When niceness becomes a trap: Selena's inability to say no almost ruins a long-awaited dream

Why we help beyond our means? Jan's resentment grows as she supports her sister through a divorce (ft. Amy Lukas)

Most of us have been there: you step in to help someone you love, and somewhere along the way the helping starts to feel less like a choice and more like something you simply cannot stop doing. There's a fine line between genuine care and the kind of compulsive caretaking that quietly drains you, and most of us have never really looked at what lives on the other side of that line. In this episode, Shagun sits with Jan, who finds herself in the thick of exactly this pattern, supporting a family member through a major life transition and noticing something uncomfortable beginning to surface in the process. What follows is a live coaching session that goes somewhere unexpected, and afterward, Shagun is joined by fellow Jungian-trained coach Amy Lukas to reflect on what the session reveals, including some territory that feels very close to home for both of them. * 00:00 Introduction * 01:27 How Amy's creative career ended in burnout and illness * 10:50 What Amy's inner work looks like now * 16:02 What is the Savior Complex * 18:41 Coaching Session with Jan: Savior Complex in Action * 38:26 Debriefing Jan's session and Shagun and Amy's personal savior stories About the host: Shagun Chopra is an individuation coach, speaker, and educator. Her unique approach combines Jungian depth psychology with ancient Vedic wisdom to create the ultimate personal transformation. She supports professionals, entrepreneurs, and creatives in bringing their wildest dreams to life and leapfrogging their career, business, and relationships. To learn more, visit shagunchopra.com [http://shagunchopra.com] About the guest: Amy Lukas is a Depth Coach, founder of Fallow Renewal, and former design entrepreneur. After a successful 30-year career in the creative industry, she now supports accomplished professionals, creative leaders, and entrepreneurs—many of them women in midlife—who appear successful on the outside yet feel called toward something deeper on the inside. Amy guides clients in reconnecting with authenticity, creativity, and purpose during seasons of transition. Her work explores the transformative power of self-awareness, intentional renewal, and what she calls “The Art of Becoming.” She can be found at www.fallowrenewal.com [http://www.fallowrenewal.com] Join the show: To ask a question or get coached on the show, visit shagunchopra.com/ask - all coaching clients are assigned a pseudonym and given the option to not share their video Disclaimer:  Conversations on Partners in Sublime are for educational purposes only, and do not constitute medical or psychological advice or treatment. Please consult a licensed professional for any mental health concerns.

Is spiritual bypass necessary? Ava is unexpectedly calm after a blindsiding breakup

We've all had that friend who just went through something devastating and seems almost too okay, or been that person ourselves, turning to faith or practice or the certainty that everything happens for a reason, and finding, at least for a while, that it actually works. In this episode, Shagun explores spiritual bypass, a term coined by transpersonal psychologist John Welwood for the tendency to use spiritual ideas and practices to sidestep unresolved emotional pain, and makes the case that it may be less a failure of the spiritual path than a necessary resting point along it. To illustrate what spiritual bypass actually feels like from the inside, she shares a live coaching session with Ava, who arrives less than a week after a blindsiding breakup with parents involved and marriage on the horizon, and is, somehow, calm. The session raises a question that Shagun then takes on directly from her own experience: what is the difference between genuine peace and the kind of peace that comes from not yet having let yourself feel what's actually there, and what happens to everything we leave unfelt? * 00:00 Introduction * 01:52 What is Spiritual Bypass * 06:04 Why spiritual bypass isn't as bad as you think * 12:06 Navigating Emotions: The Impact of Breakups * 12:25 Coaching session with Ava: Navigating post-breakup grief * 29:09 Session debrief: Understanding Ava's grief journey and spiritual bypass potential About the host: Shagun Chopra is an individuation coach, speaker, and educator. Her unique approach combines Jungian depth psychology with ancient Vedic wisdom to create the ultimate personal transformation. She supports professionals, entrepreneurs, and creatives in bringing their wildest dreams to life and leapfrogging their career, business, and relationships. To learn more, visit shagunchopra.com [http://shagunchopra.com] Join the show: To ask a question or get coached on the show, visit shagunchopra.com/ask - all coaching clients are assigned a pseudonym and given the option to not share their video Disclaimer:  Conversations on Partners in Sublime are for educational purposes only, and do not constitute medical or psychological advice or treatment. Please consult a licensed professional for any mental health concerns.

When niceness becomes a trap: Selena's inability to say no almost ruins a long-awaited dream

