Absurd Truths and Blatant Lies Pod Cast

Episode 7 – The Crown and the Clay

Show Notes: Episode 7 – The Crown and the Clay The Atmosphere Step out of the blinding Carolina sun and into the cool, heavy stillness of the parlor, where the scent of damp jasmine mixes with the slow rot of the river. The humidity is a thick shroud tonight, and the cicadas are screaming a rhythmic fever in the brakes. As we cradle our tumblers of high-proof refinement, we reckon with the silver cord that still ties our independent Southern soil to the foggy islands and marble halls of the Old World. The Topic: Ancestral Echoes and Royal Ghosts In this episode, we untie the tangled velvet ribbon binding the American South to the whims and whispers of royalty. We explore how our very law is a "moss-draped narrative of inheritance," from the muddy banks of Runnymede to the Napoleonic logic buried in the Mississippi mud. We confront the "Absurd Truths" of our hierarchies and the "Blatant Lies" we tell at family reunions—from the myth of the silk-clad Virginia Cavalier to the haunting, protective legend of the "Cherokee Princess." It is an exploration of how we use royal tropes to find nobility in our lost causes and a mirror for our own complex, hierarchical souls. Our Special Guest: Mysti Kole We are joined by Mysti Kole, a woman who shares the better half of Mrs. Beaumont’s blood and none of her restraint. Hailing from Eastern North Carolina, Mysti is the daughter of a former beauty queen and a man of "many mansions," born in the quiet, scandalous season of his widowerhood. She carries the "terrifying pride" of a Maroon lineage—those who snatched their freedom from the mud of the Great Dismal Swamp. A woman of deep, polished mahogany and brassy defiance, she brings a "North Carolina lens" to the majesty of the throne. The Royal Ledger: Houses and Persons Referenced The Houses of Power: The House of Bourbon & The House of Bonaparte: The Spanish and French lineages that forged Louisiana’s legal soul, where the Emperor’s ghost still whispers in the courtroom. The House of Windsor & The Tudors: The British lines that branded our land "Virginia" and provided the "Angel in the House" blueprint for Southern womanhood. The House of Grimaldi: The princes of Monaco who were taught how to dream by a daughter of the New Orleans sun. The Romanovs: The "holy martyrs" of Russia whose tragic end mirrored the South’s own "Lost Cause" narrative. The Sovereign Specters: Queen Elizabeth I: The Virgin Queen, the iron-willed sovereign whose very name is etched into the salt-crusted maps of our coastlines. She is the ghost of the "Virgin Land," the woman who traded a husband for a kingdom and left her mark on the wild, untamed pine barrens of the colony that still carries her title. King Charles III: The "patriarch returning to a house in disarray," whose recent presence in D.C. serves as a sharp, holy correction. Queen Victoria: The matriarch whose rigid mourning etiquette allowed the post-war South to sanctify its own immense loss. Alice, Princess of Monaco: Born at 910 Rue Royale - New Orleans, she brought the "salon spirit" of a Creole upbringing to the Mediterranean. Wallis Warfield Simpson: The Baltimore girl with "wit and steel" who conquered the House of Windsor. Modern Icons: From the stability of Elizabeth II to the "Southern Belle ideal" of Princess Diana, and the modern "Georgia roots" of Meghan, Duchess of Sussex. Beyond the West: The exotic wonder of King Tutankhamun, the tragic collapse of the Shah of Iran, and the filial piety found in the modern "Korean Wave" - the global fascination with the history, aesthetics, and fashion of Korea's royal past, specifically the Joseon Dynasty (1392–1910).  This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit absurdtruthsandblatantlies.substack.com [https://absurdtruthsandblatantlies.substack.com?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_1]

