Gotta Go (All Things Poop)

Why Does Coffee Make You Poop?

Why does coffee send so many of us running for the bathroom? Episode 14 of Mary Poopins comes to you thanks to our first paying sponsor member, who, in her infinite wisdom (or post-latte desperation), asked us to investigate this pressing question. We’re not saying every cup of coffee turns into a countdown clock for your intestines. Some people can sip espresso all day without a problem, while others barely get past the first sip before breaking into an Olympic sprint to the restroom. And if you’re one of those lucky few who claim coffee has zero effect—congratulations on your ironclad digestive system. We see you. We envy you. For the rest of us, coffee isn’t just about waking up—it’s about getting things moving. But why does this happen? What’s in coffee that turns our intestines into a high-speed conveyor belt? And why does it work so fast? The Coffee Shop Conundrum How’d we get here? Let’s talk about the ultimate betrayal: a coffee shop without bathroom access. What are we supposed to do? Do we just hope for the best? The café industry thrives on coffee-fueled productivity, yet they expect customers to hold it in. Madness. In today’s episode, we break down the science, history, and inevitable results of your morning brew. We’ll hear from researchers and real caffeine drinkers. So grab your coffee, settle in, and prepare to learn why your favorite beverage just might be nature’s most effective laxative. --- Are you revved up and feeling great? Keep the coffee energy going and support this work at buymeacoffee.com/marypoopins [https://buymeacoffee.com/marypoopins]! Of course, if you have any medical or potty issues, please consult a licensed medical professional! 💩☕ This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit anthropoopologist.substack.com/subscribe [https://anthropoopologist.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_2]

Part 2: The Long and Messy Story of the Toilet

Last time, we explored the earliest forms of waste disposal, from prehistoric open-air bathroom breaks to ancient Rome's relatively advanced sewer systems. But after the fall of Rome, things took a turn for the worse. As indoor plumbing vanished and public sanitation collapsed, humanity entered the Dark Ages of going to the bathroom. Buckle up, friends, because Part 2 is all about chamber pots, medieval moats full of poop, Victorian cholera outbreaks, and the invention of the modern flush toilet. If you thought Roman communal sponges were bad, just wait until you hear about what came next. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit anthropoopologist.substack.com/subscribe [https://anthropoopologist.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_2]

The Long, Messy, History of the Toilet

We use toilets daily, yet take for granted the fact that we can flush and walk away without a second thought instead of tossing the contents of a chamber pot out a window and hoping for the best. The road to modern plumbing was long, messy, and, at times, horrifyingly unsanitary. In this first episode, we’re covering the earliest attempts at waste management, from the caveman era (where “going” was as simple as finding a good bush) to the impressive sewer systems of ancient Rome, where bathroom breaks were more social events than private retreats. We’ll explore the accidental genius of early sanitation methods, the catastrophic failures of some of history’s worst bathroom designs, and the infamous communal sponge on a stick that the Romans thought was a good idea. But this is just the beginning. Because after Rome’s glorious indoor plumbing came crashing down with the empire's fall, things got significantly worse before they got better. In part two, we’ll dive into the absolute nightmare of medieval sanitation, the filth-ridden cities of the Renaissance, and how humans finally crawled their way out of the sewage-filled streets and into the comfort of indoor plumbing. So, sit back, get comfortable, and be grateful for whatever bathroom situation you have today—because, as you’re about to find out, history’s toilets were much worse. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit anthropoopologist.substack.com/subscribe [https://anthropoopologist.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_2]

Vault Toilet Nightmare: One Woman’s Desperate Rescue Mission

On April 19, 2022, the Brinnon Fire Department received an unforgettable call: a woman had fallen headfirst into a vault toilet at the top of Mount Walker. The 40-something hiker had dropped her phone into the dark abyss while using the facility. What followed was a desperate attempt to retrieve it—dismantling the toilet seat, fashioning a makeshift retrieval tool with her dog’s leash, and ultimately slipping into the 8-foot pit herself. With her phone miraculously still functional, she used it to call 911 after 15-20 harrowing minutes of trying to escape on her own. Responders from Brinnon Fire Department and Quilcene Fire Rescue rushed to the scene, finding the woman trapped but uninjured, her loyal dog likely bewildered by the entire ordeal. What unfolded next was a rescue mission unlike any other. Episode 11 of Mary Poopins dives headfirst—much like our unfortunate protagonist—into the literal pits of despair. Set against the majestic beauty of Mount Walker in Washington’s Olympic Peninsula, this episode takes a wild turn from serene hiking trails and breathtaking views to the dark, ominous depths of a vault toilet. It’s almost as if nature and the toilet took revenge on this woman. Stick around as we unravel the details of this odyssey, sprinkle in some potty humor, and remind you why no phone is worth the plunge. 💩 This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit anthropoopologist.substack.com/subscribe [https://anthropoopologist.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_2]

Constipation's Emotional Toll

Constipation, or fewer than three bowel movements a week, can become an all-consuming preoccupation, spiraling into stress, anxiety, and even obsession. Inspired by one of our fabulous and loyal readers, we’re here to explore the intricate mind-gut connection with equal parts science, humor, and heart. So, grab your fiber bar, take a deep breath, and prepare to laugh, learn, and maybe even feel a little lighter—emotionally. Let’s get things moving—literally and figuratively! This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit anthropoopologist.substack.com/subscribe [https://anthropoopologist.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_2]