“KOJAK WOULD BEAT THE SH*T OUT OF COLUMBO!” (Part 1)

"Roll over, Mr. Pancake!" (SERIES 1, EPISODE 5)

Here we go…the very long overdue Episode 5 of Series 1! The lads discuss one of the most bizarre arrest videos out there on YouTube (shoutout to the amazing EWU Bodycam YouTube Channel), Lou’s trip to Lytham, and Lou’s burgeoning cult ‘Beckettology’ takes on a new life as we break down the potential tricks he could use to draw-in the masses in ‘The Gospel According To Lou’. Also, Sinead O’Connor is inducted by Paddy into ‘The Bald of Fame’ while Lou sits there and sulks. As ever, email your ‘Hate The Show’ messages to nevermindthebaldness@gmail.com. NEXT EPISODE WILL BE A 2-PART SERIES FINALE WHICH WILL BE ANNOUNCED SOON! FOLLOW THE ‘NEVER MIND THE BALDNESS, HERE’S PADDY AND LOU’ YOUTUBE CHANNEL FOR UPDATES OR ON OUR INSTAGRAM PAGES: Paddy: @patrick_nicholls1 Lou: @beckett9873 NOTE: Part of the reason for the delay is that we had some unexpected sounds issues on it that I’ve tried to clean up the best I can. You may notice some echo on the odd bit, but hopefully it’s not that distracting – it’s a good episode! THANK YOU TO DEMEREECE GREEN FOR CONTINUING TO PROMOTE AND HELP DEVELOP THE SPIRITUAL GENIUS OF “BECKETTOLOGY”. HE TRULY IS ONE OF LOU’S FINEST DISCIPLES AND A LEADING CANDIDATE FOR FUTURE LEADER OF BECKETTOLOGY HIMSELF. *Check out Demereece’s Insta for more updates on his amazing current music, poetry and artistic projects: @dem_1o1*   SONG CREDITS Song certificates granted by Artlist Ltd (hereinafter: "Artlist"), to: Paddy and Lou Never Mind The Baldness Podcast (hereinafter: the "Client") as of 15th/24th Dec 2025, regarding the use of the songs: ‘Set Ways’ by Hey Judy ‘The Spirit of Adventure’ by Zac Nelson ‘Eclaire’ by Lux-Inspira ‘Path of the Righteous’ by Alon Peretz   SFX CREDITS This Sound Effect certificate is granted by Artlist Ltd (hereinafter: "Artlist"), to: Paddy and Lou Never Mind The Baldness Podcast (hereinafter: the "Client") as of 1 Dec 2025, regarding the use of the Sound Effect: ‘Stereo power button on and off series’ created by Airborne Sound (hereinafter: the "Asset") by the Client   VOICEOVERS V/O’s written by Paddy Nicholls and generated using HUME A.I and Parrot A.I Aside from generating a few voices for intentions of parody and satire, A.I is not used in any creative form or otherwise throughout the show.   *DISCLAIMER* Donald Trump, Barack Obama and Nigel Farage were not actually featured in this podcast and any resemblance to their voices is intended for purposes of parody only and is not an accurate representation of them or their opinions (or whatever it is you have to say to not get sued).

A Lesson in 'Louis Love' (SERIES 1, EPISODE 4: PART 2)

