Coach Ali on Mental Health, Belonging, and the Kind of Coaching That Heals

Waging Peace: Choosing Love in the Middle of the Mountain (with Diana Oestreich)

What if peace isn’t something you find when life finally calms down… but something you practice right in the middle of the mess? Hey climbers ❤️ Today’s episode is our season finale, and it honestly feels surreal to even say that. When we started this podcast, we didn’t know if anyone would listen—we just knew we couldn’t keep walking through this story quietly. It’s also a big marker moment for us: Ileini is coming up on three years “clean” (no hospitalizations), and that doesn’t mean life is perfect—it means we’ve built support systems and coping tools that help keep her out of that darkest hole. There are still hard days. But there’s also hope now… and that’s a mountain we’ve been climbing together. And then there’s our guest: Diana Oestreich—author, peace activist, Iraq War veteran, and a real-life friend in our community. Diana’s work has been one of those “handhold” moments for me as a parent—like, oh… this is what it looks like to keep choosing love when things are heavy. We talk about war and PTSD, yes—but even more, we talk about the kind of war that happens inside a person. The invisible kind. The kind that shows up in parenting, mental health, identity, and the everyday courage it takes to keep showing up anyway. Key Themes + Takeaways Peace isn’t the absence of conflict—it’s presence in the middle of it. Not avoiding. Not numbing. Not pretending. Just showing up. Healing can’t be only “crisis response.” We need tools for everything under the red line—the daily “0–10” check-in days where you’re not in danger, but you’re not thriving either. Courage rarely feels like courage. It often feels like fear… and doing the next right thing anyway. Violence isn’t only physical. Words—inside our heads or out loud—can violate dignity too. Peace starts when we stop agreeing with the lies that crush us. Support systems change outcomes. You don’t always know who you’ll meet along the way—until someone becomes the mentor, the friend, the “next handhold.” Kids need “clean slate” support. Not the weight of past failures projected onto the next attempt—because teens are changing fast, and they deserve room to try again. Our Favorite Quotes “Peace isn’t the absence of conflict. It’s showing up in the middle of it.” “If bravery is real, it usually feels a lot like fear.” “Violence is anything that violates human dignity—by word or by deed.” “You don’t have to carry it alone.” “Peace is when each one of us has a seat at the table.” Chapter Markers 03:03 Three years without hospitalizations — what “clean” means in our world 06:17 The line that anchored the whole season: peace in the middle of conflict 10:35 The “red line” problem: crisis care vs. thriving care 17:01 Courage, fear, and telling the truth anyway 29:26 Making violence the enemy (not each other) 49:58 The summit moment: senior year, new hope, and the next mountain Your Turn This week’s check-in prompt: Where in your life are you waiting for things to calm down before you let yourself choose peace—and what would it look like to practice peace right here, right now, in the middle of it? MB01TTAC9RUMCLG

Helping Each Other Up The Slope

Sometimes the climb isn’t about getting to the top. Sometimes it’s about noticing who’s beside you—who’s slipping—and choosing, again and again, to reach back and help each other stand. In this episode, Mom and I take a breath and zoom out. We’re calling this one “Helping Each Other Up the Slope” because it’s kind of a recap… but not in a boring way. More like a “what have we learned so far?” moment—about healing, about family, and about what it looks like to keep showing up when life is messy. And I want to say this right away: this episode is lighter than some of our previous ones, but it’s still real. We talk about the things that actually move the needle—acceptance, asking for help, advocating for yourself (and others), and finding support systems that help you keep going. Key Themes + Takeaways Growth isn’t a solo sport. Healing often looks like connection—letting someone in, letting someone help, and learning how to be there for each other without shame. Parents and kids are both still becoming. Teenagers don’t know what their parents lived through, and parents don’t always know the “right” thing to do—because they’ve never parented this version of you before. Coping vs. defense mechanisms. We talk about the difference between tools that help you adapt and heal… and habits that numb, distract, or keep you stuck (including substance use and doom scrolling). Mental pain deserves real urgency. If a child was physically injured, you wouldn’t say “walk it off.” This episode holds that same seriousness for emotional pain—without judgment, ego, or minimizing. Grace changes the whole dynamic. Even after conflict, you can come back. You can apologize. You can try again. Nothing has to be “final” just because it was hard. Our Favorite Quotes “We love each other… but we also like each other. And that hasn’t always been easy.” “Just because one argument was had and things look bleak… that doesn’t mean you can’t go back and try again.” “In this moment right now—my kid needs help.” “Not only helping other people up the slope… but being kind to yourself and helping yourself up your own slope.” “Ending your life doesn’t just end the pain—it ends all possibilities of hope.” Chapter Markers 00:00 — Sometimes the climb isn’t the point 02:30 — Helping each other up the slope: the big themes 04:40 — Love, like, and rebuilding after hard seasons 07:20 — When someone can’t imagine tomorrow 08:40 — The playground analogy: urgency without ego 12:50 — Parents, teenagers, and giving each other grace 21:15 — Coping vs defense mechanisms (and what we normalize) 25:25 — Caffeine, cortisol, and why we snap 27:20 — Technology + the dopamine loop 32:35 — Go touch grass (seriously): nature + connection 34:30 — Don’t lose hope: your life can change fast Your Turn Where in your life do you need to stop “powering through” alone—and let someone help you up the slope? And if you’re the one doing the helping… where might you need to give yourself more grace for not always knowing the perfect thing to say? MB01ZB2NEHADDRH

