Can't Pray Me Away With Samuel Nieves

The Pastor Who Left-With Kyle Butler

⚠️ Content Note: This episode includes discussion of religious deconstruction, patriarchy, atheism, and the impact of harmful belief systems on relationships and community. This week on The Awakening, Tamara and I sit down with Kyle Butler — former pastor, current atheist, and someone who is refreshingly unafraid to say exactly what he thinks. Kyle's deconstruction took him all the way out of faith entirely, and he's been doing the work of untangling what that means ever since — in his own life, in his relationships, and in the communities he's part of. We get into the messy, real territory of what religion does to dating and romantic relationships, how patriarchy shapes the way we connect with others, and what it actually looks like to shed beliefs that have caused harm — not just to ourselves but to the people around us. This is a honest, wide-ranging conversation that doesn't shy away from the hard questions. In This Episode, We Discuss: • Kyle's journey from pastor to atheist • What deconstruction looks like when it goes all the way • Religion, dating, and how faith shapes our relationship patterns • Patriarchy — how it's baked into religious culture and what it costs us • Shedding beliefs that harm us and our communities • Life on the other side of faith Connect with Kyle Butler: 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/kyle_talks23 📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/share/17u5WZHL41/ 🎵 TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@kyle_talks Connect with Your Hosts: Heather: https://linktr.ee/Happyheathersmiles Tamara: TikTok @feralatheistjezebel321 | Instagram @tamarajo321 🎥 Watch on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@TheAwakeningPodcast-w6s 📩 Be a guest: theawakeningpod@gmail.com If this episode brought up questions about your own relationships, beliefs, or sense of self — that's okay. Deconstruction touches everything, including the people we love and the ways we've been taught to love them. You're allowed to question all of it. You belong here. If you like what you here, check out other great pods on the BIG Media LLC [https://bigmediallc.com/] Podcast Network! Barrett [https://linktr.ee/barrettgruber] and Zac [https://linktr.ee/aanzac] host The All About Nothing: Podcast [https://theallaboutnothing.com/], discussing everything from news and politics to entertainment and sports! All About Nothing, but All About Something too! Zac [https://linktr.ee/aanzac] and Barrett [https://linktr.ee/barrettgruber] host What The Pod Was That [https://whatthepodwasthat.com/] with Cari Simmons [https://twitter.com/cari_simmons], available everywhere you listen to podcasts. Take a deep dive down the rabbit hole with Amii [https://twitter.com/chicamii] on the pod Welcome to Wonder Land [https://wtwlpod.com/]. Check out Black White and Blue In the South [https://blackwhitebluesouth.captivate.fm/], With Dr. Jumelle Brooks and Bill Kimler! Politically Speaking [https://linktr.ee/politicallyspeakingsc] with Erica Sampson, Kirsten Pruitt, and Emily Mayer is a sharp, engaging podcast breaking down politics with insight, wit, and a fresh perspective. The Preach Jacobs Podcast [https://the-preach-jacobs-podcast.captivate.fm/] is hosted by Columbia South Carolina's very own Ambassador, Hiphop Artist, Columnist and Owner of SoulHAUS Art Gallery, Preach Jacobs! All of these fantastic podcasts can be found on the BIG Media LLC [https://bigmediallc.com/] Podcast Network! FAIR USE COPYRIGHT NOTICE The Copyright Laws of the United States recognize a "fair use" of copyrighted content. Section 107 of the U.S. Copyright Act states: NOTWITHSTANDING THE PROVISIONS OF SECTIONS 106 AND 106A, THE FAIR USE OF A COPYRIGHTED WORK, INCLUDING SUCH USE BY REPRODUCTION IN COPIES OR PHONO RECORDS OR BY ANY OTHER MEANS SPECIFIED BY THAT SECTION, FOR PURPOSES SUCH AS CRITICISM, COMMENT, NEWS REPORTING, TEACHING (INCLUDING MULTIPLE COPIES FOR CLASSROOM USE), SCHOLARSHIP, OR RESEARCH, IS NOT AN INFRINGEMENT OF COPYRIGHT. This Video/Audio in general may contain certain copyrighted works that were not specifically authorized to be used by the copyright holder(s), but which we believe in good faith are protected by federal law and the fair use doctrine for one or more of the reasons noted above. If you have any specific concerns about this usage, or our position on the Fair Use Defense, please contact us at preachjacobs@gmail.com so we can discuss amicably. Thank you. Mentioned in this episode: BIG Media LLC Copyright 2026 BIG Media [https://the-awakening-podcast.captivate.fm/bigmediallc]