Series 1, Episode 4, Part 2 This one gets ridiculous quite quickly… After inducting Kojak into the 'Bald of Fame' in Part 1, ‘The Gospel According to Lou’ really ramps up a gear with the lads discussing other tyrants and cult leaders who could inspire Beckettology (with a few of North Manchester’s finest elaborating on the genius of the man) and the ‘When In Rome’ trip to Tiraspol (Transnistria/Moldova) pushes the boundaries of unintentional homoeroticism and violent civil conflict. As ever, email your ‘Hate The Show’ messages to nevermindthebaldness@gmail.com [nevermindthebaldness@gmail.com]. NEXT EPISODE RELEASE DATE: TUESDAY 11TH NOVEMBER 2025   THANK YOU TO THE FOLLOWING MODEL CITIZENS FOR VALIDATING AND PROMOTING THE SPIRITUAL GENIUS OF “BECKETTOLOGY” Lauren Gregory (Mindful Mums – North Manchester) Demereece Green (Creatively Minded Men – Contact Theatre, Manchester) Chloe Barlow and Josh Wilkinson (Malandra Jacks - Various)   SONG CREDITS Song certificates granted by Artlist Ltd (hereinafter: "Artlist"), to: Patrick Nicholls (hereinafter: the "Client") as of 16th Sept 2025 ‘Set Ways’ by Hey Judy ‘The Spirit of Adventure’ by Zac Nelson ‘Sirba a la Oscar Sirba’ by Orkestra Severni ‘Midnight Clear’ by Hans Johnson Korobeiniki - Piano Version by Sam River Path of the Righteous by Alon Peretz ‘Anthem of the USSR’ by Unknown Artist   SFX These Sound Effect certificates are granted by Artlist Ltd (hereinafter: "Artlist"), to: Patrick Nicholls (hereinafter: the"Client") as of 29 Oct 2025, regarding the use of the Sound Effect: Antique Clocks - AlarmClock created by Soundkrampf High Desert - Single Cricket Chirping Cicada created by Sky River Sound Different Crowds - Big Crowd Riot created by Bjorn Lynne Crowd shouting out loud angrily created by Clap Studios Protest horn crowd explosion created by Carlos Santa Rita   VOICEOVERS V/O’s written by Paddy Nicholls and generated using HUME A.I and Parrot A.I Aside from generating a few voices for intentions of parody, A.I is not used in any creative form or otherwise throughout the show.   *DISCLAIMER* Donald Trump and Barack Obama were not actually featured in this podcast and any resemblance to their voices is intended for purposes of parody only and is not an accurate representation of them or their opinions (or whatever it is you have to say to not get sued).

“KOJAK WOULD BEAT THE SH*T OUT OF COLUMBO!” (Part 1)

Another 2-parter (aren’t you so freakin’ lucky?!!), this being Series 1 - Episode 4, Part 1. We witness the opening of ‘The Bald of Fame’ with Lou inducting our first shiny-headed hero, Lou disappoints Paddy with a questionable ‘Guantanamo Bay Beats’ selection and they discuss bizarre musician Tiny Tim’s role in a deadly fire in Australia… As ever, email your ‘Hate The Show’ messages to nevermindthebaldness@gmail.com [nevermindthebaldness@gmail.com]. SHARE THE PODCAST TOO!   PART 2 OF THIS EPISODE RELEASE (featuring the rest of ‘The Gospel According To Lou’ and the ‘When In Rome’ trip to Tiraspol): Tuesday 28th October 2025.   GUANTANAMO BAY BEATS ‘S1, E4’ Playlist Spotify Link: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/7iou0G3vs18Zq2dSsrhrvq?si=3cf1fccab5e1434d [https://open.spotify.com/playlist/7iou0G3vs18Zq2dSsrhrvq?si=3cf1fccab5e1434d]   SONG CREDITS Song certificates granted by Artlist Ltd (hereinafter: "Artlist"), to: Patrick Nicholls (hereinafter: the "Client") as of 16th Sept 2025 ‘Set Ways’ by Hey Judy ‘The Spirit of Adventure’ by Zac Nelson ‘Sirba a la Oscar Sirba’ by Orkestra Severni   VOICEOVERS V/O’s written by Paddy Nicholls and generated using HUME A.I and Parrot A.I   *DISCLAIMER* Donald Trump and Barack Obama were not actually featured in this podcast and any resemblance to their voices is intended for purposes of parody only and is not an accurate representation of them or their opinions (or whatever it is you have to say to not get sued).   *EDITORIAL NOTES AND CORRECTIONS* - The two people that Lou referenced are actually called Edgar Wood and Andy McCluskey, not “Edgar Woods” and “Ian McCluskey”. - I’ve no idea how Kojak actually lost most of his index finger. - There isn’t “anyone out there better to listen to than Big Lou Beckett.” - ‘Nightshift’ was the Commodores first hit song after the departure of Lionel Ritchie to pursue his solo career. - ‘Nightshift’ is a belting tune, no matter what anyone says…

BONUS EPISODE: "Two Lovely Plums"

