The Self-Reliance Trap: Why the Thing You Think Makes You Strong Is Keeping You Alone

The War for Every Man's Identity | FT. Joshua

We ask one question to every man who sits down with us: What is the biggest problem men are facing in society based on your experience and perspective? For Joshua — former Marine, 14-year firefighter, and founder of Journey to Jericho — the answer came without hesitation: identity crisis. Not knowing who we are when God calls us sons. Living like orphans instead of children who are fully adopted, fully gifted, fully loved. This episode, recorded with Joshua joining from his hot rod shop in Columbia, Tennessee, is one of the most spiritually rich and tactically practical conversations We Take the Stairs has had. Joshua doesn't just talk theology. He runs a literal shop where fatherless young men learn to weld, grind, and turn wrenches — while quietly, patiently, being shown what an authentic man actually looks like. His own story, marked by a broken home and one Vietnam veteran named Ray who changed everything in six Saturdays, grounds everything he teaches. Guest Joshua — Founder of Journey to Jericho, a mentorship ministry based in Columbia, Tennessee, that uses a hot rod shop to build relationships with fatherless young men. A former Marine and 14-year firefighter, Joshua left a stable career and moved his family across the country in obedience to what he believed God was calling him to do. Chapters 00:00 — The One Question: Identity Crisis 03:30 — The Three P's: Power, Productivity, Prosperity 09:00 — Journey to Jericho: The Hot Rod Shop With a Deeper Mission 16:00 — Ray: The Man Who Changed Everything in Six Saturdays 23:00 — Hitting Rock Bottom at 30 — and the Prayer That Changed His Life 33:00 — Friend, Mirror, Minister: How Real Mentorship Works 39:00 — The Lamb and the Lion: Redefining What a Husband Is For 46:00 — Testimony: A Family Restored Through One Small Act of Showing Up 58:00 — The Traps Keeping Men Stuck — Power, Comfort & Noise 01:06:00 — Leaving Comfort: The Move to Tennessee & the Church That Pushed Back Key Topics Covered Identity Crisis — Joshua's answer cuts to the foundation: men were never meant to live as orphans, figuring it out alone, when they've actually been adopted as sons. Everything else — power, productivity, prosperity — is built on this one cornerstone. The Three P's — Power, productivity, prosperity. Joshua names the worldly substitutes men chase instead of sonship, and why even the richest men he's met are often the most miserable. Ray: The First Real Man — Joshua's foundational story. A Vietnam Marine who watched him and his brother for six Saturdays, taught him to weld, and modeled something Joshua had never seen — honoring his wife as his prize. That moment became the question Joshua chased for the next twenty years. The 30th Birthday Breaking Point — After years of performing discipline without a changed heart, Joshua hit bottom and cried out to God to either kill him or change him. That surrender — not effort — was the beginning of real transformation. Friend, Mirror, Minister — Joshua's framework for mentoring young men: build trust as a friend, reflect Christ's light as a mirror, then minister from that place of earned trust. Skip a step and the whole thing breaks down. The Lamb and the Lion — One of the most theologically rich moments of the episode. The Jews wanted a warrior king. They got a sacrificial lamb. Joshua applies this directly to husbands: leadership through sacrifice, not domination. A Family Restored — Joshua shares the story of a mother and two adult children, each carrying wounds from church hurt, slowly restored through nine months of simply showing up — no agenda, no lectures, just consistent presence. Comfort as the Enemy — When Joshua left a stable 14-year firefighting career to move his family to a town he'd never visited, the harshest pushback came from fellow believers. Joshua's takeaway: comfort had become their idol, and his obedience exposed it. Books Referenced 📖 Wild at Heart — John Eldredge — "I want to be rather than to appear." Key Quotes "If I am his son, I no longer have to live as an orphan. I no longer have to figure it out on my own." — Joshua "It's not what they do, but it's who they are." — Joshua "Identity found in anything other than Christ is absolutely futile." — Joshua "Comfort is one of our worst enemies. Enjoy it while you got it. Do not let it become your god." — Joshua "A generation will grow great when old men are willing to plant trees they will never sit under." — Joshua "A son cannot give what he has not received." — Joshua Practical Takeaways Ask God ten thousand questions instead of relying on your own wisdom.Invite one young man for a cup of coffee — that's a touch point, not a small thing. Take the tactical pause. Stop, ask the Father who he says you are, and let him answer. Christian podcast for men male identity crisis faith biblical sonship and identity men's mentorship ministry Christian men's podcast fatherless generation