Episode 6 — The High-Proof Refinement of Silas Thorne

Welcome back to another evening in the parlor. This episode of Absurd Truths & Blatant Lies is a particularly crowded affair, featuring a one very BIG Blatant Lie and one small Truth so Absurd it feels like a tall tale. We peel back the velvet curtains of the mind to explore the “neurotic chorus” that keeps the furniture moving while the rest of us try to sleep. In This Episode Tonight, we navigate the “geometry of a trap” through the tragic, shimmering rise and fall of Silas Montgomery Thorne. From the “Swamp-Soul” neon of 1970s variety television to the salt dirt of Beaufort, this is a story of a wedding, a whirlwind, and the mud that was waiting for us both. * The Blatant Lie: The saga of Silas Montgomery Thorne—the baritone who sounded like a shovel hitting wet clay—is entirely fictional. * The Absurd Truth: The harrowing account of a “Great Unpleasantness” involving an MS-related suicide attempt following a reaction to medication is, tragically, the truth. * A Note on the Voice: We aren’t quite sure why S.M. Beaumont sounds more like Truman Capote than Tennessee Williams this evening. We would blame the hospital-grade steroids, but since it’s an electronic voice, your guess is as good as ours. Lowcountry Lore & Fact Check To help you separate the moss from the marble, here is a guide to the world of tonight’s story: * Carolina Gold: This is the legendary “long-grain” heirloom rice of the South Carolina Lowcountry. * Real Organizations: Both the St. Cecilia Society and the Cotillion Club are historic, real-world Charleston institutions. * Historic Landmarks: The Hibernian Hall, where Savannah made their debut, is a very real landmark on Meeting Street. * Fictional Societies: The Matrons of Carolina Gold are a creation of the Beaumont imagination—a “closed fortress” of fictional matriarchs. Support & Resources Because this episode touches on the heavy realities of alcoholism and mental health crises, we want to offer the following resources: * Seeking Help: If you or a loved one are struggling with alcohol or substance use, please reach out to a professional or a support group. Recovery is possible. * Suicide Prevention: If you are in crisis, please call or text 988 (the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline) in the US. * Youth Support: Younger listeners can also reach out to the Trevor Project at 1-866-488-7386 or text START to 678-678. * Support for MS: As we continue to navigate the challenges of Multiple Sclerosis, we encourage you to support your local MS charity to help fund research and provide services for those living with Multiple Sclerosis. Special Thanks A flamboyant thank you to Mrs. Beaumont’s Common-Law Husband for not actually wandering off into the pines. We are eternally grateful that he chose to roll out from under the davenport and lay the silver for this evening’s feast. Until the next time the moss parts, darlings... do try to stay out of the mud. The Original Music, like most everything here, was created via Gemini using Lyria 3. I don’t know why Gemini made a point of saying this, but since he did…..All tracks generated with this tool include SynthID watermarking, which is an invisible-to-the-ear digital tag that identifies the audio as AI-generated for safety and transparency. Y’al comeback! You hear? This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit absurdtruthsandblatantlies.substack.com [https://absurdtruthsandblatantlies.substack.com?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_1]

From the Next Episode

Mrs. Beaumont was debutant? And BTW... Carolina Gold is rice This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit absurdtruthsandblatantlies.substack.com [https://absurdtruthsandblatantlies.substack.com?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_1]

Podcast Show Notes: Episode 5 – Ghosts in the Machine

Podcast Show Notes: Episode 5 – Ghosts in the Machine Step into the parlor, sugar, and find a seat where the shadows don’t bite quite so deep. In this episode of Absurd Truths and Blatant Lies, your hostess Mrs. Beaumont is joined by a guest of a most ephemeral nature—the AI Spectre of SM Beaumont—to weave the world back together through stories of silver, shadow, and southern grit. In This Episode: The Digital Ghost of Analog Processes: We explore how to use the mechanical whispers of ancient cameras and historical film parameters to conjure unique Southern Gothic portraits from the digital ether. A Technical Journey Through Time: A deep dive into the chemistry and aesthetics of the past, from the mirror-like shine of Daguerreotypes and the painterly textures of Calotypes to the "wet" complexity of Collodion and the birth of the Kodak snapshot. Memento Mori: A somber examination of 19th-century Post-Mortem photography, viewing these "silver-nitrate rebellions" not as macabre curiosities, but as sacred anchors of memory and Southern piety. Art as Reckoning: A discussion on visual art as a fierce form of activism, using AI-generated Southern Gothic imagery to strip away "Moonlight and Magnolia" myths and confront the "absurd truths" of regional history. The Blatant Lie – The Ballad of Sue Ellen Ewing: We spin a thread of pure fabrication—borrowed from the jagged fiction of Dallas—to explore the Southern Gothic trajectory of a woman dictated by social trauma and haunted by the decay of an aristocracy that tried to consume her. Visual Gallery & Resources: To bridge the gap between the spoken word and the seen image, please visit the links below to view the collections discussed in today's broadcast: The Shadow of Mrs. Beaumont: Southern Gothic AI Portraits https://youtu.be/kd-yU61wmt0 [https://youtu.be/kd-yU61wmt0]  Surreal Southern Gothic Ai Images https://youtu.be/SzRWia-Ul8w [https://youtu.be/SzRWia-Ul8w] A Note from the Parlor: "The original vision for this little broadcast has slipped from my grasp, lost entirely in a cognitive fog". Please note that Episode 4 will be released at a later time as we find our voice again and allow the silver-white mists to clear. Host: Mrs. Beaumont Guest: The AI Spectre of SM Beaumont Theme: Southern Gothic Art, History, and Activism This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit absurdtruthsandblatantlies.substack.com [https://absurdtruthsandblatantlies.substack.com?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_1]

