Caregiver Tea Time with Val Halloway

Let's Get Real with New Beginnings

00:30 Val acknowledges those who helped make this podcast a reality: producer Bianca Grooves, sound engineer Sammy Wags, song writing teacher Joe Marrero, and all of her friends and family who encouraged her along the way. 03:45 Val shares a quote titled "The Value of Memories" from a devotional book called "New Beginnings" by Solly Ozrovich. 05:10 Here's Val's special message: "You can choose whether to let the sorrowful memories color your world or focus on the happy memories as an inspiration to make choices that you'll look back on with a joyful smile." 05:45 Honey Granola Recipe: Supplies: buttered jelly roll pan, 11 by 17 inches, a large bowl, wax or parchment paper Ingredients: 2 1/2 cups old -fashioned oats. 1/2 cup brown sugar 1/2 cup sunflower seeds 1/3 cup melted butter 1 /4 cup wheat germ 1 teaspoon cinnamon, 1 /2 a teaspoon of salt 1 /2 cup honey. 1 /2 cup raisins to stir in after baking and cooling the granola Preparation: Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Butter jelly roll pan. Melt butter. Combine all the dry ingredients in a large bowl. Drizzle the melted butter and honey over the dry ingredients and stir together. Spread evenly in the pan. Bake for 20 to 25 minutes. Stir halfway through. Pour it out of the pan onto wax paper or parchment paper, spread out and let cool. Place the cool granola in a bowl and stir together with the raisins. Bag up or put in sealed containers to keep it fresh. Can be frozen. 07:20 Words to sing along version of Nothing but the Good Things: Nothing but the good things, Nothing but the good things In this world, Living in my heart. I like dancing barefoot in the grass. I like ice cream and kittens make me laugh. Friends and family are sending love to me-- Much more love than you or I could ever see. Don't get me wrong, there's tough stuff everywhere: Bad news, sad news, mad news and despair. Still the rising moon reflects the sun's bright light, And the stars break through the darkest night! Nothing but the good things, Nothing but the good things In this world, Living in my heart, Living in my heart. Additional information and links can be found at: https://www.caregiverteatime.com/ [https://www.caregiverteatime.com/]   @val.bmtcare [https://www.instagram.com/val.bmtcare/]   Look for the full version of Val's theme song, Nothing But the Good Things on your favorite music streaming service now!

Let's Get Real with Active Grief

00:20 Val gives an example of how grief hits her at random times. 01:00 Val shares how she feels stronger after doing this podcast. 02:10 Val shares her thoughts about the masculine and feminine sides of grief. She found a book, "Swallowed by a snake. The Gift of the Masculine Side of Healing" by Thomas Golden. https://tgolden.com/books-and-videos/ [https://tgolden.com/books-and-videos/] 03:10 Thomas Golden's book reports the masculine path to grieving usually happens through taking action. and the feminine path through relating to others. He qualifies this statement with the known fact that men have a feminine side and women a masculine side and the mix of the two determines how an individual processes grief. 03:50 Val shares about the importance of "standing in the tension of grief, " and choices that come with that. 04:35 Val relates to a quote from the author Richard Rohr, https://cac.org/about/our-teachers/cac-founder-richard-rohr/ [https://cac.org/about/our-teachers/cac-founder-richard-rohr/] who coined the term "hope infused with realistic awareness." She feels this is an attitude to strive for when handling tough times. Val shares how she struggled to feel as though she had enough information to have "realistic" awareness. 06:20 Val shares her ideal for how the medical system could include a team member trained in palliative care to reduce emotional pain and suffering for the caregiver. 07:45 Val returns to the subject of grief, and she uses examples from Thomas Golden's book to describe a grief ritual and how to structure it. 09:13 Val shares how she structured grief in the early days after her son passed away and how she is structuring it now. 12:50 Val shares about her grief ritual of going to a coffee shop to drink one of her son's favorite coffee beverages, a cortado. 14:05 Val shares about hiring a death doula to be with her to offer support as she sorts through her son's things at home. Val is grateful to have the opportunity to work with Allie Jones, [https://soulcompanionservices.com/about] [https://soulcompanionservices.com/about%5D] who recently opened a business called Soul Companion Services. Val explains what a death doula does and she shares that Allie has a unique perspective on life, because she was born with Fanconi Anemia, the same genetic disorder Val's son had. 16:35 Val shares her special message about her fears related to needless suffering and that she believes it is necessary to feel the pain of grief, but we don't need to suffer from it. 16:50 Val's cheer: "I'm feeling the pain of my grief, and I'm letting go of the suffering!" Cheers! Additional information and links can be found at: https://www.caregiverteatime.com/ [https://www.caregiverteatime.com/]   @val.bmtcare [https://www.instagram.com/val.bmtcare/]   Look for the full version of Val's theme song, Nothing But the Good Things on your favorite music streaming service now!

