one last week that was a mix of both. And we can do that. So you sign up for either one and it'll be, we will talk through what you want your experience to be. (10:37 [https://www.rev.com/app/transcript/NjgzNTMyNWU0ODM1NzdjZWZlOTMwNTY5WDQySDhIUW9OR2Nh/o/VEMwNDQ1NzIzMzkx?ts=637.26]) It's just a beautiful, beautiful way with somatic healing to really heal from the inside out. And the body remembers, the body holds on all of this trauma and you're actually rewriting your body's memory really transitioning, transforming from a deeper level. So both are amazing and we can combine. So look at the links in my description and remember, they may look like they're winning today. Today, okay, that's the keyword today. But first of all, it's just a look, it's a mask. But you your healing in a way that they can never change or touch or have power over and it's lasting. That's why I really love the somatic healing because it is lasting and you want a lasting glow up. You don't want to mask like them. You don't want to just throw, I get it. I mean, I've probably done it in my past. Throw up a cute pick and look at me. (11:51 [https://www.rev.com/app/transcript/NjgzNTMyNWU0ODM1NzdjZWZlOTMwNTY5WDQySDhIUW9OR2Nh/o/VEMwNDQ1NzIzMzkx?ts=711.63]) Even though you might be crying over some ice cream at night. Oh, look at that, look at that. Throwing up the picture. Oh, maybe he'll see that and he'll feel a certain way. But what does that do? So you don't want to mask life either. You want to really heal and make it last. So I just want you to feel good about yourself. Know that you are not alone. There's a group of women in my Facebook community that you can lean on. Please join that. It is free. That link is always in the description of the podcast too. And I really, really want you to give yourself some grace and patience and appreciation today because you are healing. And not everyone does that, and it's very hard to sometimes reach in and pull out some of this stuff. But you're doing it. You're here and you're looking damn good. (12:57 [https://www.rev.com/app/transcript/NjgzNTMyNWU0ODM1NzdjZWZlOTMwNTY5WDQySDhIUW9OR2Nh/o/VEMwNDQ1NzIzMzkx?ts=777.55]) You look like a damn fly queen. Shine that crown. Put on some red lipstick and go dance around your kitchen. Alright, I will see you guys in the next episode. Don't forget, Thursdays are thrive in five, which is basically all sorts of somatic healing affirmations, breath work. It depends on the week and it's around five minutes. So it's a shorter episode where you can just kind of have a quick reset and you can save the episodes and go to your favorite ones whenever you choose to. Just have a nice little reset because we know it can be a very stressful thing dealing with narcissists. Or even after they may totally be out of your lives. You may still have some of that ick, yuck, leftover, and you still need a little support. So thank you for tuning in. I will see you in the next one. Don't forget to follow on whatever podcast you listen to. Narcissistic abuse Recovery, smooches.

That apology felt so real. Maybe they cried. Maybe they finally said the words you’ve been waiting to hear. But deep down… something still felt off. 😔 In this episode, we're breaking down the narcissist’s apology trap—why it feels comforting, why your brain wants to believe it, and why it's usually just a sneaky form of control. You'll learn: * The 3 common types of fake apologies * Why even smart, strong women fall for them * How to protect yourself with clarity and calm 🎧 Hit play to get the clarity (and closure) you deserve. <"Grey Rock Method" episode mentioned> https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-grey-rock-method-how-to-deal-with-a-narcissist/id1662241353?i=1000648879776 [https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-grey-rock-method-how-to-deal-with-a-narcissist/id1662241353?i=1000648879776]   Join my free PRIVATE FACEBOOK page!!! https://www.facebook.com/groups/2420729361374989 [https://www.facebook.com/groups/2420729361374989]   WORK WITH ME 1:1 Somatic Sparkle Sessions: https://christyjade.com/somatichealing [https://christyjade.com/somatichealing] Narcissistic Abuse Coaching: https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/journey-to-peace-coaching-blueprint/ [https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/journey-to-peace-coaching-blueprint/] ✨Wanna take your boundary game to the next level? Grab my Empowered Boundaries Course https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/empowered-boundaries/ [https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/empowered-boundaries/] 💌 Questions about my somatic healing, affirmations or anything else? Email me anytime — I got you: FierceMamaC@gmail.com Free 4 Minute Mood Boost Meditation https://christyjade.ck.page/insider [https://christyjade.ck.page/insider]   