Beyond Midlife Myths — Why Middle Age Can Be Your Prime Time

Beyond Midlife Myths — Why Middle Age Can Be Your Prime Time

Many of us grow up believing that midlife is when things start going downhill. Your body's breaking down, your best work is behind you, and you may fall into a full-blown existential crisis. But a lot of what we think we know about midlife turns out to be based more on pop culture than actual research. My guest says the reality is much more encouraging. Her name is Margie Lachman. She's a professor of psychology, the Director of the Lifespan Lab at Brandeis University, and the author of Primetime: A New Vision for Midlife [https://amzn.to/4vg7pNt]. Today on the show, Margie discusses what age range constitutes midlife — and how it's not just a matter of chronological age — and whether people really become less happy and experience a midlife crisis during these years. She explains the surprising ways your mind continues to improve even as some abilities slow down, and why this stage of life often represents a peak combination of creativity and judgment. We also talk about the real challenges that come with midlife and how adopting the right mindset and habits can mitigate those downsides while helping you make the most of what Margie argues can truly be a sweet spot in life — a time when you still have much of your physical and mental vitality, and it's coupled with seasoned experience and wisdom. Resources Related to the Podcast * Seasons of a Man’s Life [https://amzn.to/3AR47FI] by Daniel Levinson * AoM series on Levinson’s research [https://www.artofmanliness.com/character/advice/the-seasons-of-a-mans-life-an-introduction/] * Transformations: Growth and Change in Adult Life [https://amzn.to/3oDRLfp] by Roger Gould * Passages: Predictable Crises of Adult Life [https://amzn.to/3GjXjS7] by Gail Sheehy * AoM Podcast #598: Journeying From the First to the Second Half of Life With James Hollis [https://www.artofmanliness.com/character/advice/podcast-598-journeying-from-the-first-to-the-second-half-of-life/] * AoM Podcast #776: How to Shift Out of the Midlife Malaise [https://www.artofmanliness.com/character/self-improvement/podcast-776-how-to-shift-out-of-the-midlife-malaise/] Connect With Margie Lachman * Margie's website [https://margielachman.com/] * Margie's faculty page [https://www.brandeis.edu/psychology/lachman/people/index.html] See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy [https://art19.com/privacy] and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info [https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info].

George Washington — The Man Behind the Monument

George Washington is perhaps the most familiar figure in American history. But most people really only know the image of him they see in marble statues and patriotic paintings. Behind those symbols was a real man: ambitious, self-taught, intensely concerned with honor, and constantly wrestling with the immense responsibilities history placed on his shoulders. In celebration of America's 250th birthday, we're taking an extended look at the life of the man more responsible than anyone else for the nation's founding. Here to unpack that life for us is H.W. Brands, a historian and the author of a new biography of Washington, American Patriarch [https://amzn.to/4vDgRvh]. Brands traces Washington's journey from a young Virginia surveyor to military commander, founding father, and first president. Along the way, we discuss how Washington's upbringing shaped his character, why he became a surprisingly effective military leader despite losing more battles than he won, how he held together a fragile revolutionary army, how he shaped the presidency through the precedents he set, and whether a leader like Washington could still succeed today. Resources Related to the Podcast * H.W.'s previous appearances on the AoM podcast: * Episode #696: Theodore Roosevelt, The Last Romantic [https://www.artofmanliness.com/culture/history/podcast-696-theodore-roosevelt-the-last-romantic/] * Episode #908: Would You Have Been a Patriot or a Loyalist? [https://www.artofmanliness.com/culture/history/podcast-908-would-you-have-been-a-patriot-or-a-loyalist/] * AoM Podcast #223: George Washington, Benedict Arnold, and Valiant Ambition [https://www.artofmanliness.com/culture/history/podcast-223-george-washington-benedict-arnold-and-valiant-ambition/] * AoM Podcast #366: Teach Yourself Like George Washington [https://www.artofmanliness.com/character/self-improvement/self-education-george-washington/] * AoM Podcast #719: The Surprising Pessimism of America’s Founding Fathers [https://www.artofmanliness.com/culture/history/podcast-719-the-surprising-pessimism-of-americas-founding-fathers/] * AoM Article: George Washington’s Rules of Civility and Decent Behavior in Company and Conversation [https://www.artofmanliness.com/social/etiquette/manvotional-george-washingtons-rules-of-civility-and-decent-behavior-in-company-and-converation/] Connect With H.W. Brands * H.W. on Substack [https://hwbrands.substack.com/] * H.W.’s faculty page [https://liberalarts.utexas.edu/government/faculty/brandshw]   00:00 Introduction 01:53 About the book American Patriarch 03:03 Washington's childhood & Virginia gentry upbringing 06:54 Self-education, surveying, and early ambition 11:47 First military mission to the Ohio country 17:11 The French and Indian War & Washington's baptism under fire 24:44 Washington marries Martha Custis 33:57 Washington takes command of the Continental Army 40:17 Military strategy: how Washington won by not losing 46:41 Holding the army together at Valley Forge 55:57 Washington as first president & setting precedents 1:09:56 The Farewell Address & legacy 1:10:15 What Washington teaches us today See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy [https://art19.com/privacy] and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info [https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info].

