Ep 24 - Dear Dr. Shiloh: Why Do They Always Come Back When I'm Finally Doing Better?

Ep 24 - Dear Dr. Shiloh: Why Do They Always Come Back When I'm Finally Doing Better?

You finally stopped crying. You finally stopped checking their social media. You finally started healing. And then they texted. If you've ever wondered why an ex seems to reappear the moment you're finally moving on, you're not alone. In this Dear Dr. Shiloh episode, we unpack the psychology behind why people often come back after you've stopped chasing, the difference between missing you and missing access to you, and how to recognize whether someone's return is evidence of genuine change or simply a reaction to losing the role you once played in their life. We'll also explore why hope can cloud our judgment, how attachment affects our decision-making, and one lesson I learned the hard way after leaving an abusive marriage. Because sometimes people come back. But that doesn't automatically mean they're different. KEY TAKEAWAYS • A text message is not proof of transformation. • Missing access and missing intimacy are not the same thing. • Hope can sometimes cause us to ignore evidence. • Healthy reconciliation requires accountability and consistency. • Healing is revealed by what you do when they return. RESOURCES The Unbothered Button Get your copy today! [https://a.co/d/0hD0BKRi] Learn practical strategies for setting healthy boundaries, protecting your peace, and breaking free from emotional patterns that keep you stuck. Subscribe to Becoming Unbothered with Dr. Shiloh New episodes are released every Tuesday on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. Connect with Dr. Shiloh Website: www.drshilohspeaks.com Instagram: @drshilohspeaks or @thebecomingunbotheredpodcast   IF THIS EPISODE HELPED YOU... Please consider leaving a rating and review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify. Reviews help more people discover the show and allow these conversations to reach those who need them most. And if someone came to mind while listening, share this episode with them. Sometimes one conversation can become the beginning of someone else's healing.

Ep 23 - You Didn't Fall in Love. You Slowly Disappeared.

Have you ever looked up and realized you don't recognize yourself anymore? Not because you've changed for the better or worse, but because somewhere along the way you became so focused on being what everyone else needed that you lost touch with who you are. In this episode, Dr. Shiloh explores the subtle ways people disappear inside relationships without ever realizing it's happening. From becoming a chronic peacekeeper to adapting so often that your own preferences, dreams, and identity fade into the background, this conversation dives into the difference between healthy compromise and self-erasure. You'll learn: • Why losing yourself rarely happens all at once • The psychology behind shape-shifting and people-pleasing • The difference between intimacy and enmeshment • How to recognize when you've become a supporting character in your own life • What healthy love actually looks like If you've ever wondered where "you" went in the middle of loving everyone else, this episode is for you.  Connect with Dr. Shiloh: Instagram - @dr_shiloh_speaks or @thebecomingunbotheredpodcast Email - becomingunbotheredpodcast@gmail.com [becomingunbotheredpodcast@gmail.com]   Get Dr. Shiloh's latest book, The Unbothered Button, CLICK HERE [https://a.co/d/0hD0BKRi] Go Deeper by starting the Becoming Unbothered Self-paced Program today! GET ACCESS HERE [https://www.drshilohspeaks.com/becoming-unbothered-waitlist]   Want to help us grow? Leave a review and don't forget to share this episode with someone who needs it.

Ep 22 - They Heard Your Boundary. They Just Didn't Like It.

