101: Why Am I Still Struggling Years Later?

101: Why Am I Still Struggling Years Later?

You've read the books. Gone to therapy. Joined groups. Learned the language of recovery. And yet, you're still stuck. In this episode, we explore a painful question many men quietly carry: "Why am I still struggling?" This week we unpack why recovery isn't simply about trying harder—it may be about receiving the right level of support. You'll discover: * Why insight alone doesn't create lasting change. * The difference between information and integration. * Signs that you may need a higher level of care. * Why white-knuckling isn't the same as healing. * How emotional regulation—not just behavior management—changes recovery. If you've wondered whether you're broken or hopeless, this conversation offers another possibility: Maybe nothing is wrong with you. Maybe it's time for a different level of help. Chapters * 2:45 Why You Feel Stuck * 05:12 Integration * 07:05 Signs You Need More * 12:00 No Shame; More Support * 13:15 Do the Hard Thing Watch the episode on YouTube ⁠HERE [https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLUM7hsOcaM_ivpf9PVocYKO_pKo4LVs14] Register Now! * ***Use code PODCAST150 to get $150 off any Choose intensive or retreat in 2026!*** * Courage to Thrive [https://www.chooserecoveryservices.com/courage-to-thrive-betrayal-trauma-intensive/] - Join us for this healing retreat for women who have experienced betrayal trauma. It offers a safe, supportive space to process pain, reconnect with yourself, and begin moving forward with strength and hope. Through guided workshops, therapeutic support, and restorative experiences, women leave feeling seen, empowered, and less alone. August 25-28, 2026 in Spanish Fork, Utah.  * Reclaimed: A Men’s Parts-Work Intensive [https://www.chooserecoveryservices.com/reclaimed-intensive/] - A transformative 4-day intensive for men in recovery from problematic sexual behaviors, using the Internal Family Systems model to help participants deepen emotional healing, reduce shame, understand their inner world, and live with greater authenticity and wholeness. August 18-21 in Spanish Fork, UT. * 💵We don’t want finances to get in the way of your healing. Scholarships [https://www.chooserecoveryservices.com/intensive-scholarship/] and payment plans (including buy now, pay later options) are available for all of our intensives.  NEW Groups * Making Sense of His Behavior [https://www.chooserecoveryservices.com/making-sense-of-his-behavior/]- NEW group designed for anyone who is trying to make sense of confusing, painful, and hurtful behaviors in their relationship.  * Know Your Story [https://www.chooserecoveryservices.com/know-your-story/] is a group for men who are ready to move beyond surface-level recovery and explore the experiences, beliefs, and patterns that have shaped their lives through guided writing exercises, reflection, and group discussion. Group starts June 22nd and runs for 14 weeks. Connect With Us: * Learn more about Luke here [https://www.chooserecoveryservices.com/team/#LukeGordon].  * Schedule a complimentary consultation here [https://www.chooserecoveryservices.com/home/complimentary-session/]. * Don’t miss an episode! Join our email list [https://lp.constantcontactpages.com/sl/yyW1MdD] and get notified when new episodes air!  * Follow us on Instagram @choose_recovery_services    Wanting more? Choose Recovery Services offers many courses specifically for men: * Beyond the Facade: Men’s Healing Group [https://www.chooserecoveryservices.com/beyond-the-facade-group/] - This group helps men move through the pains of addiction, relationship healing, managing emotions, and moving past shame. You’ll learn how to better connect with others, understand your own emotional experience, and build a deeper sense of self respect. * Help. Her. Heal [https://www.chooserecoveryservices.com/help-her-heal/] - This program is for men seeking to learn more about empathy, conflict resolution, and healthy communication.  