Confessions of a Christian Alcoholic with Jon Seidl

How a Foster Mom Changed Her Mind on Addiction: Christina Dent's Life-Changing Realization

“The addiction is not who you are. This is not your identity. You are a person first and you are loved by God.” For years, Christina Dent viewed addiction the way many of us were taught to view it: as people being simply too lazy, too selfish, or too indifferent to stop. Then she became a foster mom—and what she saw changed everything. When Christina met the birth mother of one of her foster sons—a woman struggling with addiction—she expected to encounter someone aloof, detached, and uninterested in her child. Instead, she encountered a mother who deeply loved her son but was trapped in cycles she could not break on her own. That experience shattered Christina’s assumptions and launched her into years of research, advocacy, and conversations that radically changed the way she understood addiction, trauma, recovery, shame, and punishment. That has led to a nonprofit called End It For Good and the award-winning book Curious: A Foster Mom’s Discovery of an Unexpected Solution to Drugs and Addiction [https://amzn.to/4asVWlV]. And today, Christina and I explore exactly what she learned and how it can especially help family members who are struggling to love someone with an addiction. In fact, this conversation is deeply personal for me. That's because I get vulnerable about my own sister, my regrets over how I treated her addiction, and what it looks like to move from seeing addicts as adversaries to seeing them as image bearers in desperate need of true healing, truth, and grace. This is one of the most nuanced and important conversations we’ve had on the podcast, and I'm excited for you to hear it. Get Christina's book: Curious [https://amzn.to/4asVWlV] Website: End It for Good [https://enditforgood.com] Get Gospel-centered addiction recovery resources and help: veritasrecovery.org [https://www.veritasrecovery.org] Follow me: @jonseidl [https://www.instagram.com/jonseidl/] Order my new book, Confessions of a Christian Alcoholic [https://amzn.to/4opuOt] We explore: — Why punishment and shame alone cannot heal addiction — The difference between addiction as a “moral failure” and a “moral compass failure” — How trauma, shame, and self-hatred fuel destructive cycles — Christina’s foster care story and the birth mother who changed her perspective forever — Why many families become adversaries instead of partners in recovery — The role the church has played in misunderstanding addiction — Why practical tools, therapy, treatment, and community matter alongside spiritual healing — How churches can become places for Gospel-centered recovery instead of outsourcing it — The devastating impact fentanyl has had on relapse and overdose deaths — Why people in recovery are often some of the bravest and most compassionate people Christina has ever met — The importance of helping people “run toward the light” instead of merely focusing on darkness Support the Show: https://www.jonseidl.com/ [https://www.jonseidl.com/] Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com [https://www.lifeaudio.com/] and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us [https://www.lifeaudio.com/contact-us].

From Pro Basketball Coach to Rock Bottom: Travis Blakeley's Story of Gospel-Centered Recovery and Restoration

