The "Good Guy" Trap That Quietly Destroys Relationships

The "Good Guy" Trap That Quietly Destroys Relationships

What happens when a man spends years trying to earn love by abandoning himself? In this episode, I sit down with Healthy Men-tality member Carlos for an honest conversation about nervous system regulation, shame, people-pleasing, emotional burnout, marriage struggles, and learning how to stop losing yourself inside relationships. Carlos shares what led him to the program after his wife hit a breaking point in their marriage, including isolation, depression, emotional shutdown, loss of identity, and feeling completely overwhelmed after moving his family internationally. Together, we unpack: * Why people-pleasing eventually creates resentment * The hidden relationship between shame and self-abandonment * What emotional leadership actually looks like * Why nervous system regulation changes parenting * The difference between guilt and shame * How men lose themselves trying to "earn" love * Why so many men struggle to advocate for their needs * The danger of stopping the work once things start feeling good One of the biggest themes throughout this episode: You cannot create emotional safety while abandoning yourself. There's also a powerful section around the "good guy" identity and how many men quietly judge themselves so harshly internally that they become trapped in performance, approval-seeking, and fear of disappointing others. And honestly… if you're a dad, the parenting conversation alone is worth listening to. Carlos shares how nervous system work changed the way he responds to chaos with his kids.. moving from overwhelm and snapping into playfulness, patience, and connection. If you're trying to rebuild yourself, your confidence, your emotional stability, or your relationship, this episode will hit home. If you wanna know more about the Healthy Men-tality Program, you can join my FREE TRAINING HERE [https://unblockyourbs.lpages.co/relationship-rock-bottom-to-rebuilding-the-man-registration-page/?utm_source=tiktok&utm_medium=paid&utm_campaign=hm_webinar_q2_2026&utm_content=podcast] __________________________________________________________________________________ * Interested in Nervous System Regulation tools? Join my healing community for breathwork + tools: unblockyourbs.com/saa [http://unblockyourbs.com/saa] * Men on a Healing Journey - Learn More and apply to join me inside of our 12 week group program just for men called Healthy Men-tality: unblockyourbs.com/healthymen [http://unblockyourbs.com/healthymen] Connect with Tara: * Follow @unblockyourbs on Instagram [https://www.instagram.com/unblockyourbs/] * @unblockyourbs on TikTok [https://www.tiktok.com/@unblockyourbs?is_from_webapp=1&sender_device=pc] * Watch the episodes on YouTube [https://youtube.com/@unblockyourbs?si=pfvOaT68yvKClQjl] * Book a 1:1 call with Tara [https://selfawarearmy.circle.so/checkout/60-minute-11-coaching-session] * Get the Nervous System Reset Toolkit [http://www.unblockyourbs.com/toolkit] * Submit a question for an upcoming Podcast or LIVE [https://unblockyourbs.lpages.co/podcast/] __________________________________________________________________________________ Disclaimer: The content shared in this podcast is for informational and educational purposes only and should not be considered professional medical, mental health, or legal advice. I am not a licensed mental health professional or medical provider and cannot diagnose, treat, or prescribe medication for any condition. If you or someone you know is struggling, please ask for support from a licensed professional or contact a trusted organization in your area. In cases of crisis or emergency, please contact local authorities or a crisis hotline immediately. The views expressed in this podcast are my personal opinions and those of my guests. They are not intended to replace professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Thank you for listening responsibly.

