What to Say When You Don't Know What to Say (BIRVAM)

The Night I Got Infected with HIV

Twenty years after my HIV diagnosis in 1987, I invited my friends and family to a major anniversary celebration in New York City. During that event, I shared the story of my HIV journey through storytelling and song. Now, decades later, reflecting back on that evening, I am sharing this recording in the hopes that we can all celebrate our personal milestones together.

What to Say When You Don't Know What to Say (BIRVAM)

This episode is about a communication technique I developed called BIRVAM. It is a six-step process involving reflective listening and supportive responses, which is particularly effective when you want to be helpful but are unsure of what to say. While the steps can be used in any order, the most critical component is "V" for Validation. Validating statements are healing statements. When someone receives a BIRVAM response, they feel heard, understood, and supported. This technique was discussed during my 2020 interview with Michelle Herman, LCSW, for her podcast "Peace By Piece."

How to Talk to the Creature in Your Car

How can we maintain a meaningful presence for young people, even when we may not have the answers to their most challenging questions? Drawing on the tools outlined in my book, "How to Raise an Elegant Teen: The ABCs of Gen Z Parenting," I offer practical strategies to help parents, grandparents and guardians navigate the complexities of supporting todays' teens through life's various transitions. Additionally, this talk emphasizes the vital role of adult self-care. Use this episode as validation of what is working in your relationship with your teen or as a survival guide for communicating with the "creature in your car." Let it remind you of what each of us wants most: the tender presence of a loving other and permission to be whomever we are becoming.  Tissues required.

A Short History of the Civil Rights Movement

The lessons derived from the Civil Rights movement in the American south are highly relevant in context to today's political climate. Originally delivered at a Shabbat service in 2025, this talk outlines some of the movement's significant achievements. I examine key historical milestones, beginning with Rosa Parks' arrest in 1955 and the subsequent emergence of the Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. as the leader of a non-violent movement, along with the pivotal events that followed. And, of course, I throw in a few ideas about how to be enough!

Wisdom of the Humble Traveler

This talk, originally entitled, "Things I Learn from People on Airplanes," explores the many different ways we can learn about the world from the places we visit to the people we meet along the way.  It was recorded in the 2000s at the Conference on World Affairs on the campus of the University of Colorado.