Feeling guilty about Paddy being ill (and unable to record the last full episode) and both being on Holiday after, the two decided to record another short bonus episode a few days ago to keep you from shedding too many tears. They talk about the "joys" of getting older and put their money where their mouth is by actually drinking (in real life) one of the Serbian spirits, from their infamous Belgrade "trip", on the show itself. As ever, email your ‘Hate The Show’ messages to nevermindthebaldness@gmail.com [nevermindthebaldness@gmail.com]. NEXT FULL EPISODE RELEASE DATE: Tuesday 21st October 2025   SONG CREDITS Song certificates granted by Artlist Ltd (hereinafter: "Artlist"), to: Patrick Nicholls (hereinafter: the "Client") as of 16th Sept 2025 ‘Set Ways’ by Hey Judy   VOICEOVERS V/O’s written by Paddy Nicholls and generated using HUME A.I and Parrot A.I. Aside from generating a few voices for intentions of parody, A.I is not used in any creative form or otherwise throughout the show.   *DISCLAIMER* Donald Trump and Barack Obama were not actually featured in this podcast and any resemblance to their voices are intended for purposes of parody only and are not an accurate representation of them or any of their opinions (or whatever it is you have to say to not get sued).

"AND ON THE FIRST DAY, LOU CREATED...." (Part 2)

Part 2 of the episode ‘And On The First Day, Lou Created…’ finishes off where the 2 left off in discussing the beginning of Lou’s religion/cult (inconclusively called either ‘Beckettism’ or ‘Beckettology'). The ‘When In Rome’ trip to Addis Ababa throws up some highly ill-educated discussion about Ethiopian culture, as well as a few choice encounters with some shady characters on the night of the trip. As ever, email your ‘Hate The Show’ messages to nevermindthebaldness@gmail.com [nevermindthebaldness@gmail.com]. *NEXT EPISODE RELEASE DATE:* TUESDAY 7TH OCTOBER 2025   *SONG CREDITS* Song certificates granted by Artlist Ltd (hereinafter: "Artlist"), to: Patrick Nicholls (hereinafter: the "Client") as of 16th Sept 2025 ‘NY Girl (Instrumental)’ by Dani Jalali ‘Set Ways’ by Hey Judy ‘Sirba A La Oscar: Sirba’ by Orkestra Severni   *SFX* Sound Effects certificates granted by Artlist Ltd (hereinafter: "Artlist"), to: Patrick Nicholls (hereinafter: the "Client") as of 25th Sept 2025 DJ Turntable - Record Stop Sound by Heewon Oh Water Motion - Low Bubbly Water Whoosh Sound by Artlist Studios Soaking Wet - Big Water Splash Sound by Dauzkobza Male screams, different versions Sound by Foley Walkers Making Love - Bed Banging, Shaking, Fast, Rhythmic Sound by EVG Sound FX Sensual Female - Orgasm Buildup, Moaning, Panting, Climax, Slow Breathing Sound by EVG Sound FX Sensual Male - Guttural Grunting, Energetic, Yeah, Oh Yeah, Explicit Sound by EVG Sound FX   *VOICEOVERS* V/O’s written by Paddy Nicholls and generated using HUME A.I and Parrot A.I. Aside from generating a few voices for intentions of parody, A.I is not used in any creative form or otherwise throughout the show.   *EDITORIAL NOTES AND CORRECTIONS* - While prostitution itself is legal in Ethiopia, certain forms of solicitation are considered illegal and criminal. - ‘Snake Dances’ are a scam designed to attract gullible foreigners to go with the scammers and aren’t literally ‘snake dances’ (although actual snake dances do exist in some Tribal Communities in several countries across Africa, such as Tanzania and Ivory Coast.) ‘Eskesta’ is a traditional dance in Ethiopia that is *inspired* by the neck movements of snakes. - Donald Trump probably can read, at least to an extent.   *DISCLAIMER* Michael Jackson, Donald Trump and Barack Obama were not actually featured in this podcast and any resemblance to their voices are intended for purposes of parody only and are not an accurate representation of them or any of their opinions (or whatever it is you have to say to not get sued).   *IMPORTANT MESSAGE REGARDING THIS WEEK’S ANNOUNCEMENTS BY DONALD TRUMP AND ROBERT F KENNEDY JNR ABOUT AUTISM* We try to avoid political discussion on the show, but just as a point to anyone listening (from Paddy, who is neurodivergent himself): Autism isn’t caused by taking Pregnant Mothers taking Tylenol, nor is it caused by vaccinations – both have been continually disproven and usually there has been an ulterior motive for the spreading of such conspiracy theories. The misinformation being pushed by RFK Jnr and Donald Trump around neurodivergency is both highly stigmatising and offensive and the concept of “finding a cure for Autism”, as if it is a disease, is highly dangerous. If you believe a man with a worm in his brain (who has no medical qualifications) has managed to uncover a major scientific breakthrough after years of geniuses trying…you need to evaluate your own lack of intelligence.