You Can't Out-Think Your Nervous System: Blessing Uchendu on Leadership and the Body

You Can't Out-Think Your Nervous System: Blessing Uchendu on Leadership and the Body

What if the thing standing between you and sustainable leadership isn't your mindset, your strategy, or your time management, but your physiology? In this episode, I sit down with Blessing Uchendu [https://www.linkedin.com/in/blessinguchendu/], a licensed clinical social worker and somatic leadership coach who spent nearly 20 years in social work before bringing that clinical depth into coaching high-achieving women leaders. Together, we explore: * What it means that "you cannot out-think your nervous system" * Why physical breakdown under chronic stress is a normal response, not a personal failure * The distinction between therapy ("healing backward") and coaching ("healing forwards") * How stress hijacks access to the reasoning part of the brain * How marginalized identities — especially for women and people of color in leadership — add an extra layer of nervous system vigilance at work * A nervous-system approach to building belonging * Practical language for naming dysregulation in yourself or someone else without shame * Why pausing during conflict only works if you return to the hard conversation afterward * An exercise for mapping your own stress signals and communicating what you need from your team * Resisting urgency culture and slowing down to match your body's pace and needs. About Blessing : Blessing Uchendu is a licensed clinical social worker and somatic leadership coach who works with women leaders who are excellent at their jobs and exhausted in ways that no amount of time off seems to fix. After nearly 20 years as a social worker, she brought her clinical depth into private practice and eventually into leadership coaching, helping leaders recognize the stress patterns — over-functioning, conflict avoidance, invisible emotional labor — that are shaping how they lead, and building the nervous system capacity to stay grounded under pressure. She works with women leaders and organizations through one-to-one somatic leadership coaching and facilitation, and is available for speaking engagements on nervous system intelligence at work. More Goodness from Blessing: * LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/blessinguchendu/ [https://www.linkedin.com/in/blessinguchendu/] * Website: https://www.freshwatercc.com/ [https://www.freshwatercc.com/] * FREE RESOURCE: How to Finally Relax Without Needing a Vacation [https://2df56b.subscribepage.io/] * Free Leadership Clarity Call [https://calendly.com/blessing-14/somatic-leadership-conversation] Want Support from Reloveution? * Burnout Blueprinting Call [https://calendly.com/jointhereloveution/burnout-blueprint] * Time-Off Coaching [https://www.truereloveution.com/time-off] ChatGMB: Wisdom & Insights for Modern Leaders is produced for leaders, managers, and changemakers seeking insight, tools, perspective, and real talk on topics such as human-centered leadership, team culture, conflict transformation, burnout prevention, and more. There is no fancy editing or over-polished scripting. Tune in to hear me in all my imperfection, talking for as long as it feels "right" on the topics that light me up or set me on fire. If you like what you hear and want more wisdom and insights for your journey, sign up for our weekly-ish newsletter [https://www.truereloveution.com/newsletter]!! Have a question you'd like us to answer in a future episode? Submit questions (anonymous welcome) HERE [https://forms.gle/Ped9H7ncvjnFh4DF8]. ChatGMB is a production of Reloveution, a consulting and professional development services provider that leverages the magic of humanity to strengthen teams, deepen leadership impact, and catalyze professional well-being. From facilitating team retreats to leading leadership development programs to robust advisory services, we help you build the emotional and cultural conditions for human thriving AND exemplary business outcomes. Learn more at www.truereloveution.com [https://www.truereloveution.com/] You might also be interested in our focused conflict transformation practice RepairWorks. When tension rises, communication breaks down, or trust is broken, RepairWorks provides mediation, facilitated dialogue, advisory services, and training to help individuals, workplaces, teams, and established communities move through and transform conflict with clarity, accountability, and humanity. Learn more at www.conflictrepairworks.com [https://www.conflictrepairworks.com] About the Show GMB stands for “the Great Marissa Badgley” — a nickname my husband lovingly uses to remind me that I am great, good, competent, courageous, and enough. The name is also a playful nod to ChatGPT, which so many of us rely on for answers (maybe more than we should). Think of this as the human alternative: honest real talk, wisdom sharing, and actionable strategies on the specific leadership and culture topics that surface again and again in my consulting, coaching, and facilitation work.