“In success, I sought to self-medicate. In failure, I sought to self-medicate.” From the outside, Travis Blakeley had the kind of life many people would envy. He grew up in an affluent area of Dallas, attended a prestigious school, followed Jesus, worked in professional basketball as a coach, executive, and broadcaster, and built the picture-perfect life in the suburbs with his wife and children. But underneath the success was a growing alcohol addiction that had quietly attached itself to nearly every area of his life. But as Travis explains in this episode, alcohol was never really the root issue. What began with trauma and escapism eventually turned into doing things he said he'd never do, manipulation, secrecy, and desperation. He drank before basketball games. He got drunk while doing television broadcasts. He hid vodka in ponds behind his house. He walked miles on crutches to buy booze before 7 a.m. And eventually, after years of avoiding consequences and convincing himself he still had control, he found himself standing on a bridge overlooking a Texas highway contemplating how to end it all. What makes this conversation especially powerful to me is that Travis once wanted to keep all of this hidden. In fact, when I first reached out to him years ago after hearing about his story, he ignored me completely. He ran, just like he had ran from so much else in his life. Fear and shame kept him from opening up. But over time, he’s come to understand the power of our stories—not just for his own healing, but because other people are introduced to freedom when we share where we've been and how far we've come. Travis goes deep. He shares how repeated attempts at recovery never truly addressed the deeper issues underneath his addiction, and why everything changed when he found Men of Nehemiah [https://www.menofnehemiah.org], a Gospel-centered recovery ministry in South Dallas. There, over the course of nine months, through radical vulnerability, accountability, Christian community, and a renewed relationship with Jesus Christ, Travis began experiencing something he had never truly found before: freedom. This conversation is raw, emotional, funny at times, deeply honest, and full of hope. It’s also one of the clearest examples I’ve seen of why sobriety alone is not enough. True recovery requires repentance and aiming for Jesus. And perhaps most importantly, Travis’ story is a reminder that addiction does not discriminate. It can exist underneath success, influence, church involvement, and outward achievement. But so does grace. Follow Travis on Instagram: @chefblakeley [https://www.instagram.com/chefblakeley/] Explore Men of Nehemiah [https://www.menofnehemiah.org] Get Gospel-centered addiction recovery resources and help: veritasrecovery.org [https://www.veritasrecovery.org] Follow me: @jonseidl [https://www.instagram.com/jonseidl/] Order my new book, Confessions of a Christian Alcoholic [https://amzn.to/4opuOt] We explore: — How childhood trauma and performance-based identity fueled Travis’ addiction — Why success and professional achievement actually helped hide his alcoholism — What it was like getting drunk while coaching basketball and appearing on live television — The slow progression from social drinking to complete dependency — How addiction impacts spouses, children, finances, and trust inside a family — The danger of believing “at least I’m not that bad” — Why repeated rehab experiences failed to produce lasting transformation — What made Gospel-centered recovery fundamentally different for Travis — How Travis now approaches the 12 steps through the lens of Scripture and the Gospel — Why sobriety is not the ultimate goal—Jesus is Support the Show: https://www.jonseidl.com/ [https://www.jonseidl.com/] Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com [https://www.lifeaudio.com/] and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us [https://www.lifeaudio.com/contact-us].

Hiding Addiction While Helping Others Recover: Jed Payne on the Reality of Relapse and Being Honest

“It was such a relief to not have to lie anymore.” That’s how Jed Payne describes the moment he finally stopped hiding and came clean. Again. For years, Jed was a substance abuse counselor. He hosted a recovery podcast. He helped other people pursue sobriety and healing. Meanwhile, behind the scenes, he was spiraling back into addiction, secrecy, gambling, relapse, and despair. And the deeper the double life became, the harder it felt to tell the truth. At one point, he considered ending it all, convinced that was the only way to freedom. In this deeply vulnerable conversation, Jed shares the full story—from growing up in church and wrestling with purity culture and shame, to heroin addiction, repeated treatment stays, overdose, and eventually becoming a counselor helping others recover. But even after years of sobriety, hidden struggles slowly crept back in through “gray area” substances, gambling, dishonesty, and untreated pain. What makes this conversation so powerful is that Jed isn’t telling this story from the safe distance of having everything figured out. He’s in the middle of rebuilding. He’s back in sober living. He’s repairing trust. He’s trying to show up faithfully as a father, partner, and man of God one day at a time. And yet, in the middle of all that, he says something that I think so many people need to hear: telling the truth brought freedom. This episode is about relapse, shame, repentance, secrecy, fatherhood, recovery, and what happens when we finally stop trying to manage our image and start getting radically honest. It’s also a reminder that recovery is rarely linear—and that God’s mercy still meets us in the middle of messy sanctification. Even when we get in our own way. Listen to the Church and Other Drugs podcast [https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/church-other-drugs/id1191035186] Follow Jed on Instagram: @jed.i.am [https://www.instagram.com/jed.i.am/] Get Gospel-centered addiction recovery resources and help: veritasrecovery.org [https://www.veritasrecovery.org] Follow me: @jonseidl [https://www.instagram.com/jonseidl/] Order my new book, Confessions of a Christian Alcoholic [https://amzn.to/4opuOt] We explore: — Why so many Christians hide their addictions out of fear of hypocrisy — How purity culture and shame shaped Jed’s early understanding of himself — Jed’s rapid descent into heroin addiction and repeated overdoses — What it was like becoming a substance abuse counselor while still battling internal struggles — How gambling, Kratom, Adderall, and secrecy slowly reopened the door to addiction — Why hidden relapse became spiritually and emotionally exhausting — The freedom Jed experienced after finally telling the truth — What fatherhood changed about the way Jed views recovery — Why recovery journeys are rarely neat or linear — How churches can become safer places for people struggling with addiction Support the Show: https://www.jonseidl.com/ [https://www.jonseidl.com/] Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com [https://www.lifeaudio.com/] and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us [https://www.lifeaudio.com/contact-us].