The "Nice Guy" Pattern That Pushes Love Away

Most men were never taught how to stay present when emotions get big. So when conflict happens in a relationship… they either shut down, try to fix it, disappear emotionally, or explode. Then comes the shame spiral. "I'm failing." "I'm broken." "I can't do this right." In this episode, Dave Lishansky and I unpack what's actually happening underneath those reactions, and why so many "nice guys" are really just men stuck in nervous system survival patterns. We talk about emotional safety, boundaries, self-abandonment, attachment dynamics, men's groups, breathwork, and why relationships eventually force us to confront the parts of ourselves we've spent years avoiding. Inside this episode: * Why many men go silent during conflict * What emotional safety actually means * The hidden cost of people-pleasing and self-abandonment * Why slowing down changes everything during hard conversations * The difference between healthy masculine leadership and performance * Why relationships become mirrors for our unresolved wounds * How community and men's work help men regulate and heal * What happens when one partner grows… and the other refuses to One of my favorite moments in this conversation was Dave talking about armor… how so many men walk through life emotionally armored because it never felt safe not to. And how relationships eventually ask you to put some of that armor down if you want real intimacy. If you're a man trying to rebuild trust, regulate your emotions, communicate better, or stop repeating the same relationship cycles… this episode is for you. This is the work we do inside the Healthy Men-tality Program: real tools, real support, real change. If you wanna know more, you can join my FREE TRAINING HERE [https://unblockyourbs.lpages.co/relationship-rock-bottom-to-rebuilding-the-man-registration-page/?utm_source=tiktok&utm_medium=paid&utm_campaign=hm_webinar_q2_2026&utm_content=podcast] __________________________________________________________________________________ Learn more about Dave's work here: https://www.davelishansky.com/podcast [https://www.davelishansky.com/podcast] __________________________________________________________________________________ * Interested in Nervous System Regulation tools? Join my healing community for breathwork + tools: unblockyourbs.com/saa [http://unblockyourbs.com/saa] * Men on a Healing Journey - Learn More and apply to join me inside of our 12 week group program just for men called Healthy Men-tality: unblockyourbs.com/healthymen [http://unblockyourbs.com/healthymen] Connect with Tara: * Follow @unblockyourbs on Instagram [https://www.instagram.com/unblockyourbs/] * @unblockyourbs on TikTok [https://www.tiktok.com/@unblockyourbs?is_from_webapp=1&sender_device=pc] * Watch the episodes on YouTube [https://youtube.com/@unblockyourbs?si=pfvOaT68yvKClQjl] * Book a 1:1 call with Tara [https://selfawarearmy.circle.so/checkout/60-minute-11-coaching-session] * Get the Nervous System Reset Toolkit [http://www.unblockyourbs.com/toolkit] * Submit a question for an upcoming Podcast or LIVE [https://unblockyourbs.lpages.co/podcast/] __________________________________________________________________________________ Disclaimer: The content shared in this podcast is for informational and educational purposes only and should not be considered professional medical, mental health, or legal advice. I am not a licensed mental health professional or medical provider and cannot diagnose, treat, or prescribe medication for any condition. If you or someone you know is struggling, please ask for support from a licensed professional or contact a trusted organization in your area. In cases of crisis or emergency, please contact local authorities or a crisis hotline immediately. The views expressed in this podcast are my personal opinions and those of my guests. They are not intended to replace professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Thank you for listening responsibly.

"Why Now?" Why Did It Take Losing Me for You to Change?