Grab your #notmyshit Journal on Amazon https://amzn.to/46dDSYk [https://amzn.to/46dDSYk]   TRANSCRIPT  Speaker 1 (00:00 [https://www.rev.com/app/transcript/NjgyYmVkYmM2ODgxNTIwOTljZGU4OWY5enJvNnp6Y1VqTWx2/o/VEMwNTA4OTM4MTA0?ts=0.33]): Ever get an apology from the narcissist that made your heart flutter, like maybe they finally get it and then a week later you're back in the same damn mess. Yes. Today we are breaking down the narcissist apology trap, why it feels so healing and why it's usually nothing more than manipulation in disguise. Hang tight, this is going to be a good one. Have you finally broken free from that narcissist creepy crawly web, but still feel stuck in fear? Wish you could trust yourself again and take your life back while you're in the right place. Queen. I'm Christie, wife, mom, and narcissistic abuse recovery coach. I've walked the messy road, wasted money on the wrong therapist and dry ice, and had to come to Jesus moment to get me here to feel free. I had to reconnect with me, set boundaries that stuck and find healing methods that actually lasted. (01:03 [https://www.rev.com/app/transcript/NjgyYmVkYmM2ODgxNTIwOTljZGU4OWY5enJvNnp6Y1VqTWx2/o/VEMwNTA4OTM4MTA0?ts=63.03]) Now I've created a plan that's empowering, doable, and yes, even fun because I'm sparkly and fun. So of course it's going to be fun. So if you're ready to break cycles, reclaim your peace and trust yourself again, this podcast is for you so steep, that chamomile tea, silence, all that crazy chaos out there, and let's cue your royal glow up. So I have been there. I have been there. I have been there. You are not alone in this. I've had a couple narcissists in my life and one that I dated was really, really good at apologies because he made them feel really real and very emotional. He would usually pair apologies with flowers or a poem or cookies, my favorite thing, but it always came back to that same spot. He would even cry. There were tears shed, right? And this was a tough guy. So you're like, man, he really cares. He said the right things. I felt seen, heard, validated. In those moments, it felt like closure, like maybe the person who hurt me was becoming who I wanted him to be. Can you relate? (02:24 [https://www.rev.com/app/transcript/NjgyYmVkYmM2ODgxNTIwOTljZGU4OWY5enJvNnp6Y1VqTWx2/o/VEMwNTA4OTM4MTA0?ts=144.93]) It's this emotional high when someone who broke you finally says, I'm sorry, your nervous system wants to actually believe that, right? It's not weakness, it's human nature, craving safety and repair. So it actually makes sense and we're here to talk a little more deeply about it. So most narcissist apologies are not about you. I'm going to say it again. Most narcissistic apologies are not you. They are about regaining control. I mean, you could even write this down. Get a pen, ladies and gents, okay? They're about regaining control, resetting the narrative or reeling you back in, which essentially is gaining control, right? So there's three common types of fake apologies. Okay? The narc apologies, we'll call 'em. The first one is the vague one. I'm sorry for whatever made you feel that way. Okay, stop. Just don't even bother apologizing if that's your move. There's no accountability. (03:44 [https://www.rev.com/app/transcript/NjgyYmVkYmM2ODgxNTIwOTljZGU4OWY5enJvNnp6Y1VqTWx2/o/VEMwNTA4OTM4MTA0?ts=224.08]) Then there's the second type, the flip one. Okay? It's just like dismissive. I said I was sorry, can we move on? I remember one of the narcs in my life said, can't you just get over it? Literally said, can't you just get over it? That was the response. So they're using the apology as a silencing tool. They want to silence you so they don't have to deal with you anymore. And the third is the strategic one. This is delivered at the perfect time. When you're pulling away, when you're setting those boundaries or gaining strength, they smell it. They hate it. So they're going to deliver the strategic one at the perfect time. They sense you're getting out of their control and what do they want to do? Gain control. They can't stand not having control of you. So real apologies are backed by change, period. (04:45 [https://www.rev.com/app/transcript/NjgyYmVkYmM2ODgxNTIwOTljZGU4OWY5enJvNnp6Y1VqTWx2/o/VEMwNTA4OTM4MTA0?ts=285.58]) That's it. Real apologies are backed by change. A narcissist version is often what we call a performative apology. It is not a promise. It's not I'm going to change my behavior. It's a lot of lip service. It's a lot of, let me just say what they want to hear and move this along because I'm not enjoying this, right? It's not benefiting them, and that's what they want. They want to benefit themselves and have control. So this is why you still fall for it though. Let's talk some brain science here, which isn't technically my specialty, but I've done a lot of work, a lot of