Additional Resources from Choose Recovery Services: * Intensives [https://www.chooserecoveryservices.com/intensives/] - Accelerate your healing journey with one of our intensives, available year-round for individuals, couples, and professionals. * Road to Recovery Webinar [https://www.chooserecoveryservices.com/road-to-recovery/] - Join us on the second Sunday of each month for a FREE interactive discussion that explores tools and strategies to support individuals and couples navigating the challenges of recovery following betrayal.  * Choose To Be Podcast [https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/choosetobe] - This podcast focuses on helping women heal from infidelity and betrayal trauma. * Choose Healing [https://www.chooserecoveryservices.com/choose-betrayal-trauma-healing-for-women/] - Weekly support group for women who have recently experienced betrayal and are needing help coping with the symptoms of trauma.  Learn more and register for courses at chooserecoveryservices.com [http://chooserecoveryservices.com]

100: Making Sense of His Behavior

What happens when the acting out stops—but everything still feels broken? This week Luke and Scott Blundo [https://www.chooserecoveryservices.com/team-bios/#ScottBlundo] (fellow Choose Recovery Services coach) explore the difference between sobriety and recovery. Many betrayed partners expect life to improve once the behaviors stop. But recovery is far more than just abstinence. You'll learn: * Why sobriety and recovery are not the same thing * Why emotions often intensify after acting out stops * The four key markers of genuine recovery * How accountability differs from shame and punishment * What betrayed partners can realistically expect during healing Interested in learning more? Register for the Making Sense of His Behavior group [https://www.chooserecoveryservices.com/making-sense-of-his-behavior/] starting soon at Choose Recovery Services. Chapters * 01:39 Meet Scott * 04:20 Making Sense of His Behavior Course * 07:11 Sobriety vs Recovery * 09:54 When Things Get Worse * 16:54 Markers of Change * 25:04 Accountability * 32:34 Setbacks and Progress Watch the episode on YouTube ⁠HERE [https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLUM7hsOcaM_ivpf9PVocYKO_pKo4LVs14] Register Now! * ***Use code PODCAST150 to get $150 off any Choose intensive or retreat in 2026!*** * Courage to Thrive [https://www.chooserecoveryservices.com/courage-to-thrive-betrayal-trauma-intensive/] - Join us for this healing retreat for women who have experienced betrayal trauma. It offers a safe, supportive space to process pain, reconnect with yourself, and begin moving forward with strength and hope. Through guided workshops, therapeutic support, and restorative experiences, women leave feeling seen, empowered, and less alone. August 25-28, 2026 in Spanish Fork, Utah.  * Reclaimed: A Men’s Parts-Work Intensive [https://www.chooserecoveryservices.com/reclaimed-intensive/] - A transformative 4-day intensive for men in recovery from problematic sexual behaviors, using the Internal Family Systems model to help participants deepen emotional healing, reduce shame, understand their inner world, and live with greater authenticity and wholeness. August 18-21 in Spanish Fork, UT. * 💵We don’t want finances to get in the way of your healing. Scholarships [https://www.chooserecoveryservices.com/intensive-scholarship/] and payment plans (including buy now, pay later options) are available for all of our intensives.  NEW Groups * Making Sense of His Behavior [https://www.chooserecoveryservices.com/making-sense-of-his-behavior/]- NEW group designed for anyone who is trying to make sense of confusing, painful, and hurtful behaviors in their relationship.  * Know Your Story [https://www.chooserecoveryservices.com/know-your-story/] is a group for men who are ready to move beyond surface-level recovery and explore the experiences, beliefs, and patterns that have shaped their lives through guided writing exercises, reflection, and group discussion. Group starts June 22nd and runs for 14 weeks. Get our FREE eBook - Healing From Betrayal Trauma: A Compassionate Guide to Reclaiming Your Life [https://www.chooserecoveryservices.com/betrayal-trauma-guide/] Connect With Us: * Learn more about Luke here [https://www.chooserecoveryservices.com/team/#LukeGordon].  * Schedule a complimentary consultation here [https://www.chooserecoveryservices.com/home/complimentary-session/]. * Don’t miss an episode! Join our email list [https://lp.constantcontactpages.com/sl/yyW1MdD] and get notified when new episodes air!  * Follow us on Instagram @choose_recovery_services    Wanting more? Choose Recovery Services offers many courses specifically for men: * Beyond the Facade: Men’s Healing Group [https://www.chooserecoveryservices.com/beyond-the-facade-group/] - This group helps men move through the pains of addiction, relationship healing, managing emotions, and moving past shame. You’ll learn how to better connect with others, understand your own emotional experience, and build a deeper sense of self respect. * Help. Her. Heal [https://www.chooserecoveryservices.com/help-her-heal/] - This program is for men seeking to learn more about empathy, conflict resolution, and healthy communication.  Additional Resources from Choose Recovery Services: * Intensives [https://www.chooserecoveryservices.com/intensives/] - Accelerate your healing journey with one of our intensives, available year-round for individuals, couples, and professionals. * Road to Recovery Webinar [https://www.chooserecoveryservices.com/road-to-recovery/] - Join us on the second Sunday of each month for a FREE interactive discussion that explores tools and strategies to support individuals and couples navigating the challenges of recovery following betrayal.  * Choose To Be Podcast [https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/choosetobe] - This podcast focuses on helping women heal from infidelity and betrayal trauma. * Choose Healing [https://www.chooserecoveryservices.com/choose-betrayal-trauma-healing-for-women/] - Weekly support group for women who have recently experienced betrayal and are needing help coping with the symptoms of trauma.  Learn more and register for courses at chooserecoveryservices.com [http://chooserecoveryservices.com]

99: How to Spot an Emotionally Shut-Down Man Part 2

Why does an emotionally shut down man struggle to change—even when he genuinely wants to? In this follow-up episode, Luke and Alana respond to listener questions about emotional shutdown, nervous system healing, and what recovery actually looks like for men who have spent years disconnecting from their emotions. ***Listen to Part 1 HERE [https://spotifycreators-web.app.link/e/dw5WzL9R72b].*** Together they explore: * Why insight alone doesn't create change * What emotional shutdown is really protecting * How attachment wounds shape adult relationships * Why some men become more emotional after starting recovery * What somatic work actually is * How nervous system healing creates lasting transformation * What emotional reconnection looks like in real life Chapters * 01:45 Why Insight Isn’t Enough * 08:01 What Shutdown Protects * 12:12 Control and Safety * 16:17 Predictability Over Vulnerability * 20:05 Reconnecting Emotionally * 28:43 Somatic Work Explained * 30:04 Healing Takes Time Watch the episode on YouTube ⁠HERE [https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLUM7hsOcaM_ivpf9PVocYKO_pKo4LVs14] Register Now! * ***Use code PODCAST150 to get $150 off any Choose intensive or retreat in 2026!*** * 🌴NEW: Couples Retreat in Costa Rica! [https://www.chooserecoveryservices.com/rise-and-renew-couples-retreat/]- If you are in a stable place in your relationship and want to reconnect, regulate, and rediscover each other, we invite you to our couples breathwork retreat. Retreat is July 30-August 3. * Courage to Thrive [https://www.chooserecoveryservices.com/courage-to-thrive-betrayal-trauma-intensive/] - Join us for this healing retreat for women who have experienced betrayal trauma. It offers a safe, supportive space to process pain, reconnect with yourself, and begin moving forward with strength and hope. Through guided workshops, therapeutic support, and restorative experiences, women leave feeling seen, empowered, and less alone. August 25-28, 2026 in Spanish Fork, Utah.  * 💵We don’t want finances to get in the way of your healing. Scholarships [https://www.chooserecoveryservices.com/intensive-scholarship/] and payment plans (including buy now, pay later options) are available for all of our intensives.  * Making Sense of His Behavior [https://www.chooserecoveryservices.com/making-sense-of-his-behavior/]- NEW group designed for anyone who is trying to make sense of confusing, painful, and hurtful behaviors in their relationship. * Know Your Story [https://www.chooserecoveryservices.com/know-your-story/] is a group for men who are ready to move beyond surface-level recovery and explore the experiences, beliefs, and patterns that have shaped their lives. Through guided writing exercises, reflection, and group discussion, participants create a personal narrative that helps them uncover the roots of shame, self-protection, and unhealthy behaviors. Group starts June 22nd and runs for 14 weeks. Get our FREE eBook - Healing From Betrayal Trauma: A Compassionate Guide to Reclaiming Your Life [https://www.chooserecoveryservices.com/betrayal-trauma-guide/] Connect With Us: * Learn more about Luke here [https://www.chooserecoveryservices.com/team/#LukeGordon].  * Schedule a complimentary consultation here [https://www.chooserecoveryservices.com/home/complimentary-session/]. * Don’t miss an episode! Join our email list [https://lp.constantcontactpages.com/sl/yyW1MdD] and get notified when new episodes air!  * Follow us on Instagram @choose_recovery_services    Wanting more? Choose Recovery Services offers many courses specifically for men: * Beyond the Facade: Men’s Healing Group [https://www.chooserecoveryservices.com/beyond-the-facade-group/] - This group helps men move through the pains of addiction, relationship healing, managing emotions, and moving past shame. You’ll learn how to better connect with others, understand your own emotional experience, and build a deeper sense of self respect. * Help. Her. Heal [https://www.chooserecoveryservices.com/help-her-heal/] - This program is for men seeking to learn more about empathy, conflict resolution, and healthy communication.  Additional Resources from Choose Recovery Services: * Intensives [https://www.chooserecoveryservices.com/intensives/] - Accelerate your healing journey with one of our intensives, available year-round for individuals, couples, and professionals. * Road to Recovery Webinar [https://www.chooserecoveryservices.com/road-to-recovery/] - Join us on the second Sunday of each month for a FREE interactive discussion that explores tools and strategies to support individuals and couples navigating the challenges of recovery following betrayal.  * Choose To Be Podcast [https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/choosetobe] - This podcast focuses on helping women heal from infidelity and betrayal trauma. * Choose Healing [https://www.chooserecoveryservices.com/choose-betrayal-trauma-healing-for-women/] - Weekly support group for women who have recently experienced betrayal and are needing help coping with the symptoms of trauma.  Learn more and register for courses at chooserecoveryservices.com [http://chooserecoveryservices.com]

98: Are All CSAT Therapists the Same? What Actually Matters in Addiction Recovery - with Jacob Fletcher

What actually makes a good CSAT therapist? In this episode, Luke Gordon and Jacob Fletcher [https://www.chooserecoveryservices.com/team-bios/#JacobFletcher] (CSAT and fellow Choose Recovery Services coach), unpack the major differences between recovery approaches in pornography addiction and compulsive sexual behavior treatment. Many people spend years in recovery focused only on behavior and sobriety — yet still feel emotionally disconnected, ashamed, and unable to build intimacy. This conversation explores: * Behavior-focused vs trauma-focused therapy * Why emotional regulation matters * The role of attachment wounds and shame * How relapse should actually be approached * Questions to ask when choosing a therapist If you’ve struggled to feel real transformation in recovery, this episode may help you understand why. Chapters * 02:04 Meet Jacob Fletcher * 04:27 Different CSAT Styles * 07:31 Behavior vs Somatic * 09:44 Questions to Ask * 14:32 Relapse Approach * 18:29 Dopamine Reset * 21:46 Balancing Both Models Watch the episode on YouTube ⁠HERE [https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLUM7hsOcaM_ivpf9PVocYKO_pKo4LVs14] Register Now! * ***Use code PODCAST150 to get $150 off any Choose intensive or retreat in 2026!