HOW MEN BECOME UNSHAKABLE

James and Madison never expected a single call to change their family's future. After their son received a rare diagnosis, they faced uncertainty, fear, and challenges no parent wants to endure. But this conversation is less about the diagnosis and more about the resilience, faith, and strength they developed through it. In this episode of We Take The Stairs, Rachel and Jackson sit down with James and Madison to discuss raising boys in today's culture, navigating adversity as a family, and the lessons that helped them grow stronger through life's hardest seasons. This is a conversation about resilience, responsibility, and becoming the kind of person who stays steady when life gets difficult. Because strength is built through adversity. FULL SUMMARY What does it take to become unshakable? In this episode of We Take The Stairs, Rachel and Jackson sit down with James and Madison to discuss resilience, faith, marriage, family, and the challenges facing men today. They explore why many young men struggle with purpose and responsibility, why challenge and accountability are essential for growth, and what it takes to raise strong children in today's culture. The conversation becomes deeply personal as they share their son's diagnosis with MED13L Syndrome, a rare genetic condition affecting development, speech, and cognition. More importantly, they reflect on how adversity strengthened their faith, revealed hidden strengths, and shaped them as individuals, parents, and partners. Together, they discuss leadership in the home, the importance of partnership, and how responsibility, gratitude, and perseverance build stronger people, marriages, and families. This episode is a powerful reminder that strength is built through adversity, and that life's hardest seasons often become the greatest opportunities for growth. KEY TAKEAWAYS • Resilience is built through hardship, responsibility, and action. • Strong men are developed through challenge, purpose, and accountability. • Many young men struggle due to a lack of direction and meaningful responsibility. • Physical activity, discipline, mentorship, and competition help build confident men. • Strong marriages require communication, teamwork, and commitment through adversity. • True presence requires attention, leadership, and engagement. • Adversity reveals character, strength, and opportunities for growth. • Faith provides stability when circumstances are uncertain. • Personal responsibility drives growth and transformation. • Joy comes from gratitude, perspective, and purpose, not circumstances. • Strong families face hardship together rather than avoid it. EPISODE CHAPTERS 0:00 — Intro & Meet James and Madison 0:42 — The Crisis Facing Men Today 1:55 — Why Boys Are Struggling 4:13 — The Purpose Gap 6:15 — Building Resilience 8:45 — Why Men Check Out 9:40 — Presence at Home 11:13 — The Life-Changing Diagnosis 12:13 — Communication in Crisis 14:13 — Parenting, Marriage & Resilience 17:49 — True Partnership 18:42 — Masculinity, Femininity & Security 22:05 — Marriage, Identity & Leadership 25:21 — Understanding MED13L Syndrome 28:57 — Fighting for Their Son 32:31 — Lessons in Marriage 35:15 — Preparing for Adversity 37:35 — Responsibility & Growth 38:56 — How Men Grow Stronger 41:05 — Accountability & Grace 43:28 — Friends Who Challenge You 45:18 — Confidence vs. Arrogance 47:35 — Authentic Relationships 50:11 — Lessons From Hardship 52:00 — Happiness vs. Joy 54:21 — Advice for Struggling Families 58:29 — Final Reflections & We Takes GUEST INFO James & Madison James and Madison are business owners, parents, and advocates for intentional family living. They share their experience navigating marriage, entrepreneurship, raising two boys, and supporting their oldest son following a rare MED13L Syndrome diagnosis. Their story highlights resilience, faith, responsibility, communication, and the power of facing life's challenges together. Through adversity, they discovered deeper purpose, stronger partnership, and a renewed commitment to leading their family with courage and conviction. SEO KEYWORDS & TAGS PRIMARY KEYWORDS how men become unshakable resilience for men modern masculinity raising boys strong men purpose and responsibility marriage and resilience faith and family personal responsibility family leadership overcoming adversity mental toughness resilient families strong marriages leadership in the home

