The Question She Wasn't Expecting | Tina Yarger on Grief That Goes Underground and the Training Room That Brought It Back

The Question She Wasn't Expecting | Tina Yarger on Grief That Goes Underground and the Training Room That Brought It Back

Tina Yarger was 18 years old when she lost her father. Before that grief had anywhere to settle, she lost a childhood friend. And then she lost her mother too. She was the oldest. Everyone needed her to be okay. So she held it together, functioned, achieved, built a life. And for ten years, the grief went underground and stayed there. It didn't surface in a therapy room or a quiet moment of reflection. It surfaced in a training room during her clinical counselling internship, in a question about her mother that she expected to answer easily. And the pause that followed changed everything. In this conversation Tina talks about what grief looks like when it has nowhere to go, the ten years of living a double life on the surface, the anger she wasn't allowed to feel, and why grief can't be healed but does get quieter. Tina Yarger is a licensed professional counsellor, a pastor and an author. She has now built her entire life around helping others with exactly what she carried alone for a decade. This episode is for anyone who has ever kept functioning when falling apart would have been the more honest thing to do. TIMESTAMPS 00:00  Opening - what happens to grief when life doesn't give it any room 01:18  Welcome to Tina Yarger 01:38  Who Tina was before the losses - the seemingly perfect childhood 03:12  What was underneath the seeming 04:21  Her dad - who he was to her 05:44  Losing her father at 18 - the first few hours 07:01  Delivering the news to her younger brothers 07:57  A childhood friend lost in the same period 09:18  Losing her mother - grief on top of grief on top of grief 11:38  Why she couldn't deal with the emotions at the time 12:35  What paused grief actually looked like day to day 13:54  The weight of being the oldest and holding it together 14:28  What the drinking and parties were doing for her emotionally 15:44  What paused grief feels like from the inside 17:39  Ten years of functioning while empty 18:12  When the grief finally surfaced 19:00  The training room - the question she wasn't expecting 21:00  Looking at the story with honour and honesty 22:29  The anger she never allowed herself to feel 24:07  Grieving what was never there, not just what was lost 25:16  Walking out of the training room - what changed 26:02  Becoming a therapist, pastor and author 31:59  What she wishes someone had told the 18-year-old version of her 34:04  Grief can't be healed - but the frequency decreases 35:04  For the woman still functioning on the surface 36:09  The unspoken emotion - anger 37:21  If the 18-year-old Tina could see who she is now 38:17  Rachel's closing HELPLINES  |   UK - Cruse Bereavement Support: 0808 808 1677 or cruse.org.uk [http://cruse.org.uk/] UK - Samaritans: 116 123 US - GriefShare: griefshare.org [http://griefshare.org/] US - 988 Lifeline: call or text 988 My Free Guide:  https://unspokenemotions.co.uk/free-guide [https://unspokenemotions.co.uk/free-guide] CONNECT WITH THE GUEST Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/share/1BaE5MLdMn/?mibextid=wwXIfr [https://www.facebook.com/share/1BaE5MLdMn/?mibextid=wwXIfr] Tiktok: Tina Yarger | GUIDED BY GRACE (@tinayarger) | TikTok [https://www.tiktok.com/@tinayarger?_r=1&_t=ZT-96MBDutpMwH]  Book:  Roots That Remain: Life After Grief: Yarger, Tina: 9798245490441: Amazon.com: Books [https://www.amazon.com/Roots-That-Remain-After-Grief/dp/B0GJPXB8RB/ref=sr_1_1?crid=2K6ORW8QD7OVA&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.j4ois4P4gkmuk0DZ-Axwrm7XOG2piabwRYPX0x5QzIn4yE7fxw7iNFknKCivtktc3WneYh7psQz26kTxhmd_m-AAWTJyW9idmKxIIFSxmJU.RBqAaFrnRZD4NMMYyhngKhBS5KHwzwTQGI2uWn-HDHc&dib_tag=se&keywords=roots+that+remain+life+after+grief&qid=1778770384&sprefix=roots+that+remai%2Caps%2C137&sr=8-1]     Email: tina@mendingrootspp.com To connect with your host, follow Me HERE:  Insta:⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠https://www.instagram.com/rachel_unspokenemotions/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ [https://www.instagram.com/rachel_unspokenemotions/]  TikTok:⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠www.tiktok.com/@rachel.unspoken.em⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ [https://www.tiktok.com/@rachel.unspoken.em] Email: ⁠⁠⁠rachel@unspokenemotions.co.uk⁠⁠⁠ Facebook:⁠ ⁠⁠https://www.facebook.com/rachel.elimelech⁠⁠⁠ [https://www.facebook.com/rachel.elimelech]   To Buy Rachel a Coffee:⁠ ⁠⁠https://buymeacoffee.com/unspokenemotions⁠⁠⁠ [https://buymeacoffee.com/unspokenemotions]  LinkedIn:⁠ ⁠⁠https://www.linkedin.com/in/rachel-elimelech-a07a1a46/⁠⁠⁠ [https://www.linkedin.com/in/rachel-elimelech-a07a1a46/]  HOST BIO   Rachel Elimelech is the warm, courageous voice behind Unspoken Emotions - a podcast that gives voice to the feelings we so often keep buried. A qualified Solicitor and Higher Court Advocate, Rachel combines professional insight with deeply personal lived experience - from surviving sexual abuse, loss, and single parenthood to rebuilding her life with quiet strength and unwavering resilience. Her journey from teenage single mum to respected legal professional has shaped her gift for deep connection. With empathy and authenticity, Rachel creates a safe, judgment-free space where guests are invited to speak the unspoken - grief, guilt, shame, anger, fear - and begin to let go of what no longer serves them. Through honest, unfiltered conversations, Unspoken Emotions explores how real people have turned pain into purpose and silence into healing. Rachel believes that healing begins the moment we speak the truth of our experiences - and that none of us should carry our emotions alone.

