17 // Why Praise Doesn't Work to Motivate Kids (And What to Do Instead)

21 // Why Your Kid Keeps Disobeying You And What Works Faster Than Timeouts

Your kid isn't trying to make your life harder. In this episode, I'm breaking down what "disobedience" actually is (hint: it's rarely defiance), why play works faster than timeouts to turn it around, and sharing some of my own play-in-action stories from our house: the wins, the messy middle, and everything in between. In this episode, you'll hear: * What's really going on when your kid "won't listen" or "won't obey"; are disobedient and why that label misses what's actually happening * Why timeouts and consequences often don't touch the real issue * How play shifts a power struggle into cooperation, faster than you'd expect * Real stories from my own kids — the moments play turned a standoff into giggles (and the ones that took a few tries) Free Resource Mentioned: Grab your free Playful Parenting Scripts — ready-to-use phrases to turn everyday "no's" into connection and cooperation: Download here [https://landing.mailerlite.com/webforms/landing/u2q5m4]: https://landing.mailerlite.com/webforms/landing/u2q5m4 Go Deeper: For the full framework this episode is built on, head to the blog: raisingkidswithpurpose.com/playful-parent [https://raisingkidswithpurpose.com/playful-parent/] Loved this episode? Take a screenshot and tag me on Instagram, and don't forget to subscribe so you never miss an episode of parenting advice you wish your parents had. Connect with Adriane: www.raisingkidswithpurpose.com/chat [http://www.raisingkidswithpurpose.com/chat]

20 // 7 Simple Ways to Build a Strong Relationship With Your Kids

These 7 tools are about being intentional with the time you already have, not adding more to your plate. #1: Play Kids learn, process, and connect through play — and you don't have to love everything they love. The key is finding the overlap. What works for both of you? Lean into that. Even 10 minutes of genuine, engaged play sends a message that no lecture ever could. #2: FOCUS Time — Quality One-On-One Time FOCUS stands for Focus On Creating Uninterrupted Scheduled Time. One-on-one, non-tech, carved out just for them. This has been a secret weapon in Adriane's family for reducing sibling conflict and attention-seeking behaviors — because kids who feel known stop working so hard to be noticed. #3: Hug — and Hold It Family therapist Virginia Satir said we need 4 hugs a day for survival, 8 for maintenance, and 12 for growth. Research shows a hug needs to be at least 20 seconds to have a real physiological impact on the nervous system. Don't skip it — even when they squirm. #4: Bedtime Bonding Bedtime is one of the most underrated connection opportunities in the day. Kids open up at night. The defenses come down. Five minutes of reading, storytelling, or snuggling — with no agenda — can be the most connecting thing that happens all day. #5: Eat Dinner Together Research on family dinners is clear: kids who eat regularly with their families build larger vocabularies, eat healthier, and have lower rates of anxiety, depression, and substance use. Family culture is built at the dinner table. It doesn't have to be elaborate — it just has to be consistent. #6: Effort-Based Praise "Good job" and "You're so smart" can actually reduce motivation over time. When kids are praised for ability, they avoid challenges to protect that identity. Effort-based praise — "I noticed how hard you worked on that" — builds resilience, growth mindset, and helps kids feel truly seen rather than just evaluated. #7: Disconnect to Connect Technology is quietly replacing the eye contact and attuned human connection that developing brains need most. Practical starting points: charge your phone in your bedroom instead of the kitchen, designate no-phone zones or hours in your home, and turn off sound notifications during family time. The Big Picture The relationship you are building right now is the one that lasts. It doesn't require perfection — it requires presence. Connection IS the discipline. Connection IS the foundation. RESOURCES MENTIONED * P.U.R.P.O.S.E. Parent Transformation Program https://raisingkidswithpurpose.thrivecart.com/1-1-purpose-parent-program/ [https://raisingkidswithpurpose.thrivecart.com/1-1-purpose-parent-program/] * Stop the Fighting Toolkit https://raisingkidswithpurpose.thrivecart.com/stop-the-fighting-toolkit [https://raisingkidswithpurpose.thrivecart.com/stop-the-fighting-toolkit] * Free 1:1 Quality Time Toolkit (60+ activity ideas) https://landing.mailerlite.com/webforms/landing/q5w1d3 [https://landing.mailerlite.com/webforms/landing/q5w1d3] * Book a Free Call with Adriane www.raisingkidswithpurpose.com/chat [http://www.raisingkidswithpurpose.com/chat] * Full Blog Post https://raisingkidswithpurpose.com/parent-child-relationship [https://raisingkidswithpurpose.com/parent-child-relationship] BOOKS MENTIONED Disclosure: Some links below are affiliate links, which means I may earn a small commission if you make a purchase — at no extra cost to you. I only share products I genuinely love and recommend. Hold Onto Your Kids by Gordon Neufeld & Gabor Maté https://amzn.to/3QBqnjk [https://amzn.to/3QBqnjk] (affiliate link) Books to Read Aloud With Your Kids: Wild Robot series by Peter Brown https://amzn.to/4asskp0 [https://amzn.to/4asskp0] (affiliate link) Wingfeather Saga by Andrew Peterson https://amzn.to/4p3THvE [https://amzn.to/4p3THvE] (affiliate link) Skunk and Badger by Amy Timberlake & Jon Klassen https://amzn.to/4gAhJMD [https://amzn.to/4gAhJMD] (affiliate link) The Very, Very, Far North by Dan Bar-el https://amzn.to/4fcflKC [https://amzn.to/4fcflKC] (affiliate link) CONNECT WITH ADRIANE Website: raisingkidswithpurpose.com Book a free call: www.raisingkidswithpurpose.com/chat [http://www.raisingkidswithpurpose.com/chat]