Some women spend years trying to explain the same pain. Different wording. Different tone. Different timing. Eventually the tears stop. The conversations get shorter. The resentment gets quieter. And then one day she says she's done. That's usually when panic finally kicks in. In this episode, Tara breaks down one of the hardest questions men face once they start healing after separation or divorce: "Why did it take losing me for you to finally change?" And honestly? Most men answer that question from shame instead of truth. Because underneath the defensiveness… underneath the shutdown… underneath the "I never meant to hurt you" response… there's usually a nervous system that has spent decades learning how to survive, protect, avoid failure, avoid rejection, avoid feeling "not enough." So when a partner brings pain to the relationship, many men don't actually hear: "Please understand me." They hear: "You're failing." "You're broken." "You're not enough." "You're losing her." That's the moment survival mode takes over. This episode gets into the real mechanics underneath relationship breakdown: how shame blocks empathy, why emotional safety matters more than winning the argument, why validation is NOT the same thing as agreeing, …. and how unresolved childhood conditioning quietly shapes adult relationships. This episode also explains why so many couples stay stuck cycling the exact same conflict for years even while both people genuinely love each other. Because love isn't the issue most of the time. Dysregulation is. Inside this episode: * Why defensiveness is usually a protection strategy * The nervous system reason couples repeat the same fights * Why women emotionally detach long before they physically leave * What men misunderstand about validation * How shame and low self-worth distort communication * Why "fixing it" often pushes your partner further away * The difference between emotional understanding vs emotional management * What repair actually sounds like in real conversations * Why change often doesn't happen until rock bottom There's also a really important conversation around grief in relationships. Not just grief after divorce. Grief inside the relationship. The grief of feeling unseen. The grief of carrying the emotional load alone. The grief of becoming a version of yourself you never wanted to be just to survive the relationship dynamic. And if you're the partner finally waking up to your patterns after things have already fallen apart… this episode will probably help you understand why your partner's resentment feels so intense right now. Not so you can defend yourself better. So you can stop defending long enough to actually hear her. If this episode hit for you and you're ready to stop repeating the same patterns, you can learn more about the Healthy Men-tality program in the links below. It's for men who are tired of white-knuckling relationships, shutting down emotionally, reacting from survival mode, or losing themselves trying to hold everything together. You don't need more surface-level communication tips. You need the skills, tools, and nervous system work to actually become emotionally safe for yourself and the people you love. If you wanna know more about the Healthy Men-tality Program, you can join my FREE TRAINING HERE [https://unblockyourbs.lpages.co/relationship-rock-bottom-to-rebuilding-the-man-registration-page/?utm_source=tiktok&utm_medium=paid&utm_campaign=hm_webinar_q2_2026&utm_content=podcast] * Listen to more episodes of the Unblock Your BS podcast: http://unblockyourbs.com/podcast [http://unblockyourbs.com/podcast] * Interested in Nervous System Regulation tools? Join my healing community for breathwork + tools: unblockyourbs.com/saa [http://unblockyourbs.com/saa] * Men on a Healing Journey - Learn More and apply to join me inside of our 12 week group program just for men called Healthy Men-tality: unblockyourbs.com/healthymen [http://unblockyourbs.com/healthymen] Connect with Tara: * Follow @unblockyourbs on Instagram [https://www.instagram.com/unblockyourbs/] * @unblockyourbs on TikTok [https://www.tiktok.com/@unblockyourbs?is_from_webapp=1&sender_device=pc] * Watch the episodes on YouTube [https://youtube.com/@unblockyourbs?si=pfvOaT68yvKClQjl] * Book a 1:1 call with Tara [https://selfawarearmy.circle.so/checkout/60-minute-11-coaching-session] * Get the Nervous System Reset Toolkit [http://www.unblockyourbs.com/toolkit] * Submit a question for an upcoming Podcast or LIVE [https://unblockyourbs.lpages.co/podcast/] __________________________________________________________________________________ Disclaimer: The content shared in this podcast is for informational and educational purposes only and should not be considered professional medical, mental health, or legal advice. I am not a licensed mental health professional or medical provider and cannot diagnose, treat, or prescribe medication for any condition. If you or someone you know is struggling, please ask for support from a licensed professional or contact a trusted organization in your area. In cases of crisis or emergency, please contact local authorities or a crisis hotline immediately. The views expressed in this podcast are my personal opinions and those of my guests. They are not intended to replace professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Thank you for listening responsibly.

