The Ultimate Guide to the Hermès Scarf: Old Money Style & Quiet Luxury

The Ultimate Guide to the Hermès Scarf: Old Money Style & Quiet Luxury

In this episode of Awkward Etiquette: Old Money and New Manners, host Kiki Astor unravels the enduring allure of the iconic Hermès silk scarf. Discover how a simple square of silk evolved from a 19th-century Parisian harness workshop into the ultimate global symbol of elegance, quiet luxury, and old money style. Auntie Kiki takes you on a journey through the meticulous craftsmanship of the Hermès Carré—from the exclusive silk twill and painstaking screen-printing process to the forensic signature of the hand-rolled hem. We explore the cultural significance of the famous orange box, share expert tips on how to authenticate vintage Hermès scarves, and discuss the nuances of luxury gifting and returning etiquette. Whether you want to master effortless French-girl styling with a classic Carré 90, invest in a 140cm cashmere-silk shawl, or find stunning budget-friendly alternatives for the "nouveau pauvre," this episode is your definitive guide to elevating your wardrobe with a single square of silk. Show Notes: The Hermès Silk Scarf Explained Episode Highlights & Key Takeaways: * The Equestrian Origins of Hermès: How Thierry Hermès transitioned from crafting elite saddlery in 1837 to launching the first silk scarf (Jeu des Omnibus et des Dames Blanches) in 1937. * The Anatomy of a Masterpiece: Understanding the artisanal life cycle of the scarf, including the signature silk twill weave, complex color screening, and the legendary hand-rolled hem. * The Power of the Orange Box: How wartime scarcity created one of the most recognizable packaging rituals in luxury history. * Iconic Designs & Artists: A look at legendary motifs like Bride de Gala and the fascinating story of Kermit Oliver, the only American artist to design multiple Hermès scarves. * Styling the Silk Scarf: Why Auntie Kiki prefers the versatile Carré 90 and 140cm shawls over the Twilly, and how to tie them without looking like you are trying too hard. * Luxury Etiquette: The unwritten rules of shopping at luxury boutiques, how to properly gift (and wrap) an Hermès scarf, and the polite way to handle returns or regifting. * Ethical Considerations & Alternatives: Navigating sustainability in silk production, cultural motifs, and where to find gorgeous non-Hermès silk scarves from Lake Como, Liberty of London, and independent artists. Resources & Mentions: * Books by Kiki Astor: Pick up Midnight Blue (a scandalous old money perfume dynasty thriller) and Service Entrance (a perfect Montecito beach read) available on Amazon, Kindle, Paperback, and Audiobook. * Featured Scarf Designs: Bride de Gala, Jeu des Omnibus et des Dames Blanches, Jungle Love, Ciel Byzantin, and Zebra Pegasus. * Connect with Kiki: Have an heirloom story or a scarf scandal to share? Email your Auntie Kiki at madamxofmontecito@gmail.com [madamxofmontecito@gmail.com] and make sure to join her exclusive mailing list for insider shopping tips!

Aristocracy's Raincoat: Barbour, the Sociology of Mud, and Stealth Wealth Fashion

