Honestly, I’m Fine: The Origin Story of My Abandonment Issues

Projectile Vomit, Miracle Babies, and a 5% Chance to Survive

Hi, I’m Maile. And I’m fine. Totally fine. The kind of fine where your toddler dumps glitter in the dog’s water bowl and everything you love sparkles with chaos. This episode starts with jokes about tuna fish sandwiches and ends with the kind of truth that breaks you open in the best, ugliest way. My friend Tanisha ( @dropitlikeitshaute ) sits with me as I talk about Kingston—my miracle baby, the boy who wasn’t supposed to be here, and the one who taught me how to fight for light in the dark. It’s messy, real, raw, and weirdly funny in all the places grief shouldn’t be. We talk colic, intuition, hospital hell, mother’s instinct, and the moment everything changed. Because “fine” doesn’t mean healed—it means surviving long enough to tell the story. 🎧 Listen if you’ve ever loved someone so much that the loss rewired your soul. Follow my chaos: Instagram @hautemess_la, @honestly__im_fine, @livelikekingston | TikTok @hautemess.la

Now I'm looking at your boobs. Okay.

This one starts exactly the way you’d expect two grown women who have been friends since Wet Seal and jelly sandals to reconnect on a podcast: a frozen screen, a dying phone, and me broadcasting from the back of my 2013 Ford Explorer next to barbed wire like I’m calling in from county lockup. Tanisha and I have known each other for almost 30 years. She remembers me as the tiny “pretty preppy girl” from Southcenter Mall. I remind her I was a broke kid who hid peanut butter sandwiches in my pocket and got my hair butchered by a guy who learned to cut hair in prison. We talk about growing up broke, getting our asses kicked in middle school, threatening parents at our kids’ school, stripping at Hooters out of pure spite, throwing our lives away on men we couldn’t quit, racking up DUIs, and raising kids while drowning in grief, debt, and toll lane violations. And somewhere in all of that, we talk about Kingston. What it feels like to lose a child. What it feels like to stay in a city because your daughter deserves to keep the only place that remembers her brother lived. Why people think they’re being helpful when they tell grieving parents to “just move home.” Why survival looks ridiculous, embarrassing, ugly, resourceful, angry, and holy at the same time. This episode is messy. It’s raw. It’s funny. It’s exactly what real life looks like when you stop trying to pretend you’re fine. If you’ve ever felt alone, ashamed, overwhelmed, or convinced everyone else was doing better than you: buckle up. We are all disasters in different outfits. Follow, stalk, or harass me on social: Instagram: @HauteMess_LA TikTok: @HauteMess.LA Listen, rate, review, and share with someone who needs a reminder that their story isn’t the only wreck in town.

Honestly, I’m Fine: The Origin Story of My Abandonment Issues

Welcome to Honestly, I’m Fine — the chaotic, raw, spiritually confused, dark-funny memoir-podcast of a woman who will absolutely say “I’m fine” while ugly crying in her car and eating carbs like communion. In this first episode, I take you back to the exact moment my nervous system said, “Nope, we’re done here.” I was eight. My mom told me the man I called Dad… wasn’t. And then suddenly I’m at McDonald’s with a stranger feeding me soft serve like a sad Hallmark special nobody greenlit. We unpack: • What happens when your DNA ghosts you • How trauma chooses your future boyfriends • Why emotionally unavailable men feel “like home” • And how I still, somehow, believe in love anyway It’s raw. It’s ridiculous. It’s cheaper than therapy. If you’ve ever been abandoned, ignored, rejected, or accidentally married your trauma — welcome home. Follow, share, rate, review, send to your group chat of emotionally unstable friends. Let’s monetize the misery together. SOCIALS + LINKS Watch on YouTube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-YbsH963JSY [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-YbsH963JSY] Follow on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/hautemess_la/ [https://www.instagram.com/hautemess_la/] Kickstarter – The AfterWords Project https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/theafterwords/the-afterwords-project-a-true-story-of-grief-and-rebuilding-0?ref=project_build&fbclid=PAZXh0bgNhZW0CMTEAAaf9wjEx9POelTg9xtKmVUTRKRduRqEpag47bkIn4JVkX2coT2RZneUxBIBU8Q_aem_j-V-KCBfHIYR7_opv8Cl5g [https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/theafterwords/the-afterwords-project-a-true-story-of-grief-and-rebuilding-0?ref=project_build&fbclid=PAZXh0bgNhZW0CMTEAAaf9wjEx9POelTg9xtKmVUTRKRduRqEpag47bkIn4JVkX2coT2RZneUxBIBU8Q_aem_j-V-KCBfHIYR7_opv8Cl5g] GoFundMe – Help Maile & Zuma https://www.gofundme.com/f/help-maile-and-zuma-rebuild-after-tragedy?attribution_id=sl:06115cc4-9608-47db-9ec4-ca9f7cadfce3&utm_campaign=natman_sharesheet_dash&utm_content=amp13_c-amp14_t1&utm_medium=customer&utm_source=copy_link [https://www.gofundme.com/f/help-maile-and-zuma-rebuild-after-tragedy?attribution_id=sl:06115cc4-9608-47db-9ec4-ca9f7cadfce3&utm_campaign=natman_sharesheet_dash&utm_content=amp13_c-amp14_t1&utm_medium=customer&utm_source=copy_link]

