"I See You and I Am You"

Baking a Family

In this episode of the AllPaths podcast, we sit down with Darlene Pinkerton and Kaitlin Pinkerton-Locher, mother-daughter trailblazers who have spent decades at the forefront of third-party fertility. After a hysterectomy at age 25 left Darlene unable to carry a pregnancy, she and her husband, attorney Tom Pinkerton, provided the genetic "ingredients" to create their daughter, Kaitlin. Because Darlene’s "oven wasn't working," they turned to Tom’s sister, Judy, who volunteered to let them use her "oven" to bake the cake. This simple metaphor became the foundation for how their family explained gestational surrogacy, a process so new at the time that Kaitlin is believed to be one of the first people in the world to be born this way. The conversation explores how this personal "recipe" for a family led to a landmark legal victory that changed reproductive rights forever. Because the hospital initially refused to put Darlene’s name on the birth certificate, Tom successfully argued that as the genetic parent Darlene should be on the birth certificate, not his sister. This historic case established the standards for pre-birth parentage orders and paved the way for same-sex couples to be recognized on birth certificates from the moment of birth. Beyond their legal legacy, Darlene and Kaitlin share how open conversations about their family’s origins empowered Kaitlin to own her story from a young age, leading to a memorable moment when she proudly explained to her kindergarten class how she was created in a petri dish. Today, as leaders of A Perfect Match [https://www.aperfectmatch.com/] and Coast to Coast Sperm Donation [https://c2cdonation.com/], the mother-daughter duo continues to advocate for family autonomy, transparency, and child-centered decision-making. From known and identified donations where donors and families can establish relationships and low family limits for sperm donors, to prioritizing mental health, candid conversations, and accurate language for all people involved in the process, Darlene and Kaitlin are working to ensure that the families they help build today are founded on the same principles of openness and honesty that have defined their own journey. 🔸 Are you exploring donor conception [https://allpathsfb.org/resource-library/donor-conception-resources/] or gestational surrogacy [https://allpathsfb.org/resource-library/surrogacy-resources/] as a potential path for your family? Find support, resources, and community at AllPaths! TOPICS COVERED IN THIS EPISODE: Third-party reproduction, gestational carrier, gestational surrogacy, intended parents, parentage order, IVF, donor conception, egg donation, sperm donation, egg donor, sperm donor, gamete donation, AllPaths Family Building, donor conception, surrogacy journey, family planning, LGBTQ+ family building, legal aspects of surrogacy, donor rights, Coast to Coast Sperm Donation, A Perfect Match, mental health support, mental health support for gamete donors, mental health support for intended parents, conversations with children about donor conception, conversations with children about gestational surrogacy, family building, surrogacy, IVF, known donor programs, fertility support, reproductive health CONNECT WITH ALLPATHS FAMILY BUILDING: https://allpathsfb.org [https://allpathsfb.org] Follow us on social media @allpathsfb Want to share your story or ask a question? Get in touch at podcast@allpathsfb.org [podcast@allpathsfb.org]!

RIVF, Representation, and Resilience

This episode of the AllPaths podcast features Dana Rudolph, founder and publisher of the two-time GLAAD Media Award-winning LGBTQ+ parenting site Mombian [https://mombian.com/]. Dana shares her personal family-building story from the early 2000s, detailing her and her partner’s experience with reciprocal IVF. She reflects on the medical complexities of syncing cycles and the legal hurdles they faced in New Jersey, where they successfully petitioned for a pre-birth parentage order to ensure both parents were legally recognized from the moment of their son's birth. The conversation explores the 21-year evolution of Mombian, which Dana started as a new parent to provide the queer-focused parenting news and commentary that she found was missing from mainstream media. A major cornerstone of her work is an extensive LGBTQ+ book database [https://mombian.com/database/], created to help families find quality representation. Dana also discusses the inspiration behind LGBTQ Families Day [https://mombian.com/lgbtqfamiliesday/], an annual celebration she founded to honor diverse family structures and foster community visibility during the "parental holiday season" each Spring. Finally, Dana offers a nuanced look at the current state of LGBTQ+ family-building, noting that while there has been significant progress in marriage equality and inclusive fertility clinic practices, there is also a concerning "backsliding" through recent book bans and restrictive state legislation. She highlights the importance of organizations like COLAGE [https://www.colage.org/], elevates the voices of children of LGBTQ+ parents, and emphasizes that these families are "part of the world" with joys and challenges just like any other. To those just starting their journey, she offers a reminder that queer families have a long, rich history and that no one has to navigate the path to parenthood alone. Connect with Dana at https://mombian.com/ [https://mombian.com/] and on social media @mombian. TOPICS COVERED IN THIS EPISODE: LGBTQ+ families, LGBTQ+ family building, fertility treatment, reciprocal IVF, donor conception, same-sex couples, parenting journey, legal parentage, family support, fertility clinics, assisted reproduction, queer families, Mombian, LGBTQ+ representation, LGBTQ+ family books, COLAGE, queerspawn, marriage equality, LGBTQ Families Day, family building, LGBTQ parenting, Mombian, parenting resources, LGBTQ Families Day, emotional support, family planning, parenting challenges, inclusive parenting, family stories, community support CONNECT WITH ALLPATHS FAMILY BUILDING: https://allpathsfb.org [https://allpathsfb.org] Follow us on social media @allpathsfb Want to share your story or ask a question? Get in touch at podcast@allpathsfb.org [podcast@allpathsfb.org]!

