Q&A: How to handle alienation, why we recommend separation and more

Is My Child Hiding How They Really Feel About the Divorce? with Helen Adam, Family Solutions Group

Most parents going through separation believe they're protecting their children by keeping them out of it. But what if that instinct is actually silencing the one voice that could change everything? In this episode, host Mitch Wilkins is joined by Bill Hewlett and Helen Adam, founding partner of Wells Family Mediation and a leading figure in UK family law policy. Helen spent years as a family solicitor before retraining as a mediator in 2007, and she now leads policy work through the Family Solutions Group, pushing for a family justice system that puts children, rather than legal process, at the centre. Together they explore why the UK's approach to separation remains dominated by law rather than love, what child inclusive mediation actually involves and why it transforms cases almost every single time, and why the Ministry of Justice keeps being asked to solve a problem it was never designed to understand. Helen shares some remarkable moments from her practice, including the young person who couldn't ask their dad for separate shampoo because it had become caught up in their parents' conflict, and Bill spoke of the 13-year-old who performed happiness for his mum in the waiting room and then broke down the moment the door closed. These aren't dramatic courtroom stories. They are quiet, everyday examples of what children carry when the adults around them aren't listening. Since recording, Helen has noted that the situation at the Ministry of Justice remains unchanged. The Family Solutions Group is now actively calling for a Commissioner for Separating Families, which they believe is the only viable way to provide coherent leadership for separating families away from the court pathway. This episode is for parents in the middle of separation, for professionals working in the family space, and for anyone who wants to understand why the system is the way it is, and what a better version could look like. Resources mentioned: Family Solutions Group [https://www.familysolutionsgroup.co.uk/] | A Child's Right to Matter [https://www.familysolutionsgroup.co.uk/a-childs-right-to-matter-2/] | Your Direction workshops [https://www.restoredlives.org/yourdirection] | Positive Parenting Alliance [https://theparentspromise.org.uk/] Follow Civilised Separations on Instagram [https://www.instagram.com/civilisedseparations/], TikTok [https://www.tiktok.com/@civilisedseparations] and LinkedIn [https://www.linkedin.com/company/104881616], and visit civilisedseparations.co.uk [https://www.civilisedseparations.co.uk/] for more resources.

Rethinking Separation: Insights with Professor Anne Barlow

In this episode of Conflict to Connection, Mitch Wilkins and Bill Hewlett speak with Professor Anne Barlow (University of Exeter) about the gaps in the family justice system and how current separation processes can unintentionally increase conflict. Drawing on decades of socio-legal research, Anne reflects on why reforms designed to encourage mediation have instead led to confusion and reduced access to support. The conversation explores emotional readiness, power imbalances, and inconsistencies in mediation practice. Alongside a powerful case for child-inclusive approaches and ensuring children’s voices are meaningfully heard. This is a thoughtful and evidence-led discussion for anyone interested in how we can better support families through separation. What listeners will gain * A clearer understanding of why the current system struggles to support families effectively * Insight into how policy decisions impact real-life separation experiences * A deeper awareness of emotional readiness and its role in mediation * Practical thinking around improving outcomes through earlier and better support * A strong evidence-based case for including children in the process Who this episode is for * Family law professionals and mediators * Policymakers and those interested in justice reform * Professionals supporting separating families * Parents navigating separation who want to better understand the system Follow and support Anne's New Book: Children’s Voices, Family Disputes and Child-Inclusive Mediation - The Right to Be Heard [https://bristoluniversitypress.co.uk/childrens-voices-family-disputes-and-child-inclusive-mediation] By Anne Barlow and Jan Ewing   Follow Conflict to Connection on Spotify and leave a review if this episode resonated. Find further support at civilisedseparations.co.uk

