Why Does Dating Suck So Much?

Don't read Yesteryear

We wanted to love Yesteryear, the buzzy new book by first-time artist Caro Claire-Burke. It's everywhere right now, and like you, we were sucked in by the titillating premise: a tradwife influencer who lives on a farm waking up in the 1850s and learning what "traditional life" really entails. It's catchy, it's unique, it makes you wonder what the twist is at the end of the book. But we swear, it isn't worth it, and we will break down for you why. This is our first bonus episode! We will be back on Tuesday with our regularly scheduled programming. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit aftermash.substack.com [https://aftermash.substack.com?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_1]

Why Does Dating Suck So Much?

Dating sucks; anyone who has spent any amount of time “on the market” in their 20s or 30s can tell you that. We all love to hate on dating apps. “They don’t work,” we gleefully confess to each other, which is a universal truth we all know... because all of us are still swiping. Dating apps are like social media, or #grindset culture: we love to hate them and yet we secretly can’t stop using them. The tech overlords commodified one of the most fundamental tenets of being alive: the seeking of human connection. But that doesn't make it any less important. So what can we do about it? Why?? Why do dating apps suck so much?? Do they actually, or do we just love to hate them?? What actually works in seeking and keeping a partner, according to science?? Will I ever get married or will I die alone?? This and more in today’s episode. Side note: if you are seeking love, I recommend reading the book that helped change my relationship with seeking relationships: How to Not Die Alone, by Logan Ury. The sources referenced in the podcast: Stock Buybacks Are a Key Example of Extractive Corporate Power [https://rooseveltinstitute.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/RI_Stock-Buybacks-key-example-of-extractive-corporate-power-Fact-Sheet-201910.pdf] The real effects of share repurchases - ScienceDirect [https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0304405X15001476] 10 Essential Pieces of Expert Dating Advice | Psychology Today [https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-psychology-of-relationships/202402/10-quick-pieces-of-dating-advice-from-relationship]  U.S. women are outpacing men in college completion, including in every major racial and ethnic group [https://www.pewresearch.org/short-reads/2024/11/18/us-women-are-outpacing-men-in-college-completion-including-in-every-major-racial-and-ethnic-group/]  "Scarcity of College Men and the Decline in Marriage Among Non-College Americans" [https://papers.ssrn.com/sol3/papers.cfm?abstract_id=5086363], by Clara Chambers, Benjamin Goldman, and Joseph Winkelmann.  “Where Have All the Good Men Gone?” Gendered Interactions in Online Dating - PMC [https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC4043335/] What's The Biggest Challenge Men Face On Dating Apps? [https://web.archive.org/web/20180209145512/http://hingeirl.com/hinge-reports/whats-the-biggest-challenge-men-face-on-dating-apps-a-qa-with-aviv-goldgeier-junior-growth-engineer/]  Aspirational pursuit of mates in online dating markets | Science Advances [https://www.science.org/doi/10.1126/sciadv.aap9815]  From Looking for Love to Swiping the Field: Online Dating in the U.S. | Pew Research Center [https://www.pewresearch.org/internet/2023/02/02/from-looking-for-love-to-swiping-the-field-online-dating-in-the-u-s/] Dating App Use Linked to Worse Mental Health | Psychology Today [https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-asymmetric-brain/202512/dating-app-use-linked-to-worse-mental-health]  Why investors don’t fund dating | andrewchen [https://andrewchen.com/why-investors-dont-fund-dating/]  Dating App Revenue and Usage Statistics (2026) - Business of Apps [https://www.businessofapps.com/data/dating-app-market/] Red Flag/Green Flag: What to Look for When You’re Dating [https://www.gottman.com/blog/red-flag-green-flag-what-to-look-for-when-youre-dating/] (PDF) Leveling the Playing Field [https://www.researchgate.net/publication/278039644_Leveling_the_Playing_Field] This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit aftermash.substack.com [https://aftermash.substack.com?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_1]

Episode 5: Chatting about Resolutions

In this fifth episode of After MASH podcast, Jackie and Zoe are breaking from the typical format. Instead of one host subverting a childhood belief about xyz thing, we’re just chatting. And this week, as we leave the first third of the year (**sweats casually**), Jackie and I are checking in on our new years resolutions. We’re talking about how we feel about them (Jackie LOVES them), how we got about them (Zoe swoons over a process), what they are (not run of the mill), and how we’re doing (alright). And that’s all the detail you’re going to get. If you care about two random 31 year old friends talking about their resolutions, take a listen. At the very least, take this time to reflect on what you hoped you would get done this year and how it’s going. And it’s never too late to start. The calendar is arbitrary, after all. Best, Zoë, Jackie, and Jae This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit aftermash.substack.com [https://aftermash.substack.com?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_1]