The Second Generation | Kate King on Family Estrangement, the Ancestral Pattern and Breaking the Cycle

Kate King grew up hearing stories about her estranged uncle. Stories are told only one way. That never quite felt like the whole truth. Years later, she realised she had become him. The same pattern. The same distortions. The same impossible position in the family system. The second generation. In this conversation, Kate traces the full arc of a three-decade journey through a toxic family system. The confusion of being gaslit from the inside. The years of trying before the final thread snapped. The aftermath of assembling a legal team to protect herself and her family from the people who raised her. And then something she never expected. A six-page handwritten letter from the healthier parent. And the slow, clunky, imperfect repair that followed. Kate King is a therapist of nearly twenty years and the author of Mend or Move On. She has now lived both sides of that question within her own family. This is one of the most layered and honest conversations we have had on Unspoken Emotions.   This episode contains references to family estrangement, emotional and psychological abuse, toxic family dynamics, and the impact of parental rejection. Please take care as you listen. Kate’s Links: "Mend or Move On" book: https://theradiantlifeproject.com/mend-or-move-on-book [https://theradiantlifeproject.com/mend-or-move-on-book] Kate's Website: https://theradiantlifeproject.com [https://theradiantlifeproject.com/] Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/theradiantlifeproject/ [https://www.instagram.com/theradiantlifeproject/] Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheRadiantLifeProject/ [https://www.facebook.com/TheRadiantLifeProject/] TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@theradiantlifeproject [https://www.tiktok.com/@theradiantlifeproject] YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UChxGCo2H8iWIReg8X6ADubg [https://www.youtube.com/channel/UChxGCo2H8iWIReg8X6ADubg] HELPLINE INFORMATION  |  Include in show notes UK — Stand Alone (adults estranged from family): standalone.org.uk [http://standalone.org.uk/] US — Beyond Estrangement: beyondestrangement.com [http://beyondestrangement.com/] UK — Samaritans: 116 123 US — 988 Lifeline: call or text 988 To connect with your host, follow Me HERE:  Insta:⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠https://www.instagram.com/rachel_unspokenemotions/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ [https://www.instagram.com/rachel_unspokenemotions/]  TikTok:⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠www.tiktok.com/@rachel.unspoken.em⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ [https://www.tiktok.com/@rachel.unspoken.em] Email: ⁠⁠⁠rachel@unspokenemotions.co.uk⁠⁠⁠ Facebook: ⁠⁠https://www.facebook.com/rachel.elimelech⁠⁠ [https://www.facebook.com/rachel.elimelech]   To Buy Rachel a Coffee: ⁠⁠https://buymeacoffee.com/unspokenemotions⁠⁠ [https://buymeacoffee.com/unspokenemotions]  LinkedIn: ⁠⁠https://www.linkedin.com/in/rachel-elimelech-a07a1a46/⁠⁠ [https://www.linkedin.com/in/rachel-elimelech-a07a1a46/]  HOST BIO   Rachel Elimelech is the warm, courageous voice behind Unspoken Emotions - a podcast that gives voice to the feelings we so often keep buried. A qualified Solicitor and Higher Court Advocate, Rachel combines professional insight with deeply personal lived experience - from surviving sexual abuse, loss, and single parenthood to rebuilding her life with quiet strength and unwavering resilience. Her journey from teenage single mum to respected legal professional has shaped her gift for deep connection. With empathy and authenticity, Rachel creates a safe, judgment-free space where guests are invited to speak the unspoken - grief, guilt, shame, anger, fear - and begin to let go of what no longer serves them. Through honest, unfiltered conversations, Unspoken Emotions explores how real people have turned pain into purpose and silence into healing. Rachel believes that healing begins the moment we speak the truth of our experiences - and that none of us should carry our emotions alone.

