Psychologists Off the Clock

What’s a skill that can instantly improve your relationships, communication, and even your influence? In this episode, Yael talks with Caroline Fleck [https://drcarolinefleck.com/], a licensed psychologist and author of Validation [https://bookshop.org/a/30734/9780593541210], to unpack exactly that. Caroline explains what validation really is, how it’s different from empathy or sympathy, and why it can be so powerful in both personal and professional relationships.  They walk you through how validation first gained traction in therapy, especially in dialectical behavior therapy, and Caroline shares simple techniques like attending, copying, and proposing that anyone can use. You’ll get Caroline’s take on the challenge of validating someone when you strongly disagree, the role of self-disclosure in connection, and how our understanding of emotions has shifted from classic microexpressions to a more nuanced view of emotional experience. If you’re looking for practical ways to build better relationships and truly connect, this episode is full of insight. Listen and Learn:  * What is validation? * Why feeling truly seen and accepted is the key to deeper trust, love, and real connection in your life * How invalidation can be toxic to your relationships and how empathy and validation actually heal them * Can validation help you connect with someone even if you don’t agree or relate to their situation? * How accepting someone else's view first can actually boost your influence and get you heard more often * The simple act of repeating exact words in conflict helps fights cool down and allows real conversations to happen * Why messing up shows you’re trying to truly understand, and how that keeps the connection real * Why you don’t have to agree with someone’s whole view to validate it; just find the part that makes sense * How to be open, but balanced, to create space for real connection and trust to grow Resources:  * Validation: How the Skill Set That Revolutionized Psychology Will Transform Your Relationships, Increase Your Influence, and Change Your Life https://bookshop.org/a/30734/9780593541210 [https://bookshop.org/a/30734/9780593541210] * Visit Caroline’s website: https://drcarolinefleck.com/ [https://drcarolinefleck.com/] * Connect with Caroline on social media:  https://www.linkedin.com/in/carolinefleck/ [https://www.linkedin.com/in/carolinefleck/] https://www.instagram.com/carolinefleckphd/ [https://www.instagram.com/carolinefleckphd/] https://www.youtube.com/@Dr.CarolineFleck [https://www.youtube.com/@Dr.CarolineFleck] https://www.tiktok.com/@drcarolinefleck [https://www.tiktok.com/@drcarolinefleck]  * Boogie Board Tablet on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/stores/page/B551B3AA-1FD5-4BBA-AB25-58D0F67052FE?ingress=0&visitId=8be7808f-e257-437b-b72f-b8e79fd8fca9 [https://www.amazon.com/stores/page/B551B3AA-1FD5-4BBA-AB25-58D0F67052FE?ingress=0&visitId=8be7808f-e257-437b-b72f-b8e79fd8fca9]  * Study on empathic effort versus accuracy [https://repository.brynmawr.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1025&context=psych_pubs] * How Emotions Are Made [https://bookshop.org/p/books/how-emotions-are-made-the-secret-life-of-the-brain-lisa-feldman-barrett/6961460?ean=9781328915436&next=t] by Lisa Feldman Barrett * The Autistic Brain [https://bookshop.org/p/books/the-autistic-brain-thinking-across-the-spectrum-richard-panek/aad049795f41b8fc?ean=9780547858180&next=t] by Temple Grandin About Caroline Fleck:  Dr. Caroline Fleck [https://drcarolinefleck.com/] is a licensed psychologist, writer, and corporate consultant who has served as a supervisor and consultant for some of the most rigorous training programs in the country, including Dr. Marsha Linehan’s program at the University of Washington, the Department of Psychiatry at Stanford Medical Center, and the VA Palo Alto. She is a respected voice in psychology and has been featured in national media outlets, including The New York Times, Good Morning America, and The Huffington Post. Her new book, which we’re here to discuss, is the first of its kind to make the specialized validation skills therapists master to get through to anyone available to everyone. Related Episodes: * Episode 120: Use DBT Skills to Regulate Emotions and Be More Effective in Relationships with Matthew McKay [https://offtheclockpsych.com/dbt-skills-regulate-emotions/] * Episode 241. Emotion Coaching Skills for Families with Mindy Solomon [https://offtheclockpsych.com/241-efft-2-mindy-solomon/] * Episode 282. Toxic Positivity with Whitney Goodman [https://offtheclockpsych.com/toxic-positivity/] * Episode 397. The Mindful Path to Intimacy with James Cordova [https://offtheclockpsych.com/the-mindful-path-to-intimacy-with-james-cordova/] * Episode 408. Connecting like a Hostage Negotiator with Gary Noesner [https://offtheclockpsych.com/connecting-like-a-hostage-negotiator-with-gary-noesner/] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices [https://megaphone.fm/adchoices]

