Rotten Tomato Soup

Lonely loveboy or tiny chubby small boy? We're spanning the whole length of Joaquin Phoenix's life stew this week, from baby tiny man to actual man. And can I just say? It gets pretty cute up in here. Fresh Winner: "Her" Rotten Loser: "Rusky"

Puttering wizard or Russian chief of police? Get yourself a big heaping bowl of absolute-LEE delicious stew. See what I did there? Yeah that joke was a piece of fine fucking art compared to the caliber of humor we got from Mission to Moscow. Fresh Winner: "Lord of the Rings: the Two Towers" Rotten Loser: "Police Academy 7: Mission to Moscow."

Irish immigrant or capable cartoon love interest? Get ready to have yourself some of those delicious Irish flavors as we spoon out some Saorise, and don't worry, we had to look up how to pronounce it too. Fresh Winner: "Brooklyn" Rotten Loser: "Justin and the Knights of Valor"

Patsy Cline or deranged yet somehow not incestuous mother? Hey we've got some leftover Jessica Lange in the fridge and OWO? WHAT'S THIS? ANOTHER COUNTRY SINGER BIOPIC? Fresh Winner: "Sweet Dreams" Rotten Loser: "Hush"

Teenage heart-throb trickster god or Hank Williams? The soup kitchen is aiming to fix your Tom Hiddleston hunger this week. Just be warned: that man has far too many teeth for the size of his mouth. Fresh Winner: "The Avengers" Rotten Loser: "I Saw The Light"