Can't Pray Me Away With Samuel Nieves

⚠️ Content Note: This episode includes discussion of conversion therapy, LGBTQIA+ religious harm, and trauma from high-control religious environments. Please care for yourself as you listen. This week on The Awakening, Tamara and I sit down with Samuel Nieves — conversion therapy survivor, advocate, and volunteer with the Conversion Therapy Survivor Network — for one of the most important conversations we've had on this show. Samuel's story is personal and it's political. He lived through conversion therapy, and rather than stay silent about it, he turned that experience into advocacy. Today he volunteers with the Conversion Therapy Survivor Network, a survivor-led 501(c)(3) organization building community and fighting for change at every level — including the Supreme Court. Their work was so significant that Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson cited the Conversion Therapy Survivor Network in her dissent in Chiles v. Salazar, the recent SCOTUS case involving Colorado's Minor Conversion Therapy Law. This is a conversation about survival, solidarity, and refusing to let the church's harm go unnamed. In This Episode, We Discuss: • Samuel's personal experience with conversion therapy • What conversion therapy actually is and how it works • The lasting harm it causes — spiritually, psychologically, and relationally • The work of the Conversion Therapy Survivor Network • The fight to ban conversion therapy at the legislative level • Why survivor voices matter in this moment Connect with Samuel & Support the Work: 🔗 Linktree: https://linktr.ee/cantpraymeaway 📺 YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@CantPrayMeAway ✍️ Substack: https://cantpraymeaway.substack.com/ 💛 Donate to CTSN: https://www.conversionsurvivor.org/donate 🌐 Learn more about conversion therapy: https://www.conversionsurvivor.org/what-is-it Connect with Your Hosts: Heather: https://linktr.ee/Happyheathersmiles Tamara: TikTok @feralatheistjezebel321 | Instagram @tamarajo321 🎥 Watch on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@TheAwakeningPodcast-w6s 📩 Be a guest: theawakeningpod@gmail.com If this episode brought up parts of your own story — know that what was done to you was not okay, and it was not your fault. You were never broken. You never needed to be fixed. There are people who see you, who have survived what you survived, and who are fighting so no one else has to go through it. You belong here exactly as you are. If you like what you here, check out other great pods on the BIG Media LLC [https://bigmediallc.com/] Podcast Network! Barrett [https://linktr.ee/barrettgruber] and Zac [https://linktr.ee/aanzac] host The All About Nothing: Podcast [https://theallaboutnothing.com/], discussing everything from news and politics to entertainment and sports! All About Nothing, but All About Something too! Zac [https://linktr.ee/aanzac] and Barrett [https://linktr.ee/barrettgruber] host What The Pod Was That [https://whatthepodwasthat.com/] with Cari Simmons [https://twitter.com/cari_simmons], available everywhere you listen to podcasts. Take a deep dive down the rabbit hole with Amii [https://twitter.com/chicamii] on the pod Welcome to Wonder Land [https://wtwlpod.com/]. Check out Black White and Blue In the South [https://blackwhitebluesouth.captivate.fm/], With Dr. Jumelle Brooks and Bill Kimler! Politically Speaking [https://linktr.ee/politicallyspeakingsc] with