"Step Back, Not Away" - Brittany Rodriguez's Leadership Story

This episode of ChatGMB Wisdom and Insights for Modern Leaders is a little different because it's a conversation between Marissa and someone she coached. Brittany Rodriguez is the Senior Director of Programs at Hartford Youth Scholars [https://www.hartfordyouthscholars.org/], a college-access organization in Hartford, Connecticut, where she's worked for 9 years and was once a student herself. Marissa coached Brittany through FiveFrogs [https://fivefrogsct.org/]' eight-month Leadership Development Roundtable [https://fivefrogsct.org/opportunities/leadership-development-roundtable/] (LDR) program, and this episode brings their working relationship full circle. Brittany talks about growing up in Hartford with a single mother, attending boarding school, and the early career jump from a stable job in finance to mission-driven nonprofit work, a decision she's never once regretted. We dig into what's kept her at one organization for nearly a decade, the leadership values she leans on, and the ongoing, very human work of leading a team without burning out or taking over. We also talk candidly about coaching and cohort-based leadership development, and what it felt like for Brittany to be coached by Marissa. The episode closes with Brittany sharing that she's open to her next opportunity after nearly a decade at Hartford Youth Scholars and what she's looking for next. Listen in to hear: * What's kept Brittany at one organization for 9 years (and what most workplaces could learn from it) * The difference between "power-with" and "power-over" leadership * How she builds consistency for her team amid the chaos of nonprofit work * Why "balance" is subjective, and how she's worked through the guilt of logging off * The hardest leadership skill she's currently practicing: stepping back without stepping away * What it was like to go through an 8-month leadership cohort (LDR) and 1:1 coaching at the same time About Brittany Rodriguez: Brittany Rodriguez is the Senior Director of Programs at Hartford Youth Scholars, where she supports students and families navigating historically inequitable education systems through intentional, compassionate academic support that positions them for undergraduate completion and success. A first-generation, queer Latina raised by a single mother in Hartford, Connecticut, Brittany is herself an alum of Hartford Youth Scholars and has spent nine years building her career there after a brief stint in finance. She was a participant in Five Frogs Connecticut's Leadership Development Roundtable (LDR) program, and is currently (as of June 22, 2026) open to new professional opportunities. Connect with Brittany on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/brittany-leighrodriguez/ [https://www.linkedin.com/in/brittany-leighrodriguez/] Other References * Hartford Youth Scholars [https://www.hartfordyouthscholars.org/] * FiveFrogs Connecticut [https://fivefrogsct.org/] + Leadership Development Roundtable [https://fivefrogsct.org/opportunities/leadership-development-roundtable/] Working with Marissa as a Coach: Brittany describes her coaching experience with Marissa as one of the most concentrated growth experiences in her leadership journey. She says she expected criticism and got affirmation instead, along with concrete tools she could put into practice immediately (sometimes walking straight from a coaching session into a team meeting to try them out). She calls Marissa relatable, perceptive, human, and authentic, and says several of the tools from their work together have stuck with her ever since. If you're a leader who could use someone like Marissa in your corner, book a connection call here [https://bit.ly/reloveutionconnectioncall] to see if coaching might be the right fit for you. You can also learn more HERE [https://www.truereloveution.com/on-demand]. ChatGMB: Wisdom & Insights for Modern Leaders is produced for leaders, managers, and changemakers seeking insight, tools, perspective, and real talk on topics such as human-centered leadership, team culture, conflict transformation, burnout prevention, and more. There is no fancy editing or over-polished scripting. Tune in to hear me in all my imperfection, talking for as long as it feels "right" on the topics that light me up or set me on fire. If you like what you hear and want more wisdom and insights for your journey, sign up for our weekly-ish newsletter [https://www.truereloveution.com/newsletter]!! Have a question you'd like us to answer in a future episode? Submit questions (anonymous welcome) HERE [https://forms.gle/Ped9H7ncvjnFh4DF8]. ChatGMB is a production of Reloveution, a consulting and professional development services provider that leverages the magic of humanity to strengthen teams, deepen leadership impact, and catalyze professional well-being. From facilitating team retreats to leading leadership development programs to robust advisory services, we help you build the emotional and cultural conditions for human thriving AND exemplary business outcomes. Learn more at www.truereloveution.com [https://www.truereloveution.com/] You might also be interested in our focused conflict transformation practice RepairWorks. When tension rises, communication breaks down, or trust is broken, RepairWorks provides mediation, facilitated dialogue, advisory services, and training to help individuals, workplaces, teams, and established communities move through and transform conflict with clarity, accountability, and humanity. Learn more at www.conflictrepairworks.com [https://www.conflictrepairworks.com] About the Show GMB stands for “the Great Marissa Badgley” — a nickname my husband lovingly uses to remind me that I am great, good, competent, courageous, and enough. The name is also a playful nod to ChatGPT, which so many of us rely on for answers (maybe more than we should). Think of this as the human alternative: honest real talk, wisdom sharing, and actionable strategies on the specific leadership and culture topics that surface again and again in my consulting, coaching, and facilitation work.