In a world constantly demanding our attention and energy, have you ever felt trapped between the crucial need to care for yourself and the undeniable urge to care for those around you?  Well, for this conversation, Debbie gets into that very dilemma with Dr. Jordan Quaglia [https://www.jordanquaglia.com/], as he challenges us to move beyond the 'either/or' of self-care and explore his revolutionary 'We Care' approach.  Jordan, who is the author of Self-Care to We Care: The New Science of Mindful Boundaries and Caring From an Undivided Heart [https://bookshop.org/a/30734/9781645473473], gives his take on the research on balancing self-care with caring for others and emphasizes the importance of holding both self-care and compassion for others simultaneously and offers practical strategies for setting healthy boundaries and integrating self-care into daily life. Come join Debbie and Jordan to redefine what it means to care! Listen and Learn:  * Why balancing care for others and self-care isn’t an either-or and the hidden choices in between * When self-care crosses into avoidance or indulgence, it may signal disconnection rather than renewal * Finding balance when caring for others overrides your own needs * In moments of tragedy, do you become the superhero or collapse from the hurt? * The We Care framework to transform self-care and caring for others into one balanced practice in everyday life * Transform overwhelming empathy into sustainable compassion that fuels your action and protects your well-being * How care-based boundaries protect your energy while deepening connection, not guilt * Balancing self-care and caring for the world work together to fuel your resilience and action Resources:  * From Self-Care to We-Care: The New Science of Mindful Boundaries and Caring from an Undivided Heart: https://bookshop.org/a/30734/9781645473473 [https://bookshop.org/a/30734/9781645473473] * Jordan’s website: https://www.jordanquaglia.com/ [https://www.jordanquaglia.com/] * Connect with Jordan on LinkedIn and Instagram:  * https://www.linkedin.com/in/jordanquaglia [https://www.linkedin.com/in/jordanquaglia]  * https://www.instagram.com/mindfulboundaries/?hl=en [https://www.instagram.com/mindfulboundaries/?hl=en] About Jordan Quaglia Jordan Quaglia [https://www.jordanquaglia.com/], PhD, has spent over a decade researching and teaching on topics such as mindfulness, compassion, and boundaries. He is an associate professor of psychology at Naropa University, where he directs the Cognitive and Affective Science Laboratory and is research director for its Center for the Advancement of Contemplative Education. A recognized expert in the science of compassion, he has been designated as a research fellow by the Mind & Life Institute, a Contemplative Social Justice Scholar for Contemplative Mind in Society, and a panelist for multiple United Nations Day of Vesak conferences. In addition to his research, Jordan co-developed and regularly teaches an eight-week compassion training curriculum for hundreds of individuals. He lives with his wife in Boulder, Colorado. Book: From Self-Care to We-Care: The New Science of Mindful Boundaries and Caring from an Undivided Heart Related episodes:  * 374. Developing and Deepening Connections with Adam Dorsay [https://offtheclockpsych.com/developing-and-deepening-connections-with-adam-dorsay/]  * 360. The Laws of Connection with David Robson [https://offtheclockpsych.com/the-laws-of-connection-with-david-robson/]  * 262. Hope and Values in Dark Times [https://offtheclockpsych.com/hope-and-values/] * 254. Cultivating Compassion for a Lasting Connection with Michaela Thomas [https://offtheclockpsych.com/cultivating-compassion-for-a-lasting-connection/] * 234. The Power of Us with Dominic Packer [https://offtheclockpsych.com/234-the-power-of-us/]  * 201. Fierce Compassion with Kristin Nef [https://offtheclockpsych.com/201-fierce-compassion-with-kristin-neff/] * 105. The Self-Care Prescription with Robyn Gobin [https://offtheclockpsych.com/self-care-prescription/] * 75. Mindful Self-Compassion with Christopher Germer [https://offtheclockpsych.com/mindful-self-compassion/] * 65. Self-care, Kindness, and Living Well with Kelly Wilson [https://offtheclockpsych.com/science-of-kindness/]  * 46. Altruism and the Flow of Compassion with Yotam Heineberg [https://offtheclockpsych.com/flow-of-compassion/] * 32. Social Connection: Exploring Loneliness and Building Intimacy [https://offtheclockpsych.com/2017-10-23-social-connection/] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices [https://megaphone.fm/adchoices]