Have you ever explained the same boundary over and over again, only to watch someone continue crossing it? What if the problem isn't that they don't understand? What if they heard you perfectly? In this episode of Becoming Unbothered, Dr. Shiloh explores one of the hardest truths in relationships: sometimes people know exactly what they're doing. We discuss the difference between confusion and resistance, why some people keep pushing limits after you've clearly communicated them, and how to stop wasting energy trying to convince others to respect boundaries they've already decided they don't like. You'll learn: • The difference between confusion and testing • Why over-explainers often stay stuck • How to recognize when a pattern is no longer a misunderstanding • What Matthew 7:6 teaches us about discernment and access • How to protect your peace without becoming bitter If you've ever found yourself asking, "How many times do I have to explain this?" this episode is for you. Because sometimes they heard the boundary. They just didn't like it. Help Us Start More Important Conversations The goal of this podcast has never been to create more noise. It's to help people build healthier relationships, stronger boundaries, and a little more peace in their everyday lives. If this episode helped you, would you share it with one person who needs it? Text it. Post it. Share it in your stories. You never know who might be one conversation away from becoming a little more unbothered. Connect with Dr. Shiloh: Instagram - @dr_shiloh_speaks or @thebecomingunbotheredpodcast Email - becomingunbotheredpodcast@gmail.com [becomingunbotheredpodcast@gmail.com] Get The Unbothered Button: https://a.co/d/0hD0BKRi [https://a.co/d/0hD0BKRi]  [https://a.co/d/0hD0BKRi] Join the Becoming Unbothered Self-paced Program: https://www.drshilohspeaks.com/becoming-unbothered-waitlist [https://www.drshilohspeaks.com/becoming-unbothered-waitlist]

Ep 21 - They Keep Doing It Because You Keep Allowing It

If you've ever found yourself asking, "Why do they keep doing this?" Why do people keep crossing your boundaries? Why do they keep guilt-tripping you? Why do they keep expecting unlimited access to your time, energy, and peace? The answer may be uncomfortable. People often repeat behaviors that are rewarded, tolerated, or left unchallenged. In this episode, Dr. Shiloh explores: * why boundary violations continue * how people learn what they can expect from you * the powerful shift that happens when your "no" finally means no If you're tired of resentment, exhaustion, and feeling taken advantage of, this episode will help you stop managing everyone else's behavior and start reclaiming your peace. Know someone who needs to hear this? If this episode resonated with you, don't keep it to yourself. Share it with a friend, family member, coworker, or someone who has been carrying this struggle in silence. Sometimes the conversation that changes a life starts with a simple text message. If this episode made you think of someone, that's probably not an accident. Send it to them. The conversations we avoid are often the ones we need most. Connect with Dr. Shiloh: Instagram - @dr_shiloh_speaks or @thebecomingunbotheredpodcast Email - becomingunbotheredpodcast@gmail.com [becomingunbotheredpodcast@gmail.com] Ready to go deeper? Get The Unbothered Button [https://a.co/d/0hD0BKRi] or start the Becoming Unbothered Self-paced Program [https://www.drshilohspeaks.com/becoming-unbothered-waitlist]

Ep 20 - This Is Why You Absorb Everyone's Energy And How to Finally Stop

Have you ever walked away from a conversation feeling emotionally exhausted and wondered what just happened? You started the day feeling fine. Then one phone call, one family gathering, one conversation, or one difficult person leaves you carrying stress, anxiety, guilt, frustration, or emotional heaviness that wasn't there before. In this episode, Dr. Shiloh explores why highly empathetic people often absorb other people's emotions, how compassion can quietly turn into emotional overload, and the powerful question that can help you stop carrying what was never yours to hold. You'll learn:  * The difference between compassion and carrying * Why some people unknowingly transfer emotional burdens to others * How to identify emotional "U-Haul" people * The Ownership Question that creates emotional freedom * A faith-based perspective on protecting your peace * Practical tools for caring without absorbing If you've ever felt emotionally drained, overwhelmed, or responsible for everyone around you, this episode is for you. Resources & Next Steps Get Dr. Shiloh's latest book, The Unbothered Button [https://a.co/d/0hD0BKRi]  Go deeper with the Becoming Unbothered Self-paced Program [https://www.drshilohspeaks.com/becoming-unbothered-waitlist] Connect: Instagram - @dr_shiloh_speaks or @thebecomingunbotheredpodcast Email - becomingunbotheredpodcast@gmail.com