Bear one another’s burdens…but shoulder your own load.

Good stuff and recovery with my brother's friend Ben (pt 2)

If you didn't listen to the first part of the conversation with Ben just before this 2nd half, you can go back and hear it now! OR jump right in to this episode for an interesting conversation about healing your life, why it takes some people longer to wake up to becoming healthy (and why some may never)... how to be real with what you face and how people may trigger you. Social trauma is real! Our mind can make thoughts about it explode. I always find it raw, authentic and helpful when hashing things out with a like minded people who strive to better themselves and keep it real when navigating life! Check it out!

Lessons Learned, Annie with Ben pt 1

Bringing back a favorite, "My brother's friend Ben" is back with us today as we discuss experiences, strength and hope from some of the most trying times of life! Listen to Part 1 and email your thoughts to: Annieunhooked@gmail.com

Bear one another’s burdens…but shoulder your own load.

“You work on your side of the street… and I’ll tend to mine.” I say it often in more than one of my family relationships. It’s a way of shaking loose from old patterns of enmeshment.  I have learned if I don’t guard my time, energy, and peace, no one else will either. Bear one another’s burdens—that’s support, kindness, empathy, safety…that’s showing up, being there. And we don’t have to do any of it alone, when those burdens and loads become too much to bear…we have One to call upon who promises to do the heavy lifting. Faith, hope and love, Annie

Taking Space from People in our lives (without Guilt)

There are times when we need space and separation. It’s not abandonment.  It isn’t necessarily permanent, and it’s not selfish…it’s healthy. I tend to default to “all or nothing” thinking when it comes to thoughts around family members close to my heart.  Especially if there’s any type of risk involved.  Conflict, relapse, health, death…etc.  My mind goes immediately to the scariest, most fatalistic, defeatist possibilities before I coach it back toward hope, calm and faith.   For instance…if an argument ensues and gets heated, my thoughts are often that it will be the end of the relationship, and that becomes what I believe I’m fighting for.   Realizing this inner process, I do know that often space is a good thing.    The key is in understanding that it’s not all or nothing and doesn’t have to mean the end of everything.    It doesn’t need to be forever or even span years and decades.  It can actually just be for a time.   Listen in to hear a recovery related perspective of taking breaks from people in our lives. “If one person in a family or relational dynamic does work to heal, the situation is bound to improve.”   Let faith, hope and love rebuild the house. Prayer: Lord, help us in seasons of separation to call You down into the void, calm and comfort the emotions that rise and lead us to healing, wisdom, renovation, and restoration according to Your great love, mercy and kindness for each of us. Peace to you, Annie

SUD/Addiction is not an issue of prodigal or sin! It’s a complex health and medical condition

A person struggling with an addiction, contrary to what many in a faith-based belief system may think… is not the same as a prodigal son, or an evil person. Though their behavior may align with dishonesty or wickedness at times.  They’re being tormented by evil, as much as their behavior is causing pain and torment, sorrow and damage in the lives around them. The cycles of addiction are rarely (as in the case of the Prodigal Son in Luke chapter 15), a situation of leaving the home once…and then returning to loved ones and family for permanent restoration, with gifts and a party to celebrate!  As was the case in that story. Receiving someone back into the home over and over with gifts and a celebration isn’t always wise when addiction is active.  This is a situation unique to any of our usual problem solving, people relating skills.  It requires lots of wisdom, patience, compassion, and the courage to set healthy boundaries as we work out our patterns of responding. It’s a process. SUD and addiction are complex.  How the condition began… whether trauma, injury, experimenting or whatever the situation from which it first ignited… all are unique and complicated.  No two stories are exactly alike. Upon realizing the tornado of substance abuse was resident in my home, I can remember in desperation turning to leaders of our church, who were clearly at a loss.  Yet several gave one-line answers regarding parenting, discipline, and directing me to the promises of Scripture that applied to sickness or the “sin” of our ordeal.  I often sensed judgment for a lack of faith, and an attitude that a lack of “righteousness” was probably the root cause of our struggle.  Where might we (me especially) have got it wrong to incur such terrible consequence? Never mind that John 9:2 describes a man who was sick and those wondering which sin in the family caused it were rebuked that it was for God’s glory… Never mind Job’s friends, known as “miserable comforters,” pronouncing fault on him for his own suffering, and God rebuked those friends Job 42:7-17 directing Job to pray for them as part of his healing and restoration… Blame and misjudgment are prevalent in many church settings.  What those dynamics have in common with the unchurched world is that they solve no problems and do no good.  Safe, respectful accountability and kind, productive truth speaking are not the same as blame, accusation, mis-judgment and condemnation. Not even close. We get it so wrong in faith systems sometimes (I know I sure did, I believed my fair share of condemning notions!), we miss great opportunities to bind up one another’s wounds and offer hope, support, guidance, and healing. The good news is that with awareness and mindfulness, we can elevate in this area and do better. 1 Corinthians 13 says “Love does not fail.”   (Love can be healthy and self-respecting). Shame shrinks hope, wisdom and kindness open hearts. Faith, hope and love, Annie