The Retirement Trap — Should You Really Stop Working at 65?

The modern idea of retirement was built on a bet that turned out to be wrong. It assumed people would spend most of their lives working and only a relatively short period of time retired. Instead, many Americans now reach 65 healthy, active, and with an entire third of their life ahead of them. Yet we're still using a retirement model designed for a world in which old age was shorter and fewer people expected decades of life after leaving the workforce. My guest says that outdated assumption creates some unfortunate unintended consequences. It causes people to stress excessively about money, postpone meaningful experiences with family and friends, and sometimes sacrifice the very things that make life worth living in the first place. He argues that by rethinking retirement — not necessarily eliminating it, but reimagining it — we can enjoy more of our lives now while actually feeling more secure about the future. His name is Derek Coburn, and he's a financial advisor and the author of Let's Retire Retirement [https://amzn.to/3QESSMK]. Today on the show, Derek explains why the traditional retirement model came about, why it may no longer make sense for many people, and how working even a few years past 65 can dramatically change the math of retirement planning. We also discuss the surprising psychological challenges many people face after they stop working, why purpose matters more than leisure, and how thinking differently about retirement can free you up to spend more time on what matters most right now — whether that's traveling, strengthening your marriage, or making the most of the limited summers you have left with your kids. Connect With Derek Coburn * Derek's website [https://www.derekcoburn.com/] (including his retirement calculator [https://www.derekcoburn.com/neverretire]) * Derek on IG [https://www.instagram.com/cadredc/] 0:00 - Introduction 1:22 - The Outdated Origins of Retirement (Bismarck's 1889 Social Insurance Plan) 4:12 - Why the Traditional Retirement Model Creates Stress and Anxiety 6:13 - The "Arrival Fallacy" — Why Retirement Isn't What You Think It Will Be 8:42 - The Psychological Crisis of Stopping Work Cold Turkey 11:05 - The Math: How Working 10 More Years Cuts Your Savings Requirement by 96% 13:21 - Enjoying Life NOW Instead of Deferring It to Retirement 14:22 - Maximizing the Limited Summers You Have with Your Kids 19:48 - Sponsor Break 20:07 - What If You Hate Your Job? Find One You "Don't Hate" 22:37 - Side Hustles as an On-Ramp to Work You Love 24:09 - Physical Jobs and Mandatory Retirement — What Then?   See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy [https://art19.com/privacy] and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info [https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info].