Why does a battered, smelly, 100-year-old raincoat signal more wealth and social standing than a pristine, fresh-off-the-runway Hermes Birkin? In this episode of Awkward Etiquette, Auntie Kiki explores the maddening paradox of class signaling through the lens of the iconic Barbour jacket. We dive deep into the sociology of mud, exploring how the British elite fetishized utility, why looking like you don't care is the ultimate status symbol, and how a garment designed for 19th-century Scottish fishermen became the global uniform for stealth wealth. From the Great Male Renunciation to Princess Diana's Sloane Ranger aesthetic, learn why the highest form of status is convincing people that status never crossed your mind. Key Takeaways & Topics Discussed: - The Paradox of Status: Why the higher people rise socially, the less their clothes need to look overtly expensive. - Historical Context: How the Industrial Revolution and the Great Male Renunciation shifted upper-class fashion from flashy court aesthetics (like Louis XIV) to discreet minimalism. - Pierre Bourdieu & Cultural Capital: Understanding why the aristocracy views inherited identity and status security as superior to purchased luxury. - The British Country Aesthetic: Why mud, horses, and hunting became symbols of elite leisure rather than grueling labor. - Barbour Jacket History & Design: -- Founded in 1894 by John Barbour in South Shields. -- Why classic Barbours don't have hoods. -- The secret utility of the brass ring-pull zipper and the cavernous poacher's pocket. -- Decoding the authentic Scottish tartans hidden inside. - The Princess Diana Effect: How the late Princess of Wales mastered the art of wearing the elite uniform while appearing wonderfully relatable. - Quiet Luxury vs. Old Money: Why the Barbour jacket survives the fleeting quiet luxury trend through pure, historic authenticity. Auntie Kiki's Awkward Etiquette Rules for the Barbour Jacket: 1. Age is Beauty: A Barbour looks best when it is battered, bruised, and well-worn. If you buy a new one, break it in immediately. 2. The Commuter Rule: It is perfectly acceptable to wear a Barbour over a business suit, provided the coat's hem entirely covers your suit jacket. 3. The Cardinal Sin of Cleaning: Never put a waxed Barbour in a washing machine or take it to a standard dry cleaner. Sponge it with cold water and have it professionally re-waxed. 4. Mudroom Etiquette: Barbour jackets left in country house mudrooms are often viewed as communal property. Borrow with grace, but don't be surprised if yours goes missing for the afternoon! 5. No Monograms: Keep it utilitarian. Over-personalizing defeats the jacket's rugged, unbothered aesthetic. Resources & Mentions: - Book Promo: Midnight Blue by Kiki Astor. Dive into a world of old money, scandalous perfume dynasties, and an ancient curse. Available now on Amazon (Kindle, Paperback, and Audiobook). - Mentioned Book: Scarlet Fever by Kiki Astor. - Merch: The Dogs and Horses Summer T-Shirt (Available via Amazon and Kiki's website). - Mailing List Bonus: Subscribe to Kiki's newsletter this week for an exclusive guide on the different fits of the Barbour jacket! Subscribe & Review: If you enjoyed this deep dive into old money aesthetics, please subscribe to Awkward Etiquette: Old Money and New Manners and leave a glowing review (Auntie Kiki's ego demands it, darling!).

The Hidden Language of Jewelry: Old Money, New Money, and the Nouveau Pauvre

In this episode of the Awkward Etiquette- Old Money and New Manners podcast, host Kiki Astor takes a deep dive into the history, sociology, and psychology of jewelry. Moving beyond precious stones and price tags, Kiki explores jewelry as an ancient social technology used to signal belonging, continuity, and wealth. She breaks down the distinct jewelry "languages" of Old Money (which values biography, heirlooms, and continuity) and New Money (which values ornament, optimization, and brand visibility). Finally, she champions the "Nouveau Pauvre" philosophy—an aesthetic approach that prioritizes intentionality, personal joy, and wearing pieces that tell your unique story rather than chasing fleeting trends. Show Notes Podcast: Awkward Etiquette Old Money and New Manners Host: Kiki Astor ("Auntie Kiki") Episode Title: The Hidden Language of Jewelry: Old Money, New Money, and the Nouveau Pauvre In This Episode: Have you ever wondered what your jewelry says about you before you even speak? This week, Auntie Kiki explores the fascinating social codes embedded in the jewelry we wear. Whether it's a dented inherited charm bracelet or a sparkling stack of recognizable designer pieces, jewelry acts as a powerful communicator of status, affiliation, and personal history. Key Topics Covered: The History of Adornment: How jewelry evolved from prehistoric survival talismans and portable wealth to modern-day cultural capital. Biography vs. Ornament: The philosophical divide between Old Money (valuing patina, repair, and family continuity) and New Money (valuing perfect stones, recognizable logos, and conspicuous display). Jewelry Archetypes: Identifying the social logic behind different wearers, from the Heirloom Collector and the Equestrian to the Art World Woman and the Nouveau Pauvre. Decoding the Maisons: What specific elite jewelry houses—like Cartier, Van Cleef & Arpels, Verdura, and JAR—signal to those who know how to "read" them. Jewelry Etiquette FAQs: Kiki answers your most pressing questions: - Is it acceptable to reset or remake an inherited family stone? - Can you wear faux/costume jewelry or diamonds during the daytime? - Is it tacky to "upgrade" an engagement ring? - Are tiaras ever appropriate for modern events? The Nouveau Pauvre Manifesto: Why you should prioritize intentionality, avoid the performative "wrist stack," and adopt the "never sell the jewelry" ethic to build a meaningful personal archive. Featured Sponsor / Mention: Book Recommendation: Midnight Blue by Kiki Astor – A captivating novel about perfume, power, inheritance, and an ancient curse. Available on Amazon (Kindle, paperback, and audiobook). Question of the Week: If your bank account vanished tomorrow, but your jewelry box survived, what would your collection say about your life? https://www.kikiastor.com [https://www.kikiastor.com] madamexofmontecito@gmail.com [madamexofmontecito@gmail.com]