My Body Was Always Telling the Truth | Jacie Targett on Childhood Abuse, Chronic Illness and Learning to Listen

FREE GIVEAWAY Free guide - 3 Steps to Releasing What’s Holding You Back  ⁠https://unspokenemotions.co.uk/free-guide⁠ [https://unspokenemotions.co.uk/free-guide] Find The Newsletter Below: ⁠https://unspokenemotions.co.uk/newsletter [https://unspokenemotions.co.uk/newsletter] Jacie Targett grew up in a body that was already carrying what her mind was not yet ready to know. Autoimmune symptoms from the age of eighteen months. A childhood spent wearing a mask of confidence, intelligence and perfection so thick that by her teens she could not take it off. Years of alcohol addiction, sex addiction and hyper-independence. A marriage that offered safety but not connection. And at 29, in the middle of a prayer session with a client, a wave of memories she had blocked out for decades.   In this conversation, Jacie traces the layers. Not the neat version. The honest one. How the body holds what the mind cannot face. How becoming honest with yourself is terrifying every single time and yet somehow gets more possible. And how the pain that seemed like a betrayal was actually the most loyal thing she had.   Jacie is a therapist, entrepreneur and survivor. She works with people who are afraid of their own inner world and shows them that the capacity to face it is already inside them.   This episode contains references to childhood sexual abuse, alcohol and sex addiction, chronic illness and recovered memories. Please take care of yourself as you listen. To connect with Jacie, follow her HERE: Insta: https://www.instagram.com/jacie.targett https://www.instagram.com/chronic.presence Web: www.chronicpresence.com To connect with your host, follow Me HERE:  Insta:⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠https://www.instagram.com/rachel_unspokenemotions/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ [https://www.instagram.com/rachel_unspokenemotions/]  TikTok:⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠www.tiktok.com/@rachel.unspoken.em⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ [https://www.tiktok.com/@rachel.unspoken.em] Email: ⁠⁠⁠rachel@unspokenemotions.co.uk⁠⁠⁠ Facebook:⁠ ⁠⁠https://www.facebook.com/rachel.elimelech⁠⁠⁠ [https://www.facebook.com/rachel.elimelech]   To Buy Rachel a Coffee:⁠ ⁠⁠https://buymeacoffee.com/unspokenemotions⁠⁠⁠ [https://buymeacoffee.com/unspokenemotions]  LinkedIn:⁠ ⁠⁠ [https://www.linkedin.com/in/rachel-elimelech-a07a1a46/]www.linkedin.com/in/rachel-elimelech-unspoken-emotions [http://www.linkedin.com/in/rachel-elimelech-unspoken-emotions] HOST BIO   Rachel Elimelech is the warm, courageous voice behind Unspoken Emotions - a podcast that gives voice to the feelings we so often keep buried. A qualified Solicitor and Higher Court Advocate, Rachel combines professional insight with deeply personal lived experience - from surviving sexual abuse, loss, and single parenthood to rebuilding her life with quiet strength and unwavering resilience. Her journey from teenage single mum to respected legal professional has shaped her gift for deep connection. With empathy and authenticity, Rachel creates a safe, judgment-free space where guests are invited to speak the unspoken - grief, guilt, shame, anger, fear - and begin to let go of what no longer serves them. Through honest, unfiltered conversations, Unspoken Emotions explores how real people have turned pain into purpose and silence into healing. Rachel believes that healing begins the moment we speak the truth of our experiences - and that none of us should carry our emotions alone. HELPLINE INFORMATION   UK NAPAC (National Association for People Abused in Childhood): 0808 801 0331 Australia Blue Knot Foundation (complex trauma survivors): 1300 657 380 US RAINN (sexual abuse support): 1-800-656-4673 UK Samaritans: 116 123 US 988 Lifeline: call or text 988

