Here I Am vs. There You Are: The Mindset Shift That Changes How You Make Friends

Here I Am vs. There You Are: The Mindset Shift That Changes How You Make Friends

Women can be surrounded by people and still feel completely alone. They can be in a good marriage, a full church, a busy life, and still crave the kind of friendship where they feel truly safe, seen, and understood. In today’s episode, Rhonda and Melissa open a 3-part conversation on friendship: how to find it, what gets in the way, and why the biggest obstacle is usually the one staring back in the mirror. Rhonda walks through a simple but powerful framework she calls "Here I Am vs. There You Are." Most of us walk into a room thinking about ourselves, whether we are loud about it or quiet. The shift happens when we walk in thinking about everyone else. She breaks down what that actually looks like in real conversations, with someone you have been meaning to get to know. She also talks about insecurity, walls, jealousy, and the freedom that comes when you stop competing and start genuinely cheering for the people around you.   Part two continues next week. Make to Subscribe to the podcast - so you do not miss it.   Topics Covered in This Episode [0:00:26] Why Women Still Feel Lonely in a Crowd [0:02:24] Stop Waiting—How to Actually Make New Friends [0:03:50] Simple Scripts for Asking Someone to Lunch [0:06:12] Turn Everyday Activities into Friendship Opportunities [0:06:57] The Biggest Obstacle to Friendship: Ourselves [0:07:40] How Insecurity Sabotages Your Relationships [0:08:38] Becoming a Better Listener and Less of a “One-Upper.” [0:09:32] Do You Really Prioritize Friendship? [0:10:34] Stuck in “Why Don’t They Like Me?” [0:11:18] Here I Am vs There You Are [0:13:20] Questions That Make People Feel Seen and Valued [0:15:05] Friendship for Introverts and Extroverts [0:16:12] Why Making Friends Is Hard for Every Temperament [0:17:05] Shifting the Focus Off Yourself [0:18:18] Intimidated by Her Gifts? Do This Instead [0:19:30] Turn Jealousy into Curiosity and Learning [0:20:32] Safe Friendships Where You Don’t Have to Pretend [0:21:27] Be the Friend Who Assumes the Best [0:21:50] Friendship, Motherhood, and the Posture of Your Heart Episode Takeaways   1. Try "There You Are" in one situation this week. The next time you walk into a room where you do not know many people, before you think about where you will sit or what people will think of you, look for one person who looks like they could use a conversation. Go to them. Ask one question. Then just listen. 2. Make a specific ask, not a vague one. Think of one person you have been meaning to get to know better. Do not text "we should get together." Text: "Would you want to grab lunch next Thursday? There is a place near you I have been wanting to try." Set the date in the message. 3. Find one thing to genuinely compliment this week. Think of someone whose gift or talent you have noticed but never said out loud. Say it. Not fluff. Something specific and true. Watch what it does to the dynamic between you. Resources + Links Let’s Keep The Conversation Going!  * New episodes release every Thursday. Be sure to follow, rate, and subscribe so you don’t miss what’s coming next. Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/therhondaellis [https://www.instagram.com/therhondaellis]  * Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/TheRhondaEllis [https://www.facebook.com/TheRhondaEllis]  * Visit us at: http://cultivatingahome.com [http://cultivatingahome.com]  Did this episode help you? Share it with a friend who's drowning in clutter or noise and leave a review on Apple Podcasts. It means everything to a new show.

