Episode 12: "They Wanted Me to Pick a Side. Me Elegí a Mí Mismo."

Episode 12: "They Wanted Me to Pick a Side. Me Elegí a Mí Mismo."

Hey vecino, Have you ever woken up and felt like there are two people living inside of you? The version of you that shows up at work or school. And the version of you that shows up at home. Two separate selves. Two sets of unspoken rules. Two languages — sometimes literally. And never the same room at the same time. Por mucho tiempo I thought that was just what it meant to be bicultural. That you kept the two versions separate. That you never let them meet. It took me a long time to realize that the exhaustion I felt wasn’t from living between two worlds. It was from never letting those two worlds actually meet. That’s where Season 1 of the Entre Mundos Podcast ends today. In Episode 12 I talk about something that doesn’t get named enough — the real cost of living divided. Not in one dramatic moment but in the slow accumulation of microaggressions from both sides. The hundred small moments that convince you the safest thing to do is keep yourself split. The thoughts that show up when you’ve been carrying that for too long. The way the body reacts before the mind has a chance to catch up. And what it finally looks like to stop keeping the two versions of yourself in separate boxes and let them be in the same room. I share the moment that defined something in me — when I was sixteen years old and integration stopped being a concept and became something I felt in my body in real time. And I talk about what Entre Mundos Collective actually is and where it’s going — because this was never meant to be just a podcast. It was always meant to be a community. If you’ve been with me since Episode 1, gracias, this season was for you. And if this is your first time here, there are eleven more episodes waiting to be heardWHAT YOU’LL HEAR IN THIS EPISODE * The pick-a-side pressure bicultural Latinos carry from both directions and what it does over time * The cost of keeping two versions of yourself in separate boxes — in the mind, in the body, in the life * Why the thoughts that show up when you’ve been carrying too much are signals not truth * How learning to notice what’s happening inside you creates space between the trigger and the response * The moment integration stopped being a concept and became something I felt in my body * What Entre Mundos Collective is becoming — and your invitation to be part of it KEY LINE FROM THIS EPISODE “You were never supposed to be one thing or the other. You were always supposed to be all of it. Poquito de todo. Ni de aquí, ni de allá. Fully, wholly you.” LISTEN TO EPISODE 12 NOTE: This episode touches on some heavy emotional territory including the dark thoughts that can show up when the pressure of living between worlds gets to be too much. If anything lands close to home for you, please reach out to someone you trust or contact the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline by calling or texting 988. WANT TO GO DEEPER? Tomorrow on Substack I’m posting the Season 1 finale article — going deeper into what living divided actually does to the body and the mind, the noticing practice that creates space between the trigger and the response, and what integration looks like not as a destination but as a daily practice. If the episode opens the door, the article walks through it. Keep an eye out for it mañana. If this season has meant something to you, share it. Do me a favor…. Send an episode to someone who needs it. Leave a review on Apple. Join me on TikTok Live for our weekly pláticas where we have these conversations together in real time. Porque Entre Mundos Collective isn’t just my voice. It’s ours. Season 2 is coming. Y hay mucho más que hablar. Un abrazote fuerte. Tu vecino, John EliCONNECT Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/entremundoscollective [https://www.instagram.com/entremundoscollective] TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@entremundoscollective [https://www.tiktok.com/@entremundoscollective] This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit entremundoscollective.substack.com [https://entremundoscollective.substack.com?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_1]

Episode 11: Hazte Americano

Nobody ever sat you down and said it directly. But the message was always there. In the laugh when you pronounced a Spanish word correctly. In the coworker who decided your last name was too much work. In the "wow, your English is so good" that was supposed to be a compliment. Little by little, the ask became clear, be less of who you are so everybody else can feel more comfortable. In this episode we talk about what assimilation actually costs us. Not as a concept. But as a lived experience that bicultural Latinos navigate every single day in American spaces — at work, in schools, in professional environments that were never designed with us in mind. WHAT YOU'LL HEAR IN THIS EPISODE Why assimilation pressure rarely announces itself and how it shows up in the small moments instead What it actually means when someone refuses to pronounce your name correctly How American culture defines success and why that definition leaves so much out What one job taught me about joy, community, and dignity that no corporate training ever could Why the myth of equal opportunity is exactly that — a myth — and what that costs the people it leaves out Why the goal was never assimilation it was always integration KEY LINE FROM THIS EPISODE "You are under no obligation to become a prisoner to anyone else's unrealistic expectation of you. Especialmente si requiere que pierdes parte de tu identidad just to make another person comfortable." CONTINUE THE CONVERSATION Tomorrow on Substack I go deeper into what this episode opened up — specifically around values, identity, and what it looks like to choose your own direction when the dominant culture keeps handing you someone else's map. Link below when you subscribe. Get it here: https://entremundoscollective.substack.com/ [https://entremundoscollective.substack.com/] LISTEN / WATCH Spotify [https://open.spotify.com/show/0HUrOsWxNmgcT7vqrad9O5?si=447708b5e066468e] / Apple [https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/entre-mundos-podcast/id1889591391] / YouTube [https://www.youtube.com/@EntreMundosCollective] CONNECT Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/entremundoscollective [https://www.instagram.com/entremundoscollective] TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@entremundoscollective [https://www.tiktok.com/@entremundoscollective] This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit entremundoscollective.substack.com [https://entremundoscollective.substack.com?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_1]

