Ep.8- What's Underneath the Men vs. Women Suffering Contest?

Ep.8- What's Underneath the Men vs. Women Suffering Contest?

What if men and women stopped arguing about who suffers more and started trying to understand each other instead? In this episode of This Triggers Me, Dr Audra Horney (a therapist for men) and Dr. Brendan K. Hartman (a sociologist who researches the emotional well being of boys) take on “suffering contests” and the growing divide in conversations around gender. Through a role reversal exercise, they each advocate for the other gender’s experience, exploring the pain, pressure, loneliness, fear and emotional labor that often go unseen. Instead of debating who has it worse, this conversation focuses on empathy, nuance and what both men and women wish the other truly understood about men’s mental health, relationships, and emotional wellbeing. Key takeaways: * What “suffering contests” are and how they fuel polarization around gender * The difference between acknowledging pain and weaponizing “what about…” arguments * Why many men crave emotional intimacy, affection, and closeness beyond sex * The impact of touch starvation, shame, and fear of being a burden on men’s mental health * How boys and men are often negatively reinforced for emotional vulnerability * Why many men are trying to grow despite limited emotional socialization * The invisible emotional labor many women carry in relationships and daily life * How safety vigilance and threats to bodily autonomy shape women’s experiences * Why “not all men” conversations often miss the emotional point being made * How role reversal and empty chair exercises can build empathy and understanding * Why emotionally honest dialogue matters for healthier relationships, men’s wellbeing and connection Connect with us Email- thistriggersmepodcast@gmail.com [thistriggersmepodcast@gmail.com] Social media- https://www.instagram.com/dr.audra.horney/ [https://www.instagram.com/dr.audra.horney/] https://www.instagram.com/re.masculine/ [https://www.instagram.com/re.masculine/] https://www.instagram.com/thistriggersmepod/ [https://www.instagram.com/thistriggersmepod/] https://www.tiktok.com/@thistriggersmepod [https://www.tiktok.com/@thistriggersmepod] Find a Therapist for Men: www.draudra.com [https://www.draudra.com/] Podcast post-production: Stacy Blackburn

Ep.7- Why Are Dad’s So Triggering?

Why do conversations about fathers bring up so much emotion, shame, and defensiveness, especially for men? In this episode of This Triggers Me, Dr Audra Horney (a therapist for men) and Dr. Brendan K. Hartman (a sociologist who researches the emotional well being of boys) unpack the complicated role fathers play in shaping men’s mental health, identity and emotional development. From father wounds to modern parenting expectations, they explore why dads are often seen as either sacred or suspect and how both extremes miss the nuance. This conversation dives into generational shifts in fatherhood, emotional connection, shame, repair and the impact fathers have on boys and men’s wellbeing. Key takeaways: * Why fathers are such a triggering topic in conversations about masculinity and men’s mental health * The tension between over praising dads for “bare minimum” parenting while also under crediting involved fathers * How modern fatherhood has shifted across generations * Common father wounds and why many men struggle to honestly reflect on their relationship with their dad * The impact of emotional connection (or lack of it) on boys’ emotional development and men’s wellbeing * Different father archetypes: the tyrant, the absent/workaholic father, and the teacher * Why repair after mistakes matters more than perfection in parenting * Research on fatherhood, bonding, hormones and paternity leave * The loneliness and isolation many involved fathers experience * Why men in caregiving roles are often treated with suspicion * How therapy for men can help unpack shame, resentment, grief and emotional patterns tied to fatherhood Connect with us Email- thistriggersmepodcast@gmail.com [thistriggersmepodcast@gmail.com] Social media- https://www.instagram.com/dr.audra.horney/ [https://www.instagram.com/dr.audra.horney/] https://www.instagram.com/re.masculine/ [https://www.instagram.com/re.masculine/] https://www.instagram.com/thistriggersmepod/ [https://www.instagram.com/thistriggersmepod/] https://www.tiktok.com/@thistriggersmepod [https://www.tiktok.com/@thistriggersmepod] Find a Therapist for Men: www.draudra.com [https://www.draudra.com/] Podcast post-production: Stacy Blackburn

Ep.6- Is Vulnerability A Weakness?