I Don't Want to Be in This Mess: The Phrase That Stopped the Spiral in Our Home

Every family has moments where someone starts digging a hole and cannot seem to stop. A stubborn toddler who will not admit what she did. A preteen with a tone that keeps escalating. A misread text between friends that is turning into something it never needed to be. A disagreement with a husband that has gone three rounds longer than it should have.   On today’s episode, Rhonda shares a simple phrase she developed for her youngest daughter, who reminded her a lot of herself: “I don't want to be in this mess.” Five words that interrupt the spiral, give a child language to stop digging, and open the door to restoration without shame.   Rhonda traces the phrase back to a fifth-grade classroom, a substitute teacher, a series of bad choices, and check marks on a chalkboard. She also walks through the biblical framework behind it: putting off one behavior and putting on its opposite, at every age from toddler to adult.   And then she gets personal about a two-year season when one of her children was recovering from a traumatic brain injury, and how a deep study of Psalms became the thing that kept her faith intact.   Practical, honest, and worth sharing with every mom you know.   Topics Covered in This Episode * Where "I don't want to be in this mess" came from, and why Rhonda created it * The fifth grade substitute teacher story and what kept making it worse * How to introduce the phrase to toddlers using role play and gentle coaching * Using it with young elementary kids who storm off and cannot find their way back * Preteens who can learn to interrupt their own behavior before it goes further * Self-awareness as a skill that can be taught, not just hoped for * James 1:19: quick to listen, slow to speak, slow to wrath * Proverbs 12:22: lying lips are an abomination, but those who deal truly are His delight * The put off / put on framework: you cannot remove a behavior without replacing it with something else * Using the phrase in marriage: "Honey, I don't want to be in this mess." * Romans 12:18: if it is possible, live at peace with all men * Anxiety and worry: putting off fear and putting on trust through Philippians 4:6 * The traumatic brain injury season and what Rhonda learned from going through every Psalm * How every human emotion is represented in Psalms, and what always happens by the end * Praise music, journaling, and the consistency of showing up to God when everything is hard * How to include your children in hard family seasons without making them carry the burden * Using every situation as a teachable moment   Key Scriptures James 1:19 "Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry." Proverbs 12:22 "Lying lips are an abomination to the Lord, but those who deal truly are His delight." Romans 12:18 "If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone." Philippians 4:6 (referenced) "Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God."   Listen in to learn more :  * [0:01:17] Fifth-Grade Meltdown Origin Story * [0:03:09] “I Don’t Want to Be in This Mess” Parenting Tool * [0:05:40] Role-Playing Repair with Young Kids * [0:06:54] Using the Phrase to Heal Sibling Conflict * [0:08:37] Preteen Self-Awareness & Interrupting Attitude * [0:09:55] Put Off / Put On Framework from Scripture * [0:11:06] Teaching Truth Over Lying with Proverbs 12:22 * [0:14:18] Handling Misread Texts & Choosing Peace * [0:17:31] Trading Anxiety for Trust and Prayer * [0:18:40] Walking Through Trauma with Psalms * [0:21:40] Coaching Kids Through Hard Emotions Biblically * [0:23:19] Practical Tools: Journaling, Worship, Family Prayer * [0:25:23] Involving Siblings in Empathy and Care * [0:26:04] Using Every Trial as a Teachable Moment   Resources + Links Let’s Keep The Conversation Going!  * New episodes release every Thursday. Be sure to follow, rate, and subscribe so you don’t miss what’s coming next. Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/therhondaellis [https://www.instagram.com/therhondaellis]  * Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/TheRhondaEllis [https://www.facebook.com/TheRhondaEllis]  * Visit us at: http://cultivatingahome.com [http://cultivatingahome.com]  Did this episode help you? Share it with a friend who's drowning in clutter or noise — and leave a review on Apple Podcasts. It means everything to a new show.

A Generous Tongue: How Specific Words of Encouragement Can Change the Atmosphere of Your Home