*** * 🌴NEW: Couples Retreat in Costa Rica! [https://www.chooserecoveryservices.com/rise-and-renew-couples-retreat/]- If you are in a stable place in your relationship and want to reconnect, regulate, and rediscover each other, we invite you to our couples breathwork retreat. Register by May 31st to get our early-bird pricing - $600 OFF! * Courage to Thrive [https://www.chooserecoveryservices.com/courage-to-thrive-betrayal-trauma-intensive/] - Join us for this healing retreat for women who have experienced betrayal trauma. It offers a safe, supportive space to process pain, reconnect with yourself, and begin moving forward with strength and hope. Through guided workshops, therapeutic support, and restorative experiences, women leave feeling seen, empowered, and less alone. August 25-28, 2026 in Spanish Fork, Utah.  * Making Sense of His Behavior [https://www.chooserecoveryservices.com/making-sense-of-his-behavior/]- NEW 8-week group designed for anyone who is trying to make sense of confusing, painful, and hurtful behaviors in their relationship. Start the group at any time and stay for eight weeks. Get our FREE eBook - Healing From Betrayal Trauma: A Compassionate Guide to Reclaiming Your Life [https://www.chooserecoveryservices.com/betrayal-trauma-guide/] * 💵We don’t want finances to get in the way of your healing. Scholarships [https://www.chooserecoveryservices.com/intensive-scholarship/] and payment plans (including buy now, pay later options) are available for all of our intensives.  Connect With Us: * Learn more about Luke here [https://www.chooserecoveryservices.com/team/#LukeGordon].  * Schedule a complimentary consultation here [https://www.chooserecoveryservices.com/home/complimentary-session/]. * Don’t miss an episode! Join our email list [https://lp.constantcontactpages.com/sl/yyW1MdD] and get notified when new episodes air!  * Follow us on Instagram @choose_recovery_services    Wanting more? Choose Recovery Services offers many courses specifically for men: * Beyond the Facade: Men’s Healing Group [https://www.chooserecoveryservices.com/beyond-the-facade-group/] - This group helps men move through the pains of addiction, relationship healing, managing emotions, and moving past shame. You’ll learn how to better connect with others, understand your own emotional experience, and build a deeper sense of self respect. * Help. Her. Heal [https://www.chooserecoveryservices.com/help-her-heal/] - This program is for men seeking to learn more about empathy, conflict resolution, and healthy communication.  Additional Resources from Choose Recovery Services: * Intensives [https://www.chooserecoveryservices.com/intensives/] - Accelerate your healing journey with one of our intensives, available year-round for individuals, couples, and professionals. Our intensives foster connection with others who share similar experiences, creating an immersive environment that enables profound transformation in a short period of time. * Road to Recovery Webinar [https://www.chooserecoveryservices.com/road-to-recovery/] - Join us on the second Sunday of each month for a FREE interactive discussion that explores tools and strategies to support individuals and couples navigating the challenges of recovery following betrayal.  * Choose To Be Podcast [https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/choosetobe] - This podcast focuses on helping women heal from infidelity and betrayal trauma. * Choose Healing [https://www.chooserecoveryservices.com/choose-betrayal-trauma-healing-for-women/] - Weekly support group for women who have recently experienced betrayal and are needing help coping with the symptoms of trauma.  Learn more and register for courses at chooserecoveryservices.com [http://chooserecoveryservices.com]

97: How to Stay Connected to Your Kids After Betrayal

