How to Butt Play (Without Making it Weird or Scary)

How To Stop Faking It and Start Being Honest In Bed

Confession time: we've both faked it. 🙋‍♀️🙋‍♀️ This week Jay-Jay and Mel get real about faking it, and we're not just talking about orgasms. We're talking about every quiet way we abandon ourselves in bed: nodding along, holding our breath, pretending we're way more flexible than we actually are. Mel breaks down why faking it is actually a smart nervous-system survival strategy, not a character flaw, and how it quietly builds resentment and chore sex over time if left unchecked. We get into the four stress responses: fight, flight, freeze, and the one nobody talks about, fawn, plus real phrases to use instead of faking it, and how to take feedback from a partner without spiralling. We also talk a little too much about swallowing. By the end, you'll have real language to use tonight, a pleasure practice to try this week, and hopefully a little less pressure to perform and a little more permission to just be honest. 💌 Subscribe to our Substack for early episodes, our weekly pleasure practice and behind-the-scenes extras. 🎓 How to Have Sex is a shame-free sex education podcast hosted by broadcaster Jay-Jay Feeney and certified sex and relationship coach Melissa Vranjes; one nosy, curious host and one expert who actually knows what she's talking about. Every episode tackles the stuff most of us were never taught, minus the awkward classroom diagrams. This podcast is proudly sponsored by Wild Secrets. Shop online at www.wildsecrets.co.nz [http://www.wildsecrets.co.nz] & use the code HTHS for 20% off sitewide… Pleasure Delivered. JOIN OUR COMMUNITY! SUBSCRIBE TO OUR SUBSTACK https://hthspodcast.substack.com [https://hthspodcast.substack.com] INSTAGRAM https://www.instagram.com/howtohavesexpodcast [https://www.instagram.com/howtohavesexpodcast] TIKTOK https://www.tiktok.com/@howtohaves.pod [https://www.tiktok.com/@howtohaves.pod] FACEBOOK https://www.facebook.com/HowToHaveSexPodcast [https://www.facebook.com/HowToHaveSexPodcast] YOUTUBE https://www.youtube.com/@Howtohavesexpodcast [https://www.youtube.com/@Howtohavesexpodcast] EMAIL howtohavesexpodcastnz@gmail.com [howtohavesexpodcastnz@gmail.com] Support the podcast! https://buymeacoffee.com/howtohavesex [https://buymeacoffee.com/howtohavesex] How To Have Sex is produced by PodLab, Auckland. https://www.podlab.co.nz [https://www.podlab.co.nz] HOSTS: Jay-Jay Feeney – Media Personality Instagram/TikTok: @JJFeeneyNZ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/JayJayFeeney Melissa Vranjes – Certified Somatic Sex & Relationship Coach www.melissavranjes.com Instagram: @melissavranjes Ready to feel more confident, connected, and turned on in your body? Join Sex School here: https://www.melissavranjes.com/sex-school   ---------------------------------------- Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy [https://acast.com/privacy] for more information.

How To Get Over Your Body and Sex Insecurities

This week Jay-Jay & Mel get vulnerable, and a little unhinged, talking about body confidence and sex insecurities. Jay-Jay finally admits the one insecurity she's never been able to shake. Mel spills on her breast implants: why she got them at 23, and why she took them out eight years later. They dig into where body shame actually comes from (hint: it's rarely just you), why labiaplasty is booming even though the "problem" is just a normal vulva, and have a full tangent about pubic hair trends. Mel walks Jay-Jay through a real-time somatic exercise to rewire an old belief, and by the end of it Jay-Jay has a brand new mantra that will absolutely end up on a t-shirt. Expect body image talk, self-esteem wins, a few belly laughs, and genuinely useful tools for building body confidence and self-love, in and out of the bedroom. If you've ever turned the lights off, sucked it in, or hidden a part of yourself during sex, this episode is for you. 🎧 New episodes every week. Rate, review and follow, so you never miss one. Explicit — listener discretion advised. How to Have Sex is a shame-free sex education podcast hosted by broadcaster Jay-Jay Feeney and certified sex and relationship coach Melissa Vranjes; one nosy, curious host and one expert who actually knows what she's talking about. Every episode tackles the stuff most of us were never taught, minus the awkward classroom diagrams. This podcast is proudly sponsored by Wild Secrets. Shop online at www.wildsecrets.co.nz [http://www.wildsecrets.co.nz] & use the code HTHS for 20% off sitewide… Pleasure Delivered. JOIN OUR COMMUNITY! SUBSCRIBE TO OUR SUBSTACK https://hthspodcast.substack.com [https://hthspodcast.substack.com] INSTAGRAM https://www.instagram.com/howtohavesexpodcast [https://www.instagram.com/howtohavesexpodcast] FACEBOOK https://www.facebook.com/HowToHaveSexPodcast [https://www.facebook.com/HowToHaveSexPodcast] YOUTUBE https://www.youtube.com/@Howtohavesexpodcast [https://www.youtube.com/@Howtohavesexpodcast] EMAIL howtohavesexpodcastnz@gmail.com [howtohavesexpodcastnz@gmail.com] Support the podcast! https://buymeacoffee.com/howtohavesex [https://buymeacoffee.com/howtohavesex] How To Have Sex is produced by PodLab, Auckland. https://www.podlab.co.nz [https://www.podlab.co.nz] HOSTS: Jay-Jay Feeney – Media Personality Instagram/TikTok: @JJFeeneyNZ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/JayJayFeeney Melissa Vranjes – Certified Somatic Sex & Relationship Coach www.melissavranjes.com Instagram: @melissavranjes Ready to feel more confident, connected, and turned on in your body? Join Sex School here: https://www.melissavranjes.com/sex-school   ---------------------------------------- Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy [https://acast.com/privacy] for more information.

