"Dangerous Dave" and the SEO Insights Trap

The Truth About "Free" SEO Audits (Don't Get Conned)

That free SEO audit is not free. It's a sales pitch with a spreadsheet on top. It took them 20 minutes, and it's about to cost you a whole lot more. There. I said it. Hi, I'm Nikki Pilkington. My site is https://nikki-pilkington.com/ [https://nikki-pilkington.com/] and in this episode of "SEO F**king What", I'm pulling apart one of the sneakiest tricks in the industry — the "free SEO audit" that lands in your inbox looking like a favour and is actually a lead-generation funnel with your URL on the cover. Most of them aren't audits at all. They're crawl reports with branding on top, engineered to scare you into signing a contract before you've had time to think. Here's what I'm covering: — Why most "free SEO audits" are lead-gen tools in disguise, not audits — How a 10-minute crawl gets dressed up in red and orange to look like a catastrophe — Why every website "fails" a crawl — and why that's completely normal — The manufactured urgency trick, and why an agency that's never spoken to you can't possibly know if Google is penalising you — What a genuine free audit actually contains: full disclosure, what's working, prioritised fixes and zero panic — The three questions to run every free audit through before you take it seriously — Why the free audit is their best foot forward, and what that tells you about the work you'd pay for I also give you a proper piece of homework. Not the "might do that one day" kind. The actual do-it-this-week kind. If you know someone sitting on a scary-looking "free audit" PDF, wondering whether to panic and sign, send them this. It might save them thousands. Get found. Make money. Stop stressing. And stop falling for a sales pitch dressed up as a service. Links mentioned: Non-Wanky SEO Course: https://nonwankyseo.com [https://nonwankyseo.com] Related listening — Episode 9 [https://seofuckingwhatpodcast.co.uk/episode/what-the-fk-your-seo-is-actually-charging-you-for-and-why-its-a-scam] (the agency red flags you should be running from) and Episode 15 [https://seofuckingwhatpodcast.co.uk/episode/dont-be-conned-into-paying-for-an-ai-search-optimisation-audit-ffs] (the paid audit that cost a client thousands and still missed the basics) Follow Nikki: LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/nikkipilkington/ [https://www.linkedin.com/in/nikkipilkington/] Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/nikkipilkington/ [https://www.instagram.com/nikkipilkington/] Bluesky: https://bsky.app/profile/nikkipilkington.bsky.social [https://bsky.app/profile/nikkipilkington.bsky.social]

SEO's Keyword Assumption Problem (What customers actually search vs what you think they search)

You've spent hours optimising your website for phrases that literally nobody types into Google. And I can prove it. There. I said it. Hi, I'm Nikki Pilkington [https://uk.linkedin.com/in/nikkipilkington]. My site is https://nikki-pilkington.com/ [https://nikki-pilkington.com/] and in this episode of "SEO F**king What", I'm tackling the single most expensive assumption you're making about your own business: that you know what your customers search for. You almost certainly don't — and that gap between how you describe your business and how your customers actually find you is exactly where your leads are disappearing. Here's what I'm covering: — Why the keyword list you'd write off the top of your head is almost completely useless — The difference between industry language and how customers actually search (problems, questions, and panic) — Why you're too close to your own business to see it the way a stranger does — it's proximity, not stupidity — Why answering early, "beginning of the journey" questions is uncontested territory while everyone else fights over the expensive decision phrases — How to stop being precious about phrases that don't "perfectly describe" your services — Free ways to find what people really type: Google autocomplete, People Also Ask, and related searches I also give you a proper piece of homework. Not the "might do that one day" kind. The actual do-it-this-week kind. It takes 20 minutes, costs nothing, and will make you swear a bit. If you know someone obsessing over ranking for their fancy industry job title and wondering why the enquiries aren't coming, send them this. It might save them six months of guessing. Get found. Make money. Stop stressing. Start giving a shit about your readers. Links mentioned: Non-Wanky SEO Courses: https://nonwankyseo.com [https://nonwankyseo.com] Ahrefs Free Keyword Generator: https://ahrefs.com/keyword-generator [https://ahrefs.com/keyword-generator] Also Asked: https://alsoasked.com/?via=nikki-pilkington [https://alsoasked.com/?via=nikki-pilkington] (aff link) Google's People Also Ask: Just search for anything on Google and look for the expandable questions Follow Nikki: LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/nikkipilkington/ [https://www.linkedin.com/in/nikkipilkington/] Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/nikkipilkington/ [https://www.instagram.com/nikkipilkington/] Bluesky: https://bsky.app/profile/nikkipilkington.bsky.social [https://bsky.app/profile/nikkipilkington.bsky.social] Mentioned in this episode: ICN Network