What if the most generous thing you could give someone today cost nothing at all?   In today’s episode of Cultivating a Home, Rhonda and Melissa wrap up their two-part conversation on generosity by going beyond money and talents to two things most people never think to give intentionally: their time and their words.   Rhonda shares what it looked like to show up at the home of a grieving family with her children, a Sam's Club cart full of supplies, and no idea how they would get everything inside without making it about themselves. She talks about the difference between saying "let me know if you need anything" and actually showing up, and why being present without having answers is sometimes the most powerful gift you can offer.   Then the conversation shifts to the tongue. Rhonda introduces a phrase she has used in her home for years: " When you think something nice, say it.” She shares the moment her son told a waitress she had excellent people skills, and how that one specific, genuine observation brought the woman to tears.   The episode closes with the special plate tradition, a simple practice any family can start today to build a home where people speak life into each other. Topics Covered in This Episode * What it means to give your time as an act of generosity * Looking for opportunities in the everyday places you already are: sports fields, ballet recitals, neighborhoods * The difference between "let me know if you need anything" and actually showing up with something specific * Texting instead of calling when someone is grieving, and why it works better * The Sam's Club run: showing up at a grieving family's home with a car full of supplies and no plan * The Art of Helping by Lauren Whitlow Briggs [https://www.amazon.com/Art-Helping-What-Someone-Hurting/dp/1589191668] and the do's and don'ts of helping in hard situations * Karen's question about the garden tub: how to make a specific offer that is easy to say yes to * Learning to let people help you: the pride and the blessing on the other side of receiving * A generous tongue: why specific compliments land differently than general ones * When you think something nice, say it. Teaching this as a habit at home before asking kids to do it in public * The waitress story: what one elementary-aged boy noticed and said out loud * Speaking life into people without flattery: the difference between genuine observation and empty words * The special plate tradition: how to honor a family member with specific, real words * How to include toddlers in the special plate even before they can form full sentences * It is never too late to start. Start where you are today.   Key Scripture Proverbs 22:9 (continued from Episode 8) "He who has a generous eye will be blessed, for he gives of his bread to the poor."   The Special Plate Tradition   The special plate is a red plate that says "You Are Special." One person is honored at a time. Everyone at the table goes around and shares something specific about that person: a character quality, a skill, a real story. Not flattery. Real, observed, genuine words.   How to start even if your kids are little: Whisper the words to them line by line and let them repeat. "You are special. Because you are my dad. I like it when you make pancakes with me." They are learning the rhythm long before they can do it on their own.   You do not need the plate. If you are on vacation or away from home, the concept travels. Pull chairs in a circle and do it anyway.   Episode Takeaways 1. [0:00:26] Expanding the Generosity Series to Time 2. [0:01:49] Training Children to See Needs and Serve 3. [0:05:02] Ministry of Presence in Times of Suffering 4. [0:09:56] Practicing Practical, Specific Help in Crisis 5. [0:17:45] Learning to Receive Help and Let Others Bless You 6. [0:21:47] Cultivating a Generous Tongue and Family Honor Traditions   Resources + Links Book Referenced – Art of Helping by Lauren Whitlow Briggs [https://www.amazon.com/Art-Helping-What-Someone-Hurting/dp/1589191668] https://www.amazon.com/Art-Helping-What-Someone-Hurting/dp/1589191668 [https://www.amazon.com/Art-Helping-What-Someone-Hurting/dp/1589191668]  Let’s Keep The Conversation Going!  * New episodes release every Thursday. Be sure to follow, rate, and subscribe so you don’t miss what’s coming next. Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/therhondaellis [https://www.instagram.com/therhondaellis]  * Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/TheRhondaEllis [https://www.facebook.com/TheRhondaEllis]  * Visit us at: http://cultivatingahome.com [http://cultivatingahome.com]  Did this episode help you? Share it with a friend who's drowning in clutter or noise — and leave a review on Apple Podcasts. It means everything to a new show.

Expect, Trust, Obey: How to Raise Generous Kids Who Give Without Needing the Credit

Generosity is not just about money. And it is not just for people who have a lot of it.   In this episode of Cultivating a Home, Rhonda and Melissa open up a conversation about what it looks like to raise genuinely generous kids, starting with financial giving and then going somewhere most people never think to look.    Rhonda shares how she took six children to the bank to open savings accounts and set up four envelopes: tithe, give, save, and spend. She talks about keeping a pre-written card and a bill in your purse so you are always ready when God prompts you. And she tells the story of the Christmas gifts that sat in the back of her car for weeks with no plan for delivery, until the doorbell rang at a party, and the answer walked right in.   Then the conversation shifts to something bigger: the talents, skills, and gifts your family already has, and how to start seeing them as tools for blessing others. From coaching youth basketball to showing up with a vacuum cleaner, this episode will change how you look at what you have to offer.   Part one of two. Next week, the conversation continues.   Topics Covered in This Episode * Proverbs 22:9 and what it means to have a "generous eye" * Teaching kids to give anonymously at restaurants, and why anonymity matters * The pre-written card in your purse: a simple, practical way to always be ready to give * The four-envelope money system: tithe, give, save, spend * How Rhonda connected allowance to scripture memory and character goals * Heather's friend, who needed shoes, was taught to notice a need and act on it * The grocery store trip, the Diet Dr. Pepper, and the hair ties nobody planned * Expect. Trust. Obey. The three-word framework for following the still small voice * Why our hesitation to give usually comes down to thinking about ourselves * How to describe someone else's need to your kids without pity or condescension * The Christmas doorbell story: gifts sitting in the back of the car for weeks, and how God solved the delivery problem * Giving talents beyond what you would see in a talent show * Upward basketball, nursing homes, etiquette, organizing, holding babies: what a real talent inventory looks like * "Lord, show me ways you've designed me uniquely" as a daily prayer * Showing up with a vacuum cleaner: what it looks like when the whole family gives their time together   Key Scripture Proverbs 22:9 "He who has a generous eye will be blessed, for he gives of his bread to the poor." Episode Takeaways 1. Put something in an envelope and carry it. It does not have to be a lot. Write a short note inside. Keep it in your purse and wait for the person God puts on your mind. Then give it without waiting for a thank you. 2. Do a talent inventory with your family. Sit down together and list out what each person is actually good at, including the things that would never make it onto a stage. Ask: How could this skill be used to bless someone else right now? Pray over the list. 3. Include your kids the next time you give. Let them help pick the person, contribute from their own giving envelope, and carry the bag to the door. The experience of giving together is the lesson. You do not have to explain it afterward. Timestamps [0:01:56] Developing a “Generous Eye” in Everyday Life [0:02:33] Teaching Kids to Secretly Pay for Someone’s Meal [0:08:05] Kids’ Tithe–Give–Save–Spend System [0:12:02] “Expect, Trust, Obey” as a Lifestyle of Giving [0:22:26] Using Kids’ Talents to Serve Others Resources + Links This topic continues next week in Episode 9. Subscribe so you do not miss part two, and share this episode with a friend who needs a fresh perspective on what generosity can look like. Let’s Keep The Conversation Going!  * New episodes release every Thursday. Be sure to follow, rate, and subscribe so you don’t miss what’s coming next. Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/therhondaellis [https://www.instagram.com/therhondaellis]  * Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/TheRhondaEllis [https://www.facebook.com/TheRhondaEllis]  * Visit us at: http://cultivatingahome.com [http://cultivatingahome.com]  Did this episode help you? Share it with a friend who's drowning in clutter or noise — and leave a review on Apple Podcasts. It means everything to a new show.

