On Tuesdays We Unmask: Mean Girls, Relational Aggression, and the AuDHD Experience

The Cultural Masking No One Talks About: AuDHD, Culture, and Late Diagnosis

I have an earnestly held belief that every culture thinks they invented being weird and unhinged. This week I'm joined by Brazilian American therapist and fellow AuDHD human Brenna Doering, and we are here to confirm that yes, your culture probably did normalize at least three autistic traits without knowing it, and no, that does not mean you were fine. We get into what it actually looks like to grow up neurodivergent in a culture that does not have language for it, how your culture and your brain can both be asking you to disappear at the same time, and the very real racial disparities in who gets an ADHD or autism diagnosis versus who just gets labeled a problem. We also spend some time debunking the "everyone is a little autistic" myth, because no. No they are not. Brenna also coined the term manic pixie meltdown and I will not be taking questions about how much I relate to that. If you are a late diagnosed AuDHD woman, femme, or them who grew up being told you were too sensitive, too much, or just not trying hard enough, this one is for you. Find Brenna at thatssowholesome.com and on Instagram and TikTok at thats.so.wholesome. She also runs a Discord community specifically for neurodivergent therapists, which you can find through her social media.

Your Nervous System Doesn't Speak English: EMDR, Trauma, and Neurodivergent Healing with Laurie Bellinger

We're talking EMDR, trauma, nervous system regulation, and why no one in the history of calming down has ever calmed down by being told to calm down. This week I'm sitting down with clinical social worker Laurie Bellinger, who has spent 25 years working with clients across the lifespan, to talk about what's actually happening in your body when trauma gets stuck and why understanding it intellectually is never going to be enough to move it. We start with what trauma actually means through a nervous system lens (spoiler: it's a lot more than car accidents and big scary events), then get into why top-down approaches like CBT hit a wall when your body thinks it's still in danger. Laurie breaks down polyvagal theory, window of tolerance, and bottom-up processing in a way that actually makes sense, and then walks us through EMDR therapy from the ground up: what the eight phases look like, why bilateral stimulation works, and why a good EMDR therapist is going to spend a lot of time before they ever wave a finger in front of your face. We also get into how to adapt EMDR for neurodivergent clients, what resourcing actually means, and why the therapeutic relationship predicts outcomes more than any modality ever will. And for the therapists listening: we go there on mentorship gaps, burnout, what the community mental health model does to new clinicians, and Laurie's upcoming book for therapists trying to build a sustainable career without losing their minds in the process. Laurie practices in New York State and offers consultation for clinicians at lauriebellinger.com.   00:00 Your Body Doesn't Know the Trauma's Over 03:48 What Actually Counts as Trauma (It's More Than You Think) 08:41 Top-Down vs. Bottom-Up Therapy: Why Talk Therapy Isn't Always Enough for Trauma 14:01 What Is EMDR Therapy and How Does It Reprocess Trauma 20:35 Bilateral Stimulation in EMDR: What It Is and Why It Works 26:17 Resourcing in EMDR: Why Safety Has to Come Before Trauma Processing 34:08 EMDR for ADHD and Autism: Adapting Trauma Therapy for Neurodivergent Brains 41:16 Why Good Therapy Is About the Relationship, Not the Modality 48:56 Therapist Burnout and Building a Sustainable Mental Health Career 56:32 Connect with Laurie Bellinger

The Problem Has a Name and It's Not You: Narrative Therapy for ADHD, Autism, and the Lies We Tell Ourselves

Narrative therapy, ADHD, autism, and the story you've been telling yourself that is only ~10% of the actual truth. This week I'm talking to Dr. Cristina Louk, neurodivergent clinical psychologist, ADHD specialist, and one of the most genuinely warm and disarmingly earnest humans I've had on this show. She's been doing this work for decades and she is here to explain why narrative therapy might be the most slept-on modality for neurodivergent brains and why the story you've been telling about yourself is technically accurate but also deeply incomplete and kind of a disaster. We get into what narrative therapy actually is, how you thicken a thin story, and why you should absolutely name your problem. Mine is Vanessa. We don't know why. We're not questioning it. We also cover why narrative therapy is not your first stop if you're in crisis, how it plays with CBT, DBT, IFS, and somatic work, and what it looks like to restory your life without anyone telling you to just think positive. Nobody is telling you to just think positive on this podcast. Ever. And then because we are who we are, we spiral into justice sensitivity, RSD, masking, ADHD friend breakups, why some neurodivergent people attract users, and the very specific experience of clocking every single thing someone does wrong while smiling politely about it. Dr. Louk offers a free 15-minute consultation and sees clients in person in Woodinville, Washington and virtually throughout the state, with telehealth licenses in Florida and North Carolina. Find her at peacehumanistic.com. If this episode hit different and you want more, you can find me at alyssazimmerman.com for therapy services in New York State or to apply to be a guest on Clinically Awkward. Come be unhinged with us.   0:00 Meet Dr. Cristina Louk: Neurodivergent Psychologist on ADHD, Autism, and the Anxiety Misdiagnosis Pipeline 5:15 What Is Narrative Therapy? Why This ADHD-Friendly Modality Flies Under the Radar 8:27 Thickening the Story: The Narrative Therapy Technique That Changes Everything 11:57 Narrative Therapy and Suffering: Why We Don't Run From the Hard Parts 14:39 Externalizing the Problem: Getting Neurodivergent Clients to Believe They Are Not the Issue 19:18 Neurodivergent Therapists, Compassion Fatigue, and Why We Don't Work in Candyland 22:04 How Narrative Therapy Actually Works: The Structured Process for ADHD and Autistic Clients 28:44 Masking, IFS, and Narrative Therapy: The Neurodivergent Overlap 30:50 Neuroexpansive: Reframing ADHD and Autism as Strength 36:30 Strength-Based Therapy vs. Toxic Positivity: What Narrative Therapy Gets Right 45:20 Justice Sensitivity and RSD: How Neurodivergent People Experience Emotional Dysregulation 49:11 ADHD, RSD, and Friend Breakups: The Stories We Tell About Relationships