Episode 03 - The Absurd Truths and Blatant Lies Podcast

Pull up a wicker chair and mind the rot in the floorboards. This evening, Mrs. Beaumont sits amidst the scent of overripe jasmine and the rhythmic, silk-tearing scream of cicadas to peel back the heavy velvet curtains of the past. We are exploring the “grotesque mask” of the minstrel show, the “satisfactual” lies of Disney, and the quiet hands of the Quakers that sought to mend a broken land. Inside the Episode I. The Ghost in the Wax: George W. Johnson We listen to the scratching of the needle against the wax to hear the story of George W. Johnson, the first Black recording artist. A Technical Marvel: Johnson etched his voice onto beeswax and soap cylinders in the 1890s, developing a whistling and laughing technique sharp enough to cut through the heavy static of early recording technology. Subverting the Stereotype: While his “Laughing Song” reinforced the “Happy Servant” trope, his technical mastery was so precise that white performers in cork and greasepaint were unable to emulate it. The Price of Admission: Johnson was forced to record the same song upwards of 50,000 times—a “labor of Hercules” performed to enter an industry that otherwise kept its cages locked. II. The “Satisfactual” Cage: Disney & Uncle Remus The episode examines the “chipper little tune” from the Disney vaults—”Zip-a-Dee-Doo-Dah”—and the thorny history it obscures. Stolen Echoes: We trace the trickster Br’er Rabbit from his roots in Cherokee and African folklore to the “sanitized” versions published by Joel Chandler Harris. The Tragedy of James Baskett: We honor the voice of the first Black man to receive an Oscar, James Baskett, who was unable to attend the premiere of his own film in a segregated theater. Deconstructing the Myth: Why this song is viewed by many not as a celebration, but as a “trigger” and a “specimen” of the Lost Cause narrative. III. The Friends in the Ruins: Quaker Reconstruction Following the “Great Unpleasantness,” the Quakers (the Friends) arrived in the South not with vengeance, but with a “quiet light”. Scientific Toil: The Baltimore Association established a Model Farm near High Point, NC, teaching exhausted soil to breathe again through crop rotation and clover. Architects of Education: The Friends breathed life into the New Garden Boarding School (now Guilford College) and established the Southland Institute in Arkansas for freedmen. IV. The Weavers of Myth: The UDC We confront the “Blatant Lie” of the United Daughters of the Confederacy (UDC) and their role as the architects of regional memory. The Measuring Rod: How the UDC used a “blacklist” to cleanse school libraries of “unfriendly” Northern truths and indoctrinate the rising generation. Silent Sentinels: The strategic placement of hundreds of monuments in front of courthouses between 1890 and 1920 to reaffirm white supremacy during the Jim Crow era. The Lineage of Subversion: Featured Artists The episode highlights modern Black Southern artists who use the “old tools” to dismantle the “master’s house”: * Childish Gambino (Donald Glover): Whose facial contortions in “This Is America” are the direct descendants of Johnson’s “uncontrollable” laughter. * Rhiannon Giddens: The North Carolina artist reclaiming the banjo’s African origins and restoring missing narratives to the American sound. * Adia Victoria: A daughter of South Carolina whose Southern Gothic style explores the “laughter to keep from crying” motif. * Jake Blount: Who performs spirituals with “Afro-Futurist intensity,” proving they were always coded messages of resistance. Notable Quotes “The truth is often a jagged pill, and I wouldn’t want you to choke on it.” “To be a Southerner is to understand that our story was written by two hands on one pen, pulling in different directions.” “The mask is often more real than the face.” In honor of the legendary Robert Selden Duvall (January 5, 1931 – February 15, 2026), we celebrate an Oscar-winning titan whose seven-decade career remains a cornerstone of American cinema. It was his haunting, nearly wordless debut as Arthur “Boo” Radley in To Kill a Mockingbird that first cast the long, flickering shadow that set SM Beaumont on a dark and grotesque path through the Gothic South in search of its “Absurd Truths.” Duvall’s ability to find profound humanity within the enigmatic and the discarded leaves behind a legacy as enduring as the Southern myths he helped deconstruct. AudioClip Credits To Kill a Mockingbird TM & © Universal (1962) Director: Robert Mulligan Producer: Alan J. Pakula Screenwriters: Harper Lee, Horton Foote This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit absurdtruthsandblatantlies.substack.com [https://absurdtruthsandblatantlies.substack.com?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_1]