The Scent of Status: How Perfume Shapes Class & Identity, From Cleopatra to TikTok

This episode of Awkward Etiquette: Old Money and New Manners with your Auntie Kiki Astor goes far beyond mere fragrance, exploring perfume as a social language, a class performance, and invisible status signaling. Dive into the fascinating anthropology of scent, from Cleopatra's perfumed sails to the opulent courts of Versailles, uncovering how elites throughout history manipulated fragrance as carefully as architecture or jewels. Host Kiki Astor, author and expert on social intelligence, unpacks the hidden meanings behind what and how we smell. Discover the evolution of perfume etiquette, why "old money" values subtlety and discretion, and how today's quiet luxury scents continue this tradition. We'll journey from ancient rituals that equated pleasant smells with moral purity to the modern phenomenon of PerfumeTok, where fragrance wardrobes, niche perfume elitism, and blind buying reveal contemporary obsessions with identity, aspiration, and the curated self. Learn what your fragrance says about you—whether it's signaling wealth, intellectualism, or seduction—and why, unlike fashion, scent is intimate, invasive, and deeply tied to memory. Kiki also shares insights from her book Midnight Blue, a story infused with the power and mystique of perfume. Buckle up, darling, for an intriguing exploration of how fragrance shapes not just how we smell, but how we are felt and understood in society. Episode Description: Join your Auntie Kiki Astor on Awkward Etiquette: Old Money and New Manners for a captivating journey into the world of perfume, not just as a beauty product, but as a profound social and cultural phenomenon. This episode uncovers how fragrance has always served as a powerful tool for class performance, status signaling, and self-expression throughout history and into the digital age. In this episode, we explore: * The Anthropological Power of Scent: From sacred rituals in ancient Egypt to the "perfumed court" of Versailles, discover how fragrance was used to announce divinity, protect against disease, and define aristocracy. * Cleopatra's "Anticipatory Aura": How the legendary queen weaponized scent as political stagecraft, a principle still used by luxury brands today. * The Morality & Class of Smell: Why historical and modern societies equate cleanliness with virtue and how scent becomes a powerful indicator of refinement vs. vulgarity. * Old Money Fragrance Etiquette: The historical emphasis on subtlety, discretion, and quality, and why "loud" fragrances were (and often still are) class-coded. * Modern Fragrance Trends & PerfumeTok: The rise of fragrance wardrobes, niche perfume communities, quiet luxury scents, clean girl aesthetics, and the fascinating digital performance of curated identities. * The Psychology of Perfume: How scent uniquely bypasses cognitive filters, linking directly to memory, emotion, and identity—and why blind buying is such a compelling modern phenomenon. * Perfume Etiquette in Today's World: Navigating nose blindness, communal sensitivity in enclosed spaces, professional settings, and the delicate art of gifting fragrance. * Cultural Nuances: Contrasting attitudes towards perfume in France, Gulf countries, and Japan, revealing diverse social norms. * Layering & the Modular Identity: How modern consumers use fragrance to author unique, ever-evolving versions of themselves. * Kiki Astor's "Midnight Blue": Insights into Kiki's own novel, where the power of perfume drives a tale of inheritance and obsession. Tune in to understand why perfume is the ultimate invisible accessory, telling society who you are before you even speak, and revealing the eternal human desire to control how we are felt. Mentions & Resources: * Host: Kiki Astor – Author, Old Money & Etiquette Expert * Kiki's Books: * Midnight Blue [https://a.co/d/05nKCiAM] (available on Amazon, Kindle, paperback, audiobook) * Service Entrance * Key Historical Figures/Texts: * Plutarch (Cleopatra's story) * Alain Corbin (The Foul and the Fragrant) * Jean de Galimar (Scented gloves) * Catherine de Medici * Louis XIV (Versailles) * Pierre Bourdieu (Cultural Capital) * Fragrance Concepts/Trends: * PerfumeTok * Quiet Luxury Scents * Clean Girl Fragrances * Niche Perfume * Fragrance Wardrobes * Skin Scents * Blind Buying * Anticipatory Aura * Fragrance Brands Mentioned: Creed, Diptyque, Frédéric Malle, Maison Francis Kurkdjian, Le Labo, Byredo, Baccarat Rouge. * Book Comparison: Patrick Süskind's Perfume (mentioned) Connect with Kiki Astor: madamexofmontecito@gmail.com [madamexofmontecito@gmail.com] https://www.kikiastor.com [https://www.kikiastor.com]