The Moment He Stopped Chasing Love He Couldn't Get

Joey didn't walk into this expecting anything emotional. He thought he'd get a tactic. Maybe a business insight. Something useful he could apply. Instead, he ended up face to face with something he hadn't fully processed in years. His mom. She passed away when he was 23. He's 48 now. And somewhere along the way, without really realizing it, he'd been trying to recreate that connection. In relationships. In life. In the way he showed up. That's the part that stuck. Not the grief itself. The pattern underneath it. We talk about how that shows up in men more than they realize. The instinct to chase, to fix, to stay in motion instead of sitting still long enough to feel anything. And then what happens when you actually slow down. There's a moment in the session where he almost doesn't share what came up for him. You can hear it—the hesitation, the internal back and forth. He shares it anyway. Afterwards, people come up to him. Similar stories. Same kind of loss. Same thing they've been carrying quietly. That's kind of the thread through this whole episode. You don't think it matters to say it out loud. It does. We also get into: * why most guys were trained early on that emotions = weakness * how that conditioning sticks around way longer than you think * what it actually feels like to let something out instead of suppress it * and why the ability to receive—love, support, connection—is harder than it sounds Nothing about this is complicated. It's just unfamiliar. And if you've been staying busy, staying distracted, staying in control… this might be one of those conversations that makes you pause for a second. If this episode hits, you already know there's something you've been avoiding. * Apply to come on the podcast and we'll talk it through: http://unblockyourbs.com/podcast [http://unblockyourbs.com/podcast] * Interested in Nervous System Regulation tools? Join my healing community for breathwork + tools: unblockyourbs.com/saa [http://unblockyourbs.com/saa] * Men on a Healing Journey - Learn More and apply to join me inside of our 12 week group program just for men called Healthy Men-tality: unblockyourbs.com/healthymen [http://unblockyourbs.com/healthymen] Connect with Tara: * Follow @unblockyourbs on Instagram [https://www.instagram.com/unblockyourbs/] * @unblockyourbs on TikTok [https://www.tiktok.com/@unblockyourbs?is_from_webapp=1&sender_device=pc] * Watch the episodes on YouTube [https://youtube.com/@unblockyourbs?si=pfvOaT68yvKClQjl] * Book a 1:1 call with Tara [https://selfawarearmy.circle.so/checkout/60-minute-11-coaching-session] * Get the Nervous System Reset Toolkit [http://www.unblockyourbs.com/toolkit] * Submit a question for an upcoming Podcast or LIVE [https://unblockyourbs.lpages.co/podcast/] __________________________________________________________________________________ Disclaimer: The content shared in this podcast is for informational and educational purposes only and should not be considered professional medical, mental health, or legal advice. I am not a licensed mental health professional or medical provider and cannot diagnose, treat, or prescribe medication for any condition. If you or someone you know is struggling, please ask for support from a licensed professional or contact a trusted organization in your area. In cases of crisis or emergency, please contact local authorities or a crisis hotline immediately. The views expressed in this podcast are my personal opinions and those of my guests. They are not intended to replace professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Thank you for listening responsibly.

What Men Get Wrong About Being a "Good Husband"

This episode is what transformation actually sounds like in real time. Not polished. Not filtered. Not "I've got it all figured out." Just honest. Glenn came into Healthy Men-tality in the middle of a brutal divorce after a 20+ year marriage that had slowly turned into disconnection, resentment, and survival mode. What he didn't realize at the time? He wasn't just leaving a relationship. He was leaving a version of himself. Inside this conversation, we unpack: * How men get conditioned to tolerate unhealthy dynamics without realizing it * The "boiling frog" effect in long-term relationships * Why being the "provider" can disconnect you from your emotional life * The hidden cost of people-pleasing and enabling * The shift from chasing women → choosing peace * What loneliness actually feels like when chaos is removed * How self-awareness changes your standards permanently And maybe the most important piece: 👉 You don't find peace in a relationship. 👉 You bring peace into one. If you're going through a divorce, separation, or just questioning your relationship… This episode is your mirror. __________________________________________________________________________________ If you were nodding along the whole time… you already know where you're avoiding something. Come on the podcast, we'll coach through it together: http://unblockyourbs.com/podcast [http://unblockyourbs.com/podcast] __________________________________________________________________________________ * Interested in Nervous System Regulation tools? Join my healing community for breathwork + tools: unblockyourbs.com/saa [http://unblockyourbs.com/saa] * Men on a Healing Journey - Learn More and apply to join me inside of our 12 week group program just for men called Healthy Men-tality: unblockyourbs.com/healthymen [http://unblockyourbs.com/healthymen] Connect with Tara: * Follow @unblockyourbs on Instagram [https://www.instagram.com/unblockyourbs/] * @unblockyourbs on TikTok [https://www.tiktok.com/@unblockyourbs?is_from_webapp=1&sender_device=pc] * Watch the episodes on YouTube [https://youtube.com/@unblockyourbs?si=pfvOaT68yvKClQjl] * Book a 1:1 call with Tara [https://selfawarearmy.circle.so/checkout/60-minute-11-coaching-session] * Get the Nervous System Reset Toolkit [http://www.unblockyourbs.com/toolkit] * Submit a question for an upcoming Podcast or LIVE [https://unblockyourbs.lpages.co/podcast/] __________________________________________________________________________________ Disclaimer: The content shared in this podcast is for informational and educational purposes only and should not be considered professional medical, mental health, or legal advice. I am not a licensed mental health professional or medical provider and cannot diagnose, treat, or prescribe medication for any condition. If you or someone you know is struggling, please ask for support from a licensed professional or contact a trusted organization in your area. In cases of crisis or emergency, please contact local authorities or a crisis hotline immediately. The views expressed in this podcast are my personal opinions and those of my guests. They are not intended to replace professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Thank you for listening responsibly.