Ep 49: Your Comfort Zone is a Big Fat Lie!
People call it a comfort zone all the time.
But what if the thing you’re struggling to leave isn’t actually comfortable?
In this episode, Asha unpacks the difference between what is comfortable and what is simply familiar, and why confusing the two can keep you stuck in jobs, relationships, routines, and identities that no longer fit who you are becoming.
Because the truth is, most people are not staying because they feel good;
they’re staying because they know what to expect.
This conversation moves through nervous systems, survival instincts, language, and the stories we tell ourselves about change. Asha shares personal reflections about chronic back pain, leaving a tenured teaching career in the U.S., moving to Portugal, and what it means to stop choosing discomfort simply because it’s predictable.
If you’ve been circling a decision for months, if something in your life feels heavy, restrictive, or misaligned, if you keep calling it a “comfort zone” even though it doesn’t actually feel good, this episode might help you tell the truth about what’s really happening.
And once you tell the truth, the next step becomes easier to see.
00:00 - Understanding Comfort vs Familiarity
09:58 - Embracing Change and the Unfamiliar
16:56 - Identifying Your Hesitations
* Why your brain mistakes familiarity for safety
* The nervous system’s relationship to change and uncertainty
* How language shapes the choices you believe are available to you
* The hidden exhaustion of staying in lives that no longer fit
* Why unfamiliar doesn’t mean dangerous
* What helped Asha leave a life that looked successful on paper but no longer felt aligned
* Is this situation actually comfortable or just familiar?
* Am I staying because it feels good, or because I know what to expect?
* What might become possible if I stopped treating unfamiliarity like danger?
Resources:
* Join Love Notes [https://dashboard.mailerlite.com/forms/659871/112719372217222301/share], the email for high-achieving Black women who've done everything right and still feel like something's missing: self-trust, nervous system, and coming home to the freedom that's always been yours.
* Learn more about RESET [http://www.ashasplacelisbon.com/reset].
* Ask a question in the RESET WhatsApp group. [https://chat.whatsapp.com/Dyz1bZvtN6PIkCOXn7M0md?]
RESET: A six-week experience for high-achieving Black women who are ready to stop performing and come home to themselves.
Inside RESET, we explore nervous system regulation, ancestral connection, identity shifts, rest, and the space between the life you built and the life you actually want.
If enrollment is currently closed, future cohorts and retreats will still be announced.
In this episode:Questions to sit with after listening:
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