We're all going to D!3

Medical school can never prepare you for the humanity that you will bear witness to as a doctor. Shonda Rhimes may try, but the heavy-handed storylines distract from the pearls of honesty. And taking inspiration from Dr. House will probably get you fired. In this episode, I want to introduce you to the conversation and tools that have the potential to guide you and ease your mind in the scariest moments of your life: advanced care planning. Do you want CPR, a breathing tube, dialysis, blood transfusions? Who do you want making these decisions if you are unable to? What does any of these even mean? I (a doctor) walk Jackie (not a doctor) through what this looks like. Resources that I found along the way that may help you are: Prepare [https://prepareforyourcare.org/en/prepare/welcome] toolkit, which walks you through your wishes and planforclarity.org [http://planforclarity.org/] that helps with the financial implications of end of life. Other helpful resources include Respecting Choices [https://respectingchoices.org/], Get Palliative Care [https://getpalliativecare.org/resources/types-of-care/]. If you would like to explore more conversations around death and dying, in this [https://www.nytimes.com/2024/11/16/magazine/doctor-ellen-wiebe-maid-interview.html] [exlcusive] NY times The Interview, a doctor with MAiD discusses a mother’s choice to die with her surviving son, (“The Interview: The Doctor WHo Helped Me Understand My Mom’s Choice to Die). Another conversation I come back to that is between the hosts of Sick Boy podcast and the late Audrey Parker, titled “Audrey Parker Dies Today - Medical Assistance in Dying” and can be found on Spotify. Sickboy has a few other conversations on MAiD, which I have not yet listen to but do encourage you to listen to if you’re curious. Then there are the books. First and foremost: Being Mortal: Medicine and What Matters the End by Atul Gatwande. If my MIL and I actually succeed in opening an advanced care living facility, it’s because of this book. Other books that come to mind on the topic of death and its wishes, and grief include When Breath Becomes Air by Paul Kalanithi, which WILL make you cry; I’m Glad My Mom Died by Jennette McCurdy; My Sister’s Keeper by Jodi Picoult; and My Grandmother Asked Me To Tell YOu She’s Sorry by Fredrik Backman. All of these books WILL make you cry, it’s not a challenge, it’s just a fact. Thanks for reading AfterMASH's Substack! This post is public so feel free to share it. And because I’m an APA girl, here are the other citations that came up in my research: Lamont EB, Christakis NA. Prognostic disclosure to patients with cancer near the end of life. Ann Intern Med. 2001 Jun 19;134(12):1096-105. doi: 10.7326/0003-4819-134-12-200106190-00009. PMID: 11412049. Pound G, Jones D, Eastwood GM, Paul E, Hodgson CL; ANZ-CODE Investigators. Survival and functional outcome at hospital discharge following in-hospital cardiac arrest (IHCA): A prospective multicentre observational study. Resuscitation. 2020 Oct;155:48-54. doi: 10.1016/j.resuscitation.2020.07.007. Epub 2020 Jul 19. PMID: 32697963. Okubo M, Komukai S, Andersen LW, Berg RA, Kurz MC, Morrison LJ, Callaway CW; American Heart Association’s Get With The Guidelines—Resuscitation Investigators. Duration of cardiopulmonary resuscitation and outcomes for adults with in-hospital cardiac arrest: retrospective cohort study. BMJ. 2024 Feb 7;384:e076019. doi: 10.1136/bmj-2023-076019. Erratum in: BMJ. 2024 Apr 18;385:q900. doi: 10.1136/bmj.q900. PMID: 38325874; PMCID: PMC10847985. Sawyer, K. N., Camp-Rogers, T. R., Kotini-Shah, P., Del Rios, M., Gossip, M. R., Moitra, V. K., ... & American Heart Association Emergency Cardiovascular Care Committee; Council on Cardiovascular and Stroke Nursing; Council on Genomic and Precision Medicine; Council on Quality of Care and Outcomes Research; and Stroke Council. (2020). Sudden cardiac arrest survivorship: a scientific statement from the American Heart Association. Circulation, 141(12), e654-e685. Patel MS, Raza SS, Bhakta A, Ewing T, Bukur M, Vagefi PA, Salim A, Malinoski DJ. Patients on state organ donor registries receive similar levels of intensive care compared to those who are not: an opportunity to increase public intent to donate. Clin Transplant. 2016 Jun;30(6):682-7. doi: 10.1111/ctr.12734. Epub 2016 Apr 6. PMID: 26992655. Sellers MT, McGinnis HS, Alperin M, Sweeney JF, Dodson TF. Deterrents to Organ Donation: A Multivariate Analysis of 766 Survey Respondents. J Am Coll Surg. 2018 Apr;226(4):414-422. doi: 10.1016/j.jamcollsurg.2017.12.029. Epub 2018 Jan 5. PMID: 29309946. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit aftermash.substack.com [https://aftermash.substack.com?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_1]

