Grief'd Up

What Sports Halftime Stories Get Wrong About Loss

"Grief isn't a game. There are no winners, just people trying to survive." In this solo deep-dive episode of Grief'd Up, host Rebecca Feinglos steps back from the personal interview format and does something she's been wanting to do for a while: pull apart a story about grief that's being told out in the world. Rebecca has spent years watching the sports world handle grief in a very specific way. The halftime human interest segment. The music goes quiet, the lighting dims, a black-and-white photo fades in, and a player's loss becomes the emotional centerpiece of the broadcast. The narrative is always the same: tragedy strikes, the team rallies, the player perseveres, and by the time the game cuts back in for the second half, we're in tears. Rebecca calls this grief porn, the polished, emotionally manipulative version of loss that tells us if we channel our sadness into something productive, we can outrun the pain altogether. To examine it, she turns to a real story, one that belongs to her friend of over 20 years, Evan Fjeld. In 2010, Evan was playing basketball at the University of Vermont when his mother, Susan, died of cancer just days before the America East Championship game. Vermont won, punching their ticket to the NCAA tournament, and suddenly Evan's story was everywhere. Articles, interviews, and emotional close-ups of his father in the stands. What the cameras didn't capture was what Evan actually felt. Fifteen years later, he told Rebecca the truth: he wasn't playing for his mom, and he wasn't channeling his grief into triumph. Rebecca also speaks with Dr. Natasha Trujillo, a counseling and sports psychologist in Denver who works with grieving athletes, about the very real fallout of these narratives, including the impossible pressure placed Join Rebecca for this honest, unscripted look at the grief stories we tell, the myths they reinforce, and what it looks like when someone tells the truth about loss because, as she reminds us, grief doesn't end when the buzzer sounds. _____________________________________ Grieve Leave Links: * Website: GrieveLeave.com [https://grieveleave.com] * Instagram: @GrieveLeave [https://www.instagram.com/grieveleave] * Facebook: Grieve Leave [https://facebook.com/grieveleave] * Email: hello@grieveleave.com Newsletter: Sign up at GrieveLeave.com [https://grieveleave.com] for grief support resource

Rage, Gentleness, and the Space Between: Collective Grief with Rabbi Hannah Bender

"It is not upon you to complete the work, but neither are you free to desist from it." In this episode of Grief'd Up, host Rebecca Feinglos welcomes Rabbi Hannah Bender, assistant rabbi at Judea Reform Congregation in Durham, NC, queer non-binary rabbi, and someone Rebecca describes as one of the wisest people in her life. What starts as a conversation about Jewish mourning traditions quickly becomes something much bigger: a raw, searching dialogue about how to hold collective grief in a moment that feels, as Rebecca puts it, completely out of control. Rabbi Bender was ordained in 2024 through Hebrew Union College in Los Angeles. A self-described Midwesterner-at-heart, they've lived in Jerusalem, facilitated spaces for trans and non-binary Jewish youth, and have made Durham their home, where they've become a beloved presence both in the congregation and in Rebecca's life.  Together, Rebecca and Rabbi Bender dig into the ways Judaism has always been built around grief, like the seven days of Shiva, the 30 days of Shloshim, and the tradition that the first meal after a burial must be brought by your community, not prepared by you. But the conversation doesn't stay in ritual. It gets personal. Rebecca opens up about the rage she's been carrying, grief over what's happening politically at home, grief over the conflict in Israel and Gaza, grief over what feels like the slow unraveling of truths she used to count on. And she asks, honestly: Is there room for rage inside of gentleness? Rabbi Bender's answer is one you'll want to sit with. They distinguish between being nice and being kind and make a case that kindness can live inside our anger, inside a protest, inside the discomfort of staying in community even when it's hard.  This one is for everyone who is grieving something bigger than themselves right now and doesn't know where to put it. _____________________________________ Grieve Leave Links: * Website: GrieveLeave.com [https://grieveleave.com] * Instagram: @GrieveLeave [https://www.instagram.com/grieveleave] * Facebook: Grieve Leave [https://facebook.com/grieveleave] * Email: hello@grieveleave.com Newsletter: Sign up at GrieveLeave.com [https://grieveleave.com] for grief support resource