Let's Get Real with Pain Control

00:13 In this episode Val shares that pain is an inevitable part of caregiving, but there is something called palliative care that offers relief for suffering and hope for an improved quality of life for both the patient and the caregiver. Val was frightened when her son was first introduced to palliative care early in treatment. She felt it meant the doctors thought he would not get better. Now she realizes it doesn't mean "end of life care," and sees palliative care as an especially important service for caregivers, whose quality of life can suffer when they learn their loved one has a life threatening illness or disease. She feels palliative care is important to the future of medicine. 01:58 Val compares hospice to palliative care. Val encourages all caregivers to ask their medical team about palliative care and learn more about it and options available.   02:34 Val explains that with hospice care, the hospice staff takes over the care of the patient and is trained to support the patient and family through the patient's final days. All treatment is stopped except for medications to reduce pain and anxiety. 03:36 Val next explains that the aim of palliative care is to relieve suffering:   physically, mentally, and spiritually for both the patient and the family. The palliative care team includes doctors, nurse specialists, social workers, and chaplains. They work along side the medical treatment team. 4:50  Dr. Rebecca Martin, a palliative care physician  https://www.wmchealth.org/physician-locator/a3f5fc1a-327e-4d50-be2e-8b4b773c3d71 [https://www.wmchealth.org/physician-locator/a3f5fc1a-327e-4d50-be2e-8b4b773c3d71]  was Val's source for information about the current state of palliative care in our medical system. Dr. Martin told Val that a good way to distinguish between hospice and palliative care is to understand that all hospice care is palliative, but not all palliative care is hospice. 05:05 Dr. Martin explained to Val that palliative care staff know how to ask the right questions, and they know what words to use to put the patient and the family at ease. She shared it's even important to know the order in which to ask the questions.  06:22 Val's son was introduced to palliative care early on in his treatment, when he was seen at a specialty center. However, when he transferred care closer to home he was not offered palliative care. She shared that there was a staff position that would have helped him, but the position had not been filled and no one was designated to cover the responsibilities. 06:49 Val wanted to know why palliative care is not offered to everyone and relays that Dr. Martin told her that the longer time a doctor knows a patient, the harder it is for that doctor to acknowledge a poor prognosis. Val mentions the the book, "Being Mortal" by Dr. Atul Gawande. https://atulgawande.com/ [https://atulgawande.com/]  and shares that from Dr. Gawande's experience, doctors are trained to identify and solve problems, so when they're facing a patient that has a problem they can't solve, it's hard for them to acknowledge that. 07:45 Val shares that she feels every medical team needs a member who will help patients and their families see the bigger truth for each individual case. She feels this will both alleviate  and prevent suffering during curative treatment and when curative treatment ends. 09:24 Both Dr. Martin and Val's spiritual director Beth helped Val see events in her life for what they are: painful and tragic. Putting words to her experience has helped Val cope. 09:49 Val shares that the next episode of Caregiver Tea Time will be about grief. 10:15 Val shares an update about a new experience seeing eagles and this gives her a feeling of connection with her husband and son. 11:34  Val shares the cheer she has for this episode:  "Help is out there, and I'm going to ask for it!" Additional information and links can be found at: https://www.caregiverteatime.com/ [https://www.caregiverteatime.com/]   @val.bmtcare [https://www.instagram.com/val.bmtcare/]   Look for the full version of Val's theme song, Nothing But the Good Things on your favorite music streaming service now!