Belonging Without Conforming — The Path From Pseudo Self to Solid Self

We all want two things that can seem at odds with each other: to be our own person and to belong. We want to stand apart from the crowd, but we also want to be connected to it. When that balance gets out of whack, we either lose ourselves in tribalism or drift into isolation. My guest today says many of the problems in modern life stem from our inability to hold these two impulses in tension. His name is Luke Burgis, and he’s the author of The One and the 99: Forging Identity in the Age of Social Contagion [https://amzn.to/4gkf5dx]. Today on the show, Luke explains how becoming a true individual can give you the strength to be a part of a community. We discuss the difference between a solid self and a pseudo self — and what role families and rites of passage can play in moving us toward one or the other — why modern politics feels like a dysfunctional family, the dangers of performative religion, and much more. * Resources Related to the PodcastLuke’s previous appearances on the AoM podcast: * Episode #714: Why Do We Want What We Want? [https://www.artofmanliness.com/character/behavior/podcast-714-why-do-we-want-what-we-want/] * Episode #910: Thick Desires, Political Atheism, and Living an Anti-Mimetic Life [https://www.artofmanliness.com/character/behavior/thick-desires-anti-mimetic-life/] * The True Believer by Eric Hoffer [https://amzn.to/4uSnhpI] * Education of a Wandering Man by Louis L’Amour [https://amzn.to/4xeRcdr] * AoM Podcast #1,025: The Life and Legacy of Louis L’Amour [https://www.artofmanliness.com/living/reading/podcast-1025-the-life-and-legacy-of-louis-lamour/] * AoM article with L’Amour’s weekly to-do lists [https://www.artofmanliness.com/strength/fitness/l-amour-workout/] * AoM article and podcast about C.S. Lewis’ The Abolition of Man and the idea of objective value [https://www.artofmanliness.com/character/manly-lessons/men-without-chests/] * The Courage to Be by Paul Tillich [https://amzn.to/4frdWAB] * The Quest for Community by Robert Nisbet [https://amzn.to/43R2A1x] * AoM Podcast #847: Overdoing Democracy [https://www.artofmanliness.com/character/behavior/podcast-847-overdoing-democracy/] * AoM Podcast #1,010: How to Resist Group Anxiety and Become a Differentiated Self [https://www.artofmanliness.com/social/social-skills/podcast-1010-how-to-resist-group-anxiety-and-become-a-differentiated-self/] * AoM Article: Becoming a Well-Differentiated Leader [https://www.artofmanliness.com/character/leadership/becoming-a-well-differentiated-leader/] * Dying Breed article: A New Kind of Monasticism — The Power of Community to Shape the Soul [https://www.dyingbreed.net/p/a-new-kind-of-monasticism-the-power] * The Rule of St. Benedict [https://www.solesmes.com/sites/default/files/upload/pdf/rule_of_st_benedict.pdf] Connect With Luke Burgis * Luke’s website [https://lukeburgis.com/] Take your personal data back with Incogni! Use code MANLINESS at the link below and get 60% off an annual plan: https://incogni.com/MANLINESS [https://incogni.com/kcrw] Timestamps 0:00 Introduction 0:54 Guest Intro: Luke Burgis & The One and the 99 4:48 The Parable of the Lost Sheep & the Book's Framework 10:17 Defining the Self (vs. Identity & Soul) 14:37 The Pseudo Self Explained 19:40 How to Develop a Solid Self 25:35 Louis L'Amour & Education for a Solid Self 28:18 Curiositas vs. Studiositas (Ordered vs. Disordered Knowledge) 44:30 Tribalism, Politics, & the Pseudo Self 45:08 How Undifferentiation Fuels Political Dysfunction 51:13 Religion, Performative Piety & the Digital World 54:15 What Monasteries Teach Us About Community & Solid Selves See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy [https://art19.com/privacy] and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info [https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info].

How to Try Again

Life rarely unfolds according to plan. A relationship implodes. A move or job change doesn't work out. Or you simply fail in a goal you've set for yourself. My guest has spent almost two decades researching and field-testing how to get back on track when smaller slip-ups and larger upheavals knock you off course. His name is Steve Kamb, and he's the founder of Nerd Fitness and the author of How to Try Again: An Approachable Guide to Navigating Chaos and Making Change THAT STICKS [https://amzn.to/4dTBbCb]. Today on the show, Steve shares practical principles for dealing with life's frustrating and demoralizing setbacks. We discuss why sometimes the best move is to pause rather than push harder, how to accept reality without resigning yourself to it, why treating change as an experiment can help you beat paralysis and take action, why you should treat consistency with your goals the way you do showering, and more. Resources Related to the Podcast * Steve's previous appearances on the AoM podcast: * Episode #42: Level Up Your Life With Nerd Fitness & Steve Kamb [https://www.artofmanliness.com/health-fitness/fitness/the-art-of-manliness-podcast-42-level-up-your-life-with-nerd-fitness-steve-kamb/] * Episode #170: Level Up Your Life [https://www.artofmanliness.com/health-fitness/fitness/podcast-170-level-up-your-life/] * Steve's AoM guest posts: * Don’t Be That Guy: The Taxonomy of Lousy Male Friends [https://www.artofmanliness.com/people/relationships/dont-be-that-guy-the-taxonomy-of-lousy-male-friends/] * How Superheroes, Movies, and Video Games Taught Me to Conquer Fear [https://www.artofmanliness.com/character/behavior/how-superheroes-movies-and-video-games-taught-me-to-conquer-fear/] * Nerd Fitness [https://www.nerdfitness.com/] * Museum of Failure [https://museumoffailure.com/] * Sunday Firesides: Good Times Are Not Around the Corner (And That's Great News!) [https://www.dyingbreed.net/p/sunday-firesides-good-times-are-not] * Sunday Firesides: Treat Life Like an Experiment [https://www.dyingbreed.net/p/sunday-firesides-treat-life-like] * "Lightning Fields" by the Killers [https://open.spotify.com/track/1ChiuzvTurrCFwL1GxxUaW?si=be26df37b96b4234] Connect With Steve Kamb * Steve's website [https://stevekamb.com/] * Steve on IG [https://www.instagram.com/stevekamb/?hl=en] * Steve on LinkedIn [https://www.linkedin.com/in/stevekamb] * Steve on Substack [https://stevekamb.substack.com/] See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy [https://art19.com/privacy] and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info [https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info].