Childish or Disobedient? How to Tell the Difference and Train Ahead for Both

What if the work you're doing right now, the patient, repetitive, invisible work of training your children, is already taking root in ways you can't see yet?   On today’s episode,  Rhonda and Melissa open with Deuteronomy 6:7 and build out one of the most practical episodes yet: a full conversation on training ahead at every stage, toddlers, elementary, and teenagers, and how the small, consistent investments you make now shape who your children become.   Rhonda shares the moment she watched her two-year-old son quietly grab a towel and clean up his own spill at a friend's house without saying a word to anyone, the result of training ahead that started in the high chair. She also walks through how to tell the difference between childish behavior and actual disobedience, the Play-Doh lesson that teaches responsibility and creativity at the same time, and how she prepared her teenage son for a formal banquet by asking questions instead of giving answers.   You'll walk away with practical tools for every age and renewed faith that the work is worth it. Topics Covered in This Episode * Deuteronomy 6:7: what it looks like to teach diligently in the rhythms of everyday life * Morning routines that establish calm instead of chaos, and what to do with kids who are slow to wake * Using car rides, mealtimes, and bedtime as natural opportunities to point kids toward Christ * The power of sitting quietly in the dark -Melissa's mother-in-law's bedtime ritual * How to break generational patterns and parent differently than you were parented * The prayer journal that moved Rhonda to copy down a stranger's prayers for her own family * Warning: parenting for the accolades of others  and how to recognize when you're doing it * Praising character qualities over appearance: what 1 Samuel 16:7 has to do with your daughter's self-image * Childish vs. disobedient:  how to tell the difference and why it matters for how you respond * Training ahead in the high chair: food, plates, and teaching respect for property from the very beginning * The Play-Doh method: introducing new freedoms with clear expectations and a cleanup plan * The two-year-old spill story: the payoff of training ahead you may not see coming * Training ahead for teenagers: the pool story, the prom story, and how to have the conversation before the moment * Amelia on the boat, and  what a three-year-old's response revealed about years of consistent training * The goal isn't perfection: it's progress   Key Scripture Deuteronomy 6:7 "You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise."   1 Samuel 16:7 (referenced) "Man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart."   Episode Takeaways   1. Look at your morning and find one intentional moment. It doesn't have to be a formal devotion. A hug, a short prayer, a verse at breakfast, one moment where you're deliberately pointing your kids toward Christ before the rush takes over.   1. Identify one behavior you've been overlooking and train for it ahead of time. Choose a calm, neutral moment, no conflict, no friction, and walk your child through what you expect the next time that situation comes up. Role-play it if they're young enough. Ask questions instead of giving answers if they're a teenager.   1. Check your praise this week. How often do you comment on your child's appearance rather than their character? Find one specific quality, patience, kindness, creativity, perseverance, and name it out loud to your child before the week is out.   Resources + Links Was this episode helpful? Share it with a mom who's in the trenches of training right now and leave a review on Apple Podcasts. Every review helps more families find this show.