Erica Sampson, Kirsten Pruitt, and Emily Mayer is a sharp, engaging podcast breaking down politics with insight, wit, and a fresh perspective. The Preach Jacobs Podcast [https://the-preach-jacobs-podcast.captivate.fm/] is hosted by Columbia South Carolina's very own Ambassador, Hiphop Artist, Columnist and Owner of SoulHAUS Art Gallery, Preach Jacobs! All of these fantastic podcasts can be found on the BIG Media LLC [https://bigmediallc.com/] Podcast Network! FAIR USE COPYRIGHT NOTICE The Copyright Laws of the United States recognize a "fair use" of copyrighted content. Section 107 of the U.S. Copyright Act states: NOTWITHSTANDING THE PROVISIONS OF SECTIONS 106 AND 106A, THE FAIR USE OF A COPYRIGHTED WORK, INCLUDING SUCH USE BY REPRODUCTION IN COPIES OR PHONO RECORDS OR BY ANY OTHER MEANS SPECIFIED BY THAT SECTION, FOR PURPOSES SUCH AS CRITICISM, COMMENT, NEWS REPORTING, TEACHING (INCLUDING MULTIPLE COPIES FOR CLASSROOM USE), SCHOLARSHIP, OR RESEARCH, IS NOT AN INFRINGEMENT OF COPYRIGHT. This Video/Audio in general may contain certain copyrighted works that were not specifically authorized to be used by the copyright holder(s), but which we believe in good faith are protected by federal law and the fair use doctrine for one or more of the reasons noted above. If you have any specific concerns about this usage, or our position on the Fair Use Defense, please contact us at preachjacobs@gmail.com so we can discuss amicably. Thank you. Mentioned in this episode: BIG Media LLC Copyright 2026 BIG Media [https://the-awakening-podcast.captivate.fm/bigmediallc]

Surviving the Apocalypse with Stuart Delony

⚠️ Content Note: This episode includes discussion of religious deconstruction, end times theology, and evangelical culture. This week on The Awakening, Tamara and I sit down with Stuart Delony — author, satirist, podcaster, and the voice behind Snarky Faith — for a conversation that is equal parts hilarious and deeply honest. Stuart's book The Tribulation Survival Guide is exactly what it sounds like: a deadpan field manual for the end times we actually live in. It's satirical, it's sharp, and it takes the fear-soaked eschatology many of us were raised on and turns it completely on its head. But behind the humor is a real deconstruction story — one that led Stuart from inside evangelical culture to a place where naming what's broken became his calling. We talk about what drove him to write the book, what his own deconstruction looked like, and how satire became one of the most honest tools he found for telling the truth about faith. Fair warning: you will laugh. You will also feel very seen. In This Episode, We Discuss: • Stuart's deconstruction journey and what led him out of evangelical culture • How satire became a vehicle for naming religious harm • The story behind The Tribulation Survival Guide • End times theology — what it does to people and why it's ripe for satire • Writing, humor, and keeping what matters while naming what's broken Stuart's Books: 📖 The Tribulation Survival Guide: https://a.co/d/00SAGrZL 🎨 The Coloring Book: https://a.co/d/0edosugS Connect with Stuart Delony: 🌐 Website: https://snarkyfaith.com 📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/snarkyfaith/ 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/stuartdelony/ 🎵 TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@snarkyfaith 🦋 Bluesky: https://bsky.app/profile/snarkyfaith.bsky.social 🎙️ Podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/snarky-faith/id916282588 Connect with Your Hosts: Heather: https://linktr.ee/Happyheathersmiles Tamara: TikTok @feralatheistjezebel321 | Instagram @tamarajo321 🎥 Watch on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@TheAwakeningPodcast-w6s 📩 Be a guest: theawakeningpod@gmail.com If you've ever sat through a sermon about the rapture and wondered what on earth was happening — this episode is for you. Sometimes the most honest response to something absurd is to laugh at it. And sometimes that laughter is the beginning of getting free. You