We Didn't Fail School. School Failed Us: What the System Got Wrong About Neurodivergent Kids

If you grew up neurodivergent in a school that had no idea what to do with you, this episode is going to hit you right in the feelings. I'm sitting down with Rebecca Engle, AuDHD dyslexia specialist, special education teacher, and owner of Stitches and Stanzas, an advocacy and creativity company that somehow combines knitting and screaming about the school system, which is the most neurodivergent business model I've ever heard of. We're both AuDHD, we were both identified early, and we both spent years in a system that had very strong opinions about our brains and was wrong about most of them. We get into what ableism in special education actually looks like when it's not dramatic, just normalized. IEPs written for classroom management instead of learning, behavior charts standing in for actual support, and schools consistently misreading a nervous system in overload as a behavior problem. We dig into dyslexia specifically because it gets lost in the neurodivergence conversation and it shouldn't, what happens cognitively when dyslexia, ADHD, and autism show up in the same kid, school refusal, learned helplessness, screen time, and the pipeline from second grade dropout risk to the prison system. We close on Rebecca's experience being denied entry into a teacher training program for being autistic, and why she only takes jobs at low-income schools. Regulation before rigor. That's the whole thing. Rebecca's resources, including trauma-informed classroom tools and co-regulation models, are available through Stitches and Stanzas on Instagram and Facebook. If you're looking for therapy in New York, find me at alyssazimmerman.com. 00:00 Meet Rebecca Engle: AuDHD Dyslexia Specialist and Special Education Advocate 08:21 What Ableism in Special Education Actually Looks Like 13:00 Ableism is Just Annoyance in Disguise 17:12 What Schools Get Wrong About Dyslexia and Learning Differences 22:02 When Dyslexia, ADHD, and Autism Show Up in the Same Kid 26:26 School Refusal, Learned Helplessness, and the Cost of Compliance Culture 29:21 Screen Time, Reading Struggles, and Neurodivergent Kids 32:24 Why IEPs Fail Neurodivergent Students and What Actually Works 38:48 From Student with an IEP to Special Education Teacher 42:08 Ableism in Teacher Training Programs 47:49 What Every Educator Needs to Know About Neurodivergent Students

On Tuesdays We Unmask: Mean Girls, Relational Aggression, and the AuDHD Experience

This week on Clinically Awkward, fellow therapist (and fellow Alyssa) Alyssa DeRoche joins me for what I can only describe as a reparative experience disguised as a podcast episode. We're both AuDHD, both millennial, both AFAB, and we both grew up watching this movie like it was a nature documentary about a species we were desperately trying to infiltrate. We dig into why Cady crash landing in American high school isn't just a fish-out-of-water story. It's an allegory for what it actually feels like to be neurodivergent: arriving somewhere everyone else already knows the rules, doing everything wrong, and having absolutely no idea why people don't like you. We talk relational aggression, why it's so much more damaging than just getting punched, and why so many of us would have genuinely preferred the punch. We get personal about our own diagnosis stories, our masking histories, and how exclusion in girlhood turns you into the adult who will not let a single person get left off an invitation list. We talk friendship limerence, the social coordinator trap, and why "just text her back" is not the helpful advice people think it is when you have ADHD. We close on the forward-looking stuff: self-trust, knowing your actual capacity, and learning to tell people how your brain works before the friendship implodes. Alyssa DeRoche is a therapist licensed in Massachusetts, Connecticut, and Rhode Island. You can find her at seedoftruthcounseling.com [https://seedoftruthcounseling.com/]. If you're looking for therapy in New York, I'm at alyssazimmerman.com [https://alyssazimmerman.com/]. Timestamps: 00:00 Late Diagnosed and Finally Making Sense of It 09:16 Cady Heron and the Autistic Experience Nobody Named 16:08 Friendship Limerence, Executive Dysfunction, and the Group Chat 24:27 Is Regina George and The Case for Pretty Girl Autism 28:36 Janice Ian, The Role of the Outsider, and The Accountability Gap 33:32 Relational Aggression Is a Trauma Response 36:56 What Karen Smith Gets Right About Neurotypical Obliviousness 43:23 Why You Want an Autistic Therapist 48:07 Gretchen Weiners Deserves Better: Toxic Loyalty and Female Friendships 51:04 Self-Trust, Capacity, and Looking Forward