The Withholding of Self: Elaine Lin Hering on Voice, Power, and Silence at Work

In this episode of ChatGMB, Marissa talks with Elaine Lin Hering, speaker, facilitator, former lecturer at Harvard Law School, and author of the USA Today bestseller Unlearning Silence: How to Speak Your Mind, Unleash Talent, and Live More Fully [https://elainelinhering.com/book/]. The conversation is both personal and practical, with a central premise that one of the biggest, if not the biggest, obstacles to good leadership, healthy teams, and real progress isn't a lack of confidence but silence. Elaine defines silence as the withholding of self for the comfort and convenience of others and breaks it into three layers: self-silencing, social silencing, and systemic silencing. Drawing on her own experience as the youngest daughter of an immigrant family and her career inside elite institutions, Elaine explains why telling people to "just speak up" misses the point entirely, and why so much leadership advice (be more confident, be louder, be more like the person who got promoted) is solving for the wrong problem. Together, we talk about: * Elaine's definition of silence and how it shows up in our lives and work * Why "just speak up" doesn't work, and what leaders should solve for instead * The danger of conflating organizational values with personal values * Red flags that a team or organization has a silence problem (hint: watch how leaders respond to bad survey scores) * The common ways leaders (including maybe even you) unintentionally silence others * The distinction between strategic silence (a tool) and oppressive silence (a trap) * Real-time processors vs. post-processors, and how to build cultures that work for both * Why "different" doesn't have to mean "wrong" on a team About Elaine Lin Hering: Elaine Lin Hering is a speaker, facilitator, and former lecturer on law at Harvard Law School who works with organizations and individuals to build skills in communication, collaboration, and conflict management. She has worked on six continents and facilitated executive education at Harvard, Dartmouth, Tufts, UC Berkeley, and UCLA. She has served as Advanced Training Director for the Harvard Mediation Program and as managing partner for a global leadership development firm, with clients including American Express, Chevron, Google, Nike, Novartis, PayPal, Pixar, and the Red Cross. She was named a Thinkers50 Global Management Thinker to Watch and is the USA Today bestselling author of Unlearning Silence: How to Speak Your Mind, Unleash Talent, and Live More Fully. Connect with Elaine: * Book: Unlearning Silence [https://elainelinhering.com/book/] * Free webinar: How to Speak Your Mind [https://elainelinhering.com/webinar/] (32-minutes) * Connect w/ Elaine on LinkedIn [https://www.linkedin.com/in/elainelinhering/] * Follow Elaine on Instagram [https://www.instagram.com/elainelinhering/] Complementary Resources from Reloveution * Conflict Competence Skill Inventory [https://successful-pioneer-514.kit.com/31c50bbef3] * Minimizing Ambiguity & Maximizing Predictability Checklist [https://drive.google.com/file/d/1rIh65nodHjoq7UYwCsw6yQE3GE3wNwJs/view?usp=sharing] ChatGMB: Wisdom & Insights for Modern Leaders is produced for leaders, managers, and changemakers seeking insight, tools, perspective, and real talk on topics such as human-centered leadership, team culture, conflict transformation, burnout prevention, and more. There is no fancy editing or over-polished scripting. Tune in to hear me in all my imperfection, talking for as long as it feels "right" on the topics that light me up or set me on fire. If you like what you hear and want more wisdom and insights for your journey, sign up for our weekly-ish newsletter [https://www.truereloveution.com/newsletter]!! Have a question you'd like us to answer in a future episode? Submit questions (anonymous welcome) HERE [https://forms.gle/Ped9H7ncvjnFh4DF8]. ChatGMB is a production of Reloveution, a consulting and professional development services provider that leverages the magic of humanity to strengthen teams, deepen leadership impact, and catalyze professional well-being. From facilitating team retreats to leading leadership development programs to robust advisory services, we help you build the emotional and cultural conditions for human thriving AND exemplary business outcomes. Learn more at www.truereloveution.com [https://www.truereloveution.com/] You might also be interested in our focused conflict transformation practice RepairWorks. When tension rises, communication breaks down, or trust is broken, RepairWorks provides mediation, facilitated dialogue, advisory services, and training to help individuals, workplaces, teams, and established communities move through and transform conflict with clarity, accountability, and humanity. Learn more at www.conflictrepairworks.com [https://www.conflictrepairworks.com] About the Show GMB stands for “the Great Marissa Badgley” — a nickname my husband lovingly uses to remind me that I am great, good, competent, courageous, and enough. The name is also a playful nod to ChatGPT, which so many of us rely on for answers (maybe more than we should). Think of this as the human alternative: honest real talk, wisdom sharing, and actionable strategies on the specific leadership and culture topics that surface again and again in my consulting, coaching, and facilitation work.

