The Art of a Soft Holiday Season

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Episode Summary Surprise! Due to a scheduling math error, Tolu is back with a bonus episode to close out the month. In this life-update-heavy episode, she reflects on a major career milestone: providing mental health support for the Canadian Race Relations Foundation event in Calgary on November 27. Tolu then tackles a relatable dilemma about outgrowing friendships in your late 20s and 30s, normalizing the grief that comes with drifting apart. Finally, she guides listeners on how to embrace "Winter Tolu"—a version of yourself that prioritizes hibernation, mulled wine, and rest over the hustle. She also shared four powerful journaling prompts to help you reflect before 2026. To submit your anonymous questions, please click this link [https://forms.gle/MiYMNQqchGujV8M37]. Timestamps * 00:00 – Intro: The "Math Error," recording schedules, and how December is flying by. * 03:45 – Life Update: Speaking at the Canadian Race Relations Foundation event, imposter syndrome, and finding common ground on difficult topics (AI, hate crime, immigration). * 11:15 – The Dilemma: "I feel like I’m outgrowing my friends." Navigating the grief of shifting dynamics and the "7-year friendship cycle." * 16:30 – Main Topic: Embracing "Winter Tolu." Why winter requires a different version of you than summer does (and why that is okay). * 21:00 – Self-Compassion in Practice: Viewing rest as an act of resistance against grind culture and honoring your humanity over productivity. * 24:45 – Practical Soft Life Tips: * Tolu’s Mulled Wine Recipe * Using coloring and music to regulate the nervous system. * Setting boundaries on social obligations during the holidays. * 28:10 – Reflection Prompts: Four questions to ask yourself to close out the year with intention. 🎙️New episodes drop every other week — subscribe so you don’t miss an episode! * Instagram [https://www.instagram.com/toluthetherapist] * TikTok [https://www.tiktok.com/@toluadepoju_] * Therapy Practice: Ashay Therapy Services [www.ashaytherapy.ca] 💌 Work With Tolu / Collaborations: Reach out via email at: info@toluadepoju.com 🧠 Disclaimer: The conversations and information shared on For the Rest of Us are for educational and informational purposes only. They are not a substitute for professional mental health advice, diagnosis, or treatment. If you’re in need of support, please reach out to a licensed mental health professional or your family doctor. ---------------------------------------- Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy [https://acast.com/privacy] for more information.

Overfunctioning in Relationships: Stop Fixing and Start Coaching

After a busy March, Tolu is back! In this quick life update, she talks about the chaos of the "fire horse" year that is 2026, the growth of her therapy practice, and leaning into delegating by hiring an operations and marketing coordinator. The main focus of this episode is inspired by a TikTok video Tolu made that went viral (over 500k views!). The topic? Overfunctioning in relationships. Tolu explains why this pattern happens, how it leads to resentment and burnout, and gives actionable tips on how to pull back, stop fixing, and let others rise to the occasion. To submit your anonymous questions, please click this link [https://forms.gle/VKjS3NHRvQEZjCDy7]. Timestamps * 00:00 – Intro: "Your girl disappeared for March!" Catching up and getting back on the recording schedule. * 02:15 – Life Update: Expanding Ashay Therapy Services, hiring a coordinator, and practicing delegation (even when it’s scary). * 07:27 – The Dilemma: "I make plans with friends, romanticize them, and then want to cancel right before. Why does this happen?" * 10:01 – Advice: Taking the opposite action and normalizing the urge to cancel (especially on Fridays after a long week) and how to navigate the discomfort of going anyway. * 11:02 – Main Topic: Overfunctioning in relationships. Inspired by the viral TikTok: "Be willing to sit with the discomfort of letting other people be responsible for themselves." * 13:13 – How overfunctioning shows up: Being the default planner, the problem solver, or the person everyone relies on when things go wrong. * 15:30 – The consequences: Anxiety, emotional burnout, and resentment ("Why am I the only one doing this?"). * 16:30 – The "Superwoman" Syndrome: The exhausting pressure to prove your worth by always being capable. * 20:24 – Practical Tips: * 1. Shift from Fixer to Coach: When people come to you with a problem, don't solve it. Ask, "What would you want to do about this?" or "Do you want me to listen or give advice?" * 2. Sit with the Silence: Resist the urge to jump in and fill the silence or immediately offer to take on a task. * 3. Let the Ball Drop: Allow people to fail or make mistakes so they can learn. * 4. Experimenting with stepping back: Let someone else plan the next outing and see what happens. * The Challenge: This week, try doing a little less. See what feelings come up when you aren't fixing everything. Resources & Mentions * Ashay Therapy Services: Tolu’s group practice. Click [https://ashaytherapy.janeapp.com/locations/ashay-therapy/book#/free-20-minute-consultation] to book a free 20-minute consultation (for Canadian residents). * Click here [https://www.instagram.com/reel/DVY27sElK3n/?igsh=ZHBic3JweXhnd3g1] to watch the video on Instagram. 🎙️New episodes drop every other week — subscribe so you don’t miss an episode! * Instagram [https://www.instagram.com/toluthetherapist] * TikTok [https://www.tiktok.com/@toluadepoju_] * Therapy Practice: Ashay Therapy Services [www.ashaytherapy.ca] 💌 Work With Tolu / Collaborations: Reach out via email at: info@toluadepoju.com 🧠 Disclaimer: The conversations and information shared on For the Rest of Us are for educational and informational purposes only. They are not a substitute for professional mental health advice, diagnosis, or treatment. If you’re in need of support, please reach out to a licensed mental health professional or your family doctor. ---------------------------------------- Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy [https://acast.com/privacy] for more information.

14. apr. 202629 min

The Art of a Soft Holiday Season

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1 month for 9 kr.

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