How To Navigate Love, Judgment and an Age Gap: Jay-Jay & Minou

She met him on Facebook. He lived on the other side of the world. She didn't tell a soul for two years. This week Mel flips the script and puts Jay-Jay in the hot seat. We're talking about Jay-Jay's relationship with her partner Minou, the 18-year age gap, meeting through a random Facebook DM, navigating two completely different cultures and religions, and every single opinion the internet has ever had about it. Jay-Jay tells us how she tested a stranger's "humanness" before believing he was real, why she kept the relationship secret from literally everyone (including her ex-husband), and the moment she finally came clean. We also get into the comment that compared her to a 90-year-old prune, the woman who threatened to "knock her teeth out," and why block-block-block is a completely valid coping mechanism. Mel and Jay-Jay dig into the bigger question underneath it all, why do unconventional relationships make people so uncomfortable, and how do you protect your peace when strangers (and sometimes friends) decide they've got a say in your love life? Funny, personal, and honestly a bit of a tearjerker in places. Buckle up. How to Have Sex is a shame-free sex education podcast hosted by broadcaster Jay-Jay Feeney and certified sex and relationship coach Melissa Vranjes; one nosy, curious host and one expert who actually knows what she's talking about. Every episode tackles the stuff most of us were never taught, minus the awkward classroom diagrams. This podcast is proudly sponsored by Wild Secrets. Shop online at www.wildsecrets.co.nz [http://www.wildsecrets.co.nz] & use the code HTHS for 20% off sitewide… Pleasure Delivered. JOIN OUR COMMUNITY! SUBSCRIBE TO OUR SUBSTACK https://hthspodcast.substack.com [https://hthspodcast.substack.com] INSTAGRAM https://www.instagram.com/howtohavesexpodcast [https://www.instagram.com/howtohavesexpodcast] FACEBOOK https://www.facebook.com/HowToHaveSexPodcast [https://www.facebook.com/HowToHaveSexPodcast] YOUTUBE https://www.youtube.com/@Howtohavesexpodcast [https://www.youtube.com/@Howtohavesexpodcast] EMAIL howtohavesexpodcastnz@gmail.com [howtohavesexpodcastnz@gmail.com] Support the podcast! https://buymeacoffee.com/howtohavesex [https://buymeacoffee.com/howtohavesex] How To Have Sex is produced by PodLab, Auckland. https://www.podlab.co.nz [https://www.podlab.co.nz] HOSTS: Jay-Jay Feeney – Media Personality Instagram/TikTok: @JJFeeneyNZ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/JayJayFeeney Melissa Vranjes – Certified Somatic Sex & Relationship Coach www.melissavranjes.com Instagram: @melissavranjes Ready to feel more confident, connected, and turned on in your body? Join Sex School here: https://www.melissavranjes.com/sex-school ---------------------------------------- Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy [https://acast.com/privacy] for more information.