19 // 4 Ways to Connect Before You Correct so Your Kids Can Listen Better

You know the moment. Your kid does the thing, and before you even think about it you're correcting, lecturing, repeating yourself, and nothing lands. They do the same exact thing the next day! Here's what most parenting advice gets wrong: it's not about what you say! In this episode, certified parent coach Adriane Thompson breaks down the science of why correction without connection falls flat, and she gives you 4 simple, practical tools to connect with your child first, so your words actually get through. Whether you're dealing with meltdowns, defiance, or just a kid who seems to tune you out, this episode will change the way you show up in the hard moments. WHAT WE COVER IN THIS EPISODE Why correction without connection doesn't work The prefrontal cortex, the part of the brain responsible for reasoning, logic, and understanding consequences, is not fully developed until the mid-twenties. When kids are dysregulated, this part of the brain essentially goes offline. No matter how calm or clear your correction is, if your child's nervous system is activated, the message cannot land. Connection is what brings their brain back online and makes them available to hear you. Research also shows that kids need five positive interactions for every one corrective interaction. That 5:1 ratio matters, and the four tools in this episode are part of how we build it. Tool #1: Empathize First Before correcting, offer just enough empathy so your child's nervous system knows they are safe and seen. This isn't about excusing the behavior or skipping the correction; it's about opening the door so the correction can actually get through. Think about how differently you receive feedback when someone checks in with you first versus when they come straight at you with criticism. Our kids are wired the same way. Tool #2: Get on Their Level Physically get down to your child's eye level before you say a corrective word. Crouching down, sitting beside them, or placing a gentle hand on their shoulder communicates safety through your body even before you speak. Towering over a child activates their threat response. Eye level does the opposite: it signals connection and collaboration, not confrontation. Tool #3: Limit Your Words and Actually Listen When a child is dysregulated, more words make it harder, not easier. Say the most important thing once, clearly, then stop. And then do the part most parents skip: actually listen to what your child has to say. Kids are far more likely to receive correction when they first feel heard. Fewer words, more presence. Tool #4: Be a Sportscaster Sportscasting means narrating what you observe without judgment, interpretation, or emotional charge, like a sports commentator describing the action on the field. "I see that you hit your sister. I see that you're really frustrated she took your puzzle." This approach helps kids feel understood, slows everyone's nervous system down, gives kids the language for their own emotions in real time, and creates space for them to begin problem-solving on their own. It works equally well in discipline and in praise. LINKS & RESOURCES MENTIONED Blog Post: 11 Ways to Build a Strong Parent-Child Relationship Through Connection:https://raisingkidswithpurpose.com/parent-child-relationship [https://raisingkidswithpurpose.com/parent-child-relationship] Book a Free Call with Adriane: www.raisingkidswithpurpose.com/chat [https://raisingkidswithpurpose.com/chat] P.U.R.P.O.S.E. Parent Transformation Program: https://raisingkidswithpurpose.thrivecart.com/1-1-purpose-parent-program/ [https://raisingkidswithpurpose.thrivecart.com/1-1-purpose-parent-program/] RESEARCH & SOURCES Prefrontal Cortex Development The prefrontal cortex continues developing into the mid-twenties. This region governs executive function, decision-making, and impulse control — and is significantly less accessible when a child (or adult) is emotionally activated. National Institutes of Health — Brain Development - https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3621648/ [https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3621648/]  The 5:1 Positive-to-Negative Interaction Ratio Research by Dr. John Gottman originally identified this ratio in relationships, and its principles have been widely applied to parent-child dynamics. Children thrive when the emotional bank account stays full — which requires far more positive deposits than corrective withdrawals. The Gottman Institute — Positive to Negative Ratio - https://www.gottman.com/blog/the-magic-relationship-ratio-according-science/ [https://www.gottman.com/blog/the-magic-relationship-ratio-according-science/]  Co-Regulation and the Developing Nervous System Children's nervous systems regulate through connection with a calm, regulated adult. This is the science of co-regulation — and it's the foundation for why connection must come before correction. Center on the Developing Child, Harvard University - https://developingchild.harvard.edu/science/key-concepts/serve-and-return/ [https://developingchild.harvard.edu/science/key-concepts/serve-and-return/]

18 // How to Set Boundaries and Stop Giving In to Your Kids' Every Request!