Q&A: How to handle alienation, why we recommend separation and more

What this episode is about In this Q&A episode of Conflict to Connection, the team answers real questions from parents about separation, children, and conflict. The discussion challenges the belief that separation harms children and explains why ongoing parental conflict is the real risk factor. The episode also explores children’s attachment to their parents, the limits of legal solutions, and why repairing the co-parenting relationship matters more than winning a dispute. This is a reflective, experience-led conversation for parents who want to protect their children emotionally during and after separation. Questions answered in this episode * Does separation harm children? * Why does conflict affect children more than divorce itself? * Do children always want a relationship with both parents? * Why might children return to a parent who has hurt them? * Are one-lawyer-for-one-couple arrangements helpful? * Why do families lose faith in collaborative law? * What is missing from legal-only approaches to separation? * What actually helps in situations labelled as parental alienation? What listeners will gain * A clearer understanding of what children are responding to during separation. * Reassurance for parents questioning whether they are doing the right thing. * Insight into why relationship repair matters more than legal positioning. * A compassionate reframing of parental alienation. * A practical example of how acknowledgement can reopen blocked relationships. Who this episode is for * Parents navigating separation or divorce. * Parents worried about the emotional impact on their children. * Parents experiencing distance or rejection from their child. * Professionals supporting separating families. Follow and support Follow Conflict to Connection on Spotify and leave a review if this episode resonated. Find further support at civilisedseparations.co.uk [http://civilisedseparations.co.uk]. Follow us: TikTok [https://www.tiktok.com/@civilisedseparations] Instagram [https://www.instagram.com/civilisedseparations/] YouTube [https://www.youtube.com/@CivilisedSeparations]

Don't go to court, go to Child Inclusive Mediation - Mabel Edge, Children 1st Mediation

Children don’t need to be in the middle to be heard. In this episode, Mable Edge from Children 1st Mediation joins Conflict to Connection to unpack the realities of Child Inclusive Mediation - What works, what doesn’t, and why the system still struggles to centre children’s voices. A powerful conversation about reform, responsibility, and doing better for families. This episode is essential listening for mediators, lawyers, and parents who want better outcomes for children and a more humane approach to separation.

The Greatest Gift You Can Give Your Kids

The Greatest Gift You Can Give Your Children Have you ever wondered what the greatest gift you could give your child might be?Most parents think it’s love, protection and stability. Of course, those things matter. But in this episode of Conflict to Connection, we explore something deeper. Something harder. What if the greatest gift you can give your child… is the ability to cope, even when everything feels like it’s falling apart? Whether you're going through separation, parenting solo, or trying to do better after a high-conflict split, this episode is for you.We talk about the emotional resilience that children need to thrive — and how that often comes from watching you model calm, courage and compassion when it would be easier to give in to fear, anger or frustration. From the heartbreak of drop-off at nursery, to your child telling you they “don’t want to see the other parent,” we unpack what these moments really mean — and how to respond in a way that supports their long-term emotional wellbeing.Because co-parenting isn’t just about logistics. It’s about the emotional environment you’re creating, day by day, moment by moment.What you'll hear in this episode: * Why children sometimes need you to do the thing they’re begging you not to * What your child is really saying when they want to reject a parent * The difference between giving a child a voice — and giving them responsibility * How subtle conflict in the home can shape your child’s sense of identity * Why unity (even in small doses) is the secret to long-term resilience * The emotional cost of rumination, blame and resentment — and what to do instead * How even alienated or excluded parents can still show up and offer emotional support * The power of “Name it to Tame it” and how to co-regulate with your child during big changes One thing to take away: Even if you can’t do everything, you can still do one thing that matters.And that one thing — a moment of unity, a message of hope, a decision to model calm instead of chaos — might be the very thing your child remembers ten years from now. Find us at: https://www.civilisedseparations.co.uk/ [https://www.civilisedseparations.co.uk/] https://www.tiktok.com/@civilisedseparations [https://www.tiktok.com/@civilisedseparations] https://www.instagram.com/civilisedseparations/ [https://www.instagram.com/civilisedseparations/\] Civilised Separations on LinkedIn [https://www.linkedin.com/company/civilisedseparations/] If you need support with your separation, book a free consultation call today. [https://calendly.com/bella-billhewlett/initial-consultation?utm_source=website&utm_medium=booking_page&utm_campaign=lead_gen&utm_id=AO]