Curiosity, Compassion, Clarity: A Better Framework for Change Management w/ Caitlin Harper

What do a closed office bathroom, a years-long sidewalk construction project, and a surprise $1,000 windfall have in common? They're all examples of disruptive change, and disruption, even when it's positive, carries a real cost for people, strategy, and outcomes. In this episode, Marissa speaks with Caitlin Harper, founder and principal strategist at Commcoterie [https://www.commcoterie.com], to dig into her work as a change management expert and consultant and to learn how leaders can "do change" better. Caitlin spent years leading change from inside organizations before realizing that "change management" was a real job people get paid for. Now, in her seventh year running her own business, she helps mission-driven leaders and teams design strategy, communicate change, and build the trust that enables sustainable transformation and real human buy-in. Marissa and Caitlin talk about why announcing a change is not the same as actually managing it, why "all change is harm" even when the change is good, and why trying to make everyone happy during a transition is not the right goal. They get into the difference between additive change (new tech, new processes) and subtractive change (program closures, team mergers, things going away), and why organizations so rarely plan for and often underresource the latter. Caitlin also shares her "curiosity, compassion, clarity" framework, explains why she'd rather lead with compassion than empathy, and gives managers concrete questions to ask leadership when they're stuck delivering a change they didn't design or maybe don't even agree with. In this episode, you'll learn: * Why "change management" happens in organizations before anyone calls it that * How power imbalances and lack of control shape the way people experience even small disruptions * Why transparency isn't really what people want even if they think they do * How to share strategy "in lieu of information" * Questions managers can ask leadership to advocate for their teams during a transition * Why compassion, not empathy, is the more sustainable leadership skill About Caitlin Harper: Caitlin Harper is a strategist and thought partner for leadership teams of mission-driven companies and nonprofits navigating constant change. For more than 15 years, she has designed strategies and led change across organizations large and small, working as an organizational change, internal communication, and operations leader. She is the founder and principal strategist of Commcoterie, where she helps values-driven organizations design strategy, navigate change, and build stakeholder communication that supports their missions. * Learn More About Commcotterie: https://www.commcoterie.com/ [https://www.commcoterie.com/] * Subscribe to Caitlin's Newsletter: https://www.commcoterie.com/newsletter [https://www.commcoterie.com/newsletter] * Listen to Caitlin on The Ways We Learn Podcast [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BE0h15DZjQU] ChatGMB: Wisdom & Insights for Modern Leaders is produced for leaders, managers, and changemakers seeking insight, tools, perspective, and real talk on topics such as human-centered leadership, team culture, conflict transformation, burnout prevention, and more. There is no fancy editing or over-polished scripting. Tune in to hear me in all my imperfection, talking for as long as it feels "right" on the topics that light me up or set me on fire. If you like what you hear and want more wisdom and insights for your journey, sign up for our weekly-ish newsletter [https://www.truereloveution.com/newsletter]!! Have a question you'd like us to answer in a future episode? Submit questions (anonymous welcome) HERE [https://forms.gle/Ped9H7ncvjnFh4DF8]. ChatGMB is a production of Reloveution, a consulting and professional development services provider that leverages the magic of humanity to strengthen teams, deepen leadership impact, and catalyze professional well-being. From facilitating team retreats to leading leadership development programs to robust advisory services, we help you build the emotional and cultural conditions for human thriving AND exemplary business outcomes. Learn more at www.truereloveution.com [https://www.truereloveution.com/] You might also be interested in our focused conflict transformation practice RepairWorks. When tension rises, communication breaks down, or trust is broken, RepairWorks provides mediation, facilitated dialogue, advisory services, and training to help individuals, workplaces, teams, and established communities move through and transform conflict with clarity, accountability, and humanity. Learn more at www.conflictrepairworks.com [https://www.conflictrepairworks.com] About the Show GMB stands for “the Great Marissa Badgley” — a nickname my husband lovingly uses to remind me that I am great, good, competent, courageous, and enough. The name is also a playful nod to ChatGPT, which so many of us rely on for answers (maybe more than we should). Think of this as the human alternative: honest real talk, wisdom sharing, and actionable strategies on the specific leadership and culture topics that surface again and again in my consulting, coaching, and facilitation work.

