Disorganised Attachment

Friendship How Real Is Yours

The Art of Recognising Genuine Connection Have you ever questioned the authenticity of your friendships? In this episode of "The Shite People Do", I explore the art of recognising genuine connection. As a psychotherapist, I delve into the complexities of relationships, offering valuable insights for everyone, particularly neurodiverse individuals who may find navigating friendships a unique challenge. Learn to distinguish between true, supportive bonds and fake friendships characterised by ulterior motives, inconsistency, and emotional manipulation. I introduce my unique "friendship circle" model, a seven-tiered framework to help you understand where people fit in your life and manage your emotional investment accordingly. Discover the tell-tale signs of a disingenuous friend, from non-verbal cues like avoiding eye contact to self-serving behaviours. Drawing on my own experiences with neurodiversity, attachment styles, and ending a manipulative friendship, I provide practical strategies to help you reflect on your own patterns. This episode is not just about identifying toxic dynamics, but understanding why you might be drawn to them and how to make space for the wholesome, loving connections you deserve. To take the next step, I invite you to access my specially created "friendship quiz." This inventory will help you categorise your relationships and gain clarity. To receive your copy, sign up for my newsletter on Substack. Join me on my mission to make therapy accessible and change the world, one thought at a time.   https://mailchi.mp/disreeshaw/sms-signup [https://mailchi.mp/disreeshaw/sms-signup]

Your attachment and Your Friendships

In this episode, psychotherapist Disree Shaw explores how different attachment styles—secure, anxious, avoidant, and fearful-avoidant (disorganised)—manifest within our friendships. Discover the key characteristics of each style and how they impact your platonic relationships, from craving closeness and fearing abandonment to valuing independence and struggling with intimacy. Disree delves into common issues like miscommunication and boundary-setting that arise when different attachment styles interact. The discussion also introduces the concept of the Drama Triangle (Victim, Rescuer, and Persecutor) from Transactional Analysis, providing a framework to understand the roles we might play in our friendship dynamics. This episode is your first step towards understanding these patterns, fostering self-compassion, and building healthier, more secure connections with your friends. For a deeper dive with practical exercises using CBT, REBT, and other therapeutic approaches, join Disree's paid Substack.   #AttachmentStyles #FriendshipDynamics #MentalHealth #Psychotherapy #AnxiousAttachment #AvoidantAttachment #DisorganisedAttachment #SecureAttachment #CBT #TransactionalAnalysis #DramaTriangle #HealthyBoundaries #SelfAwareness #Podcast

Disorganised Attachment

In this episode, I explore the complex and challenging nature of the disorganised attachment style. This is not a diagnosis, but rather a pattern of behaviour in relationships characterised by a confusing blend of anxious and avoidant traits. We will discuss: What disorganised attachment is: It is defined by a lack of a clear strategy for managing stress within relationships, often leading to contradictory behaviours and emotions. Its origins: This style often develops from inconsistent caregiving during childhood, where a caregiver may have been a source of both comfort and fear. Key characteristics: These include inconsistent behaviour (seeking closeness then withdrawing), a deep internal conflict between wanting and fearing connection, and difficulty with emotional regulation. The impact on relationships: This can manifest as chaos, instability, self-sabotage, and a profound fear of intimacy, which often leads to feelings of loneliness and isolation. The path towards healing: The first steps involve recognising your patterns, understanding the needs you suppress out of fear, and beginning to compassionately address why these behaviours exist. Join me as I shed some light on this topic, using both professional insight and personal experience, to help you understand yourself and how you show up in your relationships.

When You're Ghostee

Welcome to "The Awkwardness of Conflict," where psychotherapist Disree Shaw delves into the painful experience of being ghosted. This episode is dedicated to the 'ghostee' – anyone who has felt the sudden, confusing silence of a friend, partner, or family member walking away without explanation. Have you ever been left shocked and unsettled by a relationship that vanished into thin air? This session explores the profound emotional and psychological impact of being ghosted. We discuss how it can erode self-confidence, trigger intense self-doubt, and lead to a state of internalised blame. Drawing on concepts from attachment theory, Compassion-Focused Therapy (CFT), and Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), this episode unpacks why ghosting hurts so deeply. Join me as I discuss the common feelings of betrayal, anxiety, and loss, and how these experiences can shape our future relationships, often leading to a fear of intimacy and connection. More importantly, we explore the path forward. Learn how developing a secure attachment style can build resilience, how to create your own closure without needing an explanation, and how to practise self-compassion. Discover how to transform this painful event into an opportunity for personal growth, turning suspicion into curiosity and rebuilding trust in yourself. This episode is for anyone who has felt lost in the aftermath of being ghosted and is ready to choose growth, empowerment, and self-love.   Join Substack

Ghosting Unmasked

Podcast Summary: Ghosting Unmasked Presenter: Disree Shaw, Cognitive Behavioural Therapist Podcast Series: The Shite People Do, Thriving Through the Chaos Topic This psychoeducational session, titled "Ghosting Unmasked," explored the phenomenon of ghosting, focusing on the perspective, motivations, and psychological dynamics of the "ghoster". Key Themes Explored - Definition and Dynamics: Ghosting is defined as disappearing from someone's life without explanation, representing a form of social control and dominance. It establishes a superiority/inferiority dynamic, with the ghoster assuming a position of control. - Motivations of the Ghoster:     - Fear of Confrontation: Ghosting is often used to avoid difficult conversations and the discomfort of conflict.     - Self-Preservation: While sometimes framed as self-care, it frequently masks an avoidance of personal development, with the individual running from their own unhealthy behaviours and projections.     - Inability to Communicate: The behaviour reflects an inability to articulate feelings honestly, not just with the other person, but with oneself. - Psychological Profile of the Ghoster:     - Internal Conflict: The ghoster often experiences feelings of guilt, shame, disgust, and anger, which they harbour internally.     - Narrative Creation: To justify their actions and cope with internal conflict, ghosters may create a narrative that demonises the "ghostee," reinforcing their own sense of being "right" and superior.     - Attachment Styles: The behaviour is linked to insecure attachment styles, particularly anxious-avoidant and preoccupied types, who are more likely to "run for the hills" when faced with vulnerability. - Societal Normalisation: The podcast addresses the cultural trend of normalising ghosting as an acceptable social practice, which encourages blaming others while avoiding self-examination. Psychoeducational Aims & Call to Action - The session aimed to promote self-reflection among individuals who engage in ghosting, encouraging them to question their motivations and the impact of their actions on their personal growth. - It highlighted that ghosting is an unhealthy behaviour that hinders the development of communication skills and healthy relationships. - Listeners were encouraged to engage with further resources via the clinician's Substack subscription, which provides free and paid content, including course materials related to the podcast topics. Plan - The next podcast in the series will focus on the perspective of the "ghostee." - A weekend workshop is planned to provide a deeper exploration of ghosting, supplemented with course material.