After recording a more polished, intellectual episode about therapy for men (see Episode 5), Audra and Brendan returned to the studio for part 2 because part 1 didn’t feel personal enough. In this episode of This Triggers Me, Dr Audra Horney (a therapist for men) and Dr. Brendan K. Hartman (a sociologist who researches the emotional well being of boys) dig into the messy, uncomfortable side of vulnerability. They explore why some people (Audra) easily default to intellectual instead of emotional, how performing vulnerability can replace real connection, and how this relates to men’s mental health. Key takeaways: * Why emotional safety is key to opening up * The difference between real vulnerability and performing vulnerability * How perfectionism and fear of judgment block emotional expression * Why many men feel safer being the helper than receiving help * The impact of emotional suppression on men’s mental health * How sharing with the wrong people can feel worse than not sharing at all * The role of gender socialization on men expressing emotion * How overregulation, shame, and fear of “messing it up” limit connection * The importance of rupture and repair in building emotional trust * How therapy for men can create space to reconnect with yourself and move beyond old patterns Connect with us Email- thistriggersmepodcast@gmail.com [thistriggersmepodcast@gmail.com] Social media- https://www.instagram.com/dr.audra.horney/ [https://www.instagram.com/dr.audra.horney/] https://www.instagram.com/re.masculine/ [https://www.instagram.com/re.masculine/] https://www.instagram.com/thistriggersmepod/ [https://www.instagram.com/thistriggersmepod/] https://www.tiktok.com/@thistriggersmepod [https://www.tiktok.com/@thistriggersmepod] Find a Therapist for Men: www.draudra.com [https://www.draudra.com/] Podcast post-production: Stacy Blackburn

Ep.5- Is Therapy For Men Safe?

What if therapy for men isn’t always the safe, supportive space it’s made out to be? About this episode: In this episode of This Triggers Me, a sociologist and a psychologist specializing in men’s therapy unpack why conversations about men’s mental health can feel so triggering and why many men feel let down by therapy itself. They explore the gap between cultural messaging (“men just need therapy”) and the real experiences of men who report feeling dismissed, misunderstood or judged. This conversation challenges assumptions while offering a more honest look at what actually supports men’s wellbeing. Key takeaways: * Why men’s mental health and therapy for men can feel triggering or unsafe for some men * Common experiences of invalidation, minimization, and dismissal in therapy * The problem with blanket statements like “all men need therapy” * How the perceived feminization of therapy can create resistance * The impact of weaponized therapy language in relationships and culture * How masculinity norms like self-reliance shape help-seeking behavior * Why the therapeutic relationship not techniques is the strongest predictor of success * A reframing of men’s therapy as collaborative, challenging, and accountability driven (not just venting) * Structural barriers: cost, lack of choice, and gaps in training around men’s experiences * The need for more accessible, nuanced support systems for men’s wellbeing Connect with us Email- thistriggersmepodcast@gmail.com [thistriggersmepodcast@gmail.com] Social media- https://www.instagram.com/dr.audra.horney/ [https://www.instagram.com/dr.audra.horney/] https://www.instagram.com/re.masculine/ [https://www.instagram.com/re.masculine/] https://www.instagram.com/thistriggersmepod/ [https://www.instagram.com/thistriggersmepod/] https://www.tiktok.com/@thistriggersmepod [https://www.tiktok.com/@thistriggersmepod] Dr Audra’s Directory of Therapists for Men: www.draudra.com [https://www.draudra.com/] Podcast post-production: Stacy Blackburn

Ep.4- Is There Truth in the Manosphere?

What if the content shaping men online is helping them and hurting them at the same time? In this episode of This Triggers Me, a sociologist focused on masculinity and a psychologist specializing in therapy for men unpack the tension between growth and harm in male targeted spaces online. They explore the pull of the manosphere, why its messaging resonates with boys and men, and how it intersects with men’s mental health and men’s wellbeing. They also get personal, diving into the challenges of showing up imperfectly, people pleasing, and what it means to model more honest, grounded conversations. Key takeaways: * How people pleasing and fear of imperfection can show up when talking about men’s mental health * What the manosphere is (and why it’s more nuanced than people think) * The difference between “on ramp” content (fitness, discipline) and more rigid or harmful ideologies * How algorithms expose boys and men to increasingly extreme content over time * Why black and white advice and confidence are so appealing in masculinity spaces * The link between rigid “man box” norms and men’s poorer wellbeing, including higher suicide risk * Why purpose and optimism can increase even within restrictive frameworks * The need for better, healthier messaging around men’s therapy and emotional development * A practical framework for modern masculinity: “build safety, show up, give a damn” * How therapy for men can offer a grounded alternative to the noise and a space to build real emotional strength Connect with us Email- thistriggersmepodcast@gmail.com [thistriggersmepodcast@gmail.com] Social media- https://www.instagram.com/dr.audra.horney/ [https://www.instagram.com/dr.audra.horney/] https://www.instagram.com/re.masculine/ [https://www.instagram.com/re.masculine/] https://www.instagram.com/thistriggersmepod/ [https://www.instagram.com/thistriggersmepod/] https://www.tiktok.com/@thistriggersmepod [https://www.tiktok.com/@thistriggersmepod] Dr Audra’s Directory of Therapists for Men: www.draudra.com [https://www.draudra.com/] Podcast post-production: Stacy Blackburn