Episode 10: "Le Botó la Canica"

Hey vecino, I was 48 years old when I was diagnosed with ADHD. Cuarenta y ocho. And when I told my tío — who happens to be a retired psychologist — his response was: “Oh… I could’ve told you that.” So I asked why he never said anything. And he said: “Did you not know who your parents were?” I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. So I did both. Because that answer said everything. Not just about my parents. But about an entire culture that loves deeply — and still doesn’t always have the language for what its people are actually carrying. That moment opened something up in me. And it’s what this episode is really about. Because a lot of us grew up in families where mental health didn’t get called mental health. It got called something else entirely. “Le botó la canica.” “Está mal de la cabeza.” “Nomás está exagerando.” “Le falta oración.” “Ocúpate y se te quita.” And if you heard any of those phrases growing up — directed at yourself or someone you loved — this episode is for you. In Episode 10 of the Entre Mundos Podcast I get personal. More personal than I have in any episode this season. I talk about my own journey with anxiety, ADHD, and the 21 years it took me to finally walk into a therapy room. I talk about what my mom said when I told her about my first panic attack. And I talk about the mirror moment at 39 that changed everything. This isn’t just my story though. It’s the story of a lot of us who grew up in families that loved us and still didn’t have the tools to help us. LISTEN TO EPISODE 10 https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/entre-mundos-podcast/id1889591391 [https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/entre-mundos-podcast/id1889591391] https://www.youtube.com/@EntreMundosCollective [https://www.youtube.com/@EntreMundosCollective] https://open.spotify.com/show/0HUrOsWxNmgcT7vqrad9O5?si=447708b5e066468e [https://open.spotify.com/show/0HUrOsWxNmgcT7vqrad9O5?si=447708b5e066468e] WHAT YOU’LL HEAR IN THIS EPISODE Why Latino families dismiss mental health struggles — and why it comes from survival not cruelty The phrases we grew up hearing and what they were really communicating How spiritual explanations can become a way of avoiding what someone actually needs What it costs a person to go 21 years without real support Why getting help is one of the most courageous things a bicultural Latino can do KEY LINE FROM THIS EPISODE “Getting support is not weakness. It’s not a betrayal of your culture. It’s not a sign that your faith isn’t strong enough. It’s one of the most courageous things a person can do — especially when nobody around you gave you permission to do it first.” WANT TO GO DEEPER? Tomorrow on Substack I’m posting an article that goes deeper into what’s actually happening in Latino families when mental health gets dismissed, spiritualized, or redirected — and why the person who ends up holding the pain is rarely the one who created it. If the episode opens the door, the article walks through it. Keep an eye out for it mañana. And one more thing — I’m taking Memorial Day off. No new episode that Monday. But I’ll be back with Episode 11 on June 1st. Don’t miss it. If someone came to mind while reading this — someone who was always labeled “the problem,” who was told to pray it away, who never got a real explanation for what they were carrying — compártelo. Send it their way. Porque a lot of us feel this. We just never had the words for it. Un abrazote fuerte.Tu vecino, John Eli This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit entremundoscollective.substack.com [https://entremundoscollective.substack.com?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_1]

