Eyes Wide Shut

Shaolin Soccer

In this episode, we dive into Stephen Chow's cult classic Shaolin Soccer, where washed-up Shaolin monks transform football into a hilarious kung-fu frenzy of flying headers, mystical curveballs, and bone-crushing tackles. Facing cartoonish villains who get launched into orbit, this absurd underdog comedy delivers non-stop laughs from kickoff to final goal. The big question: Will Bert and Michael (who've never seen it) appreciate its glorious ridiculousness as much as the rest of us, or will they be left scratching their heads at the physics-defying chaos and absurd CGI?

D2: The Mighty Ducks

THE QUACK PACK IS BACK, JACK!!! This week, we get Pucked, with the newly assembled District 5 Ducks battling for gold as Team USA takes on America's greatest sports rival, Iceland, at the Junior Goodwill Games. Is Gordon Bombay a good coach? Why does Charlie hate America? Why is the greatest goalie to hit the ice riding the pine while Goldberg does Goldberg things? We discuss all of this and more as we kick off our Sports Film Series!!

Minority Report

In this episode, we go unhinged on Minority Report: Tom Cruise’s PreCrime unit arrests murderers before they act—until the system declares him the next killer, flipping his world into chaos. We break down the absurd jetpack chase, the skin-crawling spider bots, and the eerie, snot-nosed doctor and nurse with their unsettling nursery rhyme as they swap his eyes. At the core is the precogs’ nightmare: three siblings drugged and caged in fluid, their minds and autonomy sacrificed for a flawless, crime-free society. Is it ethical to enslave the few for the many? The precogs’ verdict is a resounding no. Buckle up.

Eyes Wide Shut

We dive into Stanley Kubrick’s Eyes Wide Shut as his final, veiled revelation about elite secret societies and their hidden rituals. A casual confession propels Tom Cruise into a surreal night of masked orgies, anonymous threats, and symbolic ceremonies that mirror alleged real-world power structures. We examine the Illuminati-esque masks and red cloaks, the suspicious timing of Kubrick’s death after the final cut, and that closing line as a stark warning: once you see behind the facade, there's no unseeing it.

Mission: Impossible

Our Mission should we choose to accept it: Breaking down the film that kickstarted a massive franchise! From the absolute BANGER of a score, shocking mask removals, the iconic Langley repelling scene, and the explosive finale, Tom Cruise keeps us on the edge of our seats! This Podcast will self destruct in 5...4...3...