We are all taught to be nice. Through years of conditioning, being praised for sharing, being corrected for asking for too much, being rewarded for going along, we learn that niceness is the price of belonging. But what happens when being nice means overriding your own body's signal? What happens when the most spiritually evolved-sounding justification is actually just your ego managing away something it finds threatening? In this episode, I coach 'Selena' through a situation that most of us would brush off as minor - answering a call she didn't want to answer - but underneath that small incident is something worth excavating: a shadow self who already knows exactly what to say and how to say it, and has simply been waiting to be trusted. We move through the Jungian concepts of persona and shadow, explore how rationalization and reaction formation keep us loyal to a pattern even when that pattern is working against us, and use active imagination to help Selena meet the version of herself she has been keeping out of sight. We also touch on the Vedantic concept of the kavach, sacred armor, and raise the fundamental question: if the soul is genuinely indestructible, what exactly are we protecting, and from what? * 00:00 Introduction * 02:54 How we get conditioned to be nice * 04:34 How the ego keeps us stuck in people pleasing mode * 06:06 How to stop being compulsively nice with shadow work * 07:29 Coaching session with Selena: Being nice and regretting it * 28:59 Session breakdown: New age spirituality, ego defenses, alter ego imagination About the host: Shagun Chopra is an individuation coach, speaker, and educator. Her unique approach combines Jungian depth psychology with ancient Vedic wisdom to create the ultimate personal transformation. She supports professionals, entrepreneurs, and creatives in bringing their wildest dreams to life and leapfrogging their career, business, and relationships. To learn more, visit shagunchopra.com [http://shagunchopra.com] Join the show: To ask a question or get coached on the show, visit shagunchopra.com/ask - all coaching clients are assigned a pseudonym and given the option to not share their video Disclaimer:  Conversations on Partners in Sublime are for educational purposes only, and do not constitute medical or psychological advice or treatment. Please consult a licensed professional for any mental health concerns.

How to connect with our higher self? Dorothy's job pays the bills but doesn't make her happy

We use the word "self" constantly, in therapy, in spirituality, in everyday conversation, but we rarely stop to ask which self we are actually talking about. In this episode, Shagun breaks down three distinct understandings of the self, from the everyday ego self to the IFS Self to the Jungian Self, and makes the case that it is this third, deeper Self that we most need to learn to connect with. Drawing on Edward Edinger's concept of the ego-Self axis, she walks through how that connection strengthens and breaks across a lifetime, what ego inflation and deflation actually look like in real life, and five concrete ways to stay connected to your higher self, one of which is beautifully illustrated through the coaching session with "Dorothy." Dororthy's situation is familiar to many, she has a job that pays the bills but costs her too: her sleep, her presence, and her sense of purpose. Shagun uses active imagination to offer Dorothy's higher Self the space to speak, and what emerges is not a plan or a prescription but a single unexpected symbol that points her back to something she already knows about herself. * 00:00 Introduction * 01:25 What is your higher self * 04:01 Do we live in a conscious universe * 05:13 How the ego-Self axis works * 09:02 What is ego inflation and ego deflation * 14:19 How to stay connected with our higher self * 22:03 What myth teaches us about the higher self * 24:07 Coaching session with Dororthy: Work is not aligning with purpose * 46:02 Session breakdown: Recognizing ego, higher self, and symbolism About the host: Shagun Chopra is an individuation coach, speaker, and educator. Her unique approach combines Jungian depth psychology with ancient Vedic wisdom to create the ultimate personal transformation. She supports professionals, entrepreneurs, and creatives in bringing their wildest dreams to life and leapfrogging their career, business, and relationships. To learn more, visit shagunchopra.com [http://shagunchopra.com] Join the show: To ask a question or get coached on the show, visit shagunchopra.com/ask [http://shagunchopra.com/ask] - all coaching clients are assigned a pseudonym and given the option to not share their video Disclaimer:  Conversations on Partners in Sublime are for educational purposes only, and do not constitute medical or psychological advice or treatment. Please consult a licensed professional for any mental health concerns.

Why we abandon ourselves: Ana's grief and losses unravel the spiritual life she had built

We think self-abandonment is the falling apart: the life that becomes unrecognizable, the person we no longer see in the mirror. But the abandonment begins much earlier, in the quiet moments when we refuse the parts of ourselves that don't fit the life we have constructed. In this episode, we explore why self-abandonment moves in two directions, what Jungian shadow work and Vedantic philosophy reveal about both, and what it takes to find the integrated middle rather than swinging between extremes. The episode features 'Ana' who came to this session after two years of accumulated loss had quietly dismantled the spiritual life she had carefully built. The anger had arrived. The practices had disappeared. And she no longer recognized the person she had become. What emerged in our session together was something more uncomfortable and more liberating than a simple path back: the recognition that the self she is returning to cannot be the one she left behind. * 00:00 Navigating Grief and Anger * 02:47 The Impact of Spiritual Communities on Emotional Expression * 05:06 Decisions and Life Transitions * 07:11 Reconnecting with Passions and Career Aspirations * 09:22 Finding Balance in Life Choices * 11:41 The Journey of Self-Discovery and Acceptance * 13:45 Visualizing a New Path Forward * 16:36 Coaching Ana: Navigating Emotional Turmoil and Overwhelm * 17:41 The Journey of Self-Compassion and Presence * 19:22 Confronting Grief and Loss * 22:33 Lessons in Vulnerability and Acceptance * 25:03 The Role of Family and Legacy * 27:10 Embracing the Wounded Self * 27:28 Connecting with the Higher Self About the host: Shagun Chopra is an individuation coach, speaker, and educator. Her unique approach combines Jungian depth psychology with ancient Vedic wisdom to create the ultimate personal transformation. She supports professionals, entrepreneurs, and creatives in bringing their wildest dreams to life and leapfrogging their career, business, and relationships. To learn more, visit shagunchopra.com [http://shagunchopra.com] Join the show: To ask a question or get coached on the show, visit shagunchopra.com/ask [http://shagunchopra.com/ask] - all coaching clients are assigned a pseudonym and given the option to not share their video Disclaimer:  Conversations on Partners in Sublime are for educational purposes only, and do not constitute medical or psychological advice or treatment. Please consult a licensed professional for any mental health concerns.