Let's Get Real with The Tough Stuff

01:09 Val warns listeners that in this episode she talks about end-of-life events.  01:34 Val shares that her situation is unique because her loved ones were young when they received their diagnosis. Her husband was 39 when he developed cancer in his tonsil and 50 when he developed leukemia from the radiation treatment 10 years earlier. Her son developed MDS because of a genetic disorder he had called Fanconi Anemia. https://fanconi.org/ [https://fanconi.org/] These events were unexpected and Val's family didn't have the life experiences to understand what they faced. Val felt a constant inner tension and she feels that our health care system is not set up to help young families like hers discuss end -of -life issues. This is what has led her to create this podcast. 04:11 Val shares she is working on having compassion for herself and everyone involved in the situation. And especially compassion for just thinking things could have been done differently. Val feel her life lesson at this time is  "go with the flow, and let go of the need to know". 05:04 Val shares the memory of the day her husband decided to go against his doctor's recommendation to try another treatment. Her husband had relapsed after a bone marrow transplant and his doctor wanted him to go through the process again.  06:32 A second doctor from the team presented a different point of view that was in line with her husband's wishes. Her husband decided to live his final days at home and not in the hospital undergoing more chemotherapy. She shares the immense appreciation she has for the doctor who took time to explain in detail what was happening and probable outcomes, even though others on the team disagreed with his approach. 08:49 Val shares about the events that led up to her husband's passing. She reminds listeners that in Season 3, Episode 4 she shares the beautiful story of what happened after her husband passed. 10:08 Val shares about the Ottawa Person Decision Guide. https://decisionaid.ohri.ca/decguide.html [https://decisionaid.ohri.ca/decguide.html] A PDF copy and an explanation of this guide can be found  here:  https://decisionaid.ohri.ca/docs/das/opdg.pdf [https://decisionaid.ohri.ca/docs/das/opdg.pdf] 12:26 Val's personal message today comes from Corrie Ten Boom, author of "The Hiding Place." "Worry does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow, It empties today of its strength." 13:15 Val says, "Here's to the strength we have today! Cheers!" Additional information and links can be found at: https://www.caregiverteatime.com/ [https://www.caregiverteatime.com/]   @val.bmtcare [https://www.instagram.com/val.bmtcare/]   Look for the full version of Val's theme song, Nothing But the Good Things on your favorite music streaming service now!

Shakshuka!

Sitting and waiting and just being a caregiver gave Val, a long time nutritionist, the opportunity to learn more about the Mediterranean Diet.  In a wonderful serendipity, Val's neighbor back home, Andrew Schmidt, had recently graduatedd from the American Culinary Institute of America, and helped her create three days of Mediterranean menus. Val called them "The Mediterranean Diet Adventure."  Shakshuka  for breakfast is Val's favorite recipe from this collection! You can learn more about Chef Andrew on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/chefdrew22/# [https://www.instagram.com/chefdrew22/#] Chef Andrew is currently the Executive Chef at the Classic Cooking Academy in Scottsdale, Arizona. Look for more information about Val's Mediterranean Diet Adventure at https://www.caregiverteatime.com/ [https://www.caregiverteatime.com/] 01:09 Description of how to use the Shakshuka Sauce recipe for breakfast 01:44  Ingredients for the Shakshuka Sauce recipe 02:45 Instructions for Shakshuka Sauce preparation and cooking 04:17 How to cook the eggs in the Shakshuka Sauce to make a complete breakfast 04:40 How to serve the Shakshuka recipe Enjoy!  Cheers! Additional information and links can be found at: https://www.caregiverteatime.com/ [https://www.caregiverteatime.com/]   @val.bmtcare [https://www.instagram.com/val.bmtcare/]   Look for the full version of Val's theme song, Nothing But the Good Things on your favorite music streaming service now!