The Parts of You That Still Need Jesus: Trauma, Healing, and IFS with Kimberly Miller

"The younger we are when things happen to us and the more serious they are, the stronger the feelings are and the more often those feelings show up.” Those are the words of therapist and author Kimberly Miller, one of the kindest and most genuine people I have ever met. Kim’s work has profoundly shaped not only this podcast, but also my own sobriety journey and ministry. Her book Boundaries for Your Soul [https://amzn.to/42HLens]—which she co-authored with Dr. Alison Cook (who I've also interviewed)—is one of the most important books I’ve ever read. It shaped the way I think about addiction, healing, sanctification, and the hidden parts of ourselves we often spend years trying to avoid—and gave me words to describe it. There are concepts and phrases in this episode that have become foundational to the work I now do in recovery ministry and discipleship. In this deeply thoughtful and vulnerable conversation, Kim talks about Internal Family Systems (IFS), parts work, trauma, addiction, sanctification, and what it means to invite Jesus into the hidden places of our souls. We explore why so many Christians struggle to understand their own reactions, compulsions, anxieties, and addictions—and why healing requires more than behavior modification. Kim explains how wounded “parts” of ourselves can become stuck in time, carrying shame, fear, loneliness, and pain from earlier experiences. She also unpacks the difference between “manager” parts, “firefighter” parts, and “exiles,” and why curiosity—not shame—is often the first step toward real transformation. But one of the most unexpectedly powerful moments in the episode comes when Kim briefly shares about a season during COVID when she began noticing some uncomfortable patterns in her own life related to alcohol, stress, and coping. The honesty in that moment is striking—not because of scandal or sensationalism or because she is confessing a deep secret, but because it quietly reminds us that no one is immune from the ways alcohol can quietly start creeping into our lives. Even therapists. Even ministry leaders. Even deeply mature Christians. Finally, we wrestle with a profound theological question: If we truly heal, why can’t some of us return to drinking casually? Is that evidence we haven’t done enough work? Or is it simply part of living in a fallen world with particular weaknesses and predispositions? Kim’s answer is nuanced, compassionate, and deeply grounded in both psychology and Christian faith. This episode is about opening the locked rooms of our hearts and allowing Jesus into the places we’ve spent years trying to avoid. Get Boundaries for Your Soul [tps://amzn.to/42HLens] Visit Kim's website [https://www.kimberlyjunemiller.com] Follow Kim on Instagram: @kimberlyjunemillerlmft [https://www.instagram.com/kimberlyjunemillerlmft/] Listen to my interview with her co-author, Dr. Alison Cook [https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/confessions-of-a-christian-alcoholic-with-jon-seidl/id1813869195?i=1000724719759] Get Gospel-centered addiction recovery resources and help: veritasrecovery.org [https://www.veritasrecovery.org] Follow me: @jonseidl [https://www.instagram.com/jonseidl/] Order my new book, Confessions of a Christian Alcoholic [https://amzn.to/4opuOt] We explore: — Why "parts work" and Internal Family Systems is so important in recovery conversations — How wounded parts of ourselves can become “stuck in time” carrying shame, fear, loneliness, and pain from earlier experiences — The difference between “manager,” “firefighter,” and “exile” parts of the soul — Why curiosity and compassion are more transformative than shame and self-condemnation — What it means to invite Jesus into the hidden and wounded places within us — Why many Christians still have parts of themselves that have never fully encountered the healing presence of Christ — How addiction and compulsive behaviors are often connected to escapism and emotional avoidance — Kimberly’s surprisingly honest reflections about stress, coping, and recognizing unhealthy drinking patterns in her own life during COVID — The relationship between childhood wounds, emotional triggers, and adult behaviors — Why sobriety alone is not the same thing as healing or sanctification — How Christian community, prayer, and self-awareness can become tools for deeper healing — Whether some struggles and predispositions are simply part of living in a fallen world until final restoration   Support the Show: https://www.jonseidl.com/ [https://www.jonseidl.com/] Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com [https://www.lifeaudio.com/] and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us [https://www.lifeaudio.com/contact-us].