Why Your SEO Might Not Be the Problem

You're paying for SEO and not getting the results you want. Before you sack your SEO — ask yourself: are you the problem? Hi, I'm Nikki Pilkington [https://www.linkedin.com/in/nikkipilkington/] and in this episode of SEO Fucking What [https://seofuckingwhatpodcast.co.uk/] podcast I'm flipping the usual script. Instead of calling out dodgy agencies and cowboy SEOs, I'm looking at the other side of the relationship: the client. Because sometimes good SEO work goes completely to waste, and it's got nothing to do with the person doing the work. I'll walk you through the seven habits that make you a dream SEO client — from telling your SEO what your business actually does, to giving real feedback instead of "looks good, thanks," to the single most important one: telling your SEO every single time anyone touches your website. She finishes with one concrete piece of homework you can do this week to immediately improve results. Whether you already work with an SEO or you're about to hire one, this is the stuff nobody tells you — and fixing it costs you nothing. Want to understand the SEO side yourself so you can spot when you're being fobbed off? The Non-Wanky SEO course is at nonwankyseo.com [nonwankyseo.com] . Follow SEO Fucking What wherever you're listening so you don't miss the next episode. And if you know a business owner frustrated that their SEO isn't working — send them this one. Links mentioned Non-Wanky On-Page SEO course [http://nonwankyseo.com] Mentioned in this episode: ICN Network

I'm Proving SEO Isn't Dead - And Giving You Two Underused Strategies

SEO has been declared dead at least fifteen times since 1995. Fifteen. And it's still here. In this episode I'm going back to the very beginning - 1993, 670 websites, celebrity names stuffed into meta keywords by people who genuinely believed all traffic is good traffic, the whole sorry mess - and walking you through every major "SEO is dead" moment in history, who caused it, who got destroyed by it, and what actually survived. Because if you understand the pattern, you stop panicking every time a LinkedIn guru announces the next thing that's going to kill search. Spoiler: it won't. It never does. WHAT I COVER IN THIS EPISODE Where SEO started - and how quickly people started gaming it. White text on white backgrounds. Doorway pages. Keyword stuffing so aggressive it'd make your eyes water. Google's arrival in 1998 and the first proper "SEO is dead" panic - and how the industry responded by inventing link farms and article spinning. Same instinct, worse content. The Florida Update in 2003 - like a smaller scale Panda and Penguin, but no less devastating for the businesses it wiped out overnight. Panda (2011), Penguin (2012), Hummingbird (2013), Mobilegeddon (2015), and E-A-T - each one prompted a fresh round of death announcements, each one turned out to be wrong. The AI content flood of 2022 onwards, and why pumping out AI slop was always going to end the same way as every other shortcut before it. The actual search market share data from Q4 2025 via SparkToro: Google at 73.7%, ChatGPT at 2.86%. Yes, 2.86%. Let that sink in next time someone tells you to abandon your Google strategy. And three things that have worked since 1998, survived every update, and will still be working long after the next death announcement hits your feed. LINKS MENTIONED How to use LinkedIn Articles for SEO [https://nikki-pilkington.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/06/LinkedIn_Articles_Guide_NP-2026.pdf] Non-Wanky On-Page SEO course [http://nonwankyseo.com] SUBSCRIBE AND SHARE If this episode made you roll your eyes at the next "SEO is dead" LinkedIn post - good. That was the point. Make sure you click follow or subscribe in whatever platform you enjoy this in, to ensure you never miss another one. Mentioned in this episode: ICN Network

Why Your Blog Post Isn’t Working and How to Fix It FAST

Hi, I’m Nikki Pilkington [https://linkedin.com/in/nikkipilkington]. My site is https://nikki-pilkington.com/ [https://nikki-pilkington.com/] and in this episode of “SEO F**king What” I focus on the harsh reality many business owners face: pouring hours into writing blog posts only to see: * No results * No traffic * No engagement A talk about solid SEO foundations, not just good writing, to ensure blog content gets found and drives results. Some common mistakes include; clever but unsearchable titles, missing metadata, weak or absent internal links, and lack of clear calls to action—that hold back otherwise strong content from ranking on Google. You'll get a practical, no-nonsense SEO checklist to transform your blog post process, boost visibility, and finally see your efforts pay off. 📍REMEMBER: * Ditch clever titles for clear, searchable ones * Don’t skip the basics—metadata matters * Structure and internal links are your secret weapon Follow Me: LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/nikkipilkington/ [https://www.linkedin.com/in/nikkipilkington/] Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/nikkipilkington/ [https://www.instagram.com/nikkipilkington/] Bluesky: https://bsky.app/profile/nikkipilkington.bsky.social [https://bsky.app/profile/nikkipilkington.bsky.social]