E60: When You Can't Fix It: Caregiving, Grief, and Masculinity with Therapist Gordon Brewer

E60: When You Can't Fix It: Caregiving, Grief, and Masculinity with Therapist Gordon Brewer

When you love someone through a long illness, grief comes long before death does. Today, therapist and widower Gordon Brewer shares what 13 years of caregiving, anticipatory grief, and loss taught him—including why men often struggle most with the parts of caregiving they can never fix. You'll learn: * Why caregiving can feel like continual surrender—especially for men socialized to protect and fix * What anticipatory grief actually looks like from inside a long-term illness * How being a grief professional doesn't protect you from the pain of personal loss * How faith, spirituality, and your relationship with god can change with grief * What to do when grief unexpectedly pops up—and how to "ride the waves" Learn more about Gordon and listen to his podcast The Practice of Therapy: https://practiceoftherapy.com/ [https://practiceoftherapy.com/] Get my new book, Of Course I'm Here Right Now: Three Actually Helpful Things to Say to Someone Grieving: https://www.shelbyforsythia.com/of-course-im-here-right-now [https://www.shelbyforsythia.com/of-course-im-here-right-now] ... Get FREE grief workshops, quizzes, and so much more on my website: https://www.shelbyforsythia.com/links [https://www.shelbyforsythia.com/links] Keep Grief Grower ad-free by becoming a Patreon supporter: https://www.patreon.com/shelbyforsythia [https://www.patreon.com/shelbyforsythia] Join my online course + community, Life After Loss Academy: https://www.shelbyforsythia.com/life-after-loss-academy [https://www.shelbyforsythia.com/life-after-loss-academy] Listen to more episodes of Grief Grower, view episode transcripts, and submit a question for the show: https://www.shelbyforsythia.com/grief-grower-podcast [https://www.shelbyforsythia.com/grief-grower-podcast]

E59: Supporting Someone #9: 3 Phrases to Help Someone Grieving (LIVE Book Party Talk Replay!)

In this special "Supporting Someone" episode, you'll hear the live recording of my author talk from the Of Course I'm Here Right Now book launch party in Chicago—a practical, story-driven breakdown of three phrases that help supporters show up for grieving people with confidence and care. You'll learn: * Why grieving people tell themselves three core stories—"I'm crazy," "I'm alone," and "My life will be like this forever"—and how those stories shape their relationships and sense of self * Why words are the most powerful free grief support tool available to anyone, regardless of money, time, or emotional bandwidth * How three simple phrases—"Of course," "I'm here," and "Right now"—each interrupt one of those painful stories * How to use these phrases across any type of loss, any time frame, and any medium—from sympathy cards to text messages sent years after the loss Watch the launch party on YouTube: https://youtu.be/YU3Yg1ON2Ik [https://youtu.be/YU3Yg1ON2Ik] Get my new book, Of Course I'm Here Right Now: Three Actually Helpful Things to Say to Someone Grieving: https://www.shelbyforsythia.com/of-course-im-here-right-now [https://www.shelbyforsythia.com/of-course-im-here-right-now] RSVP to upcoming online events in April: https://www.shelbyforsythia.com/events [https://www.shelbyforsythia.com/events] ... Get FREE grief workshops, quizzes, and so much more on my website: https://www.shelbyforsythia.com/links [https://www.shelbyforsythia.com/links] Keep Grief Grower ad-free by becoming a Patreon supporter: https://www.patreon.com/shelbyforsythia [https://www.patreon.com/shelbyforsythia] Join my online course + community, Life After Loss Academy: https://www.shelbyforsythia.com/life-after-loss-academy [https://www.shelbyforsythia.com/life-after-loss-academy] Listen to more episodes of Grief Grower, view episode transcripts, and submit a question for the show: https://www.shelbyforsythia.com/grief-grower-podcast [https://www.shelbyforsythia.com/grief-grower-podcast]

E58: What Are Secondary Losses? Examples, Types, and a 3-Part Framework for Processing Them