True strength and success lie in how well we can come together and support one another and how well we can stand side by side to move forward as a collective.  That powerful message comes straight from our guest, Dr. Lakeysha Hallmon [https://drkeyhallmon.com], who is the author of No One Is Self-Made: Build Your Village to Flourish in Business and Life [https://bookshop.org/a/30734/9780063315891], and it perfectly sets the tone for this deeply honest and inspiring conversation with Jill. They talk about why we’re not meant to do life or business solo, the power of building your “village,” and how real success comes from community, not isolation. If you’ve ever wondered who you need in your corner, how to find your purpose, or how to stop carrying the weight alone, this one’s for you. Hit play on this conversation to find out what being “village made” really means and why it just might change the way you show up in the world. Listen and Learn:  * Why the "self-made" myth is harmful and how being "village-made" redefines success * How neuroscience proves we're wired for community and why it's vital for well-being * Why being communal is especially critical for marginalized communities to overcome systemic barriers * Are purpose and alignment the driving forces behind building a thriving community? * "Life assignments" you can put into practice reveal your true purpose * The six essential roles needed to build your "village" and how they contribute to collective success * How to attract your "village" by showing up authentically and setting intentions in new spaces * The crucial difference between individual and "village-made" values, and how they shape community * Key "village-made" values like sharing space with those who shine and radical inclusivity * When to keep grinding and when surrendering opens doors you never expected * Channelling your anger into action and the "village verbs" that empower community building Resources:  * Find Lakeysha and buy her book, No One is Self-Made, at https://drkeyhallmon.com/noism/ [https://drkeyhallmon.com/noism/] or get it at our POTC bookshop: https://bookshop.org/a/30734/9780063315891 [https://bookshop.org/a/30734/9780063315891]  * Connect with Lakeysha on social media: http://www.linkedin.com/in/lakeysha-hallmon-ed-d-52680215a [http://www.linkedin.com/in/lakeysha-hallmon-ed-d-52680215a] https://www.instagram.com/drkeyhallmon [https://www.instagram.com/drkeyhallmon]   * Debbie’s article on asking for help: https://psyche.co/guides/how-to-ask-for-help-without-discomfort-or-apology [https://psyche.co/guides/how-to-ask-for-help-without-discomfort-or-apology] About Lakeysha Hallmon Dr. Lakeysha Hallmon [https://drkeyhallmon.com] has transformed the lives of thousands of Black entrepreneurs across the world through her flagship brand The Village Market, and sister organizations The Village Retail, a storefront featuring premier Black-owned brands and nonprofit Our Village United, which revitalizes small businesses by providing funding and technical services. Her love of community, paired with her mantra, Support Is a Verb, inspires Black entrepreneurs everywhere and the communities who support them with intention. As an award-winning expert in education and business development, Hallmon’s innovative village model has become highly sought-after and has facilitated 8.3 million dollars in sales to Black businesses. Related Episodes * 116. Building a Meaningful, Values-based Life with Jenna LeJeune [https://offtheclockpsych.com/values-in-therapy/] * 138. Exploring Existence and Purpose: Existentialism with Robyn Walser [https://offtheclockpsych.com/exploring-existence-and-purpose/] * 234. The Power of Us with Dominic Packer [https://offtheclockpsych.com/234-the-power-of-us/] * 273. A More Just Future with Dolly Chugh [https://offtheclockpsych.com/273-a-more-just-future-with-dolly-chugh/] * 285. What Do You Want Out of Life? Values Fulfillment Theory with Valerie Tiberius [https://offtheclockpsych.com/values-fulfillment-theory/] * 329. The Power of Curiosity with Scott Shigeoka [https://offtheclockpsych.com/the-power-of-curiosity-with-scott-shigeoka/] * 370. Freedom, Energy, and Power with Emma Seppälä [https://offtheclockpsych.com/370-freedom-energy-and-power-with-emma-seppala/] * 371. Uniting Toward a Better Future with Diana McLain Smith [https://offtheclockpsych.com/uniting-toward-a-better-future-with-diana-mclain-smith/] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices [https://megaphone.fm/adchoices]