The Self-Reliance Trap: Why the Thing You Think Makes You Strong Is Keeping You Alone

What if the thing you thought made you strong — your self-reliance — is actually what's costing you your relationships, your peace, and your purpose? Jackson sits down with his own father for one of the most honest conversations on this show. FULL SUMMARY: This episode is different. Jackson brings his father David — a 37-year corporate veteran who retired as VP and General Manager of Valvoline's US lubricant business — onto the show for a rare father-son conversation about what the world is getting wrong about men. The core question: Is self-reliance a virtue or a trap? David's answer is both — and the line between the two is something most men never find until something breaks. They cover the cultural lies men are fed about success, independence, and worth. David shares candidly about losing his father at 35, chasing the next thing only to feel empty, and what he would tell every young man today. But the conversation takes an unexpected turn when Jackson opens up about a season of deep isolation as a teenager — and a moment he nearly didn't make it through. A conversation for every man who was raised to do it alone — and every father who didn't know his son was drowning. KEY TAKEAWAYS * Self-reliance is a virtue until it becomes a wall. The same strength that gets you through hard things eventually cuts you off from the people who could help you. * Every decision is made out of love or fear. Once you know which one is driving you, everything changes. * Meekness is not weakness. It is power under control — a man who chooses not to assert dominance is more powerful than one who has to prove himself constantly. * Boys don't learn how to be men by being told. They catch it by watching. Fatherless homes aren't just painful — they're a missing education no classroom can replace. * The dopamine isn't in the achievement — it's in the pursuit. Men who hit the number feel empty. The target was never the point. * Talking about someone to others instead of directly to them leaves wounds that last decades. Praise that travels through other people never fully lands. * Showing up and paying attention is the job. It's not complicated. But it requires presence — and most men are physically there while mentally somewhere else. EPISODE CHAPTERS For YouTube chapter markers and podcast timestamps. * 0:00 — Intro & Who Is David? * 0:35 — The Core Question: Self-Reliance — Virtue or Trap? * 3:50 — Meekness Is Not Weakness: What the Beatitudes Actually Say * 7:15 — Love vs. Fear: The Two Motivations Behind Every Decision * 10:37 — Why the Messaging to Men Is Broken * 13:31 — Women Are Better at Community — And What That Costs Men * 17:35 — The Lies Men Believe That Lead to Self-Reliance * 19:25 — The Work Harder Lie: Why Hustle Culture Is a Fallacy * 21:46 — Society Keeps Showing Men the Wrong Picture of Success * 25:38 — Happiness vs. Joy: Chasing One Leaves You Empty * 30:41 — David Chased Jobs and Cars Too — Here's What He Found * 32:23 — Jackson Asks: You Have the Nice Car. How Do I Not Want Shortcuts? * 35:50 — The Amazon Prime Problem: This Generation Expects Everything Now * 38:34 — Porn, Broken Communication & Replacing People With Things * 40:15 — When the Wheels Come Off: The Thread Every Generation Shares * 43:00 — David's Breaking Point: Losing His Father at 35 * 46:07 — Is There an Event That Shakes You Into Realizing Your Priorities Are Wrong? * 47:30 — David's Career: 37 Years, VP at Valvoline, B P&L * 49:09 — The Dad Who Praised Him to Others but Never Directly to Him * 51:24 — I've Fired People for Thinking They Didn't Need Anyone * 56:27 — The Greatest Joy: Working Yourself Out of a Job * 1:09:19 — You Didn't Teach Me to Sell. You Taught Me to Treat People. * 1:17:52 — Everybody