Am I Gross for Staying?!

Should you leave a job that no longer feels aligned or an organization that is dysfunctional or toxic? Or is it okay to stay, even when things are messy, frustrating, toxic, or less than ideal? In this episode, we tackle a question that has come up multiple times in our community this month: "Am I gross for staying?" Whether you're considering a job change, feeling trapped by circumstances, or trying to make peace with staying in your role, this episode will help you reconnect with your agency and make choices that honor both your reality and your future. We explore: * Why staying in a difficult job does not make you weak, complicit, naive, or "gross" * The hidden shame created by workplace advice that assumes leaving is always the right answer * My personal story of burnout and the lessons I learned from staying too long * The difference between consciously choosing to stay and staying by default * How agency serves as a protective factor for well-being * Four ways to "stay well" if you're remaining in a challenging workplace * Herbert Simon's concept of "satisficing" and why good enough may be wiser than perfect * Eight reflection and discernment questions to help you discern whether to stay, leave, or build a bridge between the two Key Takeaways * Staying is a choice. Leaving is a choice. Staying while building an exit strategy is also a choice. * You are the only person qualified to weigh the costs and benefits of your own life. * Staying becomes dangerous when you stop protecting yourself. * Agency matters. The same situation feels fundamentally different when you believe you're choosing it. * Your health, integrity, and sense of self are not acceptable sacrifices for any organization. * Not every decision requires optimization. Sometimes "good enough for right now" is the wisest path forward. * The goal isn't to find a perfect answer, but to make a conscious one. The 8 Discernment Questions 1. What is keeping me here? 2. What is staying costing me? 3. What would staying for one more year (or any amount of time) cost me that I can never get back? 4. Is this situation static, fluid, temporary, or changing? 5. What would have to be true for staying to feel like the right choice? 6. What would have to be true for leaving to feel like the right choice? 7. Am I staying because I’ve decided to stay or because it's the default? 8. Do I want to stay or go? OR What do I notice in my body about staying or going? The Best Career Coaches I Know * Liz Vocacek [https://www.lizvocasek.com/] * Jess Wass [https://www.reworkit.co/] * Erin Ewart [https://www.careersforimpact.com] * Lee Crockett [https://leecrockett.com/] * Ali Dunn [https://www.alidunn.com/] * Valerie Friedlander [https://valeriefriedlander.com/] We're all here for you!! Please reach out if you need support! ChatGMB: Wisdom & Insights for Modern Leaders is produced for leaders, managers, and changemakers seeking insight, tools, perspective, and real talk on topics such as human-centered leadership, team culture, conflict transformation, burnout prevention, and more. There is no fancy editing or over-polished scripting. Tune in to hear me in all my imperfection, talking for as long as it feels "right" on the topics that light me up or set me on fire. If you like what you hear and want more wisdom and insights for your journey, sign up for our weekly-ish newsletter [https://www.truereloveution.com/newsletter]!! Have a question you'd like us to answer in a future episode? Submit questions (anonymous welcome) HERE [https://forms.gle/Ped9H7ncvjnFh4DF8]. ChatGMB is a production of Reloveution, a consulting and professional development services provider that leverages the magic of humanity to strengthen teams, deepen leadership impact, and catalyze professional well-being. From facilitating team retreats to leading leadership development programs to robust advisory services, we help you build the emotional and cultural conditions for human thriving AND exemplary business outcomes. Learn more at www.truereloveution.com [https://www.truereloveution.com/] You might also be interested in our focused conflict transformation practice RepairWorks. When tension rises, communication breaks down, or trust is broken, RepairWorks provides mediation, facilitated dialogue, advisory services, and training to help individuals, workplaces, teams, and established communities move through and transform conflict with clarity, accountability, and humanity. Learn more at www.conflictrepairworks.com [https://www.conflictrepairworks.com] About the Show GMB stands for “the Great Marissa Badgley” — a nickname my husband lovingly uses to remind me that I am great, good, competent, courageous, and enough. The name is also a playful nod to ChatGPT, which so many of us rely on for answers (maybe more than we should). Think of this as the human alternative: honest real talk, wisdom sharing, and actionable strategies on the specific leadership and culture topics that surface again and again in my consulting, coaching, and facilitation work.