No One Brings a Lasagna When a Marriage Dies: Divorce Grief with Oona Metz

"No one brings a lasagna when a marriage dies." In this episode of Grief'd Up, host Rebecca Feinglos welcomes Oona Metz, a therapist with over 30 years of experience who specializes in divorce support and runs weekly divorce support groups for women in the greater Boston area.  Oona grew up as the "unpaid therapist" in her own family, shaped in part by her parents' divorce when she was six. But nothing prepared her for navigating the intersection of divorce grief and death grief simultaneously. She opens up about how yoga became an unexpected lifeline, revealing her strength when she thought her emotional brokenness meant her body would be broken too. And Oona shares her personal journey through divorce at 41, losing her best friend Judith to breast cancer just three weeks later, all while raising a two-year-old. Rebecca and Oona explore the "hidden losses" of divorce that go unrecognized, like time with your kids, in-laws who became family, friendships that evaporate, and identity as a married person. They discuss why divorce carries more stigma than death (it's somehow "your fault"), why nonprofits serving divorced women can't get grants unless they add widows to their mission, and the painful reality that society has no rituals for supporting people through divorce. As the author of Unhitched: The Essential Divorce Guide for Women, Oona breaks down her five phases of divorce grief: Heartbreak, Roller Coaster, Mending, Letting Go, and Moving On, emphasizing these aren't linear stages but a framework offering hope that the pain does shift. Join Rebecca and Oona as they make the case for treating divorce more like death when it comes to grief support because both involve loss, transition, identity shifts, and joining a club you never wanted to join, but that has the most incredible members. PLUS: Join Oona and Rebecca IRL at our Anti-Valentine's Day Sad Hour! Roses are Red, We're Feeling Blue: An Anti-Valentine's Day Sad Hour Friday, February 13 | 5-7 pm EST | Nanas Rockwood Private Dining Room, Durham, NC Valentine's Day season can be…a lot. If you're freshly heartbroken, newly divorced, stuck in a waiting period, long-since divorced, "fine" but not really, or just tired of pretending this doesn't count as grief, this one's for you. Your $35 ticket includes one drink ticket and hors d'oeuvres by renowned Durham Chef Matt Kelly. Get tickets: https://www.eventbrite.com/e/roses-are-red-were-feeling-blue-an-anti-valentines-day-sad-hour-tickets-1981441077602?aff=oddtdtcreator [https://www.eventbrite.com/e/roses-are-red-were-feeling-blue-an-anti-valentines-day-sad-hour-tickets-1981441077602?aff=oddtdtcreator]Questions? hello@grieveleave.com _____________________________________ Grieve Leave Links: * Website: GrieveLeave.com [https://grieveleave.com] * Instagram: @GrieveLeave [https://www.instagram.com/grieveleave] * Facebook: Grieve Leave [https://facebook.com/grieveleave] * Email: hello@grieveleave.com Newsletter: Sign up at GrieveLeave.com [https://grieveleave.com] for grief support resource

Perfectionism, Shame, and Sudden Loss: A Therapist's Grief Journey with Megan Bruneau

