Girl, Just Feel Podcast with Dr. Ajene Gailliard

EP 038: Girl, I Didn't Want to Get Married

What if the difficulty you’re facing is not proof that something has gone wrong? What if it’s part of how God is growing you? In this episode, I’m sharing honestly about marriage, motherhood, obedience, and the pain that made me want to avoid all three. I didn’t grow up dreaming about getting married and having children. In fact, I had already decided that the safest way to avoid being hurt—or hurting anyone else—was not to enter those relationships at all. But then God asked me to say yes. What I didn’t understand was that saying yes to God would not protect me from challenges. I thought obedience meant everything should work out easily. So when marriage, parenting, finances, health, and life became difficult, I began questioning whether I had made the wrong decision. But sometimes difficulty doesn’t mean you are in the wrong place. Sometimes it means God is using the very place you are in to expose the lies you believe, stretch your capacity, mature you, and heal the parts of you that pain taught to hide. We’re talking about the difference between consequences and growth, the need to control outcomes, and the lie that says, “If I want it done right, I have to do it myself.” We’re also looking at how pain can lead us to create counterfeit solutions that feel safe but keep us from the relationships and experiences God designed us to have. Life Work: What counterfeits have you created in your own life? What have you decided you will or will not do because you are trying to avoid pain, protect yourself, or control an outcome? Write it down. Sit with it. Pray over it. And ask God to show you whether the thing you created to keep yourself safe is also keeping you from the life He is calling you to live.

EP 037: He Covered Us

I’m sharing something a little more personal in this episode. I talk about how God meets us in the middle of our pain, shame, fear, and unanswered questions. We’re looking at Genesis 3 and the fall of man, but not just from the perspective of sin and separation. I want us to pay attention to how God responded after Adam and Eve hid themselves in shame. He questioned them, corrected them, challenged them. But He also covered them. And that matters. Because so many of us are carrying pain we think we should not still have. Pain in our bodies. Pain in our relationships. Pain in our families. Pain in our finances. Pain in places where we prayed, believed, worked hard, did what we knew to do, and still did not get the outcome we hoped for. But pain does not mean God has abandoned you. And pain does not mean you are not enough. In this episode, I share honestly about living with chronic physical pain, the shame that can come with still needing help, and the comfort I find in knowing that God understands exactly where we are. He knows how He made us. He knows our limits. He knows our bodies, our emotions, our systems, our relationships, and our needs. And just like He covered Adam and Eve, He still covers us. LIFE WORK: Write a prayer of thanksgiving for the ways God has cared for you and covered you. It can be a few lines or a few pages. Just be honest. Where have you seen Him cover you? Where has He cared for you? Where has He met you, even while you were still carrying pain?

EP 036: Are Emotions Bad?

In this episode, we’re talking about one of the biggest myths many of us have believed about emotions: that they are either good or bad. But what if emotions aren’t good or bad at all? What if they’re simply information? Today, I’m unpacking why emotions and feelings should not be judged as positive or negative, and why that kind of language can actually make us afraid of the very thing God gave us to help us pay attention. Emotions are bodily responses. Feelings are the meaning we assign to those responses. And neither one is sinful, shameful, or something we have to run from. Instead of calling feelings good or bad, I want to invite us to see them as pleasurable or painful. Pleasurable feelings often show us where a need has been met. Painful feelings often show us where a need has not been met yet. And that changes everything. Because pain does not always mean something is wrong. Sometimes pain simply means there is something we need. In this episode, I also talk about hunger pains, emotional needs, anger, boundaries, grief, and how Jesus modeled the full spectrum of feelings without sin. This is an invitation to stop judging what you feel and start getting curious about what your feelings may be communicating. Life Work: Write down every feeling word you can think of. Excited. Angry. Sad. Frustrated. Joyful. Hurt. Peaceful. Disappointed. Whatever comes to mind. Don’t judge the words. Don’t separate them into good or bad. Just write them down and begin noticing the full spectrum of feelings God created you to experience.

EP 035: Is That Trauma?

Today we’re talking about trauma. What it is, what it isn’t, and why so many of us misunderstand it. Trauma is not simply the worst thing that happened to you. It’s not measured by how tragic the event was, and it’s not a competition over who had it worse. Trauma is what happens inside of you as a result of what happened to you. It’s how overwhelming stress changes your body, your beliefs, your nervous system, your relationships, and even your sense of safety. In this episode, I’m unpacking why two people can go through the same event and walk away with completely different internal experiences. We’ll talk about the difference between a difficult event and a traumatic response, why some of what we call “personality” may actually be survival adaptation, and how things like high achievement, people-pleasing, hyper-independence, emotional numbness, and perfectionism can sometimes be responses to overwhelming stress. I also share pieces of my own story, including how early experiences shaped my sense of safety, my achievement patterns, and the way I learned to survive. But this conversation is not about staying stuck in what happened. It’s about hope. Because if something changed you once, healing can change you again. Life Work: If there is something traumatic that happened in your life that still feels unresolved, I want to gently encourage you to seek support. Find a qualified, trained mental health professional who can help you process, heal, and begin to move forward. You do not have to stay captive to your past. Healing is possible. Growth is possible. And what overwhelmed you does not have to define the rest of your story.

EP 034: Do You Know What Stress Is?

Stress is one of those words we use all the time, but what if we've misunderstood it completely? In this episode, we're taking a closer look at what stress actually is, and why it may not be the enemy we've made it out to be. So many of us have learned to respond to stress by either panicking or pushing through. We override our bodies, ignore our limits, spiritualize exhaustion, and wear burnout like a badge of honor. Then we wonder why we feel overwhelmed, disconnected, anxious, exhausted, and stuck in survival mode. What if stress isn't an interruption at all? What if it's an invitation? Together, we're unpacking the difference between acute stress and chronic stress, why stress isn't proof that something is wrong with you, and how it can actually reveal where growth, healing, and new capacity are needed. I also share some personal stories about navigating major life transitions, losing my job, becoming a mother, and learning how the stories we tell ourselves can often create more suffering than the situation itself. In This Episode: * What stress actually is (and what it isn't) * The difference between acute stress and chronic stress * Why stress doesn't mean you're weak, failing, or incapable * How burnout, overwhelm, and emotional exhaustion develop * The role our thoughts and beliefs play in our experience of stress * Why stress can be an invitation to growth instead of a sign to quit * How faith, perspective, and support systems influence our ability to cope * A simple breathing practice to help regulate your nervous system A Few Things I Need You to Remember: * Stress is not proof that something is wrong with you. * Stress often reveals that a demand exists that requires new resources or support. * Not every challenge is a crisis. * Growth happens when we develop the capacity to meet new demands. * You don't have to carry every burden by yourself. Life Work: Practice the breathing exercise from this episode at least once each day this week. Breathe in for 4 counts. Hold for 4 counts. Exhale for 8 counts. As you do, pay attention to what happens in your body. Notice what shifts when you give yourself permission to pause, breathe, and respond instead of react. Remember: Stress is not just an interruption. Sometimes it's an invitation.