Have you felt like you keep giving in and can't follow through on a rule or boundary you've given your kids? This is super common as parents find themselves withs struggling to set boundaries and instead make a bunch of rules that can backfire. In this episode, Adriane unpacks how to set boundaries that actually get kids to listen and make better choices, and also learn how to give your kids autonomy! In this episode, I'm breaking down the real definition of boundaries vs. rules, why fear-based parenting does the opposite of what you want, and how to set boundaries that build connection, foster your child's autonomy, and create cooperation instead of compliance. This is one of my favorite topics to teach and one that completely changed how I parent my three neurodivergent 2e boys (who are autistic, gifted, have ADHD, anxiety, OCD, and more!). In this episode, you'll learn: * The difference between a boundary and a rule (and why it matters so much) * Why consequences and punishments don't actually change behavior * What "connection before correction" looks like in real life * The difference between compliance and cooperation and which one you actually want * How to root your boundaries in your family values so they actually stick * Permanent vs. evolving boundaries as your kids grow * What to do when your kids push back (because they will — and they're supposed to) * Common boundary-setting mistakes and how to avoid them Resources mentioned: * Full blog post: raisingkidswithpurpose.com/boundaries-with-kids/ * Free Family Values Printables: https://landing.mailerlite.com/webforms/landing/k7y5i5 [https://landing.mailerlite.com/webforms/landing/k7y5i5] * Setting Boundaries Toolkit (age-appropriate scripts + strategies inside): https://raisingkidswithpurpose.thrivecart.com/setting-boundaries-toolkit/ [https://raisingkidswithpurpose.thrivecart.com/setting-boundaries-toolkit/]  * 12-Week P.U.R.P.O.S.E. Parent Transformation Program: https://raisingkidswithpurpose.thrivecart.com/1-1-purpose-parent-program/ [https://raisingkidswithpurpose.thrivecart.com/1-1-purpose-parent-program/]  * Book a Parent Support Discovery Call: https://calendly.com/adrianerthompson/discovery-call [https://calendly.com/adrianerthompson/discovery-call]  Connect with Adriane: * Instagram: www.instagram.com/raisingkidswithpurpose [http://www.instagram.com/raisingkidswithpurpose]  * Website: www.raisingkidswithpurpose.com [http://www.raisingkidswithpurpose.com]  * Facebook: www.facebook.com/raisingkidswithpurpose [http://www.facebook.com/raisingkidswithpurpose]  If this episode helped you, would you take 30 seconds to leave a review? It helps other parents find this podcast! Message me if you don't know how to do it!

17 // Why Praise Doesn't Work to Motivate Kids (And What to Do Instead)

You may have been told to praise your kids when they're "being good." So you tell them, "Good job" any time they make a good choice; you may use sticker charts and other forms of praise. What if that well-meaning praise is quietly working against the very confidence and motivation you're trying to build? In this episode, we're digging into what the research actually says about generic praise and why the small shift from praise to encouragement changes everything for your child's brain, resilience, and long-term motivation. In this episode you'll learn: * Why "good job" isn't actually helping your child (and what's happening in their brain instead) * The 3 types of praise — and which ones build a growth mindset vs. a fixed one * Carol Dweck's research on person praise and why calling your kid "smart" can backfire * The strength-based encouragement formula that combines the best of both worlds * The Sportscaster Method — the easiest way to encourage without empty praise * How to flip from "I'm so proud of you" to something that actually builds self-worth * Practical phrases to use in the moment (even when your brain goes blank) Resources mentioned in this episode: Free Strengths Toolkit — Discover your child's core character strengths so you can encourage them intentionally in the moment. 👉https://landing.mailerlite.com/webforms/landing/d5l5j6 [https://landing.mailerlite.com/webforms/landing/d5l5j6]  Read the full blog post — includes the strength-based encouragement infographic, printable phrase guides, and deeper research breakdowns. 👉 raisingkidswithpurpose.com/strength-based-encouragement [https://raisingkidswithpurpose.com/strength-based-encouragement/] Mentioned in this episode: EP 9: The Lie We've Been Told About Consequences — if this episode resonated, go back and listen to Episode 9 where we unpack another big myth about what actually motivates kids: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/9-the-lie-weve-been-told-about-consequences-and-rewards/id1879606964?i=1000760441242 [https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/9-the-lie-weve-been-told-about-consequences-and-rewards/id1879606964?i=1000760441242]  Books referenced: * Mindset by Dr. Carol Dweck - https://amzn.to/4odKb8O * The Strength Switch by Dr. Lea Waters - https://amzn.to/4ukPh4v * The Gift of Failure by Jessica Lahey - https://amzn.to/4udwxUk [https://amzn.to/4udwxUk] *The links above are affiliate links. If you purchase through my links, I may earn a small commission at no extra cost to you. I only recommend books I've personally read and love! Work with Adriane: If you're ready to go deeper, not just with how you talk to your kids, but how you show up regulated, connected, and intentional, the P.U.R.P.O.S.E. Parent Transformation Program is where we do that work together: www.raisingkidswithpurpose.com [http://www.raisingkidswithpurpose.com]