149. When Did Saying No Start to Feel Like Betrayal?

149. When Did Saying No Start to Feel Like Betrayal?

You said yes because you care. So why are you left feeling tired, frustrated, and far from yourself? In this episode, Dr. Phyllis names the “reactive yes,” the answer that leaves your mouth before you have made a real decision. For many big-hearted women, love has become linked to availability, and worth has become linked to usefulness. But every automatic yes can pull you further from your center, build resentment, and even keep the people you love from developing their own strength. Caring is not the problem. The goal is to pause long enough to choose whether your yes is truly yours to give. This week’s reflection: Before answering a request, take one breath and ask: “Am I choosing this, or am I reacting?” In this episode: (0:00) Saying yes before checking in with yourself (3:24) Why an automatic yes is not a character flaw (4:57) Understanding the reactive yes (7:15) How repeated yeses create resentment (8:30) When helping can limit another person’s growth (11:06) The difference between choosing and reacting (12:41) What makes a chosen yes meaningful (14:48) Fear, faith, and letting your yes mean yes (19:31) The one-breath practice for better decisions (23:36) Giving from wholeness instead of fear Your next step is already waiting: a guide called What’s Yours to Carry — and What Isn’t, made to walk you through your own plate and help you start sorting this is mine from this was never mine. Go get it at thebelowthecircle.com [https://thebelowthecircle.com/]. Nothing has been wasted. It’s not too late to land — whole, aligned, free. ——— Get your guide → thebelowthecircle.com Below the Circle with Dr. Phyllis · Stop circling. Start landing. 🕊️ Scripture: Matthew 5:37

148. You Do Everything For Them - When Did You Last Just Be With Them?

You did a hundred things for the people you love today. So why does it feel like you barely saw them? In this episode, Dr. Phyllis names the quiet trade so many big-hearted women have made without meaning to: becoming the most useful person in the family instead of the most present one. She shares her own years of doing everything for the people she loved and hardly ever being with them — and the moment in Scripture (Mary and Martha) that finally showed her the difference. Her doing was never the problem. Letting it crowd out the being-with was. This week’s reflection: Sometimes the greatest gift we can give the people we love is not what we do for them, but our full presence with them. In this episode: (0:52) When was the last time you were truly with your loved ones? (3:10) Dr. Phyllis shares the personal cost of always doing (6:45) Why loved ones may receive your help but miss your presence (9:50) Doing for people is not the same as being with them (12:59) How productivity can become tied to love and self-worth (14:42) What Mary and Martha teach us about presence (17:52) The 10-minute “nothing in your hands” challenge (20:43) Freeing your hands by releasing what is not yours to carry Your next step is already waiting: a guide called What’s Yours to Carry — and What Isn’t, made to walk you through your own plate and help you start sorting this is mine from this was never mine. Go get it at thebelowthecircle.com [https://thebelowthecircle.com/]. Nothing has been wasted. It’s not too late to land — whole, aligned, free. ——— Get your guide → thebelowthecircle.com Below the Circle with Dr. Phyllis · Stop circling. Start landing. 🕊️ Scripture: Luke 10:38–42

147. What’s Yours to Carry and What Isn’t

What if the weight wearing you out was never yours to carry? You can carry all of it. You’ve proven that. But in this episode, Dr. Phyllis invites you to pause and ask a deeper question: how much of what is on your plate was ever truly yours? She speaks to the big-hearted woman with a full schedule, a tired soul, and a quiet fear that she has been so busy carrying everyone else’s life that she is flying right over her own. Through personal story, scripture, and gentle truth, this episode helps you see why carrying everything is not the same as being faithful, and why you were never the glue holding it all together. God is. This week’s reflection: What is one thing I have been carrying that God may be asking me to set down? In this episode: (0:00) Asking what is actually yours to carry (2:43) Dr. Phyllis shares how she learned this lesson (7:20) Lesson 1: You stopped being able to tell what is yours (9:59) Lesson 2: Carrying everything started looking like virtue (13:00) Lesson 3: The “glue lie” and the truth that God holds it all (17:30) Free resource: What’s Yours to Carry? (19:05) Final encouragement to land whole, aligned, and free Your next step is already waiting: a guide called What’s Yours to Carry — and What Isn’t, made to walk you through your own plate and help you start sorting this is mine from this was never mine. Go get it at thebelowthecircle.com [https://thebelowthecircle.com/]. Nothing has been wasted. It’s not too late to land — whole, aligned, free. ——— Get your guide → thebelowthecircle.com Below the Circle with Dr. Phyllis · Stop circling. Start landing. 🕊️ Scripture: Matthew 11:28–30 · Psalm 46:5 · Colossians 1:17

146. What Would Fall Apart If You Stopped Holding It

What are you afraid would fall apart if you stopped holding it all together? You have been the one who remembers, covers, fixes, plans, and carries what everyone else forgets. You call it responsibility, strength, love, and loyalty. But underneath all that holding may be a quiet fear that if you let go, everything will crash. In this episode, Dr. Phyllis gently speaks to the woman who feels like the glue in everyone’s life and reminds her of this truth: it was never all hers to hold. Through Colossians 1:17 and Psalm 46:5, this episode points you back to the God who has been holding you, and everything you fear dropping, all along. This week’s reflection: What is one small thing I can set down for one hour, and what might God show me when I do? In this episode: (0:00) The fear beneath holding it all together (1:37) The woman everyone calls when things need fixing (3:45) How you learned to carry so much (5:33) When being able became feeling obligated (6:53) The role of “glue” was learned, not given by God (8:28) The belief that everything depends on you (9:18) Colossians 1:17 and who truly holds all things (10:32) Psalm 46:5 and being steady because God is with you (11:46) The fear that everything falls if you stop (13:22) One small practice for setting something down (14:28) What happens when the world keeps turning (15:31) God is calling you to land (17:02) Nothing you carried has been wasted (18:19) Introducing the guide, “What’s Yours to Carry” (19:49) Stop circling and start landing Get Dr. Phyllis’s free guide, “What’s Yours to Carry, and What Isn’t,” for the woman who holds everyone together at thebelowthecircle.com.

145. When Was The Last Time You Felt The Ground?

Have you been holding everyone else together so long that you fear you’ve missed your own life? You’ve cared deeply, said yes from love, and kept going even when your own heart needed room to breathe. Maybe your full plate is not what is breaking your heart. Maybe it is the quiet fear that while you were taking care of everyone else, you lost touch with yourself. In this episode, Dr. Phyllis shares the night she stood in her backyard, felt the wind on her face, and realized the life she loved had been waiting for her all along. This is a gentle reminder that you have not missed your life. The ground is still there. The wind is still blowing. It is not too late to come down, get aligned, and take off whole and free. This week’s reflection: What part of my life have I stopped feeling, and what ordinary moment can help me come back to it? In this episode: (0:00) The fear beneath the full plate (1:50) When did you last feel present in your life? (3:38) You have not missed your life (4:27) Dr. Phyllis shares her role as an alignment coach (6:18) You did not check out, you cared too much (10:17) The night she felt the ground again (14:58) What did high-altitude living take from you? (17:47) Naming the grief under the busy life (19:49) It is not too late to realign (22:14) Introducing Align, the coaching community (25:47) One simple landing moment to try today (30:25) Share this with a woman who needs hope Get Dr. Phyllis's Free Answer Guide, “What’s Yours to Carry — and What Isn’t — ten honest answers for the woman who holds everyone together.” Ten questions. Ten honest answers at thebelowthecircle.com.