The Experiment: Testing the Line Between Heaven and Here

This episode is about learning to recognize when Spirit is speaking and what it really means to ask for confirmation. I talk about how I’ve been experimenting with channeling, the signs that have shown up when I least expected them, and the moments that made me question whether I was making it all up or actually tuning in. It’s a look at what happens when faith meets curiosity. I share how I’ve asked for proof, how it feels to receive it, and what it’s teaching me about trust, timing, and surrender. If you’ve ever wondered how to tell the difference between coincidence and communication, or whether your loved ones still find ways to reach you, this episode will feel like sitting in that question together. #TheAfterWords #SpiritualAwakening #ChannelingSpirit #SignsFromHeaven #Mediumship #GriefSupport #HealingJourney #LoveNeverDies #Intuition #TrustTheSigns #EnergyWork #FaithInAction #SoulConnection

Spoiler: I’m Fine, But Also Please Back My Kickstarter

Yup. Me again. I know you’re tired of seeing my name pop up. I’m tired of being the one who has to ask. But GoFundMe doesn’t come with a mute button, so here I am again, asking you to share this with anyone who might understand what I’m crawling through. Here’s the deal: I need a car. A decent one. One that doesn’t sound like it’s auditioning for a punk band every time I turn the key. My cousin’s holding one for me for two weeks—$3,500. Not fancy, but it runs. If you’d rather send money straight to him, I’ll make it happen. I’ll pay it back, I’ll work it off, I’ll ghostwrite your memoir, whatever keeps me moving. My credit looks like it went through a divorce and child loss—because it did. And before anyone asks why I don’t “just borrow from family,” remember: you’ve never seen me with anyone other than my kids. This community is the only reason we’re still standing. I don’t want to just take. I want to build something sustainable for grieving families like mine. But nothing’s free. Not even grief. Gas isn’t free. My phone isn’t free. Surviving isn’t free. I’m building something that matters—The Live Like Kingston Foundation—so no parent has to crawl through this alone. To file 501(c)(3) status costs $475. I’ve built the websites, written the plans, and done every bit of it myself. I just need help crossing the line. I hate asking. It’s humiliating. But there have been days when I sat crying in my car because I didn’t know how I’d get gas or keep the lights on—and your help came through at the exact moment I needed it. If you’ve got work, know a sponsor, or can contribute in any way, it all counts. If you can’t, just share this. Visibility is currency too. I’m not lazy. I’m not broken. I’m just a mom rebuilding from ashes, one awkward, mascara-streaked laugh at a time. — Maile Navarro 💜 Kickstarter: https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/theafterwords/the-afterwords-project [https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/theafterwords/the-afterwords-project] 🎧 The AfterWords Podcast: https://spotify.link/JU3p5p8GCXb [https://spotify.link/JU3p5p8GCXb] 🌐 Websites: theafterwordsproject.com [https://www.theafterwordsproject.com/] — podcast + grief stories livelikekingston.org [https://livelikekingston.org/] — foundation + family support thriveadvocacycollective.com [https://thriveadvocacycollective.com/] — advocacy + navigation services 📱 Socials: Instagram: @HauteMess_LA [https://www.instagram.com/HauteMess_LA] Facebook: The AfterWords [https://www.facebook.com/people/The-AfterWords/61566796762336/] #Grief #Motherhood #MentalHealth #Healing #Resilience #Faith #AfterLife #SingleMom #Humor #Inspiration #TheAfterWordsProject