Has the Enneagram Duped Christians? Christina Wallace Reveals Some Shocking Details

“The Enneagram was demanding that I look to it first, and only through its lens could I look to God second.” That’s just one of the revelations made by author and Oxford theology student Christina Lynn Wallace. For years, Christina loved the Enneagram—a tool that has become popular in counseling and recovery circles. It helped her understand herself. It gave language to her struggles, her relationships, her emotions, and even her marriage. Like many Christians, she encountered it almost entirely through Christian sources and believed it was simply a helpful tool for self-awareness and spiritual growth. Then her mother asked her a question she couldn’t shake: Have you ever really looked into the origins of it? What followed was months of research that eventually led Christina to publicly walk away from the Enneagram altogether. And there are some shocking findings, including one of the founders admitting to having something or someone take over his body while writing aspects of the framework. In this episode, we have one of the most nuanced and difficult conversations we’ve ever had on the podcast. Christina walks through the documented origins of the Enneagram, including the occultic and spiritual practices tied to several of its foundational figures, and explains why she ultimately came to believe the issue runs deeper than personality theory. At the center of the discussion is a bigger question—one that directly connects to addiction, recovery, identity, and discipleship: What happens when something other than Jesus becomes the lens through which we understand ourselves? This conversation is not about panic, shame, or cheap outrage. In fact, both Christina and I openly acknowledge that many people—including us—have found aspects of the Enneagram helpful. But we also wrestle honestly with the danger of allowing any system, framework, program, or personality tool to become an identity rather than simply a descriptor. As well as believing that our relationship to God is determined by a tool or test. We also discuss the tension Christians often face when dealing with things that may have pagan or occultic roots. Can something be redeemed? What does discernment actually require? And how do we avoid both fear-driven legalism and spiritual naïveté? Whether you agree with every conclusion in this episode or not, this conversation will challenge you to think more deeply about worship, identity, sanctification, and the subtle ways idols can disguise themselves as tools for healing. We explore: — Why Christina originally loved the Enneagram and found it genuinely helpful — The research that caused her to completely reevaluate its origins — The occultic practices connected to several foundational figures behind the Enneagram — Why identity and idolatry became the central issue for her — The similarities between addiction, misplaced worship, and personality-based identity systems — Whether Christians can redeem tools or practices with pagan roots — The difference between using a tool and being shaped by it — How Christians should think about discernment without falling into fear or paranoia — Why so many people in recovery and church culture are drawn to the Enneagram — What repentance and “renouncing” the Enneagram practically looked like for Christina — The danger of filtering your relationship with God through any framework besides Christ — How confession, repentance, prayer, and sacramental practices gave Christina the freedom she had been looking for Read Christina's research: Part 1 [https://christinalynnwallace.substack.com/p/the-truth-about-the-enneagram-that] and Part 2 [https://christinalynnwallace.substack.com/p/was-i-wrong-about-the-enneagram-the] Christina's Substack: The Battle Cry [https://christinalynnwallace.substack.com] Visit her website [https://www.christinalynnwallace.com] and join her writing course [https://www.christinalynnwallace.com/course] Our podcast episode [https://magiclikethis.substack.com/p/screwtapes-17th-letter-the-sin-that] on The Screwtape Letters Get Gospel-centered addiction recovery resources and help: veritasrecovery.org [https://www.veritasrecovery.org] Follow me: @jonseidl [https://www.instagram.com/jonseidl/] Order my new book, Confessions of a Christian Alcoholic [https://amzn.to/4opuOt] Support the Show: https://www.jonseidl.com/ [https://www.jonseidl.com/] Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com [https://www.lifeaudio.com/] and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us [https://www.lifeaudio.com/contact-us].