It’s easy to forget how much doing something creative can lift your mood. Whether you're painting, building something, or just doodling for fun, creating is good for your brain and your mental health!  In this conversation, Debbie interviews bestselling author Kelly Corrigan [https://www.kellycorrigan.com/], along with her daughter and coauthor, Claire Corrigan Lichty. [https://www.linkedin.com/in/clairelichty] They talk about their new children’s book, Marianne the Maker [https://bookshop.org/a/30734/9780593206096], which highlights how creativity and hands-on making can support well-being for kids and adults alike. Listen in to hear about Kelly and Claire's experience working together as a mother-and-daughter duo, and learn how to incorporate everyday creativity to lift spirits, spark connection, and bond families! Listen and Learn: * How can engaging in small creative acts help restore mental clarity and emotional balance during times of stress or uncertainty? * Why is creativity not just a luxury but a scientifically backed, essential part of human well-being that can help both children and adults access better mental health? * Actively supporting children's creativity by observing their interests and making space at home that reflects and encourages those passions * Why is it valuable for families to create a home environment that normalizes creativity and engaged leisure, and how does this foster long-term cognitive and emotional development in kids? * The benefits of creative hobbies as a form of active rest highlight their role in reducing mental fatigue, enhancing focus, and providing a healthy escape from cognitive overload * How writing, even in imperfect or irregular ways, can serve as a powerful tool for mental clarity and emotional release during stressful times * The importance of unstructured time and creative making in fostering self-entertainment, well-being, and resisting cultural pressures to constantly be productive * The importance of sharing creative work for values-driven reasons rather than external validation Resources: * Kelly’s website: https://www.kellycorrigan.com/ [https://www.kellycorrigan.com/]  * Podcast: Kelly Corrigan Wonders: https://www.kellycorrigan.com/podcast [https://www.kellycorrigan.com/podcast] * Book: https://www.mariannethemaker.com/ [https://www.mariannethemaker.com/] https://bookshop.org/a/30734/9780593206096 [https://bookshop.org/a/30734/9780593206096]  Social Media:  * Kelly on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/kellycorrigan/ [https://www.instagram.com/kellycorrigan/]  * Kelly on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kellycorrigan/ [https://www.linkedin.com/in/kellycorrigan/]  * Claire on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/claire.lichty/ [https://www.instagram.com/claire.lichty/] * Kelly’s TED Talk, To Love Is to Be Brave: https://www.ted.com/talks/kelly_corrigan_to_love_is_to_be_brave [https://www.ted.com/talks/kelly_corrigan_to_love_is_to_be_brave]  Kelly’s New York Times Op Eds:  * https://www.nytimes.com/2021/09/05/opinion/parenting-college-empty-nest-pandemic.html [https://www.nytimes.com/2021/09/05/opinion/parenting-college-empty-nest-pandemic.html] * https://www.nytimes.com/2019/08/13/well/family/advice-to-my-college-freshman.html [https://www.nytimes.com/2019/08/13/well/family/advice-to-my-college-freshman.html] * https://www.nytimes.com/2021/11/24/opinion/thanksgiving-family-forgiveness.html [https://www.nytimes.com/2021/11/24/opinion/thanksgiving-family-forgiveness.html] * https://www.nytimes.com/2019/10/22/well/family/college-applications-parents-children-advice.html [https://www.nytimes.com/2019/10/22/well/family/college-applications-parents-children-advice.html] * Your Brain on Art (book mentioned in this interview):  https://bookshop.org/p/books/your-brain-on-art-how-the-arts-transform-us-susan-magsamen/18580097 [https://bookshop.org/p/books/your-brain-on-art-how-the-arts-transform-us-susan-magsamen/18580097]  * If you want to write and could use some writing prompts and guided writing exercises, check out Debbie’s Guided Journaling Substack here: https://guidedjournaling.substack.com/ [https://guidedjournaling.substack.com/]  * Debbie’s article on letting kids be bored: https://www.drdebbiesorensen.com/blogposts/2020/5/15/parents-get-ready-for-the-summer-of-boredom [https://www.drdebbiesorensen.com/blogposts/2020/5/15/parents-get-ready-for-the-summer-of-boredom] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices [https://megaphone.fm/adchoices]