COVID Kids, Middle School, and Learning to Belong Again

School is supposed to help us become who we’re meant to be… but for a lot of us, it’s where we first learn what it feels like to not belong. This episode is for anyone who’s ever felt alone in a room full of people—and still had to show up the next day. Today we’re talking about school—not grades, not test scores, not the “typical” stress. We’re talking about the real stuff: identity, mental health, social pressure, and what it takes to keep going when your cup is already full before first period even starts. I (Ileini) share what it’s been like navigating school as a mixed-race student, through the weirdness of middle school, the intensity of high school, and the ripple effects of the pandemic years—while also trying to survive the pressure to “just keep going.” And I (Ashley) share what it’s been like parenting through it… learning when to step in, when to step back, and how to advocate when systems don’t know what to do with a kid who’s hurting. This conversation is a little lighter than some of our past episodes—but it’s still real. And if you’ve ever needed help but felt scared to ask for it… we’re right there with you. Key Themes + Takeaways School can be a mirror—and when you already feel different, it can amplify everything (identity, belonging, confidence). Microaggressions and exclusion are real, and they don’t always look dramatic—but they leave marks. The pandemic changed social development for a lot of students: connection, emotional regulation, and just learning how to be around people again Asking for help is a skill—and it’s not weakness. It’s evidence you care about yourself and your future. Just because other students aren’t asking questions doesn’t mean they don’t need help—you don’t measure your needs against other people’s silence. There is hope: supportive teachers exist, resources exist, and growth can happen—even if it takes years. Our Favorite Quotes “School… we all go through it. It’s inevitable. But that doesn’t mean it doesn’t suck.” “Anything can be weaponized. Microaggressions exist everywhere.” “What’s the worst that’s going to happen? They’re going to tell you no.” “Just because your peers may not be asking your teacher for help does not mean they don’t need the help.” “Never be ashamed to take care of yourself… and you never know what anybody else is going through.” Chapter Markers 00:00 — When school becomes the place you feel “different” 03:12 — “Barbie society” and growing up mixed-race in the classroom 05:26 — Middle school: hormones, pressure, and the jump to high school 07:10 — COVID kids and what we lost socially 08:52 — Your cup is already full before you even walk in 15:27 — “Screw it, we ball”: learning to ask for help anyway 26:28 — Mental health clubs, stigma, and choosing support without shame Your Turn This week’s check-in / journaling prompt: Where have you been telling yourself you “should be fine,” when what you actually need is support?  And what would it look like—just one time—to raise your hand and ask anyway?