Is Replaceable: The Truth About Being Too Valuable to Promote * 1:21:53 — He Learned His Father's Salary on His Deathbed — and Was Shattered * 1:26:04 — The Dopamine Reset: Why the Journey Is the Point * 1:33:29 — Jackson Opens Up: Self-Reliance at 13 Looked Like Nobody Cares * 1:36:30 — The Two People Who Cared Most — He Couldn't Let In * 1:37:04 — The Moment Jackson Nearly Didn't Make It * 1:38:26 — What's the Magic Sauce for Parents? Show Up and Pay Attention. * 1:40:10 — David's Response: I Could Not Be More Proud of You GUEST INFO Name: David Young Relationship to Host: Jackson's father Background: 37-year corporate veteran, retired VP and General Manager of Valvoline's US lubricant business. Led a team of 270 people overseeing B+ in annual revenue. Known for collaborative leadership and developing people — he deliberately worked himself out of his final role by building his team up to not need him. Now involved in a nonprofit helping estranged fathers reconnect with their children through the legal system, and guest lectures at universities on what corporate life actually looks like before young people enter it. Key Details From the Episode: * Lost his father to cancer around age 35 — his most significant personal breaking point * Grew up in a home where money was never discussed; learned his father's salary on his deathbed * Struggled his entire career to receive praise; his retirement party made him want the room to empty * Did not know until this episode that Jackson had come close to taking his own life as a teenager SCRIPTURES REFERENCED * Matthew 5:5 — Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth * 1 Corinthians 16:13 — Be on your guard; stand firm in the faith; be courageous; be strong SEO KEYWORDS & TAGS PRIMARY * men and self-reliance * father son podcast * Christian men podcast * male isolation and identity * men's mental health faith * masculinity and leadership

Men's Identity Crisis: The Lie That's Keeping You Passive, Afraid, and Stuck

Kyle didn't know he was a king who forgot his kingdom. Depression at 14. Near-suicide. Years of rejection, numbness, and false identity. In this conversation, he unpacks the root problem men won't admit they have. FULL SUMMARY: What is the main problem men are facing today? For Kyle, the answer cuts deeper than surface-level symptoms. It's not just the passivity. Not just the fear. It's an identity crisis — and it's been engineered. Kyle opens up about a decade-long battle with depression that started at 14, years of rejection in work and relationships, and the moments he nearly didn't make it through. He talks honestly about how the enemy uses passivity, fear, and false belief systems to keep men living like peasants when they were made to lead like royalty. This conversation goes to the root — exploring why men can appear successful on the outside (money, followers, status) while still being completely unmoored from their actual purpose. Kyle shares the specific tools he's used to fight back: sticky notes on his bathroom mirror, iron-sharpening-iron community, speaking truth out loud over himself, and the moment a stranger at a church camp changed everything with nine words. Rachael and Jackson press in with honest, challenging questions about what it was like to be a young man drowning in silence — and what would have actually helped. The result is one of the most raw and practical conversations we've had on the show. KEY TAKEAWAYS * Passivity and fear are symptoms. Identity is the root. Until men know who they are in Christ, everything else is a Band-Aid. * Satan's oldest trick is convincing a prince he's a peasant. The lie isn't loud — it's the slow accumulation of rejection, failure, and silence. * Men don't need someone to tell them they're fearfully and wonderfully made. They need someone who does something they respect, who then earns the right to say it. * Speaking truth out loud over yourself — not just knowing it mentally — is the mechanism that actually shifts belief. * White-knuckling through depression isn't healing. It's managed pain. Real healing happens when you open up to the right people. * Your worth is not your income. This is a lie fed to men by the world and, often, reinforced by women. Kyle and Rachael name this directly. * Boys who grew up with social media starting at 12 are fighting a war previous generations didn't face. The tools they need are different. * Being a