belong here. If you like what you here, check out other great pods on the BIG Media LLC [https://bigmediallc.com/] Podcast Network! Barrett [https://linktr.ee/barrettgruber] and Zac [https://linktr.ee/aanzac] host The All About Nothing: Podcast [https://theallaboutnothing.com/], discussing everything from news and politics to entertainment and sports! All About Nothing, but All About Something too! Zac [https://linktr.ee/aanzac] and Barrett [https://linktr.ee/barrettgruber] host What The Pod Was That [https://whatthepodwasthat.com/] with Cari Simmons [https://twitter.com/cari_simmons], available everywhere you listen to podcasts. Take a deep dive down the rabbit hole with Amii [https://twitter.com/chicamii] on the pod Welcome to Wonder Land [https://wtwlpod.com/]. Check out Black White and Blue In the South [https://blackwhitebluesouth.captivate.fm/], With Dr. Jumelle Brooks and Bill Kimler! Politically Speaking [https://linktr.ee/politicallyspeakingsc] with Erica Sampson, Kirsten Pruitt, and Emily Mayer is a sharp, engaging podcast breaking down politics with insight, wit, and a fresh perspective. The Preach Jacobs Podcast [https://the-preach-jacobs-podcast.captivate.fm/] is hosted by Columbia South Carolina's very own Ambassador, Hiphop Artist, Columnist and Owner of SoulHAUS Art Gallery, Preach Jacobs! All of these fantastic podcasts can be found on the BIG Media LLC [https://bigmediallc.com/] Podcast Network! FAIR USE COPYRIGHT NOTICE The Copyright Laws of the United States recognize a "fair use" of copyrighted content. Section 107 of the U.S. Copyright Act states: NOTWITHSTANDING THE PROVISIONS OF SECTIONS 106 AND 106A, THE FAIR USE OF A COPYRIGHTED WORK, INCLUDING SUCH USE BY REPRODUCTION IN COPIES OR PHONO RECORDS OR BY ANY OTHER MEANS SPECIFIED BY THAT SECTION, FOR PURPOSES SUCH AS CRITICISM, COMMENT, NEWS REPORTING, TEACHING (INCLUDING MULTIPLE COPIES FOR CLASSROOM USE), SCHOLARSHIP, OR RESEARCH, IS NOT AN INFRINGEMENT OF COPYRIGHT. This Video/Audio in general may contain certain copyrighted works that were not specifically authorized to be used by the copyright holder(s), but which we believe in good faith are protected by federal law and the fair use doctrine for one or more of the reasons noted above. If you have any specific concerns about this usage, or our position on the Fair Use Defense, please contact us at preachjacobs@gmail.com so we can discuss amicably. Thank you. Mentioned in this episode: BIG Media LLC Copyright 2026 BIG Media [https://the-awakening-podcast.captivate.fm/bigmediallc]

From Nationalism To Jesus: Adalyn's Journey

⚠️ Content Note: This episode includes discussion of Christian Nationalism, church harm, and religious deconstruction. This week on The Awakening, Tamara and I sit down with writer Adalyn Whitmore — a woman who grew up inside the Christian faith and has spent years doing the hard, honest work of sorting through what was harmful and what was holy. Adalyn hasn't walked away from faith entirely. She's chasing something deeper — the unconditional love of Christ, stripped of the institutional scaffolding that so often distorts it. Her writing pulls no punches. She names the harm the church causes, exposes the reach of Christian Nationalism, and does it all with the kind of clarity that only comes from someone who loved the thing before she started questioning it. This conversation is for anyone who has ever felt the tension between faith and honesty — and refused to let go of either. In This Episode, We Discuss: • Growing up in the Christian faith and the deconstruction journey • What it means to evolve in faith rather than abandon it • The harm embedded in church culture and how to name it • Christian Nationalism — what it is, how it works, and why it matters • Writing as a tool for healing and exposing harm • Chasing unconditional love beyond institutional religion Connect with Adalyn Whitmore: ✍️ Substack: https://substack.com/@adalynwhitmore Connect with Your Hosts: Heather: https://linktr.ee/Happyheathersmiles Tamara: TikTok @feralatheistjezebel321 | Instagram @tamarajo321 🎥 Watch on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@TheAwakeningPodcast-w6s 📩 Be a guest: theawakeningpod@gmail.com If this episode stirred something in you — that ache of loving something that also hurt you — give yourself permission to feel both things at once. You are allowed to grieve the church and still reach for what's true. You are allowed to question and still believe. You belong here. If you like what you here, check out other great pods on the BIG Media LLC [https://bigmediallc.com/] Podcast Network! Barrett [https://linktr.ee/barrettgruber] and Zac [https://linktr.ee/aanzac] host The All About Nothing: Podcast [https://theallaboutnothing.com/], discussing everything from news and politics to entertainment and sports! All About Nothing, but All About Something too! Zac [https://linktr.ee/aanzac] and Barrett [https://linktr.ee/barrettgruber] host What The Pod Was That [https://whatthepodwasthat.com/] with Cari Simmons [https://twitter.com/cari_simmons], available everywhere you listen to podcasts. Take a deep dive down the rabbit hole with Amii [https://twitter.com/chicamii] on the pod Welcome to Wonder Land [https://wtwlpod.com/]. Check out Black White and Blue In the South [https://blackwhitebluesouth.captivate.fm/], With Dr. Jumelle Brooks and Bill Kimler! Politically Speaking [https://linktr.ee/politicallyspeakingsc] with Erica Sampson, Kirsten Pruitt, and Emily Mayer is a sharp, engaging podcast breaking down politics with insight, wit, and a fresh perspective. The Preach Jacobs Podcast [https://the-preach-jacobs-podcast.captivate.fm/] is hosted by Columbia South Carolina's very own Ambassador, Hiphop Artist, Columnist and Owner of SoulHAUS Art Gallery, Preach Jacobs! All of these fantastic podcasts can be found on the BIG Media LLC [https://bigmediallc.com/] Podcast Network! FAIR USE COPYRIGHT NOTICE The Copyright Laws of the United States recognize a "fair use" of copyrighted content. Section 107 of the U.S. Copyright Act states: NOTWITHSTANDING THE PROVISIONS OF SECTIONS 106 AND 106A, THE FAIR USE OF A COPYRIGHTED WORK, INCLUDING SUCH USE BY REPRODUCTION IN COPIES OR PHONO RECORDS OR BY ANY OTHER MEANS SPECIFIED BY THAT SECTION, FOR PURPOSES SUCH AS CRITICISM, COMMENT, NEWS REPORTING, TEACHING (INCLUDING MULTIPLE COPIES FOR CLASSROOM USE), SCHOLARSHIP, OR RESEARCH, IS NOT AN INFRINGEMENT OF COPYRIGHT. This Video/Audio in general may contain certain copyrighted works that were not specifically authorized to be used by the copyright holder(s), but which we believe in good faith are protected by federal law and the fair use doctrine for one or more of the reasons noted above. If you have any specific concerns about this usage, or our position on the Fair Use Defense, please contact us at preachjacobs@gmail.com so we can discuss amicably. Thank you. Mentioned in this episode: BIG Media LLC Copyright 2026 BIG Media [https://the-awakening-podcast.captivate.fm/bigmediallc]

Unlearning The Code: From Missionary Kid To Mental Health Therapist With Josh

⚠️ Content Note: This episode includes discussion of religious indoctrination, missionary culture, pastor's kid experience, and religious trauma. This week on The Awakening, Tamara and I sit down with Josh Foster — licensed mental health therapist, coach, and someone who knows from the inside out what it means to be shaped by an all-consuming religious system. Josh's story starts at age five, when his family converted to conservative evangelicalism. By seven, they had given away everything they owned and moved overseas as missionaries. For the next five years — including three spent living on ships sailing the world — Josh's entire reality was the evangelical missionary machine. When his family returned to the States, his dad went to seminary, making Josh both a missionary kid and a pastor's kid. Ministry wasn't just expected. It was all he knew. He spent 23 years in it before the accumulated weight of religious trauma finally broke something open — and he walked away from