How We Rebuilt Our Home After My Daughter’s Mental Health Crisis

What if the first place you heal is the space you come home to? What if changing a room—light bulbs, colors, the way the bed faces—changes the way a day lands on your heart? Today, I’m sitting with my daughter, Lainey, and we’re talking about the place that held us after crisis: home. After hospitalization and outpatient, “normal” didn’t exist for us anymore. Coming back meant medications, therapy, and a thousand tiny decisions—like when to rest and when to come downstairs; when solitude is care and when it’s a red flag. Before discharge I asked the counselor, “What can I change as a parent?” Then we asked Lainey, “What needs to be different at home so it feels less dark and more inviting?” Her answers led us to a weekend of rearranging, thrifting, and—yes—Pinterest. We spent about $400 and rebuilt her space as a signal: you’re not alone, and this next chapter can look and feel different. Key Themes & Takeaways Environment is medicine. Light, color, privacy, and flow can support nervous systems—especially post-crisis. Isolation vs. restoration. Alone time can be healing; chronic hiding can be a warning. We built check-in phrases to tell the difference. Co-created safety. Simple scripts (“Are you okay to be alone right now?” “Do you want me to sit with you?”) made hard moments more honest. Budget-friendly change matters. Curtains as doors, a small TV on a swivel, warm bedding, a desk with art supplies—practical love. Tell the truth you can. If “I’m fine” isn’t true, try: “It’s a weird day. I need rest,” or “I’m overwhelmed.” Precision is powerful, even if brief. If home isn’t safe, reach outward. 988 exists for a reason. There are coaches, teachers, friends, and strangers online who will hold a light with you. Our Favorite Quotes “There was an actual result of me saying what I needed. I felt seen.” “We found a way—sometimes hour by hour—to interact differently and make it through that growth period.” “If a loved one asks if you’re okay, tell the truth you can tell.” “If someone says ‘you should just do it,’ that’s not your people. Find light. Build your own fire.” “You may not see the top of the hole you’re in—but there’s a tunnel. Keep going.” Chapter Markers 00:00 Mic check & content note — grounding before heavy topics 00:49 Coming home after outpatient — meds, therapy, and the long game 03:25 The makeover — from dark to warm, privacy to breathe 07:00 “I felt seen” — art desk, swivel TV, and signals of safety 12:59 Alone vs. together — family code words and double-checks 19:11 Whose life is this? — letting teens shape their environment 30:08 Hard conversations — identity, disagreement, and safer language 35:08 When it’s crisis — 988, finding help when home isn’t safe 39:03 Light and tunnels — hope as a daily practice Your Turn This week’s reflection: “What one change in my home (object, routine, or boundary) would help my body feel safer to rest, and my heart feel more welcomed to speak?” If today is heavy and you need someone now, you can call or text 988 (U.S.) for immediate mental health support. You matter. Keep going. MB01CRKDPTUZROA

Coach Ali on Mental Health, Belonging, and the Kind of Coaching That Heals

What if the win you’re chasing isn’t on the scoreboard—it’s the moment a kid believes they still belong? Today’s episode is about the kind of coaching that keeps a light on when the season—and life—get heavy. We’re in a four-part series I’m calling Finding Help Along the Way—the real, practical ways people step in for our kids (and for us) when life asks more than we think we can carry. Sports became that classroom for us. It wasn’t just drills and line changes; it was where my daughter learned language for her feelings, and where I learned how to let go without disappearing. Our guest today is Coach Ali—a hockey coach with a mental-health lens, a suicide-prevention background, and the courage to say out loud what most rinks never name: there’s a whole person under that helmet. Ali has been a steady grown-up for our family—one who can celebrate a perfect backcheck and, in the very next breath, remind a player, “It’s okay to not be okay.” This conversation is part reflection, part playbook, and fully a love letter to the power of adults who show up with both standards and softness. Key Themes + Takeaways Whole-human coaching: Skills matter, but so do private check-ins, confidentiality, and clear safety plans. Normalize the conversation: Mental health isn’t a side note; bring it into the room—briefly, consistently, with care. Belonging vs. isolation: Teams draw circles. Coaches and captains can widen them on purpose. The Lorax rule: “The tree falls the way it leans.” Culture follows the daily lean—fear or trust, shame or grace. Tough love + empathy: Players often need both. Correct the rep; protect the kid. Parent posture: Lead with humble questions, assume good intent, and advocate through the right channels. Resilience in real time: Imperfect days count. Smiling after a mistake can be a skill, not denial. Our Favorite Quotes “Under that helmet is a person—this is their first time living.” “The tree falls the way it leans. If we lean toward trust and camaraderie, that’s where the season goes.” “Anything human is mentionable, and anything mentionable becomes more manageable.” “One bad rep is one fish in a very big pond—smile, reset, try again.” “No coach wants to imagine a locker room without you. You’re worthy here, whether you score or not.” Chapter Markers 00:01:15 — The Series & Why Sports 00:04:53 — Coaching a Whole Human 00:09:26 — Making Mental Health Mentionable 00:16:23 — The Lorax Rule 00:18:36 — Circles of Belonging 00:26:42 — Comparison & Pressure 00:31:39 — A Message from the Mountain 00:43:27 — Tough Love or Soft Landings? Your Turn This week’s reflection: Where do you need to lean differently—toward trust, toward asking for help, or toward giving someone else the benefit of the doubt? Write one sentence you can say the next time you (or your kid) miss a rep: “That was one fish in a big pond—smile, reset, try again.” MB0101BEKZHOWDD