When betrayal enters a family, children often carry invisible pain. This week Luke joins Amie and Alana on their podcast (Choose To Be [https://creators.spotify.com/pod/profile/choosetobe/]) to talk about his personal experience with how to repair after betrayal. Listen in as he shares what his experience was like trying to reconnect with his children and rebuild trust. Listen to learn: * Why kids react strongly (and sometimes unexpectedly) * How betrayal trauma affects attachment and trust * What parents can do to rebuild safety and connection * The difference between supporting vs. overwhelming your child If you want to learn more about helping children and teens heal after betrayal, listen to more episodes about this topic on the Choose To Be podcast: Part 1, [https://spotifycreators-web.app.link/e/b2SzUtl6j2b]  Part 2 [https://spotifycreators-web.app.link/e/Pnscqtl6j2b], and Part 3 [https://spotifycreators-web.app.link/e/BvqGFoW6j2b].  Want a podcast dedicated to helping teens and children with betrayal? Tune in to Morgan Ellsworth’s podcast: Healing Betrayed Families [https://open.spotify.com/show/2h4QsaGOHYcDZqlsPPUGdk] Chapters: * 04:11 Staying Grounded  * 09:43 Attunement and Vulnerability Goals * 13:20 Vulnerability Without Dumping * 19:01 Make It About the Kids * 23:07 When Kids Blame Mom * 27:31 Attachment and Love Bombing * 31:27 Validate Kids’ Reality * 37:06 Keep Showing Up Watch the episode on YouTube ⁠HERE [https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLUM7hsOcaM_ivpf9PVocYKO_pKo4LVs14] Register Now! * ***Use code PODCAST150 to get $150 off any Choose intensive or retreat in 2026!*** * 🌴NEW: Couples Retreat in Costa Rica! [https://www.chooserecoveryservices.com/rise-and-renew-couples-retreat/]- If you are in a stable place in your relationship and want to reconnect, regulate, and rediscover each other, we invite you to our couples breathwork retreat. Register by May 31st to get our early-bird pricing - $600 OFF! * Making Sense of His Behavior [https://www.chooserecoveryservices.com/making-sense-of-his-behavior/]- NEW 8-week group designed for anyone who is trying to make sense of confusing, painful, and hurtful behaviors in their relationship. Start the group at any time and stay for eight weeks. Get our FREE eBook - Healing From Betrayal Trauma: A Compassionate Guide to Reclaiming Your Life [https://www.chooserecoveryservices.com/betrayal-trauma-guide/] * 💵We don’t want finances to get in the way of your healing. Scholarships [https://www.chooserecoveryservices.com/intensive-scholarship/] and payment plans (including buy now, pay later options) are available for all of our intensives.  Connect With Us: * Learn more about Luke here [https://www.chooserecoveryservices.com/team/#LukeGordon].  * Schedule a complimentary consultation here [https://www.chooserecoveryservices.com/home/complimentary-session/]. * Don’t miss an episode! Join our email list [https://lp.constantcontactpages.com/sl/yyW1MdD] and get notified when new episodes air!  * Follow us on Instagram @choose_recovery_services    Wanting more? Choose Recovery Services offers many courses specifically for men: * Beyond the Facade: Men’s Healing Group [https://www.chooserecoveryservices.com/beyond-the-facade-group/] - This group helps men move through the pains of addiction, relationship healing, managing emotions, and moving past shame. You’ll learn how to better connect with others, understand your own emotional experience, and build a deeper sense of self respect. * Help. Her. Heal [https://www.chooserecoveryservices.com/help-her-heal/] - This program is for men seeking to learn more about empathy, conflict resolution, and healthy communication.  Additional Resources from Choose Recovery Services: * Intensives [https://www.chooserecoveryservices.com/intensives/] - Accelerate your healing journey with one of our intensives, available year-round for individuals, couples, and professionals. Our intensives foster connection with others who share similar experiences, creating an immersive environment that enables profound transformation in a short period of time. * Road to Recovery Webinar [https://www.chooserecoveryservices.com/road-to-recovery/] - Join us on the second Sunday of each month for a FREE interactive discussion that explores tools and strategies to support individuals and couples navigating the challenges of recovery following betrayal.  * Choose To Be Podcast [https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/choosetobe] - This podcast focuses on helping women heal from infidelity and betrayal trauma. * Choose Healing [https://www.chooserecoveryservices.com/choose-betrayal-trauma-healing-for-women/] - Weekly support group for women who have recently experienced betrayal and are needing help coping with the symptoms of trauma.  Learn more and register for courses at chooserecoveryservices.com [http://chooserecoveryservices.com]