"I think 10-year-old Megan had trouble really believing in herself... I didn't feel really hopeful or optimistic about adulthood, honestly." In this episode of Grief'd Up, host Rebecca Feinglos welcomes Megan Bruneau, therapist, executive coach, Forbes contributor, and host of The Failure Factor podcast. Megan opens up about losing her mother, Barb, suddenly in April 2024, just three months before her wedding, while simultaneously navigating a cross-country move to Nashville and beginning IVF treatments. What makes this conversation particularly powerful is hearing from someone who has spent nearly two decades helping others navigate pain, now facing her own acute grief. Megan shares how the protective emotions she carried while her mother was alive, like resentment and anxiety stemming from Barb's struggles with mental health and substance use, suddenly dissolved after her death, leaving only overwhelming love and guilt. She describes the last moments with her mother, feeding her before a seizure, and the five days in the hospital that followed. Rebecca and Megan explore the concept of "intentional avoidance" in grief, challenging the therapeutic pressure to "feel everything all the time." Megan reveals how wedding planning became a necessary distraction, allowing her to put grief "on ice" until she was ready to face it. They discuss perfectionism as emotional avoidance, chronic shame versus acute shame, and why Megan believes therapy isn't always the first intervention for grief. The conversation touches on complicated parent relationships, the process of integrating a loved one's wounded and healthy parts, and how both Rebecca and Megan share the unique Canadian-American dual citizenship perspective. Megan offers hard-won wisdom about trusting your body to only give you as much pain as you can handle, and finding community in unexpected places. Join Rebecca and Megan for this conversation about navigating inevitable pain without creating unnecessary suffering. _____________________________________ Grieve Leave Links: * Website: GrieveLeave.com [https://grieveleave.com] * Instagram: @GrieveLeave [https://www.instagram.com/grieveleave] * Facebook: Grieve Leave [https://facebook.com/grieveleave] * Email: hello@grieveleave.com Newsletter: Sign up at GrieveLeave.com [https://grieveleave.com] for grief support resource

The Hidden Grief Costs of Immigration Policy with Dr. Kristina Fullerton Rico

"COVID forced the rest of the world to experience what immigrants had already been living." In this episode of Grief'd Up, host Rebecca Feinglos welcomes Dr. Kristina Fullerton Rico, a sociologist whose research reveals the grief penalties built into U.S. policy. Through years of bi-national fieldwork, Kristina exposes how immigration policies force millions of people to choose between earning money to support their families and being physically present when those families need them most. Kristina created the Golden Cage Framework to explain this impossible bind. While undocumented immigrants can work hard in the U.S., policies trap them here, unable to return home without risking everything. Most people don't realize that half of the undocumented population has been in the U.S. for 20 years or more. These are established community members, our neighbors, many of whom are watching their parents age from thousands of miles away. Rebecca and Kristina dig into what makes this grief different from other kinds of loss. It's anticipatory grief that lasts for years. Immigrants can see their loved ones aging, but have no way to address it. It's mourning without closure, because without the ability to see a body, attend a funeral, or gather with community, grief becomes what one participant called "a chapter with no ending."  Kristina shares how people develop creative strategies: working 75-hour weeks to send money for medical care and funerals, sending their U.S.-born children to funerals as proxies, holding phones up at gravesides so parents can participate virtually. But these can never replace the ability to hold someone's hand, to hear stories about the person you've lost, to be physically present when it matters most. This episode also examines what happens as undocumented immigrants age out of the workforce. After decades of paying taxes and working in the U.S., they discover they have zero access to social security, Medicare, or housing assistance. The choice becomes impossible: stay without support, or return home and say goodbye to your family. Kristina challenges us to question why we live in an era of unprecedented global mobility for some, while others face lifetime separation from dying parents, and whether birthplace should determine someone's destiny. Rebecca and Kristina’s conversation is timely, and eye-opening. Connect with Kristina Fullerton Rico: * Website: https://fullertonrico.github.io/ [https://fullertonrico.github.io/] *  Bluesky: @fullertonrico [https://bsky.app/profile/fullertonrico.bsky.social] _____________________________________ Grieve Leave Links: * Website: GrieveLeave.com [https://grieveleave.com] * Instagram: @GrieveLeave [https://www.instagram.com/grieveleave] * Facebook: Grieve Leave [https://facebook.com/grieveleave] * Email: hello@grieveleave.com Newsletter: Sign up at GrieveLeave.com [https://grieveleave.com] for grief support resource