The Night I Almost Cancelled Everything | One Year of Unspoken Emotions

FREE GIVEAWAY Free guide - 3 Steps to Releasing What’s Holding You Back  https://unspokenemotions.co.uk/free-guide [https://unspokenemotions.co.uk/free-guide] Find The Newsletter Below: https://unspokenemotions.co.uk/newsletter [https://unspokenemotions.co.uk/newsletter] One year ago today, Rachel pressed publish on the first episode of Unspoken Emotions. In this solo anniversary episode, she shares for the first time the real story of why she built this podcast, what happened the night before episode one went live, and what a year of honest conversations has taught her about the emotions we carry in silence. She also shares what is coming next for the women who want more than the podcast. KEY TAKEAWAYS The Weight of Silence: Many of us carry heavy, unspoken emotions because we lack a safe, non-judgmental space to express them without fear of shame. Courage Overcomes Doubt: Pushing past the intense fear of judgment and ridicule is often the necessary first step to creating something deeply impactful. Vulnerability Creates Connection: The emotions we feel the most shame about are often the very ones that connect us most deeply to others once they are voiced. Hearing is Healing: Listening to someone else articulate a fear or emotion you've been hiding can create a profound, physical sense of release that analytical thinking cannot replicate. Moving Forward: While naming our emotions is the first step, finding a structured, practical way to process them—like the upcoming Breakthrough program—is essential for true healing. BEST MOMENTS "I built Unspoken Emotions because I had spent most of my life watching people carry things in silence." "There was no space that felt like it could hold the weight of it without judgment, without shame, without the fear that saying it out loud would somehow make it worse." "The emotions we are most ashamed of are almost always the ones that connect us most deeply to each other when we finally say them out loud." "Hearing someone else say the thing that you have been too afraid to say does something in the body that no amount of analysis or insight can replicate. It releases something." "Always, there is strength in every step, and courage in every story." To connect with your host, follow Me HERE:  Insta:⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠https://www.instagram.com/rachel_unspokenemotions/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ [https://www.instagram.com/rachel_unspokenemotions/]  TikTok:⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠www.tiktok.com/@rachel.unspoken.em⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ [https://www.tiktok.com/@rachel.unspoken.em] Email: ⁠⁠⁠rachel@unspokenemotions.co.uk⁠⁠⁠ Facebook: ⁠⁠https://www.facebook.com/rachel.elimelech⁠⁠ [https://www.facebook.com/rachel.elimelech]   To Buy Rachel a Coffee: ⁠⁠https://buymeacoffee.com/unspokenemotions⁠⁠ [https://buymeacoffee.com/unspokenemotions]  LinkedIn: ⁠⁠https://www.linkedin.com/in/rachel-elimelech-a07a1a46/⁠⁠ [https://www.linkedin.com/in/rachel-elimelech-a07a1a46/]  HOST BIO   Rachel Elimelech is the warm, courageous voice behind Unspoken Emotions - a podcast that gives voice to the feelings we so often keep buried. A qualified Solicitor and Higher Court Advocate, Rachel combines professional insight with deeply personal lived experience - from surviving sexual abuse, loss, and single parenthood to rebuilding her life with quiet strength and unwavering resilience. Her journey from teenage single mum to respected legal professional has shaped her gift for deep connection. With empathy and authenticity, Rachel creates a safe, judgment-free space where guests are invited to speak the unspoken - grief, guilt, shame, anger, fear - and begin to let go of what no longer serves them. Through honest, unfiltered conversations, Unspoken Emotions explores how real people have turned pain into purpose and silence into healing. Rachel believes that healing begins the moment we speak the truth of our experiences - and that none of us should carry our emotions alone.

The Cost of What You Did Is Not the Ceiling of Who You Get to Become with Jon Bui | Conflict Resolution Practitioner & Author

In this emotionally charged episode, Rachel sits down with Jon Bui to explore the profound and enduring costs of rebuilding a life after a criminal conviction. Jon candidly shares his journey from an unmotivated teenager battling ego and insecurity to a convicted felon after a reckless shoplifting attempt went disastrously wrong. Jon discusses the crushing reality of losing his time and the trust of his family, and his subsequent fight to prove his worth by graduating from law school.  KEY TAKEAWAYS Comfort can breed complacency: John reflects on how his comfortable, structured upbringing, combined with his own ego and lack of motivation, fueled a teenage rebellion that ultimately spiralled into life-altering criminal choices. The true weight of incarceration is lost time: Beyond the physical confinement, John highlights that the most devastating part of his sentence was the agonising reality of existing in the world while having his time and agency completely stripped away. External achievements don't guarantee internal healing: Going to law school was initially a way for John to mask his insecurities and force society to accept his redemption, but it couldn't fix the unresolved self-hatred and lack of true accountability simmering beneath the surface. Systemic barriers are unforgiving: Earning a degree and staying out of trouble does not automatically grant a clean slate; character and fitness evaluations often view past actions through an uncompromising lens, regardless of present rehabilitation. True redemption is an internal shift: John’s rejection by the Bar ultimately forced him to stop seeking validation through external titles and instead focus on taking genuine responsibility for his actions and finding his own definition of success. BEST MOMENTS “When you have too much of a good thing, obviously, it becomes a bad thing. And I was just so obsessive about having a life away from the rigid structure of my household that the teenage rebellion largely just took over." "You have to exist on earth, in life, but have your time taken away from you. Like, I exist, I'm right here, I'm a person, but I can't go anywhere. I have to be right here." "I had to also understand that I can't be one of those people waiting for me to fail. This is you buckling down and doing the work that you were always too reluctant, too lazy, and too unfocused to do prior." "You think you redeemed yourself, but you didn't. And I think people truly don't understand what that must feel like, because obviously you've done everything right." "Doing good doesn't erase your wrongs... what it means is leaving the wrongs in the past so that the present and the future could be something positive." To connect with my guest Jon Bui, follow him HERE: LinkedIn:⁠ https//www.linkedin.com/in/jon-bui [https://www.linkedin.com/in/rachel-elimelech-a07a1a46/] Website: www.thenegotiatedapology.com Insta:⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ https://www.instagram.com/thenegotiatedapologyproject [https://www.instagram.com/rachel_unspokenemotions/] To connect with your host, follow Me HERE:  Insta:⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠https://www.instagram.com/rachel_unspokenemotions/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ [https://www.instagram.com/rachel_unspokenemotions/]  TikTok:⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠www.tiktok.com/@rachel.unspoken.em⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ [https://www.tiktok.com/@rachel.unspoken.em] Email: ⁠⁠⁠rachel@unspokenemotions.co.uk⁠⁠⁠ Facebook: ⁠⁠https://www.facebook.com/rachel.elimelech⁠⁠ [https://www.facebook.com/rachel.elimelech]   To Buy Rachel a Coffee: ⁠⁠https://buymeacoffee.com/unspokenemotions⁠⁠ [https://buymeacoffee.com/unspokenemotions]  LinkedIn: ⁠⁠https://www.linkedin.com/in/rachel-elimelech-a07a1a46/⁠⁠ [https://www.linkedin.com/in/rachel-elimelech-a07a1a46/]  HOST BIO   Rachel Elimelech is the warm, courageous voice behind Unspoken Emotions - a podcast that gives voice to the feelings we so often keep buried. A qualified Solicitor and Higher Court Advocate, Rachel combines professional insight with deeply personal lived experience - from surviving sexual abuse, loss, and single parenthood to rebuilding her life with quiet strength and unwavering resilience. Her journey from teenage single mum to respected legal professional has shaped her gift for deep connection. With empathy and authenticity, Rachel creates a safe, judgment-free space where guests are invited to speak the unspoken - grief, guilt, shame, anger, fear - and begin to let go of what no longer serves them. Through honest, unfiltered conversations, Unspoken Emotions explores how real people have turned pain into purpose and silence into healing. Rachel believes that healing begins the moment we speak the truth of our experiences - and that none of us should carry our emotions alone.