Secondary losses are the ripple effects that follow a major loss—and naming them can be one of the most validating things you do for yourself in grief. I'm breaking down what secondary losses are, sharing real examples, and walking you through a simple three-part framework for identifying and processing yours. You'll learn: * The difference between a primary loss and a secondary loss—and why both deserve to be grieved * How to identify your own secondary losses using my Immediate, Gradual, and Surprise framework * Why secondary losses are a sign of significance—not excessive grief * Four practical ways to grieve your secondary losses with compassion and intention Get my new book, Of Course I'm Here Right Now: Three Actually Helpful Things to Say to Someone Grieving: https://www.shelbyforsythia.com/of-course-im-here-right-now [https://www.shelbyforsythia.com/of-course-im-here-right-now] RSVP to upcoming online events in April: https://www.shelbyforsythia.com/events [https://www.shelbyforsythia.com/events] ... Get FREE grief workshops, quizzes, and so much more on my website: https://www.shelbyforsythia.com/links [https://www.shelbyforsythia.com/links] Keep Grief Grower ad-free by becoming a Patreon supporter: https://www.patreon.com/shelbyforsythia [https://www.patreon.com/shelbyforsythia] Join my online course + community, Life After Loss Academy: https://www.shelbyforsythia.com/life-after-loss-academy [https://www.shelbyforsythia.com/life-after-loss-academy] Listen to more episodes of Grief Grower, view episode transcripts, and submit a question for the show: https://www.shelbyforsythia.com/grief-grower-podcast [https://www.shelbyforsythia.com/grief-grower-podcast]

E57: 7 Practical, Gentle Ways to Ask for Help After Loss (Even When Your Energy Is Low)

Getting support is important after loss, but it can feel hard to ask for it. Today, I'm sharing seven practical, gentle ways to ask for help after loss—especially when your energy is low and even naming what you need feels overwhelming. I'll talk about how to get support with both the logistics of daily life and the emotional weight of grief. You'll learn: * The difference between needing help living vs. help grieving—and why it matters * How to ask for specific, tangible support without overexplaining yourself * Simple ways to invite others into remembering and honoring your person or loss * How to make asking for help feel more doable on low-energy days * Where to go for more hands-on support if you're in crisis Get my new book, Of Course I'm Here Right Now: Three Actually Helpful Things to Say to Someone Grieving: https://www.shelbyforsythia.com/of-course-im-here-right-now [https://www.shelbyforsythia.com/of-course-im-here-right-now] RSVP to upcoming online events in April: https://www.shelbyforsythia.com/events [https://www.shelbyforsythia.com/events] ... Get FREE grief workshops, quizzes, and so much more on my website: https://www.shelbyforsythia.com/links [https://www.shelbyforsythia.com/links] Keep Grief Grower ad-free by becoming a Patreon supporter: https://www.patreon.com/shelbyforsythia [https://www.patreon.com/shelbyforsythia] Join my online course + community, Life After Loss Academy: https://www.shelbyforsythia.com/life-after-loss-academy [https://www.shelbyforsythia.com/life-after-loss-academy] Listen to more episodes of Grief Grower, view episode transcripts, and submit a question for the show: https://www.shelbyforsythia.com/grief-grower-podcast [https://www.shelbyforsythia.com/grief-grower-podcast]

E56: BONUS: Unboxing My New Grief Book: What to Say to Someone Grieving (+ Reading an Excerpt!)

In this unedited, in-the-moment episode of Grief Grower, I'm unboxing my new book, Of Course I'm Here Right Now and sharing what it's about, who it's for, and why words matter so much in grief. You'll also hear a short excerpt from the introduction. You'll hear: * Why this book isn't a memoir—but a practical guide for what to say to someone grieving * The three phrases at the heart of the book: "of course," "I'm here," and "right now" * Why words are one of the most powerful (and free) grief support tools we have * A live reading from the introduction of the book Pre-order my new book, Of Course I'm Here Right Now: Three Actually Helpful Things to Say to Someone Grieving: https://www.shelbyforsythia.com/of-course-im-here-right-now [https://www.shelbyforsythia.com/of-course-im-here-right-now] Submit your pre-order receipt to join the FREE Of Course I'm Here Right Now book club:https://forms.gle/UKZUerJ91Cf1RwrC7 [https://forms.gle/UKZUerJ91Cf1RwrC7] RSVP for Of Course I'm Here Right Now launch parties in Chicago and virtual: https://www.shelbyforsythia.com/events [https://www.shelbyforsythia.com/eventshttps://www.shelbyforsythia.com/events] ... Get FREE grief workshops, quizzes, and so much more on my website: https://www.shelbyforsythia.com/links [https://www.shelbyforsythia.com/links] Keep Grief Grower ad-free by becoming a Patreon supporter: https://www.patreon.com/shelbyforsythia [https://www.patreon.com/shelbyforsythia] Join my online course + community, Life After Loss Academy: https://www.shelbyforsythia.com/life-after-loss-academy [https://www.shelbyforsythia.com/life-after-loss-academy] Listen to more episodes of Grief Grower, view episode transcripts, and submit a question for the show: https://www.shelbyforsythia.com/grief-grower-podcast [https://www.shelbyforsythia.com/grief-grower-podcast]