research, and we're going to dive in lightly into the brain science. If you want further brain science, go find a doctor. So when we are trauma bonded, apologies, feel like relief. And I know you know what I'm talking about. Your brain feels these feel good chemicals. It's like a release, and that's a dopamine. When there is hope of connection or safety, even if it's from someone who's harmed you, right? Our brain does not discriminate. It's just like, Ooh, hope or safety, yes, come over here. Feels so good. It's just like whatever happened before, it just wants desperately to feel that safety. The good dopamine hit. Everybody wants that dopamine hit. (06:22 [https://www.rev.com/app/transcript/NjgyYmVkYmM2ODgxNTIwOTljZGU4OWY5enJvNnp6Y1VqTWx2/o/VEMwNTA4OTM4MTA0?ts=382.37]) So this isn't your fault. It's conditioning. It's survival wiring because especially when you have been so low, it's almost like it wants it even more, right? It's like, let's say you're falling really, really, really deep in the mud. You get more and more desperate to feel good. You're scared. It feels gross. I dunno if you've ever fallen in mud, it's not the most pleasant thing. So the deeper you're going, you're just like, oh God, I really want to get it. It's one thing you got your toe in there. It's a whole different story when you're up to your shoulders in mud and someone reaches out their hand and they're like, yeah, I'm going to help you. I'm going to give you a hit of joy by pulling you out of this. Okay? That's what's happened to us. So it's not your fault recognizing the pattern. (07:19 [https://www.rev.com/app/transcript/NjgyYmVkYmM2ODgxNTIwOTljZGU4OWY5enJvNnp6Y1VqTWx2/o/VEMwNTA4OTM4MTA0?ts=439.16]) That's your power though. That's where you get the more permanent dopamine, the more permanent joy by recognizing the pattern. So you can what? Come on class, protect your peace. Stick with me. You'll be saying protect your peace or talking about that golden peace bubble all the time. So here's two practical steps you can take with you. Number one, pause before you react. So you want to sit with your gut before responding. You don't let emotion take the wheel. And this can be hard. I know narcs make us all sorts of emotional messes, right? And so this can take time, but try to remember to pause before you react at all and then ask what has changed? This is very important. I really do hope you are taking notes on this one. What has changed if nothing in their behavior has shifted consistently, consistently over time? What's that? Consistently? Yeah, the apology is lip service. We're not talking about a change. The guy I was dating, Narcos, I'll call him, I don't know. That just came to my lips. I never liked to say anyone's true identity here. So we call him Narcos. (08:53 [https://www.rev.com/app/transcript/NjgyYmVkYmM2ODgxNTIwOTljZGU4OWY5enJvNnp6Y1VqTWx2/o/VEMwNTA4OTM4MTA0?ts=533.27]) No, he was really, like I said, he's good at apologizing and I'd say he had a pretty good cycle of about a month where he'd try to be on better behavior and change, and it would make me be like, oh, look, he's been not canceling plans as much, or, oh, he included me in this, or, oh, he was talking nice about me in front of his friends. Lucky girl. The bar was pretty low. But you get these little dopamine hits because they give you the little carrots, right? If you don't know about the carrots, we can do an episode on carrots. They give you these little carrots of like, oh, just these little glimmers, little shimmers that make you just want more because you want to get their love. You want their approval. You want to feel that shiny bright thing that they give you a little bit of. (09:47 [https://www.rev.com/app/transcript/NjgyYmVkYmM2ODgxNTIwOTljZGU4OWY5enJvNnp6Y1VqTWx2/o/VEMwNTA4OTM4MTA0?ts=587.34]) You want more because it feels good because that's normal, right? It's normal to feel good when people make you feel good. So he would, I mean, it would probably, I'd say three to four weeks, and not everyone might have that specific of a cycle, but I noticed he did when I started reeling out of the relationship, which took me a while, but at the end for me, it did take me, I mean, really cracking and saying, he's not changing. I really, I had reached rock bottom and was like, I'm so miserable. He is not changing. He keeps saying he's going to. So have they consistently changed over time for the better? No. That apologies bullshit then. (10:46 [https://www.rev.com/app/transcript/NjgyYmVkYmM2ODgxNTIwOTljZGU4OWY5enJvNnp6Y1VqTWx2/o/VEMwNTA4OTM4MTA0?ts=646.11]) So that's how we have to look at these apologies. It can help to do pausing, asking what has changed. You can forgive without giving access. You can release without reopening the door so you can forgive someone. I have forgiven people. That doesn't mean I want to be in any sort of relationship with them. When someone apologizes and it's empty, it is empty. Think about that. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm tears. I'm flowers. I'm, here's some chicken nuggets from Wendy's with barbecue. Oh, sorry, was that just me? No, it's empty. I'm asking you to change your behavior. I have literally said to people, I think it's because I've had a couple narcs in my life that apologies are so bullshitty that I'm just so over them that I have said to people, healthy people in my life that say, oh, I'm sorry. I'm like, don't apologize first. (11:56 [https://www.rev.com/app/transcript/NjgyYmVkYmM2ODgxNTIwOTljZGU4OWY5enJvNnp6Y1VqTWx2/o/VEMwNTA4OTM4MTA0?ts=716.38]) It's just an aversion to me. It's like it's nice, but no need to do that. And then it's just watching behavior. I've had friends that have been maybe not the best, that I'm no longer close with. Not saying all of them are narcissists or whatever, but some people, just as I got older and I realized what healthy relationships and friendships were, they just didn't align anymore. And one apologized, but I could tell it was like a forced apology to just kind want to obligate to worry, get over it, move on, that sort of thing, which can be a narcissistic trait, but not necessarily means someone's narcissistic. But what did I do? I did. I said, this is a pattern though, and this behavior has gone on for years and it's not going to end anytime soon. I can tell. And I put distance between us. (12:54 [https://www.rev.com/app/transcript/NjgyYmVkYmM2ODgxNTIwOTljZGU4OWY5enJvNnp6Y1VqTWx2/o/VEMwNTA4OTM4MTA0?ts=774.91]) So if any of this made you go, oh my God, that's what happened. You're not alone. That's why I do this work. That's how I got here, that I have been through this in not just romantic relationships, but family and friendships. I have had narcissists or narcissistic traded people in my life multiple ways. And if you have an actual narcissist in your life, you may or may not know, the odds of having more of them in your life is higher because we can attract them for certain reasons. That's another episode itself. You can look up, maybe you're an empath, you just have a big heart. Sometimes they're easier targets because of our oversight, because we want to see the good in people. There's many reasons that you can have multiple people that take advantage of you in your life. And then once you start seeing this, you may shed many people. (13:59 [https://www.rev.com/app/transcript/NjgyYmVkYmM2ODgxNTIwOTljZGU4OWY5enJvNnp6Y1VqTWx2/o/VEMwNTA4OTM4MTA0?ts=839.71]) That happened to me once. I started seeing this one person that was blatant narcissism, and I started really diving into it and studying and all of that. I saw that there was a trickle down effect in other relationships. And yes, I did cut multiple people out of my life because I realized, wow, these are not healthy people for me, and I'm walking on eggshells in multiple areas of my life. It's crazy. So don't do that. Come on, let's all get out together. So I know I went a little side tangent there, but apologies. There's a reason why they feel so good, right? You're getting that dopamine hit, especially when you're down in that mud, that nasty mud. And what can you do about it? Pause. Ask. What's changed? Is it an empty apology? If you're with a narcissist or this is related to narcissist, it's probably going to be empty. (14:54 [https://www.rev.com/app/transcript/NjgyYmVkYmM2ODgxNTIwOTljZGU4OWY5enJvNnp6Y1VqTWx2/o/VEMwNTA4OTM4MTA0?ts=894.47]) So what do you do? You say they're not going to change and you have to evaluate what you do. I always recommend no contact with narcissists. That's my first recommendation. If you have to be in contact. If it's an ex, you have custody with something like that, you do Gray Rock Method, and I have a couple of episodes, I believe on the Gray Rock method. Very, very important. I'm probably going to do a new updated one. I love talking about the Gray rock method, so I will put that podcast episode in the description. So if this at all made you say, yeah, that's familiar. I get those empty apologies. You deserve better, queen. You are a queen. Did you forget? Do you not feel that shiny heavy crown on your head right now? It's you're a queen. So if you want to go deeper with any of the support, check the show notes for My Empowered Boundaries course. I can't speak or one-on-one coaching Somatic Healing. It's always in there. And you deserve real repair. Not this like recycled ass pain in disguise. No, we're not here for that. Life is short and you're here for a reason. You're listening to this because you were made for more than what you are putting up with. So no more empty apologies for you. Okay? Can we have a pinky swear? Let me see. Oh girl, your nails look good. Okay. Okay, queen. I'll see you in the next episode.