Old Money Secrets and Author Life: Behind the Curtain with Kiki Astor

In this season finale, Kiki steps out from behind the microphone to pull back the curtain on her creative process, the psychology behind her books, and the nuanced world of unspoken social codes. Addressing a curated list of reader FAQs, she dives into the intersection of taste, money, and power, exploring what our aesthetic choices actually reveal about us. Kiki also discusses the reality of her persona, teases her upcoming novel Midnight Blue, and shares her real-life next steps, including upcoming literary events and a new creative retreat taking shape in Santa Barbara. She is stepping away to collect more stories, promising to return for the next season with even sharper, more dangerous observations. Episode Description: Welcome to a slightly unusual moment. In our season finale, Kiki is hitting pause, but not before pulling back the curtain on the quiet codes, performed effortlessness, and the psychology of aspiration that fuel her world. This special behind-the-scenes episode tackles your most curious FAQs. We explore the fine line between real taste and trying too hard, the truth behind the Kiki persona, and the slightly obsessive note-taking that builds her literary universes. Plus, get an exclusive sneak peek into her highly anticipated new release, Midnight Blue, and find out what Kiki is building next in Santa Barbara. In This Episode, We Cover: - The Season in Review: A look back at the unspoken social codes, the psychology of money, and the power dynamics of belonging. - The Kiki Persona: When did Kiki stop being a bit and start being uncomfortably accurate? - The Writing Process: What a completely unglamorous writing Tuesday looks like, and how offhand dinner comments become entire subplots. - Inside Midnight Blue: Quiet setups, untrustworthy characters, and the scenes that felt almost too revealing to publish. - The Backlist Deep Dive: Performing taste in Pink Palazzo, old traditions in Scarlet Fever, and the quiet wealth of Low Season in St. Tropez. - The Art of Taste: The exact details that signal trying too hard versus the subtle cues of real, unannounced taste. - What is Next: A look at Kiki's upcoming schedule (Santa Barbara Literary Festival, a Virginia hunting lodge retreat) and the new creative gathering space forming in Santa Barbara. Mentioned in this Episode: - Pre-order/Buy Midnight Blue - Pink Palazzo [https://kikiastor.com/pink-palazzo-by-kiki-astor/] - Low Season in St. Tropez [https://kikiastor.com/low-season-in-st-tropez-by-kiki-astor/] - Scarlet Fever [https://kikiastor.com/books-by-kiki-astor-old-money-romance/] - Santa Barbara Literary Festival [https://www.santabarbaraliteraryfestival.org/] Subscribe & Review: If you enjoyed this season, be sure to subscribe so you do not miss our return. While we are on a brief pause to collect better stories, step into Kiki's world by exploring her books. https://kikiastor.com/ [https://kikiastor.com/]