Raising grounded, thoughtful kids in today’s chaotic world is no small task. In this episode, Emily talks with award-winning journalist and author Melinda Wenner Moyer [https://www.melindawennermoyer.com/] about her new book, Hello, Cruel World: Science-Based Strategies for Raising Terrific Kids in Terrifying Times [https://bookshop.org/a/30734/9780593719367]. Melinda shares practical, research-based tools to help parents guide their children through media influence, bias, and the challenges of social media and technology. It’s a powerful conversation filled with real-world strategies for raising compassionate, critical-thinking kids who can thrive, even when the world feels upside down. Listen and Learn: * How can parents raise compassionate, resilient kids when the world feels increasingly chaotic and uncertain? * Understanding how bias and polarization form in kids is key to raising thoughtful, inclusive humans * Why kids develop biased thinking and how family conversations can counter social media's influence * How listening to your kids can reduce extremism, build empathy, and shape a better future * Ways to talk with your kid about bias and hate language, even if they don't open up easily * The importance of getting your kids to team up with diverse friends on projects to help them see past biases * Teaching kids media literacy helps them think critically * Research often misrepresents social media harm, but parent-child bonds shape kids’ real tech experience * Managing kids’ tech means by balancing connection, autonomy, and open talks, not just strict rules * Melinda’s hope for parents embracing open talks and respect, shaping a stronger, kinder generation Resources: * Hello Cruel World!: Science-Based Strategies for Raising Terrific Kids in Terrifying Times: https://bookshop.org/a/30734/9780593719367 [https://bookshop.org/a/30734/9780593719367] * Melinda’s website: https://www.melindawennermoyer.com/ [https://www.melindawennermoyer.com/] * Melinda’s Substack: https://melindawmoyer.substack.com/ [https://melindawmoyer.substack.com/]  * Connect with Melinda on social media:  * https://www.instagram.com/melindawmoyer/?hl=en [https://www.instagram.com/melindawmoyer/?hl=en] * https://www.facebook.com/melindawennermoyer/ [https://www.facebook.com/melindawennermoyer/] * https://www.linkedin.com/in/melindawennermoyer [https://www.linkedin.com/in/melindawennermoyer]  * Emily’s Substack article about Netflix’s Adolescence: https://emilyedlynn.substack.com/p/the-two-problems-with-netflixs-adolescence?r=8nx18 [https://emilyedlynn.substack.com/p/the-two-problems-with-netflixs-adolescence?r=8nx18] About Melinda Wenner Moyer Melinda Wenner Moyer [https://www.melindawennermoyer.com/] is an award-winning journalist whose work explores the intersection of science and everyday life. She’s known for her deep dives into subjects that have both scientific and societal implications, addressing issues that are relevant to parents, families, and the general public. Melinda is a contributing editor at Scientific American magazine and a regular contributor and former columnist at The New York Times. Her first book, How To Raise Kids Who Aren’t Assholes, was published in July 2021 and won a gold medal in the 2022 Living Now Book Awards. Her second book, Hello Cruel World!: Science-Based Strategies for Raising Terrific Kids in Terrifying Times, will be published on May 27, 2025. She lives in New York's Hudson Valley.  Related Episodes: 390. Raising Empowered Girls in a Sexist World with Jo-Ann Finkelstein [https://offtheclockpsych.com/raising-empowered-girls-in-a-sexist-world-with-jo-ann-finkelstein/] 381. Reimagining Boyhood with Ruth Whippman [https://offtheclockpsych.com/reimagining-boyhood-with-ruth-whippman/] 382. The Anxious Generation? The Conversation We Should Be Having About Kids, Technology, and Mental Health [https://offtheclockpsych.com/the-anxious-generation-the-conversation-we-should-be-having-about-kids-technology-and-mental-health/] 377. How to Raise a Citizen with Lindsey Cormack [https://offtheclockpsych.com/how-to-raise-a-citizen-with-lindsey-cormack/] 317. Growing Up in Public with Devorah Heitner [https://offtheclockpsych.com/growing-up-in-public/] 256. Social Justice Parenting with Traci Baxley [https://offtheclockpsych.com/256-social-justice-parenting/] 214. How to Raise Kids Who Aren’t Jerks with Melinda Wenner Moyer [https://offtheclockpsych.com/214-how-to-raise-kids-who-arent-jerks-with-melinda-wenner-moyer/] 398. Finding Joy in Your Relationship with Money with Elizabeth Husserl [https://offtheclockpsych.com/finding-joy-in-your-relationship-with-money-with-elizabeth-husserl/] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices [https://megaphone.fm/adchoices]