Holding Both Hope and Happiness

In this episode of the AllPaths podcast, we sit down with Elana Frank, the CEO and founder of the Jewish Fertility Foundation (JFF) [https://jewishfertilityfoundation.org/], to discuss her journey to parenthood. Elana shares her experience navigating fertility treatments in both Israel and the United States, including the discovery of her blocked tubes after months of ineffective procedures and the eventual birth of her three sons through IVF and embryo donation. She speaks candidly about the emotional and financial hurdles of building a family, emphasizing the sense of isolation she felt before finding a community that understood her specific cultural and religious needs. Elana also details how a realization about the staggering costs of fertility treatments in the U.S. compared to Israel's socialized medicine inspired her to launch JFF in 2015. Today, the foundation provides a holistic approach to support through financial grants, emotional mentorship via a "fertility buddies" program, and educational outreach to clergy and medical professionals. While JFF is rooted in the Jewish community, Elana explains how their support groups and educational programs are open to anyone, including specific programming for hopeful grandparents-to-be. Throughout the conversation, Elana emphasizes the importance of community-based support, open communication with children about their origins, and recognizing that one can experience both the joy of existing children and the desire to further grow their family at the same time. Connect with the Jewish Fertility Foundation at https://jewishfertilityfoundation.org/ [https://jewishfertilityfoundation.org/]. CONNECT WITH ALLPATHS FAMILY BUILDING: https://allpathsfb.org [https://allpathsfb.org] Follow us on social media @allpathsfb Want to share your story or ask a question? Get in touch at podcast@allpathsfb.org [podcast@allpathsfb.org]!

"I See You and I Am You"

In this episode of the AllPaths podcast, sit down with Carol McMurrich, the founder and director of Empty Arms Bereavement Support [https://www.emptyarmsbereavement.org/]. Carol shares her deeply personal story of losing her first daughter, Charlotte, to stillbirth at 41 weeks after an uncomplicated pregnancy, an experience that left her feeling "totally floored" and disconnected from reality. She reflects on the "visceral fear" that accompanied her subsequent pregnancies and her later experience with secondary infertility, highlighting how such trauma fundamentally reshapes a person’s identity and their relationship with the world. Carol’s own experiences inspired her work, which began by offering a single support group in 2007 and has since expanded into a robust nonprofit organization offering peer-to-peer support, hospital companion programs, provider education, and specialized resources for bereaved parents. Carol discusses the importance of creating safe, non-judgmental spaces where people can feel "normal" in their grief and getting to be their baby's parent is their primary identity. Ultimately, the episode highlights that while early grief is a minute-by-minute survival process, community support and the integration of grief and loss into one's identity rather than avoidance can eventually lead to a sense of wholeness and happiness again. TOPICS COVERED IN THIS EPISODE: Pregnancy loss, stillbirth, pregnancy after loss, expecting after loss, infertility, secondary infertility, parenting after loss, peer support, validation, grief, family building, grief support, pregnancy loss, parenting after loss, emotional healing, family building journey, bereavement support, pregnancy and infant loss, support groups, community for parents, coping with loss, motherhood after loss, child loss awareness, support for bereaved parents, navigating loss, infertility support, community resources for families, family dynamics, healing after trauma, sharing your story CONNECT WITH ALLPATHS FAMILY BUILDING: https://allpathsfb.org [https://allpathsfb.org] Follow us on social media @allpathsfb Want to share your story or ask a question? Get in touch at podcast@allpathsfb.org [podcast@allpathsfb.org]!

"The Mind is a Muscle"

In this episode of the AllPaths podcast, hosts Emily and Liane sit down with Cynthia, a licensed social worker and seasoned health and wellness coach, who first connected with our organization over twenty years ago as a peer support group attendee. After enduring years of infertility and recurrent pregnancy loss, Cynthia finally welcomed her daughter through IVF. Following a later, life-threatening pregnancy that necessitated an emergency hysterectomy, she and her husband turned to gestational surrogacy to have their son. Cynthia describes this as an "incredibly powerful experience" that resulted not only in the birth of her child but also in a cherished, lifelong friendship with their carrier. This unique relationship endures and Cynthia shares how the conversations with her children about their origin stories have evolved over the years. She reflects on the evolution of support networks in the family building space, noting that while she once navigated these challenges in relative isolation, she now advocates for openness and community resources. Cynthia’s professional expertise in Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR) and resilience coaching has also changed her perspective on the emotional toll of infertility. She reflects on the intense anxiety of "giving up complete control" during the surrogacy process and how she wishes she had possessed her current toolkit of meditation and self-care strategies two decades ago. Now a group leader for AllPaths, Cynthia now helps create the community she once found so helpful and teaches the coping strategies that she wishes she had possessed during her own journey in our Mindfulness Group [https://allpathsfb.org/support/]. TOPICS COVERED IN THIS EPISODE: family building, infertility support, recurrent pregnancy loss, gestational surrogacy, pregnancy loss, family growth, parenting journeys, mental health and wellness, support groups, mindfulness, emotional support for parents, coping with infertility, IVF, health and wellness coaching, community support, resilience, emotional impact of infertility, personal stories of family building, peer support, Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction, meditation, coping strategies, self-care, resilience CONNECT WITH ALLPATHS FAMILY BUILDING: https://allpathsfb.org [https://allpathsfb.org] Follow us on social media @allpathsfb Want to share your story or ask a question? Get in touch at podcast@allpathsfb.org [podcast@allpathsfb.org]!