How To Get Better at Foreplay

Foreplay. Everyone's heard of it. Not everyone's doing it right. In this episode, Jay-Jay and Mel break down what foreplay actually is (spoiler: not just a quick neck kiss and a rub before getting to the main event), why rushing it is one of the biggest bedroom mistakes people make, and how slowing down can completely change your sex life. We also get into the surprisingly non-sexual stuff that counts as foreplay, plus: why your body literally needs time to prepare for penetration (there's a physiological process called tenting and it will change how you think about this forever), the art of attunement, why the quickie you think was spontaneous... wasn't, and how to talk to a partner who treats foreplay like they're late for a flight. In this episode: * Why foreplay starts way before the bedroom * The psychological side of arousal, and why safety matters more than technique * What is tenting and why your body needs it * Attunement: the real skill underneath all the moves * How to talk to a partner who skips straight to the jackhammer * Sexting as foreplay (Mel is a big fan) * The Pleasure Practice: penetration off the table, entirely How to Have Sex is a shame-free sex education podcast hosted by broadcaster Jay-Jay Feeney and certified sex and relationship coach Melissa Vranjes; one nosy, curious host and one expert who actually knows what she's talking about. Every episode tackles the stuff most of us were never taught, minus the awkward classroom diagrams. This podcast is proudly sponsored by Wild Secrets. Shop online at www.wildsecrets.co.nz [http://www.wildsecrets.co.nz/] & use the code HAVESEX for 20% off sitewide… Pleasure Delivered. JOIN OUR COMMUNITY! SUBSCRIBE TO OUR SUBSTACK https://hthspodcast.substack.com [https://hthspodcast.substack.com/] INSTAGRAM https://www.instagram.com/howtohavesexpodcast [https://www.instagram.com/howtohavesexpodcast] FACEBOOK https://www.facebook.com/HowToHaveSexPodcast [https://www.facebook.com/HowToHaveSexPodcast] YOUTUBE https://www.youtube.com/@Howtohavesexpodcast [https://www.youtube.com/@Howtohavesexpodcast] EMAIL howtohavesexpodcastnz@gmail.com [howtohavesexpodcastnz@gmail.com] Support the podcast! https://buymeacoffee.com/howtohavesex [https://buymeacoffee.com/howtohavesex] How To Have Sex is produced by PodLab, Auckland. https://www.podlab.co.nz [https://www.podlab.co.nz/] HOSTS: Jay-Jay Feeney – Media Personality Instagram/TikTok: @JJFeeneyNZ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/JayJayFeeney Melissa Vranjes – Certified Somatic Sex & Relationship Coach www.melissavranjes.com Instagram: @melissavranjes Ready to feel more confident, connected, and turned on in your body? Join Sex School here: https://www.melissavranjes.com/sex-school ---------------------------------------- Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy [https://acast.com/privacy] for more information.

How To Spice It Up In Long-Term Relationships

Ever caught yourself calling your partner "babe" right before asking them to take the bins out, and that was basically the most romantic thing that happened all week? Yeah. This one's for you. This week JJ and Mel are talking about how to bring the spice back into long-term relationships, and no, it doesn't start with a sex swing. They unpack why couples slip into "flatmate energy," the sneaky way resentment kills desire faster than tiredness ever could, and why foreplay actually starts at 11am, not 11pm. Mel breaks down brakes vs accelerators, spontaneous vs responsive desire, and why being too comfortable with your partner might be the actual problem. Plus: the spousal arousal radio story, a boat-bed confession gone wrong, and the case for bringing back a little "puppy energy" when your partner walks in the door. If you and your partner have started to feel more like co-managers of a household than lovers, this episode is your sign to do something about it (and it's way less effort than you think). How to Have Sex is a shame-free sex education podcast hosted by broadcaster Jay-Jay Feeney and certified sex and relationship coach Melissa Vranjes; one nosy, curious host and one expert who actually knows what she's talking about. Every episode tackles the stuff most of us were never taught, minus the awkward classroom diagrams. This podcast is proudly sponsored by Wild Secrets. Shop online at www.wildsecrets.co.nz [http://www.wildsecrets.co.nz/] & use the code HAVESEX for 20% off sitewide… Pleasure Delivered. JOIN OUR COMMUNITY! SUBSCRIBE TO OUR SUBSTACK https://hthspodcast.substack.com [https://hthspodcast.substack.com/] INSTAGRAM https://www.instagram.com/howtohavesexpodcast [https://www.instagram.com/howtohavesexpodcast] FACEBOOK https://www.facebook.com/HowToHaveSexPodcast [https://www.facebook.com/HowToHaveSexPodcast] YOUTUBE https://www.youtube.com/@Howtohavesexpodcast [https://www.youtube.com/@Howtohavesexpodcast] EMAIL howtohavesexpodcastnz@gmail.com [howtohavesexpodcastnz@gmail.com] Support the podcast! https://buymeacoffee.com/howtohavesex [https://buymeacoffee.com/howtohavesex] How To Have Sex is produced by PodLab, Auckland. https://www.podlab.co.nz [https://www.podlab.co.nz/] HOSTS: Jay-Jay Feeney – Media Personality Instagram/TikTok: @JJFeeneyNZ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/JayJayFeeney Melissa Vranjes – Certified Somatic Sex & Relationship Coach www.melissavranjes.com Instagram: @melissavranjes Ready to feel more confident, connected, and turned on in your body? Join Sex School here: https://www.melissavranjes.com/sex-school ---------------------------------------- Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy [https://acast.com/privacy] for more information.