evangelicalism for good. Today, Josh works as a licensed mental health therapist specializing in religious trauma and indoctrination recovery. He helps people identify and unlearn the programming that high-control systems leave behind — the code that keeps running long after people have left the building. And this June, he's launching an 18-month course he built specifically for that work. This is a conversation about what it really takes to get free. In This Episode, We Discuss: • Growing up in the evangelical missionary machine • What it's like to be both a missionary kid and a pastor's kid • How indoctrination shapes every decision — even after you've left • 23 years in ministry and what finally broke it open • The work of unlearning old programming code • Josh's new course launching June 3rd for indoctrination recovery Connect with Josh Foster: 🌐 Website: https://www.fosteringhopes.com 📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/fosteringhopescounseling/ Connect with Your Hosts: Heather: https://linktr.ee/Happyheathersmiles Tamara: TikTok @feralatheistjezebel321 | Instagram @tamarajo321 🎥 Watch on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@TheAwakeningPodcast-w6s 📩 Be a guest: theawakeningpod@gmail.com If Josh's story stirred something familiar — the sense that you left but the leaving isn't finished — you're not alone. Unlearning takes time. The fact that you're still asking questions, still reaching toward something true, is not weakness. That's the work. You belong here. If you like what you here, check out other great pods on the BIG Media LLC [https://bigmediallc.com/] Podcast Network! Barrett [https://linktr.ee/barrettgruber] and Zac [https://linktr.ee/aanzac] host The All About Nothing: Podcast [https://theallaboutnothing.com/], discussing everything from news and politics to entertainment and sports! All About Nothing, but All About Something too! Zac [https://linktr.ee/aanzac] and Barrett [https://linktr.ee/barrettgruber] host What The Pod Was That [https://whatthepodwasthat.com/] with Cari Simmons [https://twitter.com/cari_simmons], available everywhere you listen to podcasts. Take a deep dive down the rabbit hole with Amii [https://twitter.com/chicamii] on the pod Welcome to Wonder Land [https://wtwlpod.com/]. Check out Black White and Blue In the South [https://blackwhitebluesouth.captivate.fm/], With Dr. Jumelle Brooks and Bill Kimler! Politically Speaking [https://linktr.ee/politicallyspeakingsc] with Erica Sampson, Kirsten Pruitt, and Emily Mayer is a sharp, engaging podcast breaking down politics with insight, wit, and a fresh perspective. The Preach Jacobs Podcast [https://the-preach-jacobs-podcast.captivate.fm/] is hosted by Columbia South Carolina's very own Ambassador, Hiphop Artist, Columnist and Owner of SoulHAUS Art Gallery, Preach Jacobs! All of these fantastic podcasts can be found on the BIG Media LLC [https://bigmediallc.com/] Podcast Network! FAIR USE COPYRIGHT NOTICE The Copyright Laws of the United States recognize a "fair use" of copyrighted content. Section 107 of the U.S. Copyright Act states: NOTWITHSTANDING THE PROVISIONS OF SECTIONS 106 AND 106A, THE FAIR USE OF A COPYRIGHTED WORK, INCLUDING SUCH USE BY REPRODUCTION IN COPIES OR PHONO RECORDS OR BY ANY OTHER MEANS SPECIFIED BY THAT SECTION, FOR PURPOSES SUCH AS CRITICISM, COMMENT, NEWS REPORTING, TEACHING (INCLUDING MULTIPLE COPIES FOR CLASSROOM USE), SCHOLARSHIP, OR RESEARCH, IS NOT AN INFRINGEMENT OF COPYRIGHT. This Video/Audio in general may contain certain copyrighted works that were not specifically authorized to be used by the copyright holder(s), but which we believe in good faith are protected by federal law and the fair use doctrine for one or more of the reasons noted above. If you have any specific concerns about this usage, or our position on the Fair Use Defense, please contact us at preachjacobs@gmail.com so we can discuss amicably. Thank you. Mentioned in this episode: BIG Media LLC Copyright 2026 BIG Media [https://the-awakening-podcast.captivate.fm/bigmediallc]