Episode 9: Tenemos que ser fuertes

Hey Vecino, Ponte Vicks. That was the answer to everything growing up. Pero that remedio doesn’t work well with suppressed emotions. A veces it seemed like emotions were expected to be healed instead of felt. Let me tell you how I know this. Because a lot of us grew up in homes where feelings were something you managed quietly. Where the goal was to keep going, not to fall apart. Where the adults around us moved through loss, through pain, through impossible circumstances — and did it in silence. And we watched. And we learned. Not from a conversation. Not from anyone explaining the rules. Just from being in those rooms long enough to understand what was expected. You feel it. You don’t show it. You keep moving. You sé fuerte. Y así nos fuimos formando. WHAT THIS EPISODE IS ABOUT For a lot of bicultural Latinos, emotional suppression isn’t just a personal pattern. It’s a cultural inheritance. One that was born out of real survival, real sacrifice, and real love. But somewhere along the way, strength got redefined. It stopped meaning we could handle hard things. It started meaning we weren’t allowed to feel them. And then we stepped into American spaces that told us the opposite. Feel your feelings. Name your emotions. Vulnerability is strength. And something in us exhaled — because finally someone was speaking a language we had always felt but never been given words for. Pero then we went home. And none of it was safe to practice there. So now we’re living entre dos mundos — fluent in the language of feelings pero unable to speak it in the rooms where we need it most. That’s the tension this episode is about. WHAT WE COVER What the body does with emotions that never get expressed The specific pain of knowing how to feel but not having a safe place to do it What it looks like to reclaim the voice and the tenderness you deserved all along Why strength was never supposed to mean don’t feel KEY TAKEAWAY Strength is not the absence of grief. Strength is being present enough to feel it and still stay in the room. And the tenderness you deserved — the permission to feel, to need, to not be okay — nobody has to give that to you anymore. You can give it to yourself. Es tuyo. Nobody can take it back once you claim it. LISTEN TO EPISODE 9https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/entre-mundos-podcast/id1889591391 [https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/entre-mundos-podcast/id1889591391] https://www.youtube.com/@EntreMundosCollective [https://www.youtube.com/@EntreMundosCollective] https://open.spotify.com/show/0HUrOsWxNmgcT7vqrad9O5?si=447708b5e066468e [https://open.spotify.com/show/0HUrOsWxNmgcT7vqrad9O5?si=447708b5e066468e] WANT TO GO DEEPER? Tomorrow I’m posting a full article that goes deeper into what’s actually happening when we can’t let ourselves feel — the cultural layer, the body layer, and a small practice to start reclaiming your own voice. If the episode opens the door, the article walks through it. Keep an eye out for it mañana. And if someone came to mind while reading this — someone who always holds it together, who never lets anyone see them struggle, who says estoy bien before the question is even finished — compártelo. Porque a lot of us are carrying this. We just never had the words for it.Un abrazote fuerte. Tu vecino, John Eli This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit entremundoscollective.substack.com [https://entremundoscollective.substack.com?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_1]

Episode 8: "¡Ponte a hacer algo!" — And Why Rest Still Feels Wrong

“¡No seas flojo!” — What Growing Up in a Working Latino Home Did to Your Nervous System Hey vecino, There’s a specific kind of exhaustion that doesn’t have a name in either of our languages. It’s not burnout exactly. It’s not laziness. It’s that feeling you get when you finally sit down after a long week and instead of feeling relief, you feel like something is wrong. Like you’re forgetting something. Like you haven’t quite earned this yet. And so you get up. You find something to clean. Something to organize. Something to do. Not because you’re not tired. But because somewhere along the way, stopping stopped feeling safe. A lot of us grew up in homes where the adults never stopped moving. Where stillness was treated like a problem. Where rest had to be earned and even then it came with a comment. “¿Qué, ya te cansaste?” “Eso es de flojos.” “Ojalá yo tuviera ese lujo.” And then we stepped into American spaces that told us to prioritize rest, protect our peace, and take our PTO. And instead of feeling relieved, something about that message felt off too. Like it was designed for someone whose starting point looked nothing like ours. That’s the tension this episode is about. Not to shame the work ethic our cultura gave us. That work ethic is real and it’s something to be proud of. But there’s a difference between choosing to work hard and not being able to stop. One is a value. The other is something that got wired into us before we were old enough to choose anything for ourselves. In Episode 8 of the Entre Mundos Podcast, we get into what that actually looks like — in the body, in the family, and in the space between the culture that raised us and the world we’re living in now. If you’ve ever felt guilty for sitting still, this one is for you. LISTEN TO EPISODE 8 Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/0HUrOsWxNmgcT7vqrad9O5?si=447708b5e066468e [https://open.spotify.com/show/0HUrOsWxNmgcT7vqrad9O5?si=447708b5e066468e] Apple: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/entre-mundos-podcast/id1889591391 [https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/entre-mundos-podcast/id1889591391] Substack: https://entremundoscollective.substack.com/podcast [https://entremundoscollective.substack.com/podcast] WANT TO GO DEEPER?Tomorrow I’m posting a full article that goes deeper into what’s actually happening when rest feels dangerous — what your body learned, where it came from, and what it takes to slowly teach it something new. If the episode opens the door, the article walks through it. Keep an eye out for it.https://entremundoscollective.substack.com [https://entremundoscollective.substack.com/podcast] And if someone came to mind reading this — someone who can never quite sit still, who always finds something to do, who feels restless the moment things slow down — compártelo. Porque a lot of us feel this. We just don’t always have the words for it. Un abrazote fuerte.Tu vecino, John Eli This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit entremundoscollective.substack.com [https://entremundoscollective.substack.com?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_1]