The Secret History of the Diamond Engagement Ring

Jackie has been staunchly opposed to diamond engagement rings ever since learning that blood diamonds were a thing. However, she realizes that she must be missing something, because we all know blood diamonds are a thing, and yet Every Single One of her friends got a diamond engagement ring anyway. So, what gives? Are diamond rings the epitome of the late stage capitalism hellscape we live in today (as Jackie thinks), or an enduring tradition of love and fidelity (as everyone else seems to believe)? How will Jackie sleep at night when she learns that the answer might just be “both”? And, if you are thinking about getting engaged any time soon, what should you do? Tune in to find out. Fun fact: Leonardo DiCaprio, who starred in the 2006 thriller Blood Diamonds (based on the brutal civil war in Sierra Leone), was so disgusted by what he learned about the industry that he now forbids his dates from wearing diamonds to red carpet events, and he has invested in a lab grown diamond company. If you want to learn more about blood diamonds, I highly recommend the book Blood Diamonds: Tracking the Deadly Path of the World’s Most Precious Stones, by Greg Campbell The Global Witness page talking about the Kimberley Process and why they ultimately withdrew: The Kimberley Process | Global Witness [https://globalwitness.org/en/campaigns/conflict-diamonds/the-kimberley-process/] How Taylor Swift’s Engagement Ring Is Changing the Diamond Game | The New Yorker [https://www.newyorker.com/culture/the-lede/how-taylor-swifts-engagement-ring-is-changing-the-diamond-game] How an Ad Campaign Invented the Diamond Engagement Ring - The Atlantic [https://www.theatlantic.com/international/archive/2015/02/how-an-ad-campaign-invented-the-diamond-engagement-ring/385376/]  The original 1982 article in The Atlantic that showed the world for the first time that diamond engagement rings are a myth: Have You Ever Tried to Sell a Diamond? - The Atlantic [https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/1982/02/have-you-ever-tried-to-sell-a-diamond/304575/] Comparing Lab Grown vs Mined Is Growing Diamonds a Sustainable Alternative to Diamond Mining? - IGS - International Gem Society [https://www.gemsociety.org/article/sustainable-alternative-to-diamond-mining/] Some stats from 2024 Engagement Ring Trends Study | Jewelers Mutual [https://www.jewelersmutual.com/resources/individuals/rings/engagement-ring-study-2024]  More stats, specifically lab grown diamond info, from Diamond Statistics: Industry Trade & Production Figures [https://www.edahngolan.com/lab-grown-diamond-statistics/] Fun fact: diamond engagement rings aren’t ubiquitous in the rest of the world: Edahn Golan @ Innov8: Interpreting The Shifts In The Diamond Industry - best jewellery magazines India [https://gjepc.org/solitaire/edahn-golan-innov8-interpreting-the-shifts-in-the-diamond-industry/]  Share of brides in the U.S. who received a diamond engagement ring-1990| Statista [https://www.statista.com/statistics/238115/share-of-brides-in-the-us-with-a-diamond-engagement-ring/]  The study that talks about the inverse relationship between cost of ring and wedding, and marriage duration: "A Diamond Is Forever'' And Other Fairy Tales: The Relationship Between Wedding Expenses And Marriage Duration [https://www.csus.edu/faculty/m/fred.molitor/docs/wedding%20expenses%20and%20marriage%20duration1.pdf]  This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit aftermash.substack.com [https://aftermash.substack.com?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_1]