coworker with Christ means both trusting God to provide and showing up to do the work. The tension between those two is where most men get lost. EPISODE CHAPTERS For YouTube chapter markers and podcast timestamps. * 0:00 — Intro & Welcome: Who Is Kyle? * 0:46 — The Core Question: What Is the Biggest Problem Men Are Facing? * 1:00 — The Three-Part Answer: Passivity, Fear & Identity * 2:20 — The Ancient Kingdom Story: Why Identity Is Everything * 5:00 — A False Identity Looks Like Success (The Distraction) * 6:53 — When Did Kyle First Notice Identity Was a Problem? * 7:48 — Kyle's Personal Testimony: Depression Starting at 14 * 13:38 — What Betrayal Actually Did to Him (The Question No One Had Asked) * 17:00 — Rachael's Perspective: Testosterone, Teen Boys & What We're Losing * 19:22 — The Closest Kyle Came to Not Making It * 22:21 — How to Actually Reach a Young Man (The Subaru Moment) * 23:39 — What Kyle Ran To Instead: Drugs, Alcohol, Women, Porn * 24:50 — The Church Camp That Changed Everything * 36:02 — The Sticky Notes on the Mirror * 38:53 — This Is Not Just Kyle: Why Young Men Are Paralyzed * 39:56 — CDC Data on Male Suicide and Depression * 41:22 — Iron Sharpens Iron: The Community That Unlocked the Healing * 42:57 — The Enemy's Tool: Shame That Keeps Men Silent * 47:52 — When You Open Up and Get Rejected: What to Do Next * 52:30 — Social Media Told Kyle He Wasn't Enough Starting at 12 * 54:49 — Identity Is the Answer to Every Problem We Just Named * 57:46 — Your Words Are Life or Death: The Rudder of the Ship * 59:00 — Kyle's Truth: God and I Are Coworkers * 1:04:07 — Rachael's Honest Word to Men About Worth and Income * 1:07:30 — The Balance Between God as Provider and Man as Provider * 1:10:01 — The We Takes: What Everyone Is Walking Away With * 1:12:13 — It Is Only by the Grace of God That I Am Still Here * 1:14:51 — A Prophecy Spoken Over Kyle and What He Thinks It Means * 1:16:09 — Rachael's We Take: Every One of You Is Worth It GUEST INFO Name: Kyle Background: Filmmaker, entrepreneur, and community builder based in South Florida. Kyle is a deeply faith-rooted young man who has walked through depression, near-suicide, relational betrayal, and a long journey of learning to root his identity in Christ rather than performance, approval, or relationships. He is engaged and preparing for marriage. SEO KEYWORDS & TAGS PRIMARY KEYWORDS * men's identity crisis * men and depression podcast * Christian men podcast * men's mental health faith * male suicide prevention * passivity in men * identity in Christ men

Too Many Options, Zero Commitment | Ft. Chris

Episode Summary We ask one question to every man who sits down with us: What is the biggest problem men are facing today? For Chris — young adults pastor, filmmaker, and man of faith — the answer was precise: Commitment paralysis. Too many options. Not enough formation. And a generation of men who were shaped by culture, media, and social media into believing that the next option is always better than the one in front of them — in relationships, in work, and in life. What follows is one of the most practically honest and spiritually grounded conversations We Take the Stairs has had. Chris doesn't just name the problem. He lived it — from a porn addiction he wasn't aware was affecting him, to a subconscious belief that staying young and keeping options open was the smart play. He talks through what it costs men, what's causing it, and the only foundation that actually produces the commitment men were designed to walk in. Guest Chris Kish — Young adults pastor at Family Church, filmmaker, and man of faith based in South Florida. Chris works daily with men and women ages 22–39 navigating the exact issues discussed in this episode — and is three months away from marrying his fiancée Christy. Chapters * 00:00 — The One Question: Commitment Paralysis * 02:00 — Too Many Options, Not Enough Formation * 06:00 — The Subconscious Shaping: Music, TV & Staying Young Forever * 10:00 — Porn, Paralysis & the Connection Nobody Names * 17:00 — The Chair Story: Discipline Only Where You Care * 28:00 — Dating Apps & the Sea of Options Killing Commitment * 39:00 — The Funeral and the Coronation: How to Actually Change * 50:00 — Church Hurt, Attribution & the Character of God * 01:03:00 — The Fatherless Generation: Why Satan Is Ramping Up * 01:13:00 — Rapid Fire & We Takes Key Topics Covered * Commitment Paralysis — Chris's core answer: men today face too many options and not enough helpful formation. The result is a generation stuck in indecision — unable to choose a job, a city, a relationship, or a future. Not because they're lazy, but because they were shaped this way without knowing it. * The Subconscious Shaping of a Generation — From Friends to Jay-Z to homecoming playlists, the message men absorbed growing up was clear: stay young, keep your options open, and the guy with the most freedom wins. No one said it directly. But it played on repeat until it became the default. * Porn, Options & the Connection Nobody Names — One of the most candid moments of the episode. Rachael connects the dots between commitment paralysis and pornography addiction — if men are given every external pressure imaginable and then handed one easy, no-consequence outlet, the math isn't hard. Chris opens up about his own past with porn addiction and how he wasn't even aware it was affecting him. * Discipline Only Where You Care — Chris tells the story of a college job setting up chapel chairs. He was fast and excellent at things he cared about — and visibly checked out on everything else. His friend called it out: you look lazy and apathetic when you don't care. Chris makes the case that men are all-in when they're passionate — but culture has broken the pipeline between discipline and desire. * Dating Apps & the Infinite Sea — Hinge, Tinder, Instagram DMs, Facebook Dating. Chris breaks down precisely how swiping left and right trained men's brains to make snap judgments in two seconds — and how that habit bleeds into every real relationship when it's time to actually commit. You end up constructing a perfect person in your mind from the best parts of everyone you've seen — and no one real will ever match that. * The Coronation and the Funeral — The most spiritually direct moment of the episode. Chris's answer for men who want to break the cycle — believer or not: every morning you need a coronation and a funeral. You crown Christ as king and you die to yourself. That's the only foundation that produces real commitment, because it removes you from the center. * Church Hurt & the Character of God — A compassionate and direct response to men who've been burned by religious institutions and blamed God for it. Chris names it clearly: that's attributing human characteristics to God. God's character hasn't changed. His kindness is still leading you to repentance — even now. * The Fatherless Generation — Chris frames the epidemic of absent fathers not as a sociological trend but as a spiritual battle. Satan knows every day that passes gets one day closer to Jesus coming back. So he's ramping up the attack on God's design for family, marriage, and fatherhood. The answer isn't a program. It's the gospel. Scriptures Referenced * Matthew 6:33 — Seek first the kingdom of God * Romans 7 — The things I don't want to do, I do * 1 Corinthians 16:13 — Be watchful, stand firm, act like men, be strong * 2 Corinthians 5:17-21 — Ministry of reconciliation, ambassador for Christ Books Referenced 📖 The Bait of Satan — John Bevere Jackson references this during the episode — offense as the biggest thing standing between a man and God, and how it compounds commitment problems. Key Quotes "The biggest problem men face today is commitment paralysis — too many options and not enough helpful formation." — Chris "I was not aware the options were affecting me. That's the scariest part." — Chris "Every day when you wake up, you need a coronation and a funeral — crown Christ as king and die to yourself." — Chris "The biggest lie men believe is that they have to figure everything out on their own. You are not alone." — Chris "If I make this decision and it's the wrong one — God's not surprised. He's sovereign. You just take the next right step." — Chris "If men are given every pressure imaginable and then handed one easy, no-consequence outlet — how can we expect them not to be attracted to it?" — Rachael "Be watchful. Stand firm in the faith. Act like men. Be strong. Let all that you do be done in love." — 1 Corinthians 16:13 Practical Takeaways * Start each morning with a coronation and a funeral — crown Christ, die to yourself * Audit your inputs — if you're scrolling options daily, your